Thanks to Club Q Rockstar Adam for today’s Last Laff…

A blind guy walks into a bar and taps his way over to an empty stool. Effortlessly he parks himself and waits for the bartender’s voice. “G’day sir, what can I get you?”

The blind guy asks for his favorite beverage, and then asks the bartender if he wants to hear a good blonde joke…

The bartender leans over close to the blind man’s ear. “Before you tell that joke, you should know something. The lady on your right is a 6′ tall blonde black belt. The guy on your left is a 6′ 2, 225 pound blonde rugby player. Beside him is this country’s top female wrestler…also a blonde. The bouncer you passed on the way in is blonde, and the bartender you’re listening to right now is also blonde. So think carefully…are you sure you wanna tell that joke?”

“Nah, not if I’m gonna have to explain it five times.”

———————————————————————————————————————–

As a Club Q Rock Star, you can rate the joke and earn points. Log on to your account to vote now.   Have a funny joke? E-mail us: mellaney.dahl@rci.rogers.com terry.callaghan@rci.rogers.com

Thanks to Club Q Rockstar Jeremy for today’s Last Laff…

A terrible flood hit a small town…and a very religious woman was convinced that God would save her.

So when a rescue boat came she shook her head and said “Thank you, but my God will save me.” The rescue worker moved on. The water rose and she climbed to the second story to wait for God.

A second boat came by. “Hurry we’ve got to get you out of here!” But once again she thanked him and said “My God will save me.”

The waters rose, forcing her to her roof. A third rescue boat arrived. “Lady, I’m the last boat out. If you don’t come now, you’re going to drown.” She just smiled. “My God will save me”.

The waters rose again and she was balanced at the tip of her chimney. Above her came an emergency helicopter. “This is it lady, you have to come now or we won’t be able to save you.” And still she refused to go….waiting for God.

She drowned. When she got to heaven the Lord asked her if she had any questions. She did have one…

“You said if I followed you, you would save me. But the flood came and where were you when I needed you most”
God replied…”I sent three boats and a helicopter. What else did you want?”

———————————————————————————————————————–
As a Club Q Rock Star, you can rate the joke and earn points. Log on to your account to vote now.   Have a funny joke? E-mail us: mellaney.dahl@rci.rogers.com terry.callaghan@rci.rogers.com

Thanks to Club Q Rockstar Lori for today’s Last Laff…

A really dirty shabby homeless man approached a guy in a suit and asked him for a few dollars for dinner.

The business man took $10 out of his wallet. “If I give you this money, are you going to buy beer instead of dinner?”

“No, I had to stop drinking years ago”.

“Will you use it to go fishing instead of buying food?”

“No, I don’t fish…I spend every minute trying to stay alive”.

“Will you spend this on a woman instead of dinner” asked the business man.

“No woman would go near me for 10 bucks, and I’d be afraid of what I’d catch if they did!”

“OK, I’m not going to give you the money. Instead I’m going to bring you home for a terrific home cooked meal that my wife is making.”

The homeless man was shocked. “Won’t your wife be furious?
I know I’m dirty, and I probably smell pretty disgusting.”

“No problem…I just want her to see what a man looks like after he’s given up beer, fishing, and sex.”

———————————————————————————————————————–
As a Club Q Rock Star, you can rate the joke and earn points. Log on to your account to vote now.   Have a funny joke? E-mail us: mellaney.dahl@rci.rogers.com terry.callaghan@rci.rogers.com

Thanks to Club Q Rockstar Carol for today’s Last Laff…

A father put his three year old daughter to bed and after reading her a story he stood by the door while she said her prayers.

“God bless Mommy, and Daddy, and Grandma, and good-bye Grandpa.”

“Why did you say good-bye grandpa?” asked her dad.

“I don’t know daddy, it just came out.”

The next day grandpa died. Strange coincidence? Maybe…

A few months later the father put his girl to bed and listened to her prayers. “God bless Mommy, and Daddy, and good-bye Grandma.”

The next day the grandmother died! The father was convinced his daughter somehow was connected to ‘the other side’.

Another month goes by…father listens to his daughter praying. “God bless Mommy, and good-bye Daddy.”
The father was in shock. He couldn’t sleep and got up at the crack of dawn and went into work. All day he was a nervous wreck…had lunch brought in…kept watching the minutes tick by. He figured if he could make it till midnight he’d be okay.

He didn’t want to risk driving home so he stayed the rest of the day drinking coffee, looking at his watch, and jumping at every sound. Finally midnight arrived. He was relieved and headed home.
“You’ve never worked this late” said his wife.

“I don’t want to talk about it, it was the worst day of my life.”

“You think you had a bad day,” she said. “This morning after you left the hot tub man dropped dead on our porch!!

———————————————————————————————————————–
As a Club Q Rock Star, you can rate the joke and earn points. Log on to your account to vote now.   Have a funny joke? E-mail us: mellaney.dahl@rci.rogers.com terry.callaghan@rci.rogers.com

Thanks to Club Q Rockstar Leo for today’s Last Laff…

A gorgeous blonde came walking through the casino straight to the dice table. She appeared to be drunk, and when she bet $25,000 on one roll of the dice the two male dealers at the table winked at each other, thinking they were about to score a pile of money on a slow night…

“I hope you don’t mind boys,” said the blonde, “but I feel a whole lot luckier when I’m naked”. She proceeded to peel off her dress…which had nothing on underneath!

