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Archive for February, 2011

Funny Classified Ads

Wednesday, February 23rd, 2011

It was 125 years ago today the first classified ad appeared in a paper – the Times of London.

In celebration of such a momentous occasion, a friend passed along some odd classified ads. 

• “Used Tombstone. Perfect for someone named Homer Hendel-Bergen-Heinzel. One Only.”
• “Turkey For Sale. Partially eaten. Only 8-days-old. Both drumsticks still intact. $23.”
• “Full Size Mattress. Royal Tonic. 20 year warranty. Like new. Slight urine smell. $40.”
• “Somebody to go back in time with me. This is not a joke. Must bring your own weapons. Safety not guaranteed. I have only done this once before.”• “Human skull. Used once only. $200 OBO.”
• “Honda Civic ‘96. AM/FM/CD. Low miles. Good condition. Speaks Spanish.”
• “China cabinet, buffet, hutch. Solid pine. A few cat scratches … but cat has been killed. $700.”  

On the Vince N’ Rosie show and in this blog I have mentioned in the past my love of surfing and that it’s something I’ll never do because of my respect (fear) for sharks. 

What’s worse than dying via shark attack?  The answer to that question in a moment. 

In 2010, sharks launched 79 unprovoked attacks on humans.  I assume none of them were on land.  The 79 attacks is the highest number in a decade.

Experts say that stat is deceiving because the rate of attacks isn’t necessarily going up.  It could be simply because interest in aquatic recreation is growing.  More people in the water = more chance of encounters. 

The attacks are UNPROVOKED.  I can’t stress that enough.  That’s why those experts can suck and egg. 

Dying via shark attack remains my 3rd greatest fear; surviving a shark attack remains #2.

And my #1 fear is still my wife birthing more than one baby at a time (twins, tripplets, quadruplets, etc.).

Sharks launched 79 unprovoked attacks on humans in 2010, the highest number in a decade. But the rate of attacks is not necessarily going up – population is rising and the interest in aquatic recreation is growing. That means more people-food swimming in the ocean.

Flames vs. Forsberg CANCELLED

Monday, February 14th, 2011

The Calgary Flames were expecting to face an old Colorado foe in Denver - Peter Forsberg.  Well, the comeback is done after only 2 games.  He was -4 with 3 shots on goal in 35 minutes of ice time.

How did this happen?  Wasn’t that the point of practicing with the Avs for a month to make sure he was still NHL worthy?  So don’t say you tried it for 2 nights and have decided the experiment has failed.

AT THE VERY LEAST…How could he not play one more game?  The 2 he played were on the road.  Game 3 would be Forsberg’s return home where tickets sales had gotten a boost from fans excited to bust out their Forsberg uniforms and cheer for Peter one more time.

Maybe the state of the franchise is simply that bad that Pete doesn’t want to be apart of it.  The team has 6 wins (only 3 in regulation) since mid December.  Players are being benched while others are being banished to the press box.  They have 6 goals in 5 games.  Injuries galore have turned the team into more of an AHL squad.  I could see why that would be an unpleasant environment to be in and perhaps that made Peter say after only 2 game (2 more losses), “I don’t need this.”

OR…

Is this a forced retirement?  Maybe the Avalanche went to Peter and said, “Um, Peter, we’ve concluded that you’re a jinx to the team.”  Not only are they winless with Forsberg in the line-up for 2 games, but pratically winless with Forsberg on the practice roster.

In truth, it’s his foot.  After 25 surgeries, that thing still isn’t fixed.  I’d say the docs should forfeit the cash they collected for a job poorly done. 

What this does is make what Teemu Selanne is doing at the age of 40 even more impressive.

Forsberg at 37 = done.

Selanne at 40 =  53pts in 48 games (including 4pts vs. Calgary).

Get it right, Jim Hughson.  Teemu, not Ovechkin, is “The Great 8.”

Please tell me the headline made you laugh as hard as I did: “Wounded Fox Shoots Hunter!”A Belarussian shot a fox, wounding it.  Having failed at killing it, the man closed in to finish the animal off with the butt of his rifle.  That’s when the fox  made it’s move and (we’ll assuming not on purpose) pulled the trigger on the hunter’s gun with a paw, hitting the hunter in the leg allowing the fox to make an escape.Crazy; like a fox.

GAME OF THE YEAR = B’s vs. Habs

Thursday, February 10th, 2011

I haven’t seen 6 guys in one penalty box since my days playing ‘jungle’ B hockey in Vegreville.  And that was only a sliver of the excitement watching Boston vs. Montreal last night.182 penalty minutes, as in 3 hours and 2 minutes of penalties.After a fairly quiet and civil first period that had Boston lead 2-0, the 2nd period showcased 8 goals in total, 7 of which were scored in 6 minutes.  Even the all-star didn’t achieve that stat.  Even more surprising is that in the middle of the scoring clinic, a scrum breaks out that took forever to seperate and even longer to sort out penalty wise.  I thought for sure that down time would bring the goals to a halt.  I was wrong.  Seconds later it picked up where it left off and kept going.Once the period came to a close, that’s when I knew for certain that both coaches would settle their team down and I even predicted the 3rd would be scoreless, ending in a 6-4 score.Nope.  Cue 4 more goals + 1 disallowed and then finish it off with a line brawl in it’s truest sense where remenants of blood splatter painted the ice.I called one of my best buddies, a Habs fan, to ask him what was with that game and his team.  Sadly, he missed it all; the first game he’s probably missed all year.The rematch is set; this time in Montreal.  On March 8th the fans might be pumped but odds are the game will be a dud.  Of course, if the game ends 5-4 with only one line brawl, it’ll be a dud compared to last night in Beantown.  Nothing lives up to the hype and that game will be no different.

