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Archive for the ‘Observations’ Category

If I owned a bus depot…

Monday, April 4th, 2011

As the old saying goes, “Whatever doesn’t kill you makes you stronger.”

Does it, really?  Case in point, in the U.S. some air travellers felt the sensation of plummeting 1000s when a chunk of the roof tore off their plane.

In that situation, I would do what YOU would do.  You would calmly return your tray table and seat to thier upright positions as you calmly scream your head off and calmly make a mess in your shorts.  You would no doubt calmly brace for impact and calmly congratulate yourself for paying attention to the exits notification prior to the flight.

Or…

As you lose elevation and the oxygen mask springs down in front of your face, you would curse the Wright brothers and promise to kick their behinds in the afterlife for revolutionizing man’s unnatural ability of flight while simultaneously questioning why knowing the exits even exist is important when you’re hurtling toward Earth like a meteor and the plane has a 100% chance of being reduced to dust upon impact.

But, by miracle your plane safely lands and when you step off the plane the first thing your acknowledge is that this entire incident (which didn’t kill you) made you stronger.

False.

In truth, your exact words would be, “I’m never doing that again!”  Hitchhiking rural range roads across country would feel safer than what you just experienced, no doubt.

Here’s advice for owners of bus companies like Grey Hound and Red Arrow.  Post newspaper clippings all over the depot of every plane crash and malfunction ever recorded.  Create commercials of people reliving the horror of their plane convulsing and the night terrors they have endured since.  Then you finish off the commercial by simply displaying your bus depot logo.  That’s what I would do if I owned a bus depot. 

One day into my P90X training and I discover that there’s a nutritional guide to go along with it.  That’s good and bad.  It’s good because it should help provide the results I’m looking for, but it’s bad because my friend who let me borrow his P90X discs forgot to include the nutritional guide.  So, before I officially begin the training, I have to wait for him to dig it up, dust it off and put into my possession.  Once that happens, I promise I will suffer through any pain or injury incurred to complete the 90 day training program to conclude whether it’s a great system or not.

My apologies for the delay.  Until then I’ll be blogging about the other importantly worldly things like red celery (next blog entry).

Photo of the week: no need to sit shotgun

Tuesday, March 16th, 2010

Don’t you love it when two people are in a truck but no one is riding shotgun?

 Cozy Ride

A cozy ride across Whoop-up Drive.  It’s romantic, is what it is. 

They’re not even cruising in an old truck with the one sectional seat.  She’s bucking the trend, ignoring that stick shift in the middle of the floor and the lack of shoulder and neck support, just to cuddle up to her man.  What do you call that?  I think you call it love.

Now we have arm rests and cup holders that get in the way and seperate us from our beloved passengers.  That’s why society is crumbling.  Be gone bucket seats.  I call for all car manufactures to return to the couch-style seating.  And when they do, crime and war will decline.  Poverty and famine will most likely still exist but 2 out of 4 ain’t bad.  I’m not here to solve ALL the world’s problems.  I’m just doing my part.

If YOU see anyone nestled up just like this couple, snap a photo and send it to us here so we can post the love… especially if it’s a gal behind the wheel and a dude cuddled up beside her.

Vincent

HOW TO MAKE A MAN FEEL GOOD

Friday, July 25th, 2008

Here is a list compiled by MSN.com on HOW TO MAKE A MAN FEEL GOOD. I’ll add my insight into each suggestion (V:). You can do the same by clicking the headline above and leaving your comments.

HOW TO MAKE A MAN FEEL GOOD
01. Be very impressed with his uncanny ability to read maps and figure out shortcuts that shave a full six seconds off his driving time.

V: If somehow your man does feel good after you say, “Wow, you can read a map,” he’ll feel stupid once he tries to fold the map and fails.

02. When you catch someone checking him out, let him know (even if it’s another guy).

V: Well, the first part of this could make sense. Guys don’t know how to react in the 2nd scenario. Do I go up and say thank you or thwap him in the nose?

03. Mastery of power tools is a deep wellspring of male pride. Ask frequently to have things mounted, fixed, planed, hung, adjusted, what have you, and be flabbergasted at how quickly and professionally he gets the job done.

V: I admit , I fall for this one way too often.

04. Flirt with him in inappropriate places: family dinners, crowded elevators, parent-teacher conferences.

V: Never during a sporting event. We’re too busy watching.

