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Monday’s Last Laff!
Monday, October 15th, 2012
Maude and Claude met at the seniors dance and over time they discovered that being 91 didn’t mean you had to be alone. They enjoyed having each other’s company.
After several weeks of meeting for coffee, Claude asked Maude out for dinner and she accepted! They had a lovely evening, and ended up at his place for a nightcap.
Age wasn’t an issue and nature followed its course. Maude joined Claude for a most enjoyable roll in the hay. As they were basking in the glow afterwards they both were lost in their own thoughts…..
Claude was thinking: ‘If I’d known she was a virgin, I’d have been gentler.’
Maude was thinking: ‘If I’d known he could still do it, I’d have taken off my pantyhose.
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Club Q Rock Stars can earn points by sending jokes that J. Austin Healey uses on the air for the Last Laff. Send ‘em to me mellaney.dahl@sudburyradio.rogers.com
THURSDAY’S LAST LAUGH
Thursday, October 11th, 2012
Thanks to Club Q Rockstar Carol for today’s Last Laff…
Joe’s wife loved to sing…and Joe loved his wife. So when she joined the church choir at age 71 he encouraged her to practice. Sometimes while she was in the Kitchen making dinner, she’d sing….and Joe would always go sit out on the front porch.
Her feelings got hurt. “Joe, what’s the matter? Don’t you want me to sing for you?”
“Sure” said Joe
“Well then why do you always go outside when I start singing?”
“I love your singing…I just don’t want the neighbors thinking I’m beating you, that’s all”
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That’s funny! And you probably have a joke that’s funny too! Send it to us cause we love to laugh…
WEDNESDAY’S LAST LAUGH
Wednesday, October 10th, 2012
Thanks to Club Q Rockstar Patricia for today’s Last Laff…
Two old Jewish men, Sid and Al, are sitting in a Mexican restaurant in Los Angeles. “Hey Sid, do you know of any people of our faith that were born in Mexico?”
“I don’t know, let’s ask the waiter”’
When the waiter arrives, they ask. “Are there any Mexican Jews?”
“I don’t know senor, I ask the cooks.”
He comes back from the kitchen and says “No senor, the cook say no Mexican Jews.”
“Are you absolutely sure? This is important you know”
The waiter says “I check once again, senor!” and goes back into the kitchen.
He comes back and repeats “Senor, the head cook Tom say there is no Mexican Jews.”
“That’s unbelievable…no Mexican Jews at all?”
“So sorry Senor, I ask EVERYONE. All we have is Orange, Grape and Tomato Jews.’
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That’s funny! And you probably have a joke that’s funny too! Send it to us cause we love to laugh…
TUESDAY’S LAST LAUGH
Tuesday, October 9th, 2012
Thanks to Club Q Rockstar Gino for today’s Last Laff…
Abe and Esther are flying to Australia for a two-week Vacation to celebrate their 50th anniversary.
Suddenly, over the public address system, the Captain announces, “Ladies and Gentlemen, I am afraid I have some very bad news. Our engines have ceased functioning and we will attempt an emergency landing. Luckily, I see an uncharted island below us and we should be able to land on the beach. However, the odds are that we may never be rescued and will have to live on the island for the rest of our lives!”
Thanks to the skill of the flight crew, the plane lands safely on the island. An hour later Abe turns to his wife and asks,”Esther, did we pay our Visa and MasterCard bill yet?” “No, sweetheart,” she responds.
“Esther, did we pay our American Express card yet?”
“Oh, no! I’m sorry. I forgot to send the check,” she says.
“Did you remember to send the installment cheque for Revenue Canada this month?” he asks.
“Forgive me, Abe. I didn’t send that one either.”
Abe grabs her and gives her the biggest kiss in 40 years.
“What was that for?”
“Because they’re gonna find us now!”
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That’s funny! And you probably have a joke that’s funny too! Send it to us cause we love to laugh…
FRIDAY’S LAST LAUGH
Tuesday, October 9th, 2012
Thanks to Club Q Rockstar Beth for today’s Last Laff…
Cinderella wants to go to the ball, but her wicked stepmother won’t let her. As she cries in the garden, her fairy godmother appears, and promises to provide Cinderella with everything she needs to go to the ball…with two conditions. “First, you must wear a diaphragm.” “And second…you must be home by midnight. Any later, and your diaphragm will turn into a pumpkin.” Cinderella agrees and away she goes…
Midnight comes and goes and no Cinderella. Finally she dragged her butt in at 4am….
“Where have you been?” demands the fairy godmother. “Your diaphragm was supposed to turn into a pumpkin four hours ago!!!”
“I met a prince, Fairy Godmother. He took care of everything.”
“I know of no prince with that kind of power! What was his name!”
“I can’t remember…Peter Peter something something?”