Coach donates Kidney to player

Thursday, February 10th, 2011

I know coaches and players say that a team is like a family, but I never thought it would go as far as it did at Wake Forest Univerity where baseball coach Tom Walter donated a kidney to one of his players.

First off, high five for Tom’s generosity.

I think it’s the level at which occurred, meaning the university/collegiate level.  Let’s face it, the coach does this and the player is gone in two or three years at the most.

At the professional level, I would suspect this to be more plausible.  Afterall, a team has millions invested in franchise players so their health and longevity are of selfish interest to maintain.  If Tom Brady needs a kidney, it would not surprise me if Patriots owner went to Bill Belichick and said, “Coach, Tom needs your kidney and you’re gonna give it to him.”

Right now, Sidney Crosby is sidelined with a concussion.  It’s possible one more hit can end Crosby’s career which is a horrific thought for the Penguins organization.  That’s why I’m almost willing to bet Pens GM Ray Shero is practicing his arguing statements to convince owner Mario Lemieux to donate his brain to #87 for the good of the franchise.

But for such generosity to occur at the scholastic level is wonderful thing to hear and probably a shining example of how so many coaches do really bond with players they recruit and coach.  Pro players often speak highly of past coaches, but none will speak more highly than outfielder Kevin Jordan about his coach Tom Walter. 

The day Ferris Bueller skipped school was…

Thursday, February 10th, 2011

On June 5th, 1985, Matthew Broderick as Ferris Bueller skipped school and had the day of his life.

Not that it was a well guarded secret, but somehow no one until now deduced that the ball game Bueller and friends attended was the Cubs vs. Braves which, of course, was played on June 5th, ’85.

I recall “Ferris Bueller’s Day Off” terrified parents and academic folk alike because they felt the movie encouraged students to skip school.  Honestly, it did the exact opposite, and here’s why.

I knew that if I skipped school, I wouldn’t come close to having as wild of a time as Ferris had.  None of my friends’ dads had a convertible sports car to ‘borrow;’ there was no pro baseball team in Fort McMurray to go watch and even if there was, I couldn’t afford tix; McMurray was void of any world class museum; the only parades in town involved Santa in December and Blueberry’s in August so the whole song and dance routine to the Beatles would never happen. 

Most important of all, I had a walkman, not a ghetto blaster, so I couldn’t play snoring sounds to trick my parents into thinking I was out cold and recovering from a fever.  Anyhow, “Vince’s Day Off” would have been me at home rocking Defender and Zaxon on the Coleco Vision gaming console; boring compared to Ferris. 

Besides, I really enjoyed math.

Three Letter Acronyms everyone dreads to hear

Thursday, February 3rd, 2011

PST.  The outgoing Alberta premier Ed Stelmach warns someone (naming no names) may be in favor of instituting a province sales tax.  Thems fighting words in our province.  The fact we are PST free is one the first things we brag about.  To add PST, or to even suggest it, is political suicide.  Do you see what’s currently happening in Egypt?  That’s the scene in Alberta if PST is ever attempt or implemented.

It got me thinking, are there 3 worse letters you can string together?  Not in Alberta.  However, as we discovered with the help of Rock 106 listeners, there are a lot of bad three letter acronyms:

STD, DOA, KKK, MIA, POW, IRS, SOL, COD, FBI, CIA, SOB, DIY, HIV, IOU, NDP, ALF, CFL, PEI, DND, RAP, USA.

A couple random shots at geographical locations that I don’t particularly agree with.  I’m a fan of both PEI and the USA, but since they were phone in I included them on the list.  One I did omit, however, was Sid’s suggestion of PMS.  I’m fine with PMS; it’s natural.  I warned Sid he shall now face the scorn of every lady alive, to which he laughed and quipped, “What’s new?”

Now, I don’t like coming off as a negative person.  Just the opposite, in fact.  So let’s highlight some positive three letter acronyms.  Off the top of my head I can think of BBQ, PVR, UFO, GNR, NWA… um, TNA (tanks and armory)and WTF (why the frown)

If you have any to add to the list, jot it down at our Facebook page

Oh!  Just thought of another bad one… CMB: click here if you dare.

This is hilarious.

Every government propels propaganda to varying degrees.  Recently the Chinese proved propraganda has no bounds when they delivered footage of their new fighter jet destroying another aircraft.

There’s a problem, however.  Tom Cruise destroyed that same aircraft back in 1986.

What I’m saying is, the Chinese attempted to pass off a scene from Top Gun as real life footage of their new fighter jet’s efficiency.  See the video for yourself: click here.