Archive for December, 2011
Friday’s Last Laugh
Friday, December 23rd, 2011
Thanks to Club Q Rockstar Kathy for today’s Last Laff…
A little old lady was carefully sorting through all of the frozen turkeys at the supermarket, wanting to choose just the right one for Christmas dinner. All of her sons and their wives would be coming, and all the grandkids too.
After looking for 5 minutes she couldn’t find one bigger than 14 pounds…which wasn’t going to be enough.
“Excuse me son” she asked one of the employees. “Do these turkeys get any bigger?”
“No ma’am….they’re dead”
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That’s funny! And you probably have a joke that’s funny too! Send it to us cause we love to laugh…
Thursday’s Last Laugh
Thursday, December 22nd, 2011
Thanks to Club Q Rockstar Kathy for today’s Last Laff…
A man walked into a cafe, went up to the bar and ordered a beer.
“Certainly Sir, that’ll be one cent.
“One Cent? How much for a nice juicy steak and a bottle of wine?”
“A nickel,” said the barman.
“A nickel ! Where’s the guy who owns this place?”
“Upstairs, with my wife.”
“You’re kidding, what’s he doing upstairs with your wife?”
“Same thing I’m doing to his business down here”
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That’s funny! And you probably have a joke that’s funny too! Send it to us cause we love to laugh…
Wednesday’s Last Laugh
Wednesday, December 21st, 2011
Thanks to Club Q Rockstar Leo for today’s Last Laff…
An 80 year old woman had gone to the same doctor for 50 years…so when her doctor retired she had to see a new one who was much younger. He asked her to bring a list of all the medications she was perscribed.
At the first visit, the young doctor’s eyes grew large as he read the list…which included birth control pills!
“Mrs Smith, do you realize these are BIRTH CONTROL pills?
“Yes dear, they help me sleep at night.”
“Mrs Smith, I assure you there is absolutely NOTHING in these that could possibly help you sleep!”
She reached out and patted the young Doctor’s knee. “You’re wrong sonny. Every morning I grind one up and mix it in my 16 year old Granddaughter’s orange juice. Believe me, it helps me sleep at night.”
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That’s funny! And you probably have a joke that’s funny too! Send it to us cause we love to laugh…
Tuesday’s Last Laugh
Tuesday, December 20th, 2011
Thanks to Club Q Rockstar Claude for today’s Last Laff…
Three women are at a Christmas party and trying to out do each other. The first says “My husband is taking me to the French Riviera over the holidays” The second says “My husband is buying me a Rolls Royce for Christmas”
The third woman says “We don’t have a lot of money, but I am proud to say that 13 canaries side by side can all perch on my husband’s you know what.
The first woman suddenly blurts out “I’m sorry for lying, we’re not going to the French Riviera…we’re going to my Mother’s house. The second is also ashamed. “My husband’s not buying me a Rolls Royce, it’s a used Ford” The third woman says “I too have to be honest. The 13th canary has to stand on one leg to fit.
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That’s funny! And you probably have a joke that’s funny too! Send it to us cause we love to laugh…
Monday’s Last Laugh
Monday, December 19th, 2011
Thanks to Club Q Rockstar Jane for today’s Last Laff…
A woman had a heart attack and was taken to the hospital. On the operating table she nearly died…and met Saint Peter.
“Is my time up?” she asked?
St Peter said, “No, you have another 43 years, 2 months and 8 days to live.”
After she recovered, the woman decided to stay in the hospital. She had a face-lift, liposuction, breast implants, a tummy tuck, changed her hair color and whitened her teeth. With so much more time to live, she figured she might as well make the most of it.
She got out of hospital and was on her way home when an ambulance hit her crossing the street.
When she saw St Peter at the Pearly Gates she was pissed. “I thought you said I had another 43 years? Why didn’t you pull me from out of the path of the ambulance?”
St Peter looked her up and down. “I didn’t recognize you.”
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That’s funny! And you probably have a joke that’s funny too! Send it to us cause we love to laugh…
Wednesday’s Last Laugh
Wednesday, December 14th, 2011
Thanks to Club Q Rockstar Leo for today’s Last Laff…
A man who had worked his whole life and saved every penny was a real miser whenever anyone asked for anything. Even his own wife. So when he was about to die he called his wife over and said “I want you to take all my money and put it in the casket with me so I can take it to the afterlife…”
He made her promise on a stack of bibles…and she agreed.
When he died the visitation line was long, but finally it ended. His wife dressed in black remained at the side of his casket with her best friend and when they went to close the lid she stopped them and placed a small metal box inside.
Then they locked the casket down and rolled it away.
Her friend looked at the grieving wife. “Girl, I know you weren’t foolish enough to put all that money in there with your husband”
The loyal wife said “I made a promise as a Christian, and I couldn’t break that promise. So I put all his money in my account and wrote a cheque. If he can cash it, he can collect it”
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That’s funny! And you probably have a joke that’s funny too! Send it to us cause we love to laugh…
Thursdays Last Laugh
Thursday, December 8th, 2011
Thanks to Club Q Rockstar Jonesy for today’s Last Laff…
The desk clerk at a hotel gets a call at 3am from a very drunk man asking what time the bar opens.
