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Archive for August, 2010

Welcome back students and school zones! 

Today on the show we spoke about Rosie “needing” to buy 50 pencils for his daughter Paige.  It was on the “list.” 

To this day i still recall “needing” 7 different types of erasers for grade 2.  SEVEN.  I suppose it was the first year we started working with pen’s so we needed an 2 ink erasers, 3 for pencils (which confused me since pencils came with erasers on them) and 2 others that I can’t ever recall what their use was for.  

On day 1 of school, when the teacher - a lovely Oriental woman named Mrs. Kim – saw them lined up on my desk she said, “Why so many eraser?  You make lotta mistake?” 

Being a perfectionist at heart, clearly this traumatized me until two days later when I proved to her (by acing a pop-quiz) that no, I don’t make a lot of mistakes (at least back then I didn’t).  After that, we got along famously and to this day I remember her as one of my favorite teachers ever. 

Take warning though, teachers; if I happened to have even gotten a B on that pop quiz, I would have forever been convinced that yes, I guess I do make a lot of mistakes and am therefore a horrible student who would mostly likely drop out by grade 6.  Your students are fragile; treat ‘em with care… unless they egg or t.p. your car.

STP lip-syncing?

Monday, August 30th, 2010

Check out this link of Scott Weiland of Stone Temple Pilots in Cincinatti singing, falling and still singing.  Or, was it lip-syncing?  Say it ain’t so!  The audio quality isn’t the best but seeing Scott vanish from the stage is comical (b/c he never got hurt).

THE FALL

Well, you won’t find it at Galt Gardens quite yet.  Right now, it’s coming to a park not-so-close to you: Eastern China.  Park officials are installing steel spikes on benches to discourage park patrons from sitting for hours without end. 

How it works is if a park visitor sits too long without plunking coins in the meter, a timer activates dozens of steel spikes thereby impaling the person on the park bench.  

The spikes, allegedly, are are not long enough to inflict harm to the buttocks.  Well then, what’s the point?

Here’s a photo of the new Spiked Bench!

Dunk Us; We Dare You.

Wednesday, August 25th, 2010

Friday, 6-7pm, Rosie and I will be headed to the Ex grounds of Lethbridge to help raise $ for Volunteer Lethbridge.  We will do that by perching ourselves on a plank hovering over a tank of water.  For $2 you can take your shot at trying to dunk us. 

FRIDAY 6-7pm.

This is how confident I am that I’ll stay dry: a tutorial on how to throw a softball b/c you need all the help you can get.  Bring it on, people!  Whoop it up. 

Worst Version of the U.S. Anthem Ever?

Thursday, August 19th, 2010

Many people have butchered the national anthem before, that’s nothing new. However, it’s not supposed to be butchered by someone who sings professionally.

Is it the worst version ever?  Not a chance.  Roseanne Barr still ranks above all with Carl Lewis a very close 2nd.  At least they can claim to be amateurs.  Here is Saving Abel’s rendition from this past weekend.

And this is why I will never Surf

Tuesday, August 17th, 2010

Since I was a little kid I have wanted to surf, knowing one day when I grew up (16-8 years old seemed ‘grown up’ at that time) I would live out my dream.  Then, at the age of approximately 12, I discovered Shark Week on the Discovery Channel.  My desire to Surf did not die that day, but my fear of Surfing was born.  This is why I will never Surf: Australian Police Constable Jeromy Jones holds a surfboard involved ...   This is an Australian Constable holding a surfboard involved in a fatal shark attack earlier today.  This only reaffirms my conviction that certains dreams are not meant to be realized.  Tragic, I know.

Vince’s School of Golf

Monday, August 16th, 2010

All the critics will say, “Tiger didn’t win and only finished at -2 at the PGA Championship.”Yes, that’s true, BUT he was +18 the previous week.  Count ‘em.  That’s an improvement of 20 strokes.  You’re welcome, Tiger.For those who may not know, Tiger phoned the show last week (Aug 12th) and asked begged for my help with his golf swing.  For a lot of money, I abliged.How is it, you ask, that a guy (me) with a golf handicap of 31 (not good at all) can have his own Golf School.  Listen and learn.

Friday the 13th Superstitions

Friday, August 13th, 2010

I’ve never put much stock into the bad luck of Friday the 13th (not many do anymore) but many people did once upon a time.There have been nautical curses associated with Friday the 13th.  Fishermen and sailors were reluctant of venturing the seas.  Notorious killers of the world have had exactly 13 letters in their names:  Charles Manson, Jeffrey Dahmer, Theodore Bundy, and Jack the Ripper.  Perhaps the most extreme of superstitions is that if you have 13 people sit down to enjoy a lovely dinner with each other, all 13 will be dead within a year.  This actually to the creation of an organization in France called the quatorziens – the fourteeners – who were willing to attend your party should you be in need of a 14th guest.Other fears of the #13 have led to it’s absence/removal in society:Evey see a 12th floor, a 14th floor but no 13th floor?  That’s standard for over 80% of high-rises.Odds are you won’t board your plane through the 13th gate, or be seated in row 13.Hospitals and hotels regularly have no room number 13.The national lottery of Italy has permanently plucked #13.In Florence, Italy, the house between #12 and #14 is labeled 12 and a half.A lot of cities converted 13th street/avenue to “12a street/avenue.”  (not us here).Happy Friday the 13th.

9 VEHICLES TORCHED in Lethbridge

Monday, August 9th, 2010

To give you the Cole’s Notes of it all, shortly after midnight Saturday 9 vehicles in South Lethbridge were set ablaze.  $80,000 of damage is estimated and it could have been a lot worse as one vehicle had propane stored in it.  Thankfully it did not go kaboom.  A 27 year-old was apprehended fleeing the scene and either will be or has been charged.  What I found intersting is that all the vehicles set on fire had one thing in common – they were all unlocked.  EVERY WEEK we get reports from Lethbridge police of vehicle break-ins without any ‘breaking’ taking place because the vehicles are unlocked.  Maybe THIS will finally get the message through to Lethbridge residents.

Whoops.  Did I say ‘Lanny’ in the blog heading?  The other McDonald.  Ronald might not be apart of the team this coming season but, unforunately, that jersey will be.  What shocks me is that someone was paid good money for designing this.  Anyone’s 4 year-old child could do better.  Notice how they unveiled this AFTER they signed free agents because no one would have joined the Flames knowing they’d have to sport that uniform at some point this season.  Please.  If you’re considering trading $200 for your very own version of this jersey, seek help immediately.  I guess what I’m trying to get at is this – I don’t like the jersey.  If you dig it, great.  Yes, I will tease you, but don’t let that stop you from wearing it loud and proud (the loudness of it is completely supplied by its designer).