Archive for December, 2009
Tuesday’s Last Laff…
Tuesday, December 22nd, 2009
A guy stuck his head into a barbershop and asked, ‘How long before I can get a haircut?’
The barber looked around the shop full of customers and said, ‘About 2 hours.’
The guy left.
A few days later, the same guy stuck his head in the door and asked, ’How long before I can get a haircut?’
The barber looked around at the shop and said, ‘About 3 hours.’
The guy left.
A week later, the same guy stuck his head in the shop and asked, ‘How long before I can get a haircut?*
The barber looked around the shop and said, ’About an hour and a half ‘
The guy left.
The barber turned to his friend and said, ’Hey, Bob, do me a favor. Follow that guy and see where he goes.
He keeps asking how long he has to wait for a haircut, but then he doesn’t ever come back.’
A little while later, Bob returned to the shop, laughing hysterically.
The barber asked, ‘So, where does that guy go when he leaves?’
Bob looked up, wiped the tears from his eyes and said,
‘Your house!’
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Monday’s Last Laff…
Monday, December 21st, 2009
A cowboy appeared before St. Peter at the Pearly Gates.
“Have you ever done anything of particular merit?” St. Peter asked.
”Well, I can think of one thing,” the cowboy offered. “On a trip to the Black Hills out in South Dakota, I came upon a gang of bikers, who were threatening a young woman. I directed them to leave her alone, but they wouldn’t listen. So, I approached the largest and most heavily tattooed biker and smacked him in his face … Kicked his bike over, ripped out his nose ring, and threw it on the ground. I yelled, ‘Now, back off!! Or I’ll kick the crap out of all of you!’”
St. Peter was impressed, “When did this happen?”
“Just a couple of minutes ago…”
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Friday’s Last Laff…
Friday, December 18th, 2009
A bus driver on his route sees a van from the zoo stranded on the side of the road. The zoo worker offers the bus driver $100 to help him deliver two dozen penguins. The bus driver agrees and loads the penguins on the bus.
An hour later, the zoo worker gets his van fixed and heads to the zoo. On the road, he sees the bus driver and the penguins driving in the opposite direction. He catches up to the bus and pulls them over.
The zoo worker yells, “I gave you a $100 to take the penguins to the zoo for me. Why are you still driving them around?”
“Calm down,” the bus driver says, “I took the penguins to the zoo. We had change left over, so now I’m taking them to the movies.”
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Thursday’s Last Laugh
Thursday, December 17th, 2009
Mell and Holly are talking in the Q92 hallways.
Mell says, “I can make the boss give me the day off.”
Holly replies, “And how would you do that?”
Mell says, “Just wait and see.” Mell then hangs upside-down from the ceiling.
In comes Mell’s boss, Terry and says, “What are you doing?”
Mell replies, “I’m a light bulb.”
Terry then says, “You’ve been working so much that you’ve gone crazy. I think you need to take the day off.”
Holly starts to follow Mell and Terry says, “Where are you going?”
Holly says, “I’m going home, too. I can’t work in the dark.”
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Final Bacon Of The Day For 2009!
Thursday, December 17th, 2009
Have yourself a Bacon Little Christmas and a Porky New Year!
Wednesday Last Laugh
Wednesday, December 16th, 2009
It is near the Christmas break of the school year. The students have turned in all their work and there is really nothing more to do. All the children are restless and the teacher decides to have an early dismissal.
Teacher: “Whoever answers the questions I ask, first and correctly can leave early today.”
Little Johnny says to himself “Good, I want to get outta here. I’m smart and will answer the question.”
Teacher: “Who said ‘Four Score and Seven Years Ago’?”
Before Johnny can open his mouth, Susie says, “Abraham Lincoln.”
Teacher: “That’s right Susie, you can go home.”
Johnny is mad that Susie answered the question first.
Teacher: “Who said ‘Ask not, what your country can do for you’?”
Before Johnny can open his mouth, Nancy says, “John F. Kennedy.”
Teacher: “That’s right Nancy , you may also leave.”
Johnny is boiling mad that he has not been able to answer to any of the questions.
When the teacher turns her back Johnny says, “I wish these women would keep their mouths shut!”
The teacher turns around: “NOW WHO SAID THAT?”
Johnny: “TIGER WOODS. CAN I GO NOW?”
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Bacon Of The Day: December 16th
Wednesday, December 16th, 2009
Stocking up on the booze for Christmas..Don’t forget the Bacon Vodka
Tuesday’s Last Laff…
Tuesday, December 15th, 2009
One day, a man asks his wife, “What would you do if we won the lottery?”
The wife says “I’d take half the money and leave you.”
The man says “I won 12-dollars…here’s six, now get lost.”
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Bacon Of The Day: Tuesday December 15
Tuesday, December 15th, 2009
Hmmm..What Would Bacon Do?
Monday Last Laugh
Monday, December 14th, 2009
A police officer pulls a man over for speeding. As the officer approaches the car, he can see that the man is very anxious about something.
“Good afternoon, Sir. Do you know why I stopped you?” the police officer asks.
“Yes, officer… I know I was speeding — but it is a matter of life or death,” the man replies.
“Oh, really? How’s that?” the officer inquires.
“There’s a naked woman waiting for me at home,” the man responds.
“I don’t see how that is a matter of life or death,” the officer says.
“If I don’t get home before my wife does, I’m a dead man!”
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