Thanks to Club Q Rockstar Leo for today’s Last Laff…

A man staggered into a hospital with a concussion, multiple bruises, two black eyes, and a five iron wrapped tightly around his throat.

Naturally, the Doctor asked…”What happened to YOU?”

“Well” says the fellow, “I was having a quiet round of golf with my wife. We both sliced our golf balls into a field of cattle. So we both went to see if we could find either shot. I happened to notice that one of the cows had something white in its rear end.
I lifted its tail and sure enough, there was a golf ball with my wife’s monogram on it – stuck right in the cow’s ass”.

“The cow did this to you?” asked the doctor.

“No”, said the man. “I was standing there holding the cow’s tail up in the air and I saw my wife and yelled “Hey, this looks like yours!”

———————————————————————————————————————–
As a Club Q Rock Star, you can rate the joke and earn points. Log on to your account to vote now.   Have a funny joke? E-mail us: mellaney.dahl@rci.rogers.com terry.callaghan@rci.rogers.com

Thanks to Club Q Rockstar Mike for today’s Last Laff…

Maria is a devout Catholic: She gets married young and has 17 children. Then her husband dies…and a month later she remarries and has another 15 children with the second husband. Then he dies.

Within a month, Maria is engaged to be married for a third time. Unfortunately she becomes very ill and dies.

At her wake, the priest looks down at Maria in her coffin…then looks up to heaven and says, “At least, they’re finally together.”

A guy standing next to the priest asks, “Excuse me, Father. When you say they’re finally together…do you mean Maria and her first husband, or Maria and her second husband?”

“No I mean her knees.”

———————————————————————————————————————–
As a Club Q Rock Star, you can rate the joke and earn points. Log on to your account to vote now.   Have a funny joke? E-mail us: mellaney.dahl@rci.rogers.com terry.callaghan@rci.rogers.com

Thanks to Club Q Rockstar Leo for today’s Last Laff…

A woman carrying triplets found herself in the wrong place at the wrong time. A masked robber ran out of the bank right into her and in a panic he shot her three times in the belly!

The ER doctor said it was a miracle that all 3 babies were going to be OK, but best to leave the bullets in as the operations would be risky. Three weeks later, she gave birth to two healthy daughters and a healthy son.

Everything was great until 16 years later…when one of her daughters ran into her mom’s room crying. “I was peeing and a bullet came out!” Her mother told her it was okay and explained what had happened 16 years ago.

Two days later, the other daughter came in crying. “Mom,
I was peeing and a bullet came out!” Again the mother told her not to worry and explained what happened 16 years ago.

The next day her son came in crying. “It’s okay,” said his Mom. “I know what happened…you were peeing and a bullet came out.”

“I wish! I was playing with myself and shot the dog.”

———————————————————————————————————————–
As a Club Q Rock Star, you can rate the joke and earn points. Log on to your account to vote now.   Have a funny joke? E-mail us: mellaney.dahl@rci.rogers.com terry.callaghan@rci.rogers.com

Thanks to Club Q Rockstar Jeff for today’s Last Laff…

Two little old ladies bump into each other at the launderette. They haven’t seen each other in a long time so they catch up on bunion stories and grandkids. Then Edna asks Fran how her husband is doing.

“Oh! Ted died last week. He went out to the garden to dig up a cabbage for dinner, had a heart attack and dropped down dead right there in the middle of the vegetable patch!”

“Oh dear! I’m very sorry.” Said Edna. “What did you do?”

“Opened a can of peas instead!”

———————————————————————————————————————–
As a Club Q Rock Star, you can rate the joke and earn points. Log on to your account to vote now.   Have a funny joke? E-mail us: mellaney.dahl@rci.rogers.com terry.callaghan@rci.rogers.com

Thanks to Club Q Rockstar Carol for today’s Last Laff…

A woman from Sudbury was driving through a very remote part of Arizona when her car broke down. An American Indian on horseback came along and offered her a ride to a nearby town.

Wow! What an opportunity to get a feel for history! So she climbed up behind him and off they rode. The ride was fun and uneventful, except that every few minutes the Indian would let out a Ye-e-e-e-h-a-a-a-a’ so loud that it echoed from the surrounding hills.

When they got to the nearest town, he let her off at the service station, gave a final ‘Ye-e-e-e-h-a-a-a-a!’ and rode off.

“What did you do to get that Indian so excited?” asked the service-station attendant.

