Archive for July, 2010
Friday’s Last Laff…
Friday, July 16th, 2010
A big company in Sudbury hired a new CEO because they felt it was time for a shake up. The new boss was determined to rid the company of all slackers. On a tour of the facilities, the CEO noticed a guy leaning against a wall. The room was full of employees and he wanted to let them know that he meant business. So the new CEO asked the guy, “How much money do you make a week?”
A little surprised, the young man looked at him and said, “I make $400 a week. Why?”
The CEO said, “Wait right here.” He walked back to his office, came back in two minutes, and handed the guy $1,600 in cash and said, “Here’s four weeks’ pay. Now GET OUT and don’t come back.”
Feeling pretty good about himself the CEO looked around the room and asked, “Does anyone want to tell me what that goof-ball did here?”
From across the room a voice said, “Pizza delivery guy from Topper’s.”
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Thursday’s Last Laff…
Thursday, July 15th, 2010
How do snails settle thier differences?
They Slug it out!
(I know, worse than yesterday)
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Wednesday’s Last Laff…
Wednesday, July 14th, 2010
Why don’t aliens eat clowns?
Because they taste funny!
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Monday’s Last Laff…
Monday, July 12th, 2010
A preacher at a church services asked “Anyone with ‘needs’ to be prayed over, come forward, to the front at the altar”. Jason gets in line, and when it’s his turn, the preacher asks: “Jason, what do you want me to pray about for you?” Jason replies: “Preacher, I need you to pray for help with my hearing.” The preacher puts one finger in Jason’s ear, and he places the other hand on top of Jason’s head and prays and prays and prays, he prays a blue streak for Jason; the whole congregation joined in with enthusiasm. After a few minutes, the Preacher removes his hands, stands back and asks, “Jason, how is your hearing now?” Jason says, “I don’t know, Preacher, it isn’t until next Wednesday.”
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Friday’s Last Laff…
Friday, July 9th, 2010
An elderly man goes into a brothel and tells the madam he would like a woman for the night.
Surprised, she looks at the ancient man and asks how old he is.
‘I’m 90 years old,’ he says.
’90!’ replies the woman. ‘Don’t you realize you’ve had it?’
‘Oh, sorry,’ says the old man. ‘How much do I owe you?’
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Wednesday’s Last Laff…
Wednesday, July 7th, 2010
A 54 year old woman had a heart attack and was taken to the hospital. While she was on the operating table the woman had a near death experience. Seeing God she asked “Is my time up?”
God said, “No, you have another 43 years, 2 months and 8 days to live.”
Upon recovery, the woman decided to stay in the hospital and have a face-lift, liposuction, breast implants and a tummy tuck. She even had someone come in and change her hair colour and brighten her teeth! Since she had so much more time to live, she figured she might as well make the most of it.
After her last operation, she was released from the hospital. While crossing the street on her way home, the woman was struck and killed by an ambulance.
Arriving in front of God, the woman was so mad! “I thought you said I had another 43 years left to live? Why didn’t you pull me from the path of the ambulance?”
And God replied…”I didn’t recognize you!”
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terry.callaghan@rci.rogers.com
Tuesday’s Last Laff…
Tuesday, July 6th, 2010
A couple walked into a dentist’s office. The man said to the dentist, “Doc,
I’m in one heck of a hurry. I have two buddies sitting out in my car waiting for us to go play golf, so forget about the anesthetic, I don’t have time for the gums to get numb. I just want you to pull the tooth, and be done with it. We have a
10:00 a.m. tee time at Timberwolfe and it’s 9:30 already.”
The dentist thought to himself, “My goodness, this is surely a very brave man asking to have his tooth pulled without using anything to kill the pain.” So he asks, “Which tooth is it?”
The man turned to his wife and said, “Open your mouth Honey, and show him.”
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Monday’s Last Laff…
Monday, July 5th, 2010
A woman went down to Florida to find work…and applied at a lemon grove to pick lemons.
The foreman looked at her resume and said…”have you got any actual experience picking lemons?”
“Yes I do” said the woman. “I’ve been divorced 3 times and I cheer for the Toronto Maple Leafs!”
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Friday’s Last Laff…
Friday, July 2nd, 2010
Joe and his buddy Andy, two friends from Levack, were talking one afternoon when Joe tells Andy, ”I’m ready for a vacation…only this year, I’m going to do things different.”
“What do you mean?” asks Andy.
“Well, 3 years ago I went to the East Coast and Julie got pregnant. Then two years ago, I went to the West Coast and Julie got pregnant. Last year I went to Manitoulin Island and, wouldn’t you know it, Julie got pregnant again,” says Joe.
“What are you going to do differently for your vacation this year?” asks Andy.
Joe says “This year, I’m taking Julie with me.”
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