Thanks to Club Q Rockstar Sandy for today’s Last Laff…

Maude and Claude met at the seniors dance and over time they discovered that being 91 didn’t mean you had to be alone. They enjoyed having each other’s company.

After several weeks of meeting for coffee, Claude asked Maude out for dinner and she accepted! They had a lovely evening, and ended up at his place for a nightcap.

Age wasn’t an issue and nature followed its course. Maude joined Claude for a most enjoyable roll in the hay. As they were basking in the glow afterwards they both were lost in their own thoughts…..

Claude was thinking: ‘If I’d known she was a virgin, I’d have been gentler.’

Maude was thinking: ‘If I’d known he could still do it, I’d have taken off my pantyhose.

————————————————————————————————————————— As a Club Q Rock Star, you can rate the joke and earn points. Log on to your account to vote now.   Have a funny joke? E-mail us: mellaney.dahl@rci.rogers.com terry.callaghan@rci.rogers.com

Thanks to Club Q Rockstar Kathy for today’s Last Laff…

A man and his wife have lived in Ontario for many years, but when he retires they move back home to Newfoundland. The wife has a wooden leg and to insure it they have been paying $2000 a year.

Back in Newfoundland, they went to an insurance agent to see how much it would cost to insure. The agent looked it up and said “$39.00.”

The husband was thrilled! “How come it cost us $2000 in Ontario and it’s only $39 here?”

The agent turned his computer screen to face the couple. They read his search results… *Any wooden structure, with a sprinkler system over it, is $39.00.

————————————————————————————————————————— As a Club Q Rock Star, you can rate the joke and earn points. Log on to your account to vote now.   Have a funny joke? E-mail us: mellaney.dahl@rci.rogers.com terry.callaghan@rci.rogers.com

Thanks to Club Q Rockstar Lori for today’s Last Laff…

A trucker is traveling along Hwy 17 from Wahnapitae towards Sudbury. He stops at a red light in Coniston and a blonde in the car behind him jumps out of her car and waves at him. He lowers his window and she calls up “Hi my name’s Heather, and you’re losing some of your load!”

The trucker raises the window and keeps going until he comes to a red light at Moonlight Beach Road. The blonde once again jumps out of her car behind him and waves frantically. He lowers his window. As if they’ve never spoken, the blonde says brightly, “Hi my name’s Heather, and you’re losing some of your load!”

Shaking his head, the trucker ignores her and continues. He gets to Falconbridge Road and there’s another red light so he stops. The same thing happens again. All out of breath, the blonde gets out of her car… runs up and gets his attention. “Hi my name’s Heather, and you’re losing some of your load!”

Just then the light turns green. The trucker revs up and races to the next light. He jumps out of his truck, runs back to the blonde who’s just pulling up, and waves his arms like a crazy man. She lowers her window.
“Hi my name’s Kevin, and I’m driving a SAND TRUCK……….”

————————————————————————————————————————— As a Club Q Rock Star, you can rate the joke and earn points. Log on to your account to vote now.   Have a funny joke? E-mail us: mellaney.dahl@rci.rogers.com terry.callaghan@rci.rogers.com

Thanks to Club Q Rockstar Leo for today’s Last Laff…

After living in the remote wilderness of Levack, an old fella decided it was time to visit Sudbury. He went into a store and saw his very first mirror. He saw the image looking back at him. It looked just like his Dad did.

So he bpught the mirror thinking it was a picture of his Father, and took it home. But then he remembered that his wife never liked his Father, so he hung it up in the shed. Every morning when he went fishing, he would go and look at it.

His wife began to get suspicious of these many trips to the shed.
So one day after her husband left, she went to the shed and found the mirror….and looked into the glass.

‘So that’s the ugly bitch he’s runnin’ around with, is it!’

————————————————————————————————————————— As a Club Q Rock Star, you can rate the joke and earn points. Log on to your account to vote now.   Have a funny joke? E-mail us: mellaney.dahl@rci.rogers.com terry.callaghan@rci.rogers.com

Toward the end of Sunday service, the Minister asked, ‘How many of you have forgiven your enemies today?’

80% of the congregation held up their hands.  Not good enough…so the Minister repeated his question.  The second time, everyone held up their hands…except for one little old lady.

“Miss Joyce, are you not willing to forgive your enemies?’

“I don’t have any.” She said, smiling sweetly.

“That’s very unusual Miss Joyce, you should be very proud!  How old are you?”

‘Ninety-eight.’

‘Miss Joyce, would you please come down in front & tell everyone how a person can live ninety-eight years & not have an enemy in the world? 

 ’The little old lady tottered down the aisle, faced the congregation, and said… “I outlived the bitches.” 

———–

Club Q Rock Stars, you can vote on the joke for 100 points!  And if you have a joke (and its funny, or not) send it to us and we’ll give you 300 points if we use it on the air!

mellaney.dahl@sudburyradio.rogers.com

terry.callghan@sudburyradio.rogers.com

Thanks to Club Q Rockstar Kathy for today’s Last Laff…

A man owned a small farm…and one day he got a letter from Revenue Canada claiming he wasn’t paying proper wages to his staff and someone would be by to discuss.
Two days later, he gets the visit. “I need a list of your employees and how much you pay them,” demanded the rep.

“Well,” said the farmer, “there’s my farm hand who’s been with me for 3 years. I pay him $500 a week plus free room and board. He also gets triple time for working on a Sunday
and a case of beer for a Happy Hour every Friday. The cook’s been here for 18 months, and I pay her $400 a week plus free room and board. She doesn’t work on Sundays and I provide paid satellite television for free in her room. Then there’s the half-wit. He works about 18 hours a day seven days a week and does about 90% of all the work around here. He gets about $20 per week, pays his own room and board, and I buy him a bottle of whiskey every Saturday night. He also sleeps with my wife occasionally.”

The agent says “That’s the guy I want to talk to. The half-wit”.

“That would be me,” said the farmer.

————————————————————————————————————————— As a Club Q Rock Star, you can rate the joke and earn points. Log on to your account to vote now.   Have a funny joke? E-mail us: mellaney.dahl@rci.rogers.com terry.callaghan@rci.rogers.com

Thanks to Club Q Rockstar Brian for today’s Last Laff…

Two guys are out hunting, and they come across a huge hole in the ground. They can’t believe how big it is! “Wow, that’s some hole” says the first hunter. “I can’t even see the bottom. I wonder how deep it is.”

The second hunter leans over and says “why don’t we throw something down there and see how long it takes to hit the bottom”

So they look around and find an old truck transmission dumped years ago and with a lot of grunting they drag it to the side of the hole and throw it in.

They stand totally still at the side of the huge hole listening… Suddenly there’s a rustling in the bushes behind them. They turn to see a goat come crashing through the brush, run up to the hole and without stopping jump headfirst into the hole!

The two hunters stare at each other with their jaws hanging open. “What the hell was that?”

An old farmer appears out of nowhere. “Say there,” he says, “you fellers didn’t happen to see my goat around here, did you?”

“Funny you should ask,” says the first hunter. “About a minute ago a goat came running out of the bushes there doin’ about a hunert miles an hour and jumped headfirst into this hole here!”

“That’s impossible,” says the farmer. “I had him chained to a transmission!”

————————————————————————————————————————— As a Club Q Rock Star, you can rate the joke and earn points. Log on to your account to vote now.   Have a funny joke? E-mail us: mellaney.dahl@rci.rogers.com terry.callaghan@rci.rogers.com

Thanks to Club Q Rockstar Stan for today’s Last Laff…
 
An 80 year old couple was having problems remembering things, so they decided to go to their doctor.  After their checkups, the doctor told them that they were physically okay but might want to start writing things down and make notes to help them remember things. The couple thanked the doctor and left.
 
Later that night while watching TV, the old man got up from his chair.  “Where are you going?” asked his wife.
 
“To the kitchen.”
 
“Will you get me a bowl of ice cream?”
 
“Sure.”
 
“Don’t you think you should write it down so you remember?  I also want some strawberries on top. You had better write that down cause I know you’ll forget that.”
 
“I can remember that, you want a bowl of ice cream with strawberries.”
 
“Ohhhh…and whip cream too.  I know you’ll forget that so you better write it down.”
 
“I don’t need to write that down, I can remember.”
 
He stomps off to the kitchen.  20 minutes later he comes back and hands her a plate of bacon and eggs.  She stares at the plate for a minute and then says, “See…you forgot my toast.”
 
If you have a joke, and it’s funny, send it to us and we will forward them to J. Austin Healey for the Last Laff!
 
mellaney.dahl@rci.rogers.com

terry.callaghan@rci.rogers.com

Thanks to Club Q Rockstar Judy for today’s Last Laff…
 
An elderly Italian man went to the local church for confession.
 
When the priest slid open the panel in the confessional, the man said: “Father … During World War II, a beautiful Jewish woman from our neighborhood knocked urgently on my door and asked me to hide her from the Nazis. So I hid her in my attic.”
 
The priest said “That was a wonderful thing you did.  You have no need to confess that”
 
“There’s more to tell, Father.  She started to repay me with sexual favors….several times a week…sometimes twice on Sunday.”
 
The priest said, “That was a long time ago.  You placed yourself in considerable danger and under the circumstances it was easy to succumb to the weaknesses of the flesh.  If you are truly sorry for your actions, you are forgiven indeed my son.”
 
“Thank you, Father.  That’s a great load off my mind.  Do you think I should tell her the war is over now then?”
 
If you have a joke, and it’s funny, send it to us and we will forward them to J. Austin Healey for the Last Laff!
 
mellaney.dahl@rci.rogers.com

terry.callaghan@rci.rogers.com

Thanks to Club Q Rockstar Dan for today’s Last Laff…
 
A woman turns 50 and on her big day she decides to treat herself to a face-lift…for $15,000.  On her way home, she stops at a drug store and asks the clerk “how old do you think I am?”
 
“About 32?”
 
“Nope…I’m 50,” says the very happy woman.
 
A little while later she goes into McDonald’s and asks the girl at the counter the same question.
 
“I’d guess about 28?”
 
“Nope, I’m 50!”
 
Now she’s feeling really good about herself.  Standing at the bus stop, she asks an old man the same question.
 
“You know dear, I’m 83 years old.  My eyesight’s shot.  But when I was younger I could tell any woman EXACTLY how old they were.  All I needed to do was put my hands under their bra”
 
They wait in silence, nobody’s around.  Finally she can’t stand it anymore.  “Oh what the hell, go ahead and tell me how old I am”
 
So he puts his hands under her blouse and bounces and weighs each breast.  He pushes them together and rubs them against each other.  Finally she says “Alright already.  How old am I?’”
 
“Madam, you are 50.”
 
The woman is stunned!   The facelift hadn’t fooled the old geezer.  “How could you tell I was 50?”
 
“I was behind you at McDonalds”.
 
If you have a joke, and it’s funny, send it to us and we will forward them to J. Austin Healey for the Last Laff!  Make sure you listen just before 9 to see if Austin uses your joke and makes fun of you, all at once!
 
mellaney.dahl@rci.rogers.com

terry.callaghan@rci.rogers.com