Archive for January, 2011
Monday’s Last Laff
Monday, January 31st, 2011
Thanks to Club Q Rockstar Judy for today’s Last Laff…
A lawyer was heading home in his stretch limousine when he saw two men along the side of the road…eating grass. He ordered his driver to stop and got out to investigate.
“Why are you eating grass?” asked the lawyer.
“We don’t have any money for food,” the poor man replied. “We have to eat grass.”
“Well then, you can come to my house and I’ll feed you,” the lawyer said.
“But sir, I have a wife and two children. That’s them over there under that tree.”
“Bring them along,” said the lawyer. “And you can come too” he said to the other poor man.
“But sir, I also have a wife and FOUR children with me!”
“Bring them all as well,” the lawyer answered.
The 10 passengers and the lawyer all got into the limo. As they drove, the first poor guy says “Sir, you are too kind. thank you for taking all of us with you.
“Glad to do it. You’re gonna love my place…the grass is almost a foot high”
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mellaney.dahl@rci.rogers.com
Friday’s Last Laff
Friday, January 28th, 2011
Thanks to Club Q Rockstar Richard for today’s Last Laff…
A couple goes to a special “Marriage Weekend” resort to strengthen their relationship. The instructor declares to the group “It is essential that husbands and wives know the things that are important to each other. Let’s try something… Men. Can you describe your wife’s favorite flower?”
Confidently the husband stands up, puts his hand softly on his wife’s shoulder, and says ‘Robin Hood-All-Purpose’
He’s now taking celibacy classes!
As a Club Q Rock Star, you can rate the joke and earn points. Log on to your account to vote now. Have a funny joke? E-mail us:
mellaney.dahl@rci.rogers.com
Thursday’s Last Laff
Thursday, January 27th, 2011
Thanks to Club Q Rockstar Judy for today’s Last Laff…
Two rather young boys walk into a pharmacy, pick up a box of tampons, and line up at the cash register. The pharmacist notices this and walks over to the older of the two boys. “Son, how old are you?”
“I’m eight”.
“I’m curious” says the pharmacist. “Do you know what these are used for?”
The boy says, “kind of, but they aren’t for me. They’re for my little brother here…he’s four. We saw on TV that if you use these you’d be able to swim and ride a bike. And right now, he can’t do either.”
As a Club Q Rock Star, you can rate the joke and earn points. Log on to your account to vote now. Have a funny joke? E-mail us:
mellaney.dahl@rci.rogers.com
Zack Werner And EVO
Thursday, January 27th, 2011
The world’s greatest high school band, Evolutionary, is getting a financial boost tomorrow night at Cousin Vinny’s when Canadian Idol judge Zack Werner and his band Mystic Kick rock the house.
Check out what Zack had to say about Evolutionary, Mr. McIntosh and his show tomorrow night here!
Wednesday’s Last Laff
Wednesday, January 26th, 2011
Thanks to Club Q Rockstar Jose for today’s Last Laff…
Doctor Oz is speaking at a luncheon with thousands of people in the audience. There are people there from 1 to 100 years old. Here’s what he said…
“The material we put into our stomachs should have killed most of us sitting here, years ago. Red meat is full of steroids and dye. Soft drinks corrode your stomach lining.
Chinese food… loaded with MSG. High transfat diets can be disastrous and none of us realizes the long-term harm caused by the germs in our drinking water. But, there is one thing that is the most dangerous of all to ingest. Can anyone here tell me what food it is that causes the most grief and suffering for years after eating it?”
The room is silent. Dr Oz asks again. “What do you think folks… what is the thing we could eat that will cause a lifetime of pain and suffering?”
An 80-year old man in the front row stands up. “Is it wedding cake?”
As a Club Q Rock Star, you can rate the joke and earn points. Log on to your account to vote now. Have a funny joke? E-mail us:
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Tuesday’s Last Laff
Tuesday, January 25th, 2011
Thanks to Club Q Rockstar Leo for today’s Last Laff…
Poor Stanley died in a fire and his body was burned pretty badly.
The morgue needed someone to identify the body, so they sent for his two best deer hunting friends, Cooter and Gomer. The three of them had always hunted and fished together since they were little kids.
