Tuesday’s Last Laff…
February 9th, 2010 by Mell
An American tourist was watching some scuba divers on Windy Lake. A man from Levack was standing beside him. The Tourist asks, “Why do scuba divers always fall backwards off their boats?”
The man from Levack says “If they fell forwards, they’d still be in the friggin boat!”
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Monday’s Last Laff…
February 8th, 2010 by Mell
Terry got this new deodorant the other day. The instructions said remove cap and push up bottom.
He can barely walk, but whenever he farts the room