“Come on baby” she yelled… “mama needs a new pair of shoes” and she threw the dice.

“I WON…I WON” she screamed jumping up…and down…and up…and down…

She hugged each of the dealers and picked up her winnings and her dress and disappeared into the crowd.
The dealers stared at each other with their mouths hanging open. Finally one said to the other… “what did she roll?”

“How would I know, I thought you were watching!”

———————————————————————————————————————–
As a Club Q Rock Star, you can rate the joke and earn points. Log on to your account to vote now.   Have a funny joke? E-mail us: mellaney.dahl@rci.rogers.com terry.callaghan@rci.rogers.com

Thanks to Club Q Rockstar Judy for today’s Last Laff…

The little league game was in the 6th inning when the coach called one of his 9-year-old baseball players aside. “Hey Henri, do you understand what cooperation is….what a team is?”
The little boy nodded that yes he did understand.

“Do you understand that what matters is that we have fun together as a team?” The little boy again nodded yes.

“So,” the coach continued, “I’m sure you know, when an out is
called, you shouldn’t argue, curse, attack the umpire, or call him a pecker-head. Does all of that make sense?” Once again the little boy nodded that he understood.

“And when I take you out of the game so another boy gets a chance to play, it’s not good sportsmanship to call your coach a dumb ass or unic….is it?” The little boy shook his head no.

“Good” said the coach. “Now I need you to do something for me…go explain that to your grandmother!”

———————————————————————————————————————–
As a Club Q Rock Star, you can rate the joke and earn points. Log on to your account to vote now.   Have a funny joke? E-mail us: mellaney.dahl@rci.rogers.com terry.callaghan@rci.rogers.com

Thanks to Club Q Rockstar Judy for today’s Last Laff…

The teacher gave her 3rd grade class an assignment…to get their parents to tell them a story with a moral at the end of it.

The next day, all the kids came back and began to tell their stories. The usual stuff about spilled milk and saved pennies. Finally only Little Johnny was left.

Dreading it, she asked little Johnny if he had a story to share.

“Yes I do. My dad told me a story about my Mom. She was a Marine pilot in Desert Storm, and her plane got hit. She had to bail out over enemy territory, and all she had was a flask of whiskey, a pistol, and a survival knife. So she drank the whiskey on the way down so the bottle wouldn’t break, and then her parachute landed her right in the middle of 20 hostile soldiers. She shot 15 of them with the pistol until she ran out of bullets, killed four more with the knife till the blade broke, and then she killed the last one with her bare hands.”

the teacher was horrified! “’Good Heavens…what did your Dad say was the moral of that story?”

“Don’t screw with Mom when she’s been drinking.”

———————————————————————————————————————–
As a Club Q Rock Star, you can rate the joke and earn points. Log on to your account to vote now.   Have a funny joke? E-mail us: mellaney.dahl@rci.rogers.com terry.callaghan@rci.rogers.com

Thanks to Club Q Rockstar Leo for today’s Last Laff…

A husband and wife had another knock down nasty fight.

The wife called up her mom. “Mom he doesn’t listen and he doesn’t care…I’m coming to live with you”

“No darling, he must pay for his mistakes. So I’ll come and live with you.”

———————————————————————————————————————–
As a Club Q Rock Star, you can rate the joke and earn points. Log on to your account to vote now.   Have a funny joke? E-mail us: mellaney.dahl@rci.rogers.com terry.callaghan@rci.rogers.com

Thanks to Club Q Rockstar George for today’s Last Laff…

The classroom was full of pregnant women with their husbands. The instructor was teaching them how to breathe properly during the final few weeks, and telling the men how to give the necessary assurance to their wives at this stage of the game.

“Ladies, remember that exercise is good for you…especially walking. It strengthens the pelvic muscles and will make your delivery that much easier. Feel free to stop often and stay on a soft surface like grass.”

She looked at the men… “and gentlemen, remember — You’re in this together — It wouldn’t hurt you to go walking with her”.

The room got quiet as all the men absorbed this. Then a hand slowly rose in the back. “Is it OK if she carries a golf bag while we walk?”

———————————————————————————————————————–
As a Club Q Rock Star, you can rate the joke and earn points. Log on to your account to vote now.   Have a funny joke? E-mail us: mellaney.dahl@rci.rogers.com terry.callaghan@rci.rogers.com

Thanks to Club Q Rockstar Mike for today’s Last Laff…

Mike Weir agrees to be on tour for the Newfoundland international. He drives his brand new Ford Fusion into a gas station in a remote town. The pump attendant (who knows nothing about golf) greets him in a typical Newfoundland manner, completely unaware of who this pro is.

“How’s she cuttin’ bye”, says the attendant. Mike Weir nods a quick “hello” and bends forward to open the gas cap. As he does, two golf tees fall out of his shirt pocket.

“Well then, what are dose?” asks the attendant.

“They’re called tees”, says Mike.

“And what on God’s earth are dey for?”

“They’re for resting my balls on when I’m driving”, says Mike.

“Jaysus lord loving Christmas…those guys at Ford tink of everyting, don’t dey! ”

———————————————————————————————————————–
As a Club Q Rock Star, you can rate the joke and earn points. Log on to your account to vote now. Have a funny joke? E-mail us: mellaney.dahl@rci.rogers.com terry.callaghan@rci.rogers.com