So here’s a whole whack of Last Laff’s that will make you the life of the party! Enjoy! And keep ‘em coming…you can send them to me and I’ll pass them along to J. Austin Healey. email@example.com
Four guys have been going on the same fishing trip together for 20 years. Two days before the group is leaving for year 21, Ron’s wife puts her foot down and tells him he isn’t going.
The guys are really upset that he can’t go, but what can they do.
48 hours later the three remaining amigos get to their camp site. There’s Ron sitting there with his tent set up, firewood gathered, and dinner cooking on the flames.
“Dang, Ron, how long you been here, and how did you talk your missus into letting you go?”
“Been here since this morning. Last night, I was sitting in my chair when my wife came up behind me, put her hands over my eyes and said, ‘Guess who?’ She was wearing a brand new nightie…took my hand and pulled me to the bedroom…and there was candles and rose petals all over place. And get this, on the bed she had handcuffs, and ropes!
She told me to tie and cuff her to the bed, and do whatever I wanted. So, here I am.
Four old retired men are walking down a street in Arizona . They turn a corner and see a sign that says, “Old Timers Bar – ALL drinks 10 cents.”
They gotta go in…this is too good to be true.
The old bartender says in a voice that carries across the room, “Come on in…what’ll it be, gentlemen?”
There’s a fully stocked bar, so each of the retirees orders a martini. In no time the bartender brings four iced martinis – shaken, not stirred and says, “That’ll be 10 cents each, please.”
The four guys can’t believe their good luck. They pay the 40 cents, finish their martinis, and order another round.
Once again the martinis are perfect and cost only 40 cents for the whole table! They’ve each had two martinis and haven’t even spent a dollar yet.
Finally one of them says, “How can you afford to serve martinis as good as these for a dime apiece?”
“I’m a retired tailor from Phoenix ,” the bartender says, “and I always wanted to own a bar. Last year I hit the Lottery Jackpot for $125 million and decided to open this place. Every drink costs a dime. Wine, liquor, beer it’s all the same.”
As the four of them sip at their martinis, they can’t help noticing seven other people at the end of the bar with no drinks in front of them. They haven’t ordered anything the whole time they’ve been there.
“What’s with those folks down there?”
The bartender says, “They retired here from Florida . Just waiting for Happy Hour when drinks are half-price, and their pockets are full of coupons…”
Yesterday my phone rings so I answer it. It’s my boss. “Jay, is everything okay at the office?”
I told him “yup, all under control. It’s been a very busy day, I haven’t stopped since I got in to do the joke.”
“Great” he says, “can you do me a favor? Speed it up a little, I’m in the foursome behind you.”
Thanks Lori, Leo, and Bill!