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That’s funny! And you probably have a joke that’s funny too! Send it to us cause we love to laugh…
THURSDAY’S LAST LAUGH
Friday, October 5th, 2012
Thanks to Club Q Rockstar Judy for today’s Last Laff…
A fellow in North Carolina had a flat tire. So he pulled over to the side of the road, got out and put a big bouquet of flowers in passenger seat and another one in the back seat. Then he got back in to wait.
A tourist from Sudbury was driving by, saw the flowers and stopped…thinking maybe the man was on his way to a wedding or a funeral.
He asked the fellow what the problem was.
“I got a flat tahr”
“I see that…what’s with the flowers?”
“When ya break down they tell you to put flares in the front and flares in the back…never did understand that neither.”
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That’s funny! And you probably have a joke that’s funny too! Send it to us cause we love to laugh…
WEDNESDAY’S LAST LAUGH
Wednesday, October 3rd, 2012
Thanks to Club Q Rockstar Terry for being the subject of today’s Last Laff…
On my birthday…Terry gave me a stadium sized silliest jokes book Volume 2. Today is Terry’s birthday, and instead of reading anything from that book…I found this birthday joke instead…
Pinocchio is celebrating his birthday and after the guests leave…he takes his date upstairs. Things don’t go exactly as planned though, because she says no. “Every time we make love, I get splinters”
So, Pinocchio goes to his maker, Gipetto. “It’s my birthday and I can’t do what I want to do Gipetto!”
So the carpenter gives him his birthday gift…a sheet of sandpaper. “That shoulda take care of thingsa!”
The next morning Gipetto called Pinocchio. “Wella, how dida your special day end up once you got back with your date?”
“Date? Who needs a date?”
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That’s funny! And you probably have a joke that’s funny too! Send it to us cause we love to laugh…
TUESDAY’S LAST LAUGH
Tuesday, October 2nd, 2012
Thanks to Club Q Rockstar Gino for today’s Last Laff…
Abe and Esther are flying to Australia for a two-week Vacation to celebrate their 50th anniversary.
Suddenly, over the public address system, the Captain announces, “Ladies and Gentlemen, I am afraid I have some very bad news. Our engines have ceased functioning and we will attempt an emergency landing. Luckily, I see an uncharted island below us and we should be able to land on the beach. However, the odds are that we may never be rescued and will have to live on the island for the rest of our lives!”
Thanks to the skill of the flight crew, the plane lands safely on the island. An hour later Abe turns to his wife and asks, “Esther, did we pay our Visa and MasterCard bill yet?” “No, sweetheart,” she responds. “Esther, did we pay our American Express card yet?” “Oh, no! I’m sorry. I forgot to send the check,” she says. “Did you remember to send the installment cheque for Revenue Canada this month?” he asks. “Forgive me, Abe. I didn’t send that one either.”
Abe grabs her and gives her the biggest kiss in 40 years. “What was that for?”
“Because they’re gonna find us now!”
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That’s funny! And you probably have a joke that’s funny too! Send it to us cause we love to laugh…
FRIDAY’S LAST LAUGH
Monday, October 1st, 2012
Thanks to Club Q Rockstar Carol for today’s Last Laff…
A grandfather flew to Saskatchewan once a year to visit with his little granddaughter. He loved to watch her play in the garden, marveling how sweet and pure the world was at her age.
Tears formed in his eyes as he thought about her seeing the wonders of nature through such innocent eyes.
Suddenly she stopped and stared at the ground.
He toddled over to her to see what work of God had captured her attention. She was looking at two spiders…
‘Grandpa, what are those two spiders doing?’ she asked.
“Well, they’re mating”.
“Oh. What do you call the spider on top?”
“That’s a Daddy Longlegs”
“So, is the other one a Mommy Longlegs?”
The old man’s heart soared with the joy of such a cute and innocent question. “No honey. That one’s a Daddy Longlegs too”
The little girl stood up, lifted her foot and stomped them flat.
“Well, that might be OK where you’re from but we’re not having any of that going on in Saskatchewan ”.
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That’s funny! And you probably have a joke that’s funny too! Send it to us cause we love to laugh…
TUESDAY’S LAST LAUGH
Tuesday, September 25th, 2012
Thanks to Club Q Rockstar Lori for today’s Last Laff…
Bob goes to Emerg and has to discuss his problem with a nurse before he sees the doctor. He’s embarrassed and makes the nurse promise she won’t laugh.
Of course I won’t laugh…in over twenty years I’ve never laughed at a patient.”
“Okay then,” said Bob, and he dropped his pants and tighty whities. He had the smallest poindexter she’d ever seen! It was literally the size of a Triple A battery!!
She tried not to giggle, but once she started she couldn’t stop…laughing at the fact she was laughing… Bob’s face went red.
The nurse felt really bad and apologized. “I am so sorry, I don’t know what happened and I promise you it won’t ever happen again. Now, what’s the problem you’re having?”
“Well…obviously it’s quite swollen”
And the nurse put in for a transfer…
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That’s funny! And you probably have a joke that’s funny too! Send it to us cause we love to laugh…