A man goes to the doctor with a long history of migraine headaches. When the doctor does his history and physical, he discovers that his poor patient has had practically every therapy known to man for his migraines and STILL no improvement.

“Listen,” says the Doc, “I have migraines too, and the advice I’m going to give you isn’t really anything I learned in medical school, but it’s advice that I’ve gotten from my own experience. When I have a migraine, I go home, get in a nice hot bathtub, and soak for a while. Then I have my wife sponge me off with the hottest water I can stand, especially around the forehead. This helps a little. Then I get out of the tub, take her into the bedroom, and even if my head is killing me, I force myself to have sex with her. Almost always, the headache is immediately gone. Now, give it a try, and come back and see me in six weeks.”

Six weeks later, the patient returns with a big grin.

“Doc! I took your advice and it works! It REALLY WORKS! I’ve had migraines for 17 years and this is the FIRST time anyone has ever helped me!”

“Well,” says the physician, “I’m glad I could help.”

“By the way, Doc,” the patient adds, “you have a REALLY nice house.”

————–

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mellaney.dahl@rci.rogers.com 

Most people don’t tend to associate “top secret forts” with adults, unless you’re talking about The Legion Of Doom.
 
But this group of adults, much like the Legion, built a secret base under the water.  Well actually it’s an anchored air pocket in a net, but it is a secret location at the bottom of a lake in the Sierras. And it’s been there for three years!
 
Check it out:

 
And in case you missed it on EastLink this morning, check out McEwin’s T-Shirt of The Day below.  You can send in your T-Shirts for Chris to wear live on EastLink Cable 10 weekday mornings from 7-8.  Drop them off at the Q Studios, 880 Lasalle, Mon-Fri 9-5.
 

A woman answers the phone at her house.  “Hello.  Mrs Sanders?”

“Yes”, she replies.

“Mrs Sanders, this is Dr. Jones at the Sudbury Laboratory.  When your husband’s doctor sent his biopsy to the lab last week, a biopsy from another Mr. Sanders arrived as well.  Now, we’re not sure which one belongs to your husband.  And frankly, either way, it’s not too good.”

“What do you mean?” asked Mrs. Sanders nervously.

“Well,” said the doctor, “one of the specimens tested positive for Alzheimer’s and the other one tested positive for HIV. We can’t tell which is which.”

“Oh my God! That’s awful! Can’t you just do the test again?” she asked.

“Normally we can, but the new health care system will only pay for these expensive tests just one time,” said the doctor.

‘What am I supposed to do now?” asked Mrs. Sanders.

“Well,” said the doctor.  “We recommend you drop your husband off downtown on Brady Street. If he finds his way home, don’t sleep with him.”

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As a Club Q Rock Star, you can rate the joke and earn points. Log on to your account to vote NOW.   Have a funny joke? (please!!!) E-mail them now:

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mellaney.dahl@rci.rogers.com 

Thanks to Club Q Rockstar Stacey Eadie, who picked up 300 points for today’s joke.
 
A Real Man’s Letter To An Advice Column:
 
Hi there – I really need your advice for a serious problem.  I have suspected for some time now my wife has been cheating.  There’s all the usual signs; the phone rings and if I answer the other person hangs up.  She’s always going “out with the girls.”  Anyway last night about midnight, I hid in the shed behind the boat, and sure enough, when she came home she got out of someone’s car buttoning her blouse, then she took her underwear out of her purse and slipped them back on.  Well, it was at that moment crouched behind the boat I noticed…a hairline crack in the outboard mounting bracket…..so, is that something I can weld or do I need to replace it?
 
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mellaney.dahl@rci.rogers.com

chris.mcewin@rci.rogers.com

What’s brown and sticky?
   
A stick!
   
As a Club Q Rock Star, you can rate the joke and earn points. Log on to your account to vote NOW.   Have a funny joke? (please!!!) E-mail them now:
   
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mellaney.dahl@rci.rogers.com 
   

 ”The car won’t start,” the wife said to her husband. “I think there’s water in the carburetor.”

“How would you know that?” asked the husband. “You don’t even know what the carburetor is.”

“I’m telling you,” repeated the wife, “I’m sure there’s water in the carburetor.”

“We’ll see,” mocked the husband. “Let me check it out. Where’s the car?”
“In the swimming pool.”

 ”The car won’t start,” the wife said to her husband. “I think there’s water in the carburetor.”

“How would you know that?” asked the husband. “You don’t even know what the carburetor is.”

“I’m telling you,” repeated the wife, “I’m sure there’s water in the carburetor.”

“We’ll see,” mocked the husband. “Let me check it out. Where’s the car?”
“In the swimming pool.”

