Thanks to Club Q Rockstar Freida for today’s Last Laff…

Little Samantha was 2 years old…and she spent the days with her grandparents while her parents were at work. One day while grandma was out, Samantha pulled out her little toy tea set and brought her Grandpa a little cup of tea (which was just water).

Her Grandpa played along and praised her for such a lovely tea…drinking little cup after little cup that she brought to him.

Finally Grandma came home. She was told to wait while Samantha brought another little cup of tea and watched him drink it up and swoon over his granddaughter like the proud Grandpa he was.

As Samantha went toddling down the hall to get another cup of tea, Grandma smiled. “Hey genius…did it ever occur to you that the only place she can reach water at her height….is the toilet?”

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Thanks to Club Q Rockstar Mike for today’s Last Laff…

Bill and his wife went to the town fair every year. And every year Bill would say “Blanche I’d like to ride in that helicopter”.

“I know Bill but that ride costs fifty bucks…and fifty bucks is fifty bucks”.

So Bill kept asking every year…and when he turned 75 he said, “Blanche if I don’t take a ride in that helicopter I may never get another chance”.

“I know Bill but that ride is fifty bucks…and fifty bucks is fifty bucks”.

Luckily the helicopter pilot overheard them. “Folks I’ll make you a deal. I’ll take both of you for a ride if you can stay absolutely silent for the whole ride…it’ll be free. But if you make even one sound, it’s fifty bucks each.

They agreed and took off. The pilot tried all kinds of loops and tricks but not a sound was heard. When they landed the pilot turned to Bill and said “I tried everything to get you to say something but congratulations…you did it”

Bill said, “well to tell you the honest truth, I almost said something when Blanche fell out but…fifty bucks is fifty bucks.

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Thanks to Club Q Rockstar Clifford for today’s Last Laff…

Curtis & Leroy saw an ad for a mule and paid the farmer $100 cash if he’d deliver it to their place the next day. The next morning the farmer drove up and said “Sorry fellows…bad news. The mule died last night.”

“Well then just give us our money back.”

“Can’t do that” said the farmer. “I went and spent it already.”

“OK then, just bring us the dead mule.”

“What in the world ya’ll gonna do with a dead mule?”

Curtis said, “We gonna raffle him off.”

The farmer thought that sounded strange but it got him off the hook. Two weeks later he met up with Curtis & Leroy in the hardware store. “What’d you fellers ever do with that dead mule?”

“We raffled him off like we said we wuz gonna do. Sold 500 tickets fer two dollars apiece and made a profit of $898.”

The farmer couldn’t believe it. “You mean nobody complained?”
Leroy said, “Well, the feller who won got upset. So we gave him his two dollars back.”

Curtis and Leroy now work for the government.

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Thanks to Club Q Rockstar Joanne for today’s Last Laff…

A couple’s having dinner in a restaurant. They’re gazing lovingly into each others’ eyes and holding hands romantically. Their server is a few tables away taking another order when she can’t help but notice the guy sliding all the way down his chair and out of sight. The woman across from him doesn’t seem to notice!

“Excuse me,” says the server coming back over to their table.” “I think your husband just slid under the table.”
“No he didn’t,” said the woman very calmly. “He just walked in the door.”

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Thanks to Club Q Rockstar Judy for today’s Last Laff…

A 5-year-old boy goes to visit his grandmother one day. He’s sitting on the floor of her bedroom playing with his toys while she’s going around the room dusting.

“Grandma”, he asks. “How come you don’t have a boyfriend now that Grandpa’s in heaven?”

Grandma says, “Honey, my TV is my boyfriend. I can sit in my bedroom and watch it all day long. The religious programs make me feel good and the comedies make me laugh.” She turned on the TV, and the reception was terrible. She started adjusting the knobs and moving the rabbit ears around trying to get the picture in focus. Frustrated, she started hitting the backside of the TV hoping somehow that would fix things…

Just then the doorbell rang. The little boy jumped up and ran to the door. There stood Grandma’s minister.

