Archive for March, 2011

Tuesday’s Last Laff

Tuesday, March 15th, 2011

Thanks to Club Q Rockstar Leo for today’s Last Laff…
 
A man goes to a shrink and lies down on the couch.  “Doc, ever since I was a kid I’ve been afraid that there’s someone under my bed.  I think I’m going crazy!”
 
The doctor says “if you commit to seeing me three times a week for a year, I will help you overcome this fear”
 
“How much do you charge?”
 
“Eighty dollars a visit,” said the Doctor.
 
“OK let me sleep on it”.
 
Six months go by.  The shrink meets the man shopping and asks “Why didn’t you come and see me about those fears you were having?”
 
“Because a bartender cured me for $10′.”
 
“Is that so!’ sneered the doctor.  “And how did a bartender with no psychology experience manage to do that?”
 
“He told me to cut the legs off the bed!  Ain’t nobody under there now!”
 
If you have a joke, and it’s funny, send it to us and we will forward them to J. Austin Healey for the Last Laff!  Make sure you listen just before 9 to see if Austin uses your joke and makes fun of you, all at once!
 
mellaney.dahl@rci.rogers.com

terry.callaghan@rci.rogers.com

Monday’s Last Laff

Monday, March 14th, 2011

Thanks to Club Q Rockstar George for today’s Last Laff…
 
A little boy was kneeling beside his bed with his mother and grandmother…softly saying his prayers.   ”Dear God, please bless Mummy and Daddy and Grandma all the family… and please give me a good night’s sleep.”
 
Suddenly he shouted, “And don’t forget to give me a bicycle for my birthday!!”
 
Is mom was embarrassed.  “There’s no need to shout like that, God isn’t deaf.”
 
“No, but Grandma is.”
 
If you have a joke, and it’s funny, send it to us and we will forward them to J. Austin Healey for the Last Laff!  Make sure you listen just before 9 to see if Austin uses your joke and makes fun of you, all at once!
 
mellaney.dahl@rci.rogers.com

terry.callaghan@rci.rogers.com

Wedensday Last Laff

Wednesday, March 9th, 2011

Thanks to Club Q Rockstar Leo for today’s Last Laff…
 
Once upon a time long, a long time ago….the end of the regular hockey season came, and neither the Leafs nor the Canadiens made the post season.
 
It was very unusual, so the 2 teams decided they should have some sort of competition to celebrate their long rivalry.  They decided to hold an ice fishing competition…and whoever caught the most fish would win.
 
At the end of the first day, the Canadiens had caught 100 fish.  The Leafs had none.  At the end of the 2nd day, the Canadiens had caught 200 fish…and the Leafs had caught none.
 
That evening the Leafs coach said, “I bet those Canadiens are cheating somehow…” so the next morning sent one of his players over as a spy dressed in Canadien colors.
 
When he got back he went to se the coach.
 
“Well, are they cheating?”
 
“They sure are” said the spy player.  “They’re cutting holes in the ice”.
 
If you have a joke, and it’s funny, send it to us and we will forward them to J. Austin Healey for the Last Laff! 
 
mellaney.dahl@sudburyradion.rogers.com

terry.callaghan@sudburyradio.rogers.com

Tuesday’s Last Laugh

Tuesday, March 8th, 2011

Thanks to Club Q Rockstar Leo for today’s Last Laff…

A little boy comes downstairs for breakfast. Since they live on a farm the boy has chores to do and when his mother asks him if he’s done them he says “not yet”.

“There’s no breakfast for you until the chores are done!” says his Mom.

So he goes out…but he’s not a happy little boy. When he feeds the chickens, he kicks on of them. When he feeds the cows, he kicks one of them. When he feeds the pigs, he kicks one of them. That takes care of all his morning chores so he skips back inside for breakfast, much happier.

His mother gives him a bowl of dry cereal.

“Is this all I get?” whines the little boy.

“Yes” his mother says. “I saw you kick a chicken, so you don’t get any eggs for a week. I saw you kick a pig, so you don’t get any bacon for a week. And I saw you kick a cow, so no milk for a week either.”

Just then, the boy’s father comes down for breakfast…and kicks the cat half way across the kitchen.
The little boy looks at his mom. “You wanna tell him or should I?”

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Have a funny joke? E-mail us: mellaney.dahl@rci.rogers.com terry.callaghan@rci.rogers.com

Monday’s Last Laugh

Monday, March 7th, 2011

Thanks to Club Q Rockstar Hindy for today’s Last Laff…

Father O’Malley rose from his bed one morning and looked out his window at the beautiful day. That’s when he noticed that there was a donkey lying dead in the middle of his front lawn. Not knowing who else to call, he rang the local police station.