05. Leave the lid up for him (even if it kills you).

V: You really believe we’ll see that as a ‘sweet’ gesture? We’ll assume we forgot to put it
down… and then proceed to put it down.

06. Lavish him with compliments that are obviously unique to him. Little things, like: he has sexy ears, or you love the way he slices an onion.

V: If you compliment his onion slicing he’ll have you committed.

07. When something’s wrong with your car, ask him to take a look under the hood, even if he knows diddly about cars. Afterward, tell him it’s running much better. Then drive straight to the mechanic.

V: This works for most guys.

08. Make a screen saver out of his most adorable baby picture.

V: Not even close. Instead go with a picture of him from his glory days of sport (old hockey, football, or baseball photo).

09. Every male has physical features he hates. Convince him that you find his sexy. As in, “Shoulder hair rocks my world” or “Rub me all over with that great big belly of yours.”

V: Seriously? Again, he’ll have you committed.

10. Challenge him to an arm wrestle (unless you can beat him).

V: I can see that one working. If you can beat, simply lose on purpose.

11. Compliment his driving. Use words like masterful and in control.

V: Yes. A man likes to think he’s a wizard with a wheel.

12. Tell him there’s something about his favorite athlete that reminds you of him.

V: This one is clever… unless you say, “You both have male-pattern baldness.”

13. Act jealous every now and then — even if you’re not.

V: May work for some fellas but it actually annoys me.

14. Call him in the middle of the night when you’re out of town and tell him you can’t sleep without him beside you. (Use sparingly.)

V: Bad idea b/c a) you’ll be waking him up and b) he’ll think you’re trying to make him feel guilty for being able to sleep without you by his side.

15. Don’t overlook the basics. Tell him he’s a terrific father. Tell him he’s smart. Tell him he’s handsome.

V: Of course.

16. Compare him (favorably) to your old boyfriends.

V: Personally I don’t care if I’m better or worse than the ex’s.

17. Rave about his cooking, even if Dinty Moore did all the prep work. Take a small first helping so he can see you go back for seconds.

V: Love it when my lady brags about my BBQing. Do it.

18. Boast about his latest accomplishment (say, the new sink he installed) to your friends while he’s there. Omit unflattering details (faucets reversed, U-joint spritzing water onto linoleum).

V: I use this trick with my wife. Do it.

19. When you overhear your kids bragging about him to their friends, tell him what they said.

V: Sure. This one I like.

20. Compliment his impeccable taste — in clothing, in films, and in women.

V: Other women?

Leave comments and suggestions (click the headline above) or if you’re just here for a bonus code: MAPKING

Vincent

Things A Man Should NEVER Do After 30

Tuesday, September 11th, 2007

Things a man should never do after the age of 30. A list was published by Esquire magazine and we felt it wasn’t quite complete so we asked Rock 106 listeners to add other suggestions.

THINGS A MAN SHOULD NEVER DO AFTER 30

Watch wrestling.
Coin your own nickname.
Use a wallet that is fastened with Velcro. (No CHAINWALLETS either)
Rank your friends in order of best, second best, and so on.
Hacky sack.
Hang art with tape.
Ask a policeman, “You ever shoot anybody with that thing?”
Take a camera to a nude beach.
Let your father do his taxes. (Unless he’s an accountant and gives you a discount)
Tap on the glass.
Shout out a response to “Are you ready to rock?”
Use the word “collated” on his resume.
Hold a weekly house meeting with roommates.
Name pets after Middle Earth characters from Lord of the Rings.
Jokingly flash gang signs while posing for wedding photos.
Hug amusement-park characters or mascots.
Wear Disney-themed neckties.
Choose 69 as your jersey number.
Eat Oreo cookies in stages.
Propose via stadium Jumbotron.
Call “shotgun” before getting in a car.
Buy a novelty postcard in another country of topless women on a beach and write “Wish you were here” on it.
Keg stands.
Put less than ten dollars’ worth of gas in the tank.
Live with your parents.
Wear baggy pants and have your underwear showing.
Have a ponytail.
Have a mullet.
Date highschool students (actually, stop that at the age of 20).
Wear a ball cap backwards.
Wear a ball cap sideways (again, quit at age 20).
Sleep past noon.
Sign up for Facebook or Myspace websites and check them on a daily basis.
Blog.

Add your suggestion by clicking the headline above.

Bonus code for you today is CHAINWALLETS

Vincent