“Hello son, is your Grandma home?”

“Yeah, she’s in the bedroom bangin’ her boyfriend.”

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Thanks to Club Q Rockstar Kathy for today’s Last Laff…

Three men were standing side-by-side at the urinal trough.

The first man finishes, zips up and starts washing his hands, then his arms clear up to his elbows! He grabs about 20 paper towels and scrubs hard. He sees the other two watching him.

“I graduated from Laurentien University and they taught us to be clean”.

The second man finishes, zips up and quickly wet the tips of his fingers, grabs one paper towel dabs himself dry. “I graduated from Nipissing University, and they taught us to be environmentally conscious.”

The third man finishes, zips up, and heads straight for the door. “I graduated from college. They taught us not to piss on our hands.”

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Thanks to Club Q Rockstar Mike Leclair for today’s Last Laff…

An American tourist visits the east coast of Canada. When he gets to Newfoundland, he asks a local “Why do scuba divers always fall backwards off their boats?”

The Newfoundlander looks at the tourist like he has 3 heads.

“Lord tunderin’ Jesus, you must be stunned as me arse. If they fell forwards, they’d still be in the boat wouldn’t they!”

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Thanks to Club Q Rockstar Johnny for today’s Last Laff…

A Nun and a Priest were crossing the Sahara desert on a camel. Suddenly the camel drops dead! ‘Well Sister this looks pretty grim,’ said the Priest.

‘I know, Father. I don’t think we can survive more than a day or two out here.’

‘Sister, since we’re unlikely to make it out of here alive, would you do something for me? I’ve never actually seen a woman’s bosom before, and I was wondering if I might see yours.’

‘Well under the circumstances I don’t see that it would do any harm Father.’ So the Nun opened her habit and the Priest enjoyed the sight of her shapely breasts.

‘Father, could I ask something of you? I’ve never seen a man’s thigh serpent. Could I see yours?’

‘I suppose that would be OK,’ said the Priest lifting his robe.

‘Sister, did you know that if I insert my serpent in the right place, it can give life.’

‘Oh Father, that’s wonderful… stick it in the camel and let’s get the hell out of here!’

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Thanks to Club Q Rockstar Judy for today’s Last Laff…

A man walks into a bar, and a woman recognizes him. He’s a professional Rugby player! They start to talk and eventually go back to his place.

When the man takes off his shirt, she sees his arm tattoo that says REEBOK.

“What’s that for?”

“It’s so when I’m on TV, people see my tattoo and Reebok pays me.”

Then he takes off his pants…and on his leg he has a tattoo that says NIKE.

“What’s that?” she asks.

“Same as the Reebok tattoo, NIKE pays me when they see their tattoo on TV.”

Last comes the underwear. On his Johnny dingler she sees his tattoo……that says AIDS.

“Don’t tell me you have AIDS!”

“No…relax. Give me 30 seconds, and it’ll say Adidas”

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Thanks to Club Q Rockstar Mark for today’s Last Laff…

A Sudbury man is at a bar in New York when his cell phone rings. After the call he’s grinning from ear to ear and orders a round for the entire bar! “My wife just had a typical Sudbury Ontario baby boy weighing in at 25 pounds.”

Nobody can believe that a new baby can weigh 25 pounds.

“Well folks” says the Sudburian, “that’s about the average where I come from”.

Everyone was slapping him on the back congratulating him…one woman actually fainted from sympathy pains.

Two weeks later the Sudbury man returns to the same bar. The bartender says “Say, you’re the father of that 25 pound baby, aren’t you? Everybody’s been makin’ bets about how big he’d get after two weeks. So how much does he weigh now?”

“Seventeen pounds.”

“Seventeen? But he was 25 pounds when he was born! What happened?”

“Got him circumcised”.

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As a Club Q Rock Star, you can rate the joke and earn points. Log on to your account to vote now.   Have a funny joke? E-mail us: mellaney.dahl@rci.rogers.com terry.callaghan@rci.rogers.com