Archive for April, 2012
Monday’s Last laugh
Monday, April 30th, 2012
Thanks to Club Q Rockstar Darcy for today’s Last Laff…
A seven-year-old boy was at the center of a Toronto city courtroom drama yesterday. He challenged a ruling over who should have custody of him. The boy had a history of being beaten by his parents, and the judge had awarded custody to his aunt…but the boy said his aunt beat him more than his parents. When the judge suggested that he live with his grandparents, the boy said no because they also beat him.
Apparently violence was a way of life for the whole family, so the judge asked the boy if he had any suggestions…
The boy whispered in the judge’s ear. After meeting with child welfare officials, custody was granted to ….The Toronto Maple Leafs, who the boy believed weren’t capable of beating anyone.
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That’s funny! And you probably have a joke that’s funny too! Send it to us cause we love to laugh…
Friday’s Last Laugh
Friday, April 27th, 2012
Thanks to Club Q Rockstar William for today’s Last Laff…
The testicles of a Manitoba midget were always hurting, they ached almost all the time. The midget went to the doctor and told him about his problem. The doctor said “drop your pants and let’s have a look”.
So the midget dropped his pants. The doctor stood him up on the examining table, and placed a finger under his left testicle and told the midget to cough…testing for a hernia.
“A-ha” mumbled the doctor.
Then he placed a finger under the right testicle, he asked the midget to cough again. “A-ha” said the doctor again, and then he reached for his surgical scissors.
Snip-snip-snip-snip on the right side……….then snip-snip-snip-snip on the left side. The midget was scared to death (probably because they’d climbed up into his stomach by now!)…but had to admit that the snipping hadn’t hurt at all!
The doctor finished up and told the Midget to get dressed and walk around the examining room. Believe it or not, his nether-region earrings were no longer aching. “It’s perfect Doc, and I didn’t feel a thing! What did you do?”
“Cut two inches off the top of your rubber boots!”
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That’s funny! And you probably have a joke that’s funny too! Send it to us cause we love to laugh…
Thursday’s Last Laugh
Thursday, April 26th, 2012
Thanks to Club Q Rockstar Judy for today’s Last Laff…
Dear Terry & Mell….
I heard your show last week where you helped someone with a wedding party problem. Here’s my story… My name’s Stewart. My Mom and Dad are both awaiting trial for selling drugs, and are dependent on my two sisters who are prostitutes (don’t judge…) BTW I also have two brothers currently serving time for assault and murder.
I’ve recently become engaged to marry a former Vietnamese hooker who’s currently working part-time in a Toronto brothel. Our plan is to get married and maybe open our own brothel (don’t judge!) Hopefully we can then hire my two sisters so they can get off the streets and eventually off heroin.
OK, here’s where I need your help. I love my fiancée and want to be totally up front and honest in our relationship. Do I tell her my brother-in-law is a Leafs fan?
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That’s funny! And you probably have a joke that’s funny too! Send it to us cause we love to laugh…
Wednesday’s Last Laff!!!!!!!!
Wednesday, April 25th, 2012
A wife comes home late one night unexpected since she was supposed to be travelling for another day. Quietly she opened the door to her bedroom. Just as she suspected! Under the blanket she saw four legs instead of just two!
So she grabbed her husband’s baseball bat from the closet and started whacking that blanket as hard as she could.
Then she went downstairs into the kitchen to pour herself a strong drink. That’s where she found her husband reading a sports magazine. “Hey honey, nice surprise! Your parents came to visit so I let them have our room. Do you wanna go up and say hi?”
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Yikes! OK. So Leo gets 300 points for his Rock Star Account. If you have a joke you’d like to submit for Terry and Mell’s Last Laff, send it our way! mellaney.dahl@sudburyradio.rogers.com
Tuesday’s Last Laff:
Tuesday, April 24th, 2012
Honestly, we laugh and laugh at the jokes you send in Judy! Here’s your joke for today, plus 300 points for your account!
Mitch was at the track playing the ponies (and losing his shirt) when he saw a priest step out onto the track and bless the forehead of one of the horses lining up for the 4th race. The horse was a real long shot…but it won!
So Mitch watched the priest when he stepped onto the track before the 5th race. The he put a few bucks down on the blessed horse (again a real long shot). Turned out that horse was also a winner!
