Archive for June, 2012
WEDNESDAY’S LAST LAUGH
Wednesday, June 27th, 2012
Thanks to Club Q Rockstar Patricia for today’s Last Laff
A woman says to her husband “Remember those headaches I’ve been having all these years? Well, they’re gone! I went to a hypnotist. He told me to stand in front of a mirror, stare at myself and repeat ‘I do not have a headache…I do not have a headache’. And suddenly they were gone!
“Well, that is great news honey!” says her husband.
“So….here’s a thought” says the wife. “You haven’t exactly been a ball of fire in bed recently. Why don’t you go see that Hypnotist too?”
He does, and after his appointment he comes home….rips off his clothes, picks up his wife and carries her into bed.
“Don’t move, I’ll be right back”.
He runs into the bathroom…and is back a minute later. Makes wild passionate love to his wife like their honeymoon night. Gives her a long kiss…and says, “Don’t move! I will be right back”. He jumps back into the bathroom, comes back a minute later and the second time’s even better than the first!
The wife’s head is spinning.
Once again her husband says “Don’t move, I’ll be right back”.
Three times? His wife has to find out how he’s doing it, so she peeks around the corner into their bathroom. There’s her husband looking in the mirror saying… “She’s not my wife… she’s not my wife…”
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That’s funny! And you probably have a joke that’s funny too! Send it to us cause we love to laugh…
TUESDAY’S LAST LAUGH
Wednesday, June 27th, 2012
Thanks to Club Q Rockstar Mike for today’s Last Laff…
God was looking down at Earth and saw all of the wicked behavior going on. He was not happy, and sent one of his angels down to check things out…
When the angel returned God was told “it is bad…85% of mankind are misbehaving”
God was sad that only 15% of the world were good. He decided to send those good people a message to encourage them so they would not become bad…and deliver it in a way they would see it. Not through the church…through email!
And Terry, do you know what God’s email said?
(no)
Oh…so you didn’t get it eh?
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That’s funny! And you probably have a joke that’s funny too! Send it to us cause we love to laugh…
MONDAY’S LAST LAUGH
Wednesday, June 27th, 2012
Thanks to Club Q Rockstar Carol for today’s Last Laff…
Five Catholics were having coffee one day…4 men and a woman. The first Catholic man brags “My son’s a priest. When he walks into a room, everyone calls him ‘Father’”
The second Catholic man can’t let that lie go, so he jumps in. “My son’s a Bishop. When he walks into a room, everyone calls him ‘Your Grace’.”
The third Catholic man says “My son’s a Cardinal. When he walks into a room, everyone bows their head and says ‘Your Eminence’”
Not to be outdone, the fourth Catholic man shoots for the moon. “My son’s the Pope! When he walks into a room, everyone calls him “Your Holiness’”
The 4 Catholic men look down their noses at the Catholic woman. She puts down her coffee and crosses her arms. “I have a daughter. Slim and tall with 40D breasts, a 24” waist and 34 inch hips. And let me tell you, when she walk into a room, everybody says “Oh My GOD!”
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That’s funny! And you probably have a joke that’s funny too! Send it to us cause we love to laugh…
FRIDAY’S LAST LAUGH
Friday, June 22nd, 2012
Thanks to Club Q Rockstar Carol for today’s Last Laff…
Three priests were at the airport heading back home to Pittsburgh. Behind the ticket counter was a very sexy, shapely, well endowed woman wearing a very tight, skimpy sweater. She made the three priests very uncomfortable…so they drew straws to determine who would have to talk to her and buy their tickets.
The priest with the shortest straw waited in line and when it was his turn he took a deep breath, smiled, and said “Hello young lady, I would like three pickets to titsburg.” He couldn’t believe what had come out of his mouth…lost his confidence and bolted.
So the second priest had to get in line and when it was his turn he too got flustered. “Young lady, I would like three tickets to Pittsburgh…and could I get the change in nipples and dimes?”
Mortified, he too fled.
That left the last priest. He vowed to stay focused on the task, went through the line, and approached the counter. “I apologize for my colleagues’ weaknesses. We need three flights to Pittsburgh. The change in nickels and dimes. And trust me, if you arrive at the Pearly Gates dressed the way you are, be prepared for St. Finger to shake his heavenly Peter at you”
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That’s funny! And you probably have a joke that’s funny too! Send it to us cause we love to laugh…
WEDNESDAY’S LAST LAUGH
Wednesday, June 20th, 2012
Thanks to Club Q Rockstar Bill for today’s Last Laff…
A man kept bugging his wife about sex. She was totally turned off. One day he suggested she bring one of her girlfriends over for a pile-on. That was the last straw!