“It opens at noon, sir” says the man at the front desk.
An hour later he gets another call from the drunk who is now even drunker. “Whats time dis the bar ropen”
“It still opens at noon sir” repeats the man at the front desk.
Another hour passes and the phone rings again. “Shup time diz you said the bar ropens?”
“Sir it opens at noon but if you can’t wait I can send room service up with something for you”
“No…I don’t needta get IN…I wanna get OUT”
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That’s funny! And you probably have a joke that’s funny too! Send it to us cause we love to laugh…
Wednesday’s Last Laff
Wednesday, December 7th, 2011
Welcome to “Who Wants To Be A Millionaire”! Jarge from Newfoundland Canada is going into the final round…he’s already won 500,000 dollars!
“Jarge you’ve done great so far…you have one life-line left…phone a friend. Everything rides on this final question for one MILLION dollars. Are you going to go for it?”
“Yes Buy,” said Jarge. “I’ll have a go”
“For one million dollars Jarge……which of the following birds does NOT build its own nest? A sparrow, a Thrust, a Magpie, or a Cuckoo!”
“I ain’t gatta a clue” said Jarge…’so I’ll use one-a dem dare loif-loins and phone me friend Charlie back home in Carner Brook.”
Jarge called up his mate, told him the circumstances and repeated the question to him…
“Hell, Jarge dats simple….it’s a cuckoo”
“Are ya sure Charlie…it’s a million bucks if yer wrong?”
“Lard Je’sus Buy I’m positive.”
Jarge hung up the phone and said “I’ll go wit Cuckoo as me answer cause Charlie gots a grade eight dee-ploma.”
“Final answer?” “Yes it is, Buy”
“Cuckoo is the correct answer! Jarge, you’re a millionaire!”
The next night, Jarge invited Charlie to their local pub to buy him a drink.
“Charlie how in Lard Thunderin’ Jasus did you know it was da Cuckoo that don’t build its own nest?”
“Because he lives in a damn clock!”
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Now that’s funny! Have a joke that you think would make everyone laugh? Send it to us at mellaney.dahl@sudburyradio.rogers.com
We’ll give you 300 points in your Rock Star Account!
Tuesday’s Last Laff…
Wednesday, December 7th, 2011
Centuries ago, the Pope decreed that all the Jews had to convert to Catholicism or leave Italy. There was a huge outcry so the Pope agreed to a religious debate between himself and the leader of the Jews. If the Jews won, they could stay in Italy. If the Pope won, they’d have to convert or leave. The problem was the Pope didn’t speak Yiddish and the Rabbi didn’t speak Italian. So they agreed it would be a “silent debate”.
The Pope and Rabbi sat opposite each other. The Pope raised his hand and showed three fingers. The Rabbi raised one finger. The Pope waved his finger around his head. The rabbi pointed to the ground. The Pope brought out a communion wafer and a chalice of wine. The Rabbi pulled out an apple. With that, the Pope stood up and decreed that The Jews could stay in Italy.
Later the cardinals met with the Pope and asked him what happened. “I held up three fingers to represent the Trinity. He held up a single finger to remind me there is still only one God.
Then, I waved my finger around my head to show him God was all around us. He pointed to the ground to show that God was also right here with us. Then I pulled out wine and wafer to show that God absolves us of all our sins. He pulled out an apple to remind me of the original sin. He bested me at every move.”
Meanwhile, the Jewish community gathered to ask the Rabbi how he’d won. “I haven’t a clue. He told me we had three days to get out of Italy, so I gave him the finger. Then he waves his hand around to tell me that the whole country would be cleared of Jews and I told him that we were staying right here. Then who knows what happened. He took out his lunch so I took out mine.
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Thanks for the joke Judy! You get 300 points in your Rock Star account if we use your joke on the air…funny or not! send em to us at mellaney.dahl@sudburyradio.rogers.com
Monday’s Last Laugh
Monday, December 5th, 2011
Thanks to Club Q Rockstar Judy for today’s Last Laff…
A couple out for dinner to a Chinese restaurant and order the ‘Chicken Surprise’.
The waiter brings the meal, served in a lidded cast iron pot.
Just as the wife reaches to remove the lid…it rises up slightly all on its own! For just a quick second she sees two beady little eyes looking around…then the lid slams back down.
“OMG did you see that?” she asks her husband. For once, he wasn’t paying attention………..so she tells him to lift the lid off the pot. He reaches for it and once again, all on its own, the lid rises. The husband sees two little eyes looking around before it slams down.
He calls the waiter over and demands an explanation.
“Please sir,” says the waiter, “what you order?”
“Chicken Surprise.”
“Ah! So sorry….I bring you Peeking Duck”
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That’s funny! And you probably have a joke that’s funny too! Send it to us cause we love to laugh…