So Mitch kept winning all afternoon and by the last race he had a pocketful of money and a feeling that this was that miracle day he’d been waiting his whole life for…
The priest approached the longest shot of the day, an old nag, and blessed the forehead. He even blessed the eyes…ears…and hooves, so Mitch ran to the ATM and pulled out every dollar he had and bet it all. The horse finished dead last.
Mitch found the priest at the edge of the track. “Father! What happened? All day long the horse you blessed won. Then in the last race, the horse you blessed lost…and I lost every cent I had!”
“Well Son, that’s the problem with you Protestants. You can’t tell the difference between a blessing and last rites”.
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YIKES! Send us your jokes for J. Austin Healey to tell on Terry and Mell’s Last Laff…
mellaney.dahl@sudburyradio.rogers.com
Wednesday’s Last Laugh
Wednesday, April 18th, 2012
Thanks to Club Q Rockstar Lori for today’s Last Laff…
Bob is a 70-year-old widower who is filthy rich. He shows up at the Country Club with a stunningly gorgeous and very sexy 25-year-old blonde woman. She knocks all the old boys over with her playful sex appeal and charm, all the while hanging on to Bob’s arm and listening intently to his every word.
She excuses herself and heads to the ladies room…and his buddies crowd around Bob. “How in the world get you score the trophy girlfriend?”
“She’s not my girlfriend…she’s my wife!’”
“C’mon Bob, how’d you ever get her to marry you?
“Lied about my age!”
“Really…you told her you were 45?”
Bob smiled. “Nope…I told her I was 90.”
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That’s funny! And you probably have a joke that’s funny too! Send it to us cause we love to laugh…
Tuesday’s Last Laugh
Wednesday, April 18th, 2012
Thanks to Club Q Rockstar Stephen for today’s Last Laff…
David was in his 5th grade class when the teacher asked the children what their fathers did for a living. All the typical answers came up — fireman, policeman, miner, salesman, etc.
David seemed to be avoiding the teacher, which was really unusual. So when everyone else had talked about their dad…she asked him what his father did. David stood by his desk…
“My dad’s an exotic dancer in an all-male bar and takes off all his clothes in front of other men”.
The teacher quickly got the class to pull out their books and start reading…then took David out in the hall. “Is that really true about your father?”
“No,” said David. “He plays for the Toronto Maple Leafs…I was too embarrassed to say that in front of the other kids.”
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That’s funny! And you probably have a joke that’s funny too! Send it to us cause we love to laugh…
Monday’s Last Laugh
Monday, April 16th, 2012
Thanks to Club Q Rockstar Leo for today’s Last Laff…
Did you know the experts have identified 6 different kinds of sex between a man and a woman!
The first is called Smurf Sex. That’s when you first meet and have sex til you’re both blue in the face…
Then there’s Kitchen Sex. You think about it all day at work and when you get home you’re so needy you’ll jump each other in the first place you meet.
The third is easy…Bedroom Sex. You’ve been together long enough, sex is routine, usually just in the bedroom.
The fourth kind of sex is called Hallway Sex. That’s when you pass each other in the hallway you both say ‘Screw you.’
Next is Religious Sex. You get Nun in the morning, Nun in the afternoon, and Nun at night. This is very popular…
And the Sixth kind is Courtroom Sex. You are served papers and your partner screws you in front of a judge.
(There is a 7th kind…called Social Security Sex. You get a little each month, but not enough to enjoy yourself)
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That’s funny! And you probably have a joke that’s funny too! Send it to us cause we love to laugh…
Rock and Roll Hall Of Fame Induction 2012
Monday, April 16th, 2012
So this year’s Class of 2012 will be remembered as the year of no shows. Axl Rose, Rod Stewart and a member of the Beastie Boys were no shows, putting an end to some much anticipated reunions. But here are some hi-lites form the ceremony in Cleveland on Saturday. It will be broadcast on HBO in May.
Remember These?
Wednesday, April 11th, 2012
Lots of calls and Facebook action this morning on the topic of restaurants that you miss from Sudbury’s past. There is a long list: Red Barn, Ponderosa, Peking Gazebo, Licks, Bonanza, Peachey’s and list goes on!
Here are few great commercials from the past.