————

As a Club Q Rock Star, you can rate the joke and earn points. Log on to your account to vote NOW.   Have a funny joke? (please!!!) E-mail them now:

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mellaney.dahl@rci.rogers.com 

 Metallica‘s “Enter Sandman” could be one of the songs heard by the crew on the final flight of space shuttle Discovery this November. NASA has launched a new “Wake-up Song Contest” that will allow the public to choose which songs the crew will hear on their voyage. The top two vote-getters will be used to awaken the crew during the 11-day mission. There are 40 songs to vote from on the list, including tracks from the Beatles, Foo Fighters, Rush, U2, 3 Doors Down, Tom Petty, the Rolling Stones, and Metallica.  But it’s not limited to rock icons…aspiring musicians can submit their own original songs, with the winning entry to be played on the last planned shuttle mission aboard the Endeavor in February.  You can vote from the list of songs or submit your own original tune at https://songcontest.nasa.gov/home.aspx

So far, Rush’s Countdown is in the lead with over 46-thousand votes, followed by the Star Trek Theme song.  Mell voted for Kryptonite by 3 Doors Down.  It has 536 votes… (if I was an astronaut that’s what I would want to hear!)

There was a nice little rivalry going in the “bigger is better” meals lately, what with the Double Down from KFC and the Grilled Cheese Burger Melt from Friendly’s, not to mention all of those signature gut busting burgers from grills all around the world.  Problem is no matter what went into these creations; they were all some form of a sandwich.
 
Finally someone has given us a little colossal calorie choice.  Burger King unveiled their Burger Pizza.  Four Whoppers arranged like a pizza and placed on a nine and- a-half-inch sesame seed bun.  Then it’s topped with pepperoni, mozzarella and Tuscan pesto and marinara sauce, and it’s even cut into six slices.
 
Behold:
 

 
And in case you missed it on EastLink this morning, check out McEwin’s T-Shirt of The Day below.  You can send in your T-Shirts for Chris to wear live on EastLink Cable 10 weekday mornings from 7-8.  Drop them off at the Q Studios, 880 Lasalle, Mon-Fri 9-5.
 

 
 

 A man goes to see his doctor…”What seems to be the problem?” asks the doctor.

“Doc, I’ve got the farts. I mean I fart all the time,” says the man. “My farts don’t stink and you can’t hear them. It’s just that I fart all the time. Look, we’ve been talking here for about 10 minutes and I’ve farted fifteen times. You can’t hear them and you can’t smell them…but it is just constant!”

“Hmm,” says the Doctor.  He picks up his pad and writes out a prescription.

The patient is relieved… “That’s great doc. This prescription, will it really clear up my farts?”

“No,” sighs the Doctor, “The prescription is to clear your sinuses. Next week I want you back here for a hearing test.”

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mellaney.dahl@rci.rogers.com 

 Last week, Chris took some friends to a new restaurant, ‘Steve’s Place,’ and noticed that the waiter who took their order carried a spoon in his shirt pocket….a little strange.

When the busboy brought their water he also had a spoon in his shirt pocket.  Chris looked around and saw that all the staff had spoons in their pockets.  So, when the waiter came back to serve the soup Chris asked, ‘Why the spoon?’

‘Well, ‘said the waiter, ‘the restaurant’s owner hired a consultant to revamp things…make them more efficient.  They said that the spoon was the most frequently dropped utensil…happens approximately 3 times an hour per table.  So if we’re better prepared and carry an extra spoon, we can reduce the number of trips back and forth to the kitchen  and save 15-man hours per shift.”

 As luck would have it, Chris dropped his spoon and the waiter replaced it with his spare. ‘I’ll get another spoon next time I go to the kitchen instead of making an extra trip to get it right now.’ He said. And Chris was impressed.

Chris also noticed that there was a string hanging out of the waiter’s fly.  In fact, all of the waiters had string hanging from their flies. So, before he walked off, Chris asked the waiter, ‘Excuse me, but can you tell me why you have that string right there?’

‘Oh, certainly!’ Then he lowered his voice, ‘That consultant also said  we can save time in the restroom. By tying this string to the tip of our you-know-what, we can pull it out without touching it and eliminate the need to wash our hands, shortening the time spent in the restroom by 76. %.’

“Oh,” said Chris, ‘Ummm, after you get it out, how do you put it back?’
‘Well,’ said the waiter, ‘I don’t know about the other guys, but I use the spoon!’

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As a Club Q Rock Star, you can rate the joke and earn points. Log on to your account to vote NOW.   Have a funny joke? (please!!!) E-mail them now:

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mellaney.dahl@rci.rogers.com