Archive for June, 2010
Friday’s Last Laff…
Friday, June 25th, 2010
A man from Levack is on summer vacation in St. John’s Newfoundland. He sees a sign in front of a restaurant that says “Happy Hour Special…Lobster Tail and Beer!”
“Great!” says the man. “My three favourite things!”
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Thursday’s Last Laff…
Thursday, June 24th, 2010
A panda walks into a restaurant, sits down and orders a sandwich. He eats the sandwich, pulls out a gun and shoots the waiter dead. As the panda stands up to go, the manager shouts, “Hey! Where are you going? You just shot my waiter and you didn’t pay for your sandwich!”
The panda yells back at the manager, “Hey man, I’m a PANDA! Look it up!”
The manager opens his dictionary and sees the following definition for panda:
“A tree dwelling marsupial of Asian origin, characterized by distinct black and white coloring. Eats shoots and leaves.”
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Wednesday’s Last Laff…
Wednesday, June 23rd, 2010
This is in tribute to our friends in North Bay, who think they’re all great and everything for getting their city on the Canadian edition of Monopoly. Mell’s North Bay Joke…
How can you tell you’re in a hotel room in North Bay?
You call down to the front desk and say “I’ve got a leak in my sink.” And they say “Go ahead!”
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Monday’s Last Laff…
Monday, June 21st, 2010
There are two statues in a park; one of a nude man and one of a nude woman. They had been facing each other across a pathway for a hundred years, when one day an angel comes down from the sky and, with a single gesture, brings the two to life.
The angel tells them, ‘As a reward for being so patient through a hundred blazing summers and dismal winters, you have been given life for thirty minutes to do what you’ve wished to do the most.’
He looks at her, she looks at him, and they go running behind the shrubbery.
The angel waits patiently as the bushes rustle and giggling ensues. After fifteen minutes, the two return, out of breath and laughing.
The angel tells them, ‘Um, you have fifteen minutes left, would you care to do it again?’
He asks her ‘Shall we?’ The woman statue eagerly replies, ‘Oh, yes, let’s! But let’s change positions…this time, I ‘ll hold the pigeon down and you poop on its head.’
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Thursday’s Last Laugh
Thursday, June 17th, 2010
What type of clothing can you make from clouds ?
Thunderwear!
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Wednesday’s Last Laugh
Wednesday, June 16th, 2010
Today’s Last Laugh comes from Club Q Rockstar Roger.
Three dead bodies turn up at the mortuary, all with very big smiles on their faces.
The coroner calls the police to tell them what has happened.
Coroner tells the Inspector: ‘First body: 60, died of heart failure while with his Mistress hence the enormous smile.’
‘Second body: 25, won a thousand dollars on the lottery, spent it all on beer, died of alcohol poisoning, hence the smile.’
The Inspector asked, ‘What of the third body?’
‘Ah.’ says the coroner, ‘This is the most unusual one. Billy Earl, from Levack, 30 years old, struck by lightning.’
‘Why is he smiling then?’ inquires the Inspector.
‘Thought he was having his picture taken’
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Tuesday’s Last Laugh
Tuesday, June 15th, 2010
A beautiful young woman about to undergo a minor operation is lying on a gurney in a hospital corridor awaiting the medical staff.
A man in a white coat approaches her, lifts up the sheet and visually examines her naked body. He walks away and confers with another man in a white coat. The second man then approaches the girl and performs the same examination.
When a third man approaches her, she asks impatiently: “These examinations are fine, but when are you going to start the operation?”
He shrugs and says: “Your guess is as good as mine, lady. We’re just here to paint the halls.”
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Monday’s Last Laugh
Monday, June 14th, 2010
A guy was passing a bar when he noticed a sign in the window that said: “Free beer for life. Just pass the test.”
He went in and asked the bartender: “What is the test?”
“All you have to do,” said the bartender: “is drink a pint of vodka, go into the backyard and extract a tooth from an alligator, and then go upstairs and satisfy a woman who has never been satisfied.”
“No problem,” said the guy. He immediately drank the pint vodka, and went into the yard. Several minutes later, after considerable commotion, he reappeared in the bar and said: “Now, where’s that woman with the sore tooth?”
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Friday’s Last Laff….
Friday, June 11th, 2010
Terry comes home after his regular Saturday golf game and his wife asks why he doesn’t include his buddy Andy in the games anymore.
Terry asks, “Would you want to play with a guy who regularly cheats, swears up a storm over everything, lies about his score, and has nothing good to say about anyone else on the course?”
“Of course I wouldn’t,” replies his wife.
“Well,” says Terry, “neither would Andy.”
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Thursday’s Last Laugh
Thursday, June 10th, 2010
Today’s Last Laugh comes from Club Q Rockstar Judy!
Jacob, age 92, and Rebecca, age 89, are all excited about their decision to get married.
They go for a stroll to discuss the wedding, and on the way they pass a drugstore.. Jacob suggests they go in.
Jacob addresses the man behind the counter: “Are you the owner?”
The pharmacist answers, “Yes.”
“We’re about to get married. Do you sell heart medication?”
“Of course, we do.”
“How about medicine for circulation?”
“All kinds.”
“How about suppositories?”
“You bet!”
“What about vitamins, sleeping pills, Geritol?”
“Absolutely.”
“Everything for heartburn and indigestion?”
“We sure do.”
“You sell wheelchairs and walkers and canes?”
“All speeds and sizes.”
“Adult diapers?”
“Sure.”
“Excellent” says Jacob….We’d like to use this store as our Bridal Registry.
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