Rumor had it that there was a very old Jewish man who had

been going to the Wailing Wall in Jerusalem to pray, twice a day, every day, for a long, long time. 

CNN sent out a female reporter to find out.  She went to the Wall, and there he was, walking slowly up to the holy site where he prayed for about 45 minutes and then started back home.

“Pardon me sir, I’m from CNN.  What’s your name?”

“Morris Feinberg” 

“Can you tell us how long you’ve been coming to the Wailing Wall to Pray?”

“60 years”

“Wow that’s a long time!  What do you pray for?”

“Peace.  I pray that Christians Muslims and Jews stop their wars.   That all our children grow into responsible adults and love their fellow man”

“And after 60 years sir, how has it worked?”

“It’s like talking to a freakin’ brick wall…”  

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Ha! Ha! Ha!  OK…so if you have a joke you’d like J. Austin Healey to tell on the air, send it to me and I’ll pass it along.  If he uses it, we’ll give you 300 points! (and maybe a Christmas card) 

mellaney.dahl@sudburyradio.rogers.com

Two women meet at the pearly gates.  “Hi! I’m Wanda.”

“Hi! I’m Sylvia.  So…how’d you die?”

“I froze to death…”

“How horrible!”

“It wasn’t so bad. After I quit shaking from the cold I got all warm & sleepy, and had a peaceful death. What about you?”

“Massive heart attack. I was positive my husband was cheating, so I came home early to catch him.  But I found him all by himself in the den watching TV.

“So, what happened?”

“Well I was so sure there was another woman there somewhere that I started running all over the house looking.  I ran up into the attic…and down into the basement. Through every closet and under every bed.  I was so exhausted I keeled over and died.

“Aw…too bad you didn’t look in the freezer—we’d both still be alive”

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Hey!  If you go to a party this weekend and someone tells a really good joke, send it to us.  If we use it on the air we’ll give you 300 points, and you’d have that really good feeling in your heart!  Send ‘em to me…

mellaney.dahl@sudburyradio.rogers.com

A man and a woman get into a car accident on a snowy, cold day.  It’s a bad one too…both of their cars are write-offs.  Luckily, nobody was hurt. 

So they crawl out of their cars and the guy starts swearing how crappy women drivers are.  The woman stays calm and when the rant is over she says, “look at both our cars and then at us.  Ya think maybe God is sending a message?   We haven’t got a scratch on us, but both cars are totaled.   Maybe God’s saying we should be friends and live in peace while we’re alive…”

“Great, a born again…well you might be right.  Ir might be a message from God…but you’re still at fault!   Women shouldn’t be allowed to drive!!”

“Well here’s another miracle for you” says the woman.

“My car’s demolished, but the bottle of wine I had in the backset didn’t break.  How do you explain that?  Might be another sign that God wants us to celebrate our good fortune with a toast.”  She offers the man the bottle.
He agrees, opens the bottle drinks half of it.  Then he hands it back.  She puts the cork in and gives it back to him.

“Aren’t you going to do the toast to our good fortune?”

“No, on second thought I’ll just wait for the police to decide who’s fault this was…”

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Got a funny joke?  We’d love to laugh at it!  Send them to me and I’ll pass them on to J.

mellaney.dahl@sudburyradio.rogers.com

A man went to see his doctor when he turned 65 and had a barrage of tests done.  The doctor looked at the results and told the man that he was doing ‘pretty good for his age’. 

That didn’t make the guy feel very confident so he asked “do you think I’ll make it to 80?”
“Well…do you smoke tobacco or drink beer wine or hard liquor?

“Never, and I don’t do drugs, either!”

“Do you eat juicy steaks and barbecued ribs?”

“Not much, I heard red meat was unhealthy for you…” 

“Do you spend a lot of time in the sun…playing golf, fishing, sailing or bicycling?”

“Nope” said the man. 

The doctor asked “Do you gamble, drive fast cars, or have lots of sex?”

“No I don’t!” 

“Then why do you even care?”

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Hey!  If you have a funny joke that J. Austin Healey can use on the air, why not send it in?  We’ll give you 300 points for your Rock Star Account!  You can vote on today’s extremely hilarious joke.  Be generous,  J. Austin’s next raise depends on good joke rations…send ‘em to Mell…

mellaney.dahl@sudburyradio.rogers.com

Thanks to Club Q Rockstar Sandy for today’s Last Laff…
 
An old Italian man is dying. He calls his grandson to his bedside. “Guido, I wan you lissina me.  I wan you to take-a my chrome plated .38 revolver so you will always remember me.”
 
“But Grampa, I really don’t like guns.  How about you leave me your Rolex watch instead?”
 
“Lissina me, boy. Somma day you gonna be runna da business, you gonna have a beautiful wife, lotsa money, a big-a home and maybe a couple of bambinos. Somma day you gonna come-a home and maybe finda you wife inna bed with another man…
 
Whatta you gonna do then? Pointa to you watch and say, ‘Hey! Time’s Up’?”
 
As a Club Q Rock Star, you can rate the joke and earn points. Log on to your account to vote now.   Have a funny joke? E-mail us: mellaney.dahl@rci.rogers.com or terry.callaghan@rci.rogers.com

Thanks to Club Q Rockstar Lori for today’s Last Laff…

Paddy and Mick are working at the local sawmill.
One day, Mick slips and his arm gets cut off by the big bench saw. Paddy quickly takes the arm, puts it in a plastic bag, and rushes it and Mick to the hospital.