“Nothing,” said the woman. “I just climbed up behind him on his horse, wrapped my arms around his waist, and held on to the saddle horn so I wouldn’t fall off.”

“Lady, Indians ain’t got saddles.”

———————————————————————————————————————–
As a Club Q Rock Star, you can rate the joke and earn points. Log on to your account to vote now.   Have a funny joke? E-mail us: mellaney.dahl@rci.rogers.com terry.callaghan@rci.rogers.com

Thanks to Club Q Rockstar Sandy for today’s Last Laff…  

A fifty-ish year old woman is jumping up and down on her bed and squealing with delight.   Her husband watches her for a while and asks, “Do you have any idea how ridiculous you look? What’s the matter with you?”

The woman continues to bounce on the bed and says, “I don’t care, I just came from having a mammogram and the doctor says I have the breasts of an 18 year-old”  “Really?  What did she say about your 60 year old ass?” “Nothing…your name didn’t come up” ——————————  

As a Club Q Rock Star, you can rate the joke and earn points. Log on to your account to vote NOW.　　 Have a funny joke? (please!!!) E-mail them now:

mellaney.dahl@rci.rogers.com　

Thanks to Club Q Rockstar Henri for today’s Last Laff…

Bill Gates dies in a car accident and wakes up being sized up by God himself….

“Bill, I’m really confused on this call. Do I send you to Heaven or Hell? You helped society enormously by putting a computer in almost every home in America, yet you also created Windows. I’m going to do something I’ve never done before. You can decide where you want to go. I’ll give you a quick peek at both”

Bill says, “Hmmm…I think I’d like to see Hell first”.

So Bill Gates goes to Hell. It’s beautiful! Clean sandy beach with clear water and bright sunshine, and bikini clad women playing volleyball and laughing. “This is great!” he tells God. “If this is Hell, I can’t wait to see Heaven!”

Heaven is high in the clouds, with angels playing harps and singing. Very nice… “I’ve made my decision God” says Bill. “Hell is the place for me.”

Two weeks later, God checks in on the billionaire. Bill is shackled to a wall being burned and tortured by demons.

“How’s everything going?” asks God.

“This is awful! It’s nothing like the Hell I visited two weeks ago!

“Oh that? That was the SCREENSAVER.”

Any idea how much it costs someone who’s been caught drinking and drivining?  We didn’t either and when we found out, we were astounded!  This is a real financial reality check…and another reason not to get behind the wheel if you’ve been drinking.

Thanks to Club Q Rockstar Leo for today’s Last Laff…

He left home around 8:30 to play golf. On the way out his wife asked “What time will you be home?” and he answered “probably around 1:30…I’ll have lunch at the club.”

1:30 came…then 3 o’clock…6:15…finally he rolled in at 7pm with a pizza and an apology.

“We finished our game about 11:30, had lunch, and I started home. Along the way I passed a girl with a flat tire so I stopped to help, got the tire changed, and needed to wash my hands.

She wanted to pay me of course but I wouldn’t accept so she asked me to at least let her buy me a beer at the tavern up the road where I could get cleaned up.

We had a beer…and got talking…had another and another and I realized how pretty the girl was and how friendly we’d become. So before I knew it we were in the hotel next door having sex. I’m so sorry honey”

“What a load of crap that was” said his wife. “You played 36 holes…didn’t ya!”

———————————————————————————————————————–
As a Club Q Rock Star, you can rate the joke and earn points. Log on to your account to vote now.   Have a funny joke? E-mail us: mellaney.dahl@rci.rogers.com terry.callaghan@rci.rogers.com

Thanks to Club Q Rockstar Leo for today’s Last Laff…

An old nun lived in a convent where next door there was construction going on. She could hear the coarse language coming from the workers, so she decided she would spend some time and correct their views of the world.

She put her sandwich in a brown paper bag and went outside where the men were eating. “Do you men know Jesus Christ?” she asked politely.

Everybody shook their heads. One of the workers yelled to the guys still up in the steelworks “Anybody up there know Jesus Christ?”

One of the steelworkers yelled down, “No, why?”

“Cause his old lady’s down here with his lunch”

———————————————————————————————————————–
As a Club Q Rock Star, you can rate the joke and earn points. Log on to your account to vote now.   Have a funny joke? E-mail us: mellaney.dahl@rci.rogers.com terry.callaghan@rci.rogers.com