”Good morning. This is Sergeant Jones. How might I help you?”

“And the best of the day ter yer good self. This is Father O’Malley at St. Francis Xavier Catholic Church. Listen…there’s a donkey lying dead right in der middle of me front lawn ”

Sergeant Jones raised an eyebrow. What was HE going to do about it? “Well now Father,” he smirked, “it was always my impression that you people took care of the last rites!”

“To be sure, that’s true” said Father O’Malley. “I’m just notifying next of kin”

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Have a funny joke? E-mail us: mellaney.dahl@rci.rogers.com terry.callaghan@rci.rogers.com

Friday’s Last Laugh

Friday, March 4th, 2011

Thanks to Club Q Rockstar Sandy for today’s Last Laff…

A guy walks into a bar in Kentucky and orders a white wine.
White wine!!! All the hillbillies sitting around the bar look up to see what pitiful excuse for a man had asked for that.
The bartender says, “You ain’t from around here, is ya?”

“No, I’m from Canada .”
“What do you’all do in Canada ? ”

“I’m a taxidermist.”

The bartender says, “A taxi-dermist? What in tarnation is that? You mean you drive a taxi?”

“No, a taxidermist doesn’t drive a taxi. I mount animals.”

“The bartender hollers, “It’s okay boys. He’s wunna us.”

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Have a funny joke? E-mail us: mellaney.dahl@rci.rogers.com terry.callaghan@rci.rogers.com

Thursday’s Last Laff…

Thursday, March 3rd, 2011

Thanks to Club Q Rockstar Carol for today’s Last Laff… Jack and Bob go on a guys skiing trip up north, but a sudden blizzard keeps them from getting to the cabin.  So they find a farmhouse and ask the rather attractive woman if they could spend the night.
“I’m the only one in this big house with my husband gone and I worry what the neighbors will say”

“Don’t worry,” says Jack.  “We’d be happy to sleep in the barn. And if the weather breaks, we’ll be gone at first light.’ The lady agreed, and they settled in.  Next morning was clear and they
Nine months later, Jack got an unexpected letter from an attorney. He dropped in on his friend Bob.  “Remember that ski trip when we stayed at that good-looking widow’s farm?  By any chance…did you leave the barn while I was sleeping and pay her a visit? 
Bob was a little embarrassed… “Yeah I admit it”

“…and did you happen to give her my name instead of yours?”
 Bob went beet red.  “Yeah I did that too…I’m really sorry Jack.  But why are you asking?” “Well…I just got a letter from her attorney.  She died and left me everything.”
————-

If you have a joke, and it’s funny, send it to us and we will forward them to J. Austin Healey for the Last Laff!  Make sure you listen just before 9 to see if Austin uses your joke and makes fun of you, all at once!

mellaney.dahl@sudburyradion.rogers.com

terry.callaghan@sudburyradio.rogers.com

Tuesday’s Last Laugh

Tuesday, March 1st, 2011

Thanks to Club Q Rockstar James for today’s Last Laff…

It’s the Gold Medal match for wrestling at The Olympics! Oleksander from Kiev, The Ukraine vs. Riley from Newfoundland Canada!

Before the final match, the Newfie wrestler’s trainer reminded Riley about all the research they had done on this Oleksander wrestler. “He’s never lost a match, because of this pretzel hold he has. So whatever you do, don’t let him get you in that hold!! If he does, you’re finished!!”

The match started, and the two wrestlers circled each other several times, looking for an opening. All of a sudden, Oleksander lunged forward…grabbed Riley…and wrapped him in the dreaded pretzel hold. The crowd of Canadian supporters all moaned, and the trainer buried his face in his hands. They all knew that all was lost.

Suddenly there was a scream, then a roar from the crowd! The trainer looked up just in time to watch the Ukrainian go flying up in the air. His back hit the mat with a thud and the Newfie collapsed on top of him, winning the Gold Medal for Canada!!!

The trainer couldn’t believe it. When he finally got Riley alone he shook his head. “How the hell did you ever get out of that pretzel hold?? No one’s ever done it before!!….”

“Well,” said Riley…I was ready to give up when he got me in that hold but I opened my eyes and saw this pair of testicles hanging right in front of my face. I figured I had nothing to lose, so with my last ounce of strength I stretched out my neck and bit those babies as hard as I could!!”

The trainer exclaimed “So, THAT’S what finished him off !!….”

“Not exactly” said Riley. “But you’d be amazed how strong you get, when you bite your own nuts!!”

————————————————————————————————————————— As a Club Q Rock Star, you can rate the joke and earn points. Log on to your account to vote now.  

Have a funny joke? E-mail us: mellaney.dahl@rci.rogers.com terry.callaghan@rci.rogers.com