“For your information…” she said “Sex with 3 people is called a threesome. When it’s two people, it’s a twosome. Perhaps now you can figure out why I call you handsome?”
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That’s funny! And you probably have a joke that’s funny too! Send it to us cause we love to laugh…
TUESDAY’S LAST LAUGH
Tuesday, June 19th, 2012
Thanks to Club Q Rockstar Leo for today’s Last Laff…
Imagine this scenario. You pick up a hitchhiker, a beautiful girl. Suddenly she faints inside your car and you take her to hospital.
The doctor says she fainted because she’s pregnant, and congratulate you on your fatherhood. You say that you’re definitely not the father, but the girl says you are!
So you request a DNA test to prove that you’re not the father. The doctor comes back hours later with the results. You’re not the father. In fact you are infertile…and have been all your life! What a relief that is….until driving home you think about your 3 kids…
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That’s funny! And you probably have a joke that’s funny too! Send it to us cause we love to laugh…
FRIDAY’S LAST LAUGH
Friday, June 15th, 2012
Thanks to Club Q Rockstar Louise for today’s Last Laff
While the C-5 was turning over its engines, a female crewman gave the G.I.s on board the usual information regarding seat belts, emergency exits, etc.
Finally, she said, ‘Now sit back and enjoy your trip while captain Judith Campbell and crew…take you safely to Afghanistan ‘
An old Master Sergeant sitting in the eighth row thought to himself, ‘Did I hear her right?’
When the attendant came by he said ‘Did I understand you correctly? Is the captain a woman?’
‘Yes,’! Said the attendant, ‘In fact, this entire crew is female.’
‘Good God,’ he said, ‘I wish I had two double scotch and sodas. I don’t know what to think with only women up there in the cockpit.’
‘That’s another thing, Sergeant,’ said the crew member, ‘We No Longer Call It The Cockpit’ Now…it’s The Box Office.’
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That’s funny! And you probably have a joke that’s funny too! Send it to us cause we love to laugh…
THURSDAY’S LAST LAUGH
Thursday, June 14th, 2012
Thanks to Club Q Rockstar Patricia for today’s Last Laff
Ole and Sven were looking at a Sears catalog and admiring the models. Ole says to Sven, “Haff yew seen da beautiful girls in dis catalog?”
“Ya, dey are very beautiful. And look at da price!”
Ole’s eyes go wide! “Wow, dey aren’t verra expensive. At dis price, I’m buying vun.”
Sven pats him on the back. “Good idea! Order vun and if she’s as beautiful as she is in da catalog, I vill get vun too.”
Three weeks later, Sven asks his friend, “Did yew ever receive da girl yew ordered from dat Sears catalog?”
”Not yet, but it vouldn’t be long now. I got her clothes yesterday!”
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That’s funny! And you probably have a joke that’s funny too! Send it to us cause we love to laugh…
WEDNESDAY’S LAST LAUGH
Wednesday, June 13th, 2012
Thanks to Club Q Rockstar Carol for today’s Last Laff…
A blonde woman is taking flying lessons…and she’s in a 2-seater with just the pilot behind her. Suddenly, he has a heart attack! She hits the switch and calls out a May Day.
“May Day! May Day! Help me! Help me! My pilot had a heart attack and is dead. I don’t know how to fly. Help me! Please help me!”
She hears a voice over the radio saying:
“This is Air Traffic Control and I have you loud and clear. I’ll talk you through this and get you back on the ground, no problem. Done this many times before…so…just take a deep breath. Everything’ll be fine! Give me your height and position.”
“5’4″ and I’m in the front seat.”
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That’s funny! And you probably have a joke that’s funny too! Send it to us cause we love to laugh…
TUESDAY’S LAST LAUGH
Tuesday, June 12th, 2012
Thanks to Club Q Rockstar Louise for today’s Last Laff…
A man died and went to heaven. As he stood in front of St. Peter at the Pearly Gates, he saw a huge wall of clocks behind him. “What are all those clocks for?”
St. Peter explained…”Those are Lie-Clocks. Everyone on Earth has a Lie-Clock. Every time you lie, the hands on your clock will move.”
“Incredible” said the man. “Whose clock is that?”
“Mother Teresa’s. The hands have never moved, indicating that she never told a lie.”
“And whose clock is that one?”
“Abraham Lincoln’s clock. The hands have moved twice, telling us that Abe told only two lies in his entire life.”
“So…where’s Stephen Harper’s clock?” asked the man.
“In God’s office. Makes a great ceiling fan.”
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That’s funny! And you probably have a joke that’s funny too! Send it to us cause we love to laugh…