The next day, Paddy goes to visit Mick and finds him out back exercising his now re-attached arm! And the very next day he’s back at work in the saw mill.

A couple of days later Mick slips and cuts off his leg on the same bench saw! Paddy packs the leg in a plastic bag and rushed it and Mick to the hospital. The next day Paddy goes to visit and finds Mick on a treadmill exercising his nely re-attached leg! And the very next day he’s back at work!!

Son of a dog biscuit…2 days later Mick has another accident… this time cutting his head clean off! Paddy packs Mick’s head in a plastic bag and rushes them both to the hospital. The next morning he goes to see Mick and the nurse tells him that Mick has passed away.

Paddy is shocked but understands. “I guess that bench saw finally got him”

“No” says the nurse… “some idiot put his head in a plastic bag and he suffocated”.

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As a Club Q Rock Star, you can rate the joke and earn points. Log on to your account to vote now.   Have a funny joke? E-mail us: mellaney.dahl@rci.rogers.com terry.callaghan@rci.rogers.com

Thanks to Club Q Rockstar Judy for today’s Last Laff…

A woman went to get her hair done before going on a trip to Rome. She mentioned the trip to her hairdresser…

“Rome ? Why would anyone go there? It’s crowded and dirty… how are you getting there?”

“With Continental, we got a great discounted fare!”

“Continental?” scoffed the hairdresser. “What a terrible airline. The planes are old, customer service sucks and they’re always late. So what are you going to do there?”

“We’re going to go visit the Vatican and try to see the Pope.”

“HA that’s rich. You and a million other people… he’ll be the size of an ant. Good luck…you’re going to need it.”

A month later, the woman came back in to the salon. The hairdresser asked about her trip to Rome.

“It was wonderful! Not only were we on time on one of Continental’s brand new planes…they overbooked so we got bumped up to first class and had great food and wine served by a handsome 28 year old guy.”

“Well that’s all well and good”, muttered the hairdresser. “But I know you didn’t get to see the Pope.”

“Actually we were quite lucky. We were touring the Vatican when a Swiss Guard tapped me on the shoulder and said that the Pope likes to meet some of the visitors. So we went to his private quarters and the Pope was there! I knelt down and he spoke a few words to me”

“Really….what did he say?”

“Who the #*!@& butchered your hair?”

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As a Club Q Rock Star, you can rate the joke and earn points. Log on to your account to vote now.   Have a funny joke? E-mail us: mellaney.dahl@rci.rogers.com terry.callaghan@rci.rogers.com

Thanks to Club Q Rockstar William for today’s Last Laff…

A man calls 9-1-1. “I think my wife is dead”

The 911 operator asks how he knows…

“The sex is the same. But the dishes are really piling up”

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As a Club Q Rock Star, you can rate the joke and earn points. Log on to your account to vote now.   Have a funny joke? E-mail us: mellaney.dahl@rci.rogers.com terry.callaghan@rci.rogers.com

Thanks to Club Q Rockstar Leo for today’s Last Laff…

A woman found out that their dog (a Schnauzer) could hardly hear, so she took it to the veterinarian. The vet found that the problem was hair in the dog’s ears. He cleaned both ears, and the dog could then hear fine. The vet then told the owner if she wanted to keep this from happening again, she should go to the store and get some “Nair” hair remover and rub it in the dog’s ears once a month.

So the woman went to the pharmacy to get the ‘Nair’.
At the register, the pharmacist told her, “If you’re going to use this under your arms, don’t use deodorant for a few days.”

“Not a problem, I’m not using it under my arms…”

“Well” said the pharmacist, “If you’re using it on your legs, don’t use body lotion for a couple of days.”

The woman just wanted to buy the product and go home so she told the Pharmacist “I’m not using it on my legs either. If you must know, I’m using it on my Schnauzer.”

“Oh” said the Pharmacist. “Then stay off your bike for about a week.”

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As a Club Q Rock Star, you can rate the joke and earn points. Log on to your account to vote now.   Have a funny joke? E-mail us: mellaney.dahl@rci.rogers.com terry.callaghan@rci.rogers.com

Thanks to Club Q Rockstar Bill for today’s Last Laff…

Two women went out for a girl’s night. Both were married and faithful, loving wives. They did however fall in love with Bacardi Breezers…

Staggering home and feeling very drunk, they both needed to pee and felt brave enough to walk into the cemetery. There was nothing to wipe with…so the first girl used her panties. The second girl squatted down next to a grave that had a wreath with a ribbon on it, so she used the ribbon.

Giggling they linked arms and weaved homeward…

Next morning one of the husbands called the other. His normally sweet innocent wife was still in bed and hung over. “We’ve gotta put a stop to these girl nights. My wife came home with no panties!!”

“Interesting…” said the other. “Because my wife came home with a card stuck to her ass that said “From all of us at the Fire Station. We’ll never forget you”.

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As a Club Q Rock Star, you can rate the joke and earn points. Log on to your account to vote now.   Have a funny joke? E-mail us: mellaney.dahl@rci.rogers.com terry.callaghan@rci.rogers.com