Archive for the ‘Uncategorized’ Category

MONDAY’S LAST LAUGH

Tuesday, September 25th, 2012

Thanks to Club Q Rockstar Judy for today’s Last Laff…

 

A senior citizen said to his eighty-year old buddy “So I hear you’re getting married?”

 

“Sure am”

 

“Do I know her?”

 

“Nope!”

 

“This woman, is she good looking?”

 

“Not particularly”

 

“Is she a good cook?”

 

“Naw, she can’t cook too well.”

 

“Well then, has she got loads of dough?”

 

“Nope! Poor as a church mouse.”

 

“Hmmm…then could it be she’s good in the sack?”

 

“I wouldn’t know”

 

“Then why in the world do you want to marry her?”

 

“Cuz she can still drive”

 

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That’s funny!  And you probably have a joke that’s funny too!  Send it to us cause we love to laugh…

mellaney.dahl@sudburyradio.rogers.com

terry.callaghan@sudburyradio.rogers.com

FRIDAY’S LAST LAUGH

Monday, September 24th, 2012

Thanks to Club Q Rockstar Lori for today’s Last Laff…

 
Little Johnnie ‘s neighbor had a baby. Unfortunately, the baby was born without ears. When mother and new baby came home from the hospital, Johnnie ‘s family was invited over.

 
Before they left their house, Little Johnnie ‘s dad had a private talk with J-man. He said if Johnnie said one word about the baby’s missing ears…or even said the word “ears”…he’s get the crap beat out of him.
 
Little Johnnie told his dad he understood completely…and off they went. Johnnie looked in the crib and said to the baby’s mom “what a beautiful baby.”
 
“Why, thank you, Johnnie .
 
“Yup, he has beautiful little feet, beautiful little hands, a cute little nose and really beautiful eyes. Can he see all right?’

 

“yes he can” said the mother. “We’re so thankful that the Doctor said he’ll grow up with 20/20 Vision.’

 
“Wow that’s great”, said Little Johnnie, ‘cuz he’d be really screwed if he needed glasses.
 

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That’s funny!  And you probably have a joke that’s funny too!  Send it to us cause we love to laugh…

mellaney.dahl@sudburyradio.rogers.com

terry.callaghan@sudburyradio.rogers.com

Last Laffs…

Tuesday, September 18th, 2012

Here’s a bunch of last laffs…this is probably enough jokes to keep your party going for a long time!

In provincial court, a judge was deciding the fate of a manager charged with sexual harassment after doing the same thing every day for years.  According to the receptionist, the manager would walk into the office every morning, walk right up to her and close his eyes and say “gee, you hair sure smells terrific”

 He was found guilty.  Those outside the courtroom got the news and were shocked….until he was escorted out where they could see…he was only 3 feet tall.

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A very prestigious cardiologist died, and was given a very elaborate funeral by the hospital where he had dedicated most of his professional life…

 A massive and beautiful array of flowers designed to look like a huge heart stood as a tribute directly behind the closed casket, and during the service all of the doctors sat in awe of the incredible display.

 Following the eulogy, a humming sound was heard…and incredibly…the flower heart opened wide and the casket slid inside.  Then the heart closed, sealing the doctor inside forever.

 You could have heard a pin drop!  Then from the back of the room one of the mourners burst into laughter.  Everyone turned to stare at the sick individual who found this so funny.

 “I’m sorry,” he gasped between giggles.  “I just can’t wait to see what you guys do at my funeral….you know…being a gynaecologist!”

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In a convent in Ireland, the 98-year-old Mother Superior lay dying.  All the nuns gathered around her bed to make the final leg of her life journey as comfortable and calm as possible.

 They tried giving her warm milk to drink, but she refused.

So one of the nuns took the glass back to the kitchen.  Then, remembering a bottle of Irish Whiskey that had been offered as a gift the previous Christmas, she opened it and poured 3 fingers worth into the warm milk.

 Back at Mother Superior’s bed, they held the glass to her lips. The frail spiritual leader drank a little.  Then she drank a little more.  And with a mighty effort, she drained the glass and licked the inside.  Her eyes brightened and the nuns drew closer, hoping to learn a final lesson from the Mother Superior.

 “Mother, please share your wisdom with your faithful followers before you depart.”

 She looked around the room, raised up on one teetering elbow, and whispered…. “never sell that cow.”

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Keep the jokes coming please!   Send em to me and I’llpass them along to J. Austin Healey.

mellaney.dahl@sudburyradio.rogers.com

WEDNESDAY’S LAST LAUGH

Wednesday, September 12th, 2012

Thanks to Club Q Rockstar Peter for today’s Last Laff…

 

Two old men realize they’re in their final days so they agree to go out for one last night on the town. After a few drinks, they end up at the local brothel. The Madame takes one look at these two antiques and whispers to the manager “go up to the first 2 bedrooms and put an inflated doll in each bed. I’m not wasting two of my girls on them and they won’t know the difference”

 

The two old men creak up the stairs and take care of business. On their way home the first old guys says “I think my girl was dead”

 

“Dead? What makes you think that?”

 

“Well she never moved, never said a word or made a sound the whole time I was making my love to her”

 

“Umph, could be worse. I think mine was a witch. I was kissing her on the neck and gave her a little nibble….and she farted and flew out the window. Took my teeth with her too”

 

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That’s funny!  And you probably have a joke that’s funny too!  Send it to us cause we love to laugh…

mellaney.dahl@sudburyradio.rogers.com

terry.callaghan@sudburyradio.rogers.com

TUESDAY’S LAST LAUGH

Wednesday, September 12th, 2012

Thanks to Club Q Rockstar Carol for today’s Last Laff…

 
An engineer dies and goes to hell. Doesn’t take too long before he gets fed up with the conditions…so he starts designing improvements. Soon they’ve got air conditioning, flush toilets, and lets of other things that make hinm one popular guy down there.
 
God calls up Satan. “So, how’s it going down there in hell”
 
“Great” says Satan. “We’ve got central air, running water with flush toilets, escalators…there’s no telling what this new engineer is going to come up with next!”
 
“You have an engineer? That’s a mistake, he should never have been send down…you need to send him up here”
 
“Forget it, I like having an engineer. I’m keeping him”
 
“Send him back…or I’ll sue!”
 
“Yeah? And where are you going to get a lawyer?”
 

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That’s funny!  And you probably have a joke that’s funny too!  Send it to us cause we love to laugh…

mellaney.dahl@sudburyradio.rogers.com

terry.callaghan@sudburyradio.rogers.com

MONDAY’S LAST LAUGH

Tuesday, September 11th, 2012

Thanks to Club Q Rockstar Sandy for today’s Last Laff…

 
An elderly couple who had both lost their spouses long ago, had been seeing each other at the old folks home for many years. All of their friends kept saying they should get married.
 
So they went out for dinner to talk about what that would mean. They discussed finances, living arrangements, wills, and so on. Finally the old man asked, “how do you feel about sex?”
 
The old lady thought about it for awhile. “I would like it… infrequently”
 
“OK…is that one word, or two?”
 

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That’s funny!  And you probably have a joke that’s funny too!  Send it to us cause we love to laugh…

mellaney.dahl@sudburyradio.rogers.com

terry.callaghan@sudburyradio.rogers.com

FRIDAY’S LAST LAUGH

Tuesday, September 11th, 2012

Thanks to Club Q Rockstar Carol for today’s Last Laff…

 
A Canadian salesman travelled to Japan for an important meeting. He checked into his futuristic hotel and realized he needed a haircut before his meeting so he called down to the front desk.
 
“No barber sir” said the clerk “but down the hall is a machine that will do nice job”
 
He found the vending machine and put in $15.00 as instructed…then stuck his head in the hole. The machine buzzed and whirled and 15 seconds later he pulled his head out…with the best haircut of his life!
 
Next to that machine was another that said “Manicures $20.00”.
 
He stuck a 20 in and put his hands in the slots…and 15 seconds later they were perfectly manicured!
 

A third machine had a sign saying “This machine provides a servic3e men need when away from their wives…50 cents”
 
How could he resist? He put in 2 quarters and, with some anticipation, stuck Mr. Winky into the opening. The machine started buzzing and whirring and the man shrieked. 15 seconds later it stopped and he pulled out his tender unit…to find a button sewed on the end.

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That’s funny!  And you probably have a joke that’s funny too!  Send it to us cause we love to laugh…

mellaney.dahl@sudburyradio.rogers.com

terry.callaghan@sudburyradio.rogers.com

THURSDAY’S LAST LAUGH

Tuesday, September 11th, 2012

Thanks to Club Q Rockstar Jeff for today’s Last Laff…

 

Two little old ladies bump into each other at the launderette. They haven’t seen each other in a long time so they catch up on bunion stories and grandkids. Then Edna asks Fran how her husband is doing.

 

“Oh! Ted died last week. He went out to the garden to dig up a cabbage for dinner, had a heart attack and dropped down dead right there in the middle of the vegetable patch!”

 

“Oh dear! I’m very sorry.” Said Edna. “What did you do?”

 

“Opened a can of peas instead!”

 

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That’s funny!  And you probably have a joke that’s funny too!  Send it to us cause we love to laugh…

mellaney.dahl@sudburyradio.rogers.com

terry.callaghan@sudburyradio.rogers.com

WEDNESDAY’S LAST LAUGH

Tuesday, September 11th, 2012

Thanks to Club Q Rockstar Freida for today’s Last Laff…

 

Little Samantha was 2 years old…and she spent the days with her grandparents while her parents were at work. One day while grandma was out, Samantha pulled out her little toy tea set and brought her Grandpa a little cup of tea (which was just water).

 

Her Grandpa played along and praised her for such a lovely tea…drinking little cup after little cup that she brought to him.

 

Finally Grandma came home. She was told to wait while Samantha brought another little cup of tea and watched him drink it up and swoon over his granddaughter like the proud Grandpa he was.

 

As Samantha went toddling down the hall to get another cup of tea, Grandma smiled. “Hey genius…did it ever occur to you that the only place she can reach water at her height….is the toilet?”

 

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That’s funny!  And you probably have a joke that’s funny too!  Send it to us cause we love to laugh…

mellaney.dahl@sudburyradio.rogers.com

terry.callaghan@sudburyradio.rogers.com

TUESDAY’S LAST LAUGH

Tuesday, September 4th, 2012

Thanks to Club Q Rockstar Patricia for today’s Last Laff…

 
God had just finished creating everything on Earth…the seas, land, vegetation, animals, and the last thing was Adam and Eve. He was done, except for 2 spare parts left over…
 
He asked them which one would like something that would allow them to pee standing up. “It’s a wonderful tool, if either of you are interested”
 

Adam started jumping up and down and clapping his hands with glee. “Please give me that! I’d LOVE to be able to pee standing up”
 
Eve smiled and said to God “If Adam would like your gift so badly, he can have it”
 
So it was, and Adam was so excited he started peeing everywhere. On a stump, writing his name in the sand, hitting a tree stump 10 feet away…and all the while giggling like a little boy.
 
God and Eve watched his joy, then God said “well I guess the other thing I still have to give is yours”
 
“Thanks you God, what is it?”
 
“Brains”
 

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That’s funny!  And you probably have a joke that’s funny too!  Send it to us cause we love to laugh…

mellaney.dahl@sudburyradio.rogers.com

terry.callaghan@sudburyradio.rogers.com