Cooter arrived first, and when the mortician pulled back the sheet Cooter said, ‘Yup, his face is burned up pretty bad. You better roll him over.’
The mortician rolled Stanley’s body over and Cooter said, ‘Nope, that ain’t Stanley ‘
Just them Gomer arrived so the mortician brought Cooter out and Gomer in. He repeated the process, pulling back the sheet. Gomer looked and said, ‘Yup, he’s pretty well burnt up. Roll him over…’
The mortician rolled the body over and Gomer said, ‘No, it ain’t Stanley’
‘OK I’m confused. How can you tell this isn’t your friend?’
‘Easy…Stanley had two assholes. Now I never actually had a reason to see them before, but all I know is everybody used to say ‘hey look, there goes Stanley with them two assholes’
As a Club Q Rock Star, you can rate the joke and earn points. Log on to your account to vote now. Have a funny joke? E-mail us:
mellaney.dahl@rci.rogers.com
Monday’s Last Laff
Monday, January 24th, 2011
Thanks to Club Q Rockstar Ralph for today’s Last Laff…
Mom and Dad go on vacation and bring their 3 year old son along….to a nude beach! Dad goes for a walk down the beach and the boy goes to play in the sand. Mom lies on a blanket to watch him.
About 5 minutes later, the boy runs up to his Mom. “Mommy, I saw some ladies with boobies a lot bigger than yours!”
The mother has expected some awkward questions so she’s prepared for this one, and tells her son “The bigger they are, the dumber they are!”
Happy, the little boy runs back down to the edge of the water to play. 5 minutes later he’s back. “Mommy, I saw some men with hot dogs a lot bigger than Daddy’s!”
Mom repeats her earlier answer. “The bigger they are, the dumber they are!”
The boy runs back to the water’s edge to play. 5 minutes later he’s back again. “Mommy, I just saw Daddy talking to the dumbest lady I ever saw and the more he talked, the dumber he got!”
As a Club Q Rock Star, you can rate the joke and earn points. Log on to your account to vote now. Have a funny joke? E-mail us:
mellaney.dahl@rci.rogers.com
Why Spelling Is So Important…
Friday, January 21st, 2011
…because you never know when someone may take your internet rant, voice it and mix in some animation.
Greatest . Review. Ever!
Bonus Code: dotdotdot
Worth: 250 points
Expires: January 22, 2011 @ 11:59pm
Friday’s Last Laff
Friday, January 21st, 2011
Thanks to Club Q Rockstar Judy for today’s Last Laff…
He grasped me firmly … but gently … and guided me into a room. His room. We were alone now. He approached me from behind and whispered softly and confidently. “Just relax”
He reached down. I felt his strong, calloused hands moving up my legs and slowly to my thighs. I gave a slight shudder, and
closed my eyes. My pulse was pounding. I felt him caress my waist, and then when he cupped my breasts I inhaled sharply.
I knew nothing about this man, yet I trusted him fully, and with great expectation.
Probing, searching, knowing what he wanted, his hands slipd from my shoulders all the way down my spine to my panties.
This is a man, I thought. A man used to taking charge. Not used to taking ‘no’ for an answer. A man who would tell me what he wanted. Who would look into my soul and say…. “Okay, all done.”
My eyes snapped open and there he was smiling, holding out my purse.
“You can board your flight now.”
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Thursday’s Last Laff
Thursday, January 20th, 2011
Thanks to Club Q Rockstar James for today’s Last Laff…
A nice, respectable lady walks into a pharmacy, looks straight into the Pharmacist’s eyes, and says, “I would like to buy some cyanide.”
“Why in the world do you need cyanide?” asks the Pharmacist.
The lady replies, “I need it to poison my husband.”
“Lord have mercy! I can’t give you cyanide to kill your husband.
That’s against the law! I’ll lose my license! They’ll throw both of us in jail!
The lady reaches into her purse and pulls out a picture of her husband in bed with the pharmacist’s wife.
The pharmacist looks at the picture and calmly says, “Well now, that’s different. You didn’t tell me you had a prescription.”
As a Club Q Rock Star, you can rate the joke and earn points. Log on to your account to vote now. Have a funny joke? E-mail us:
mellaney.dahl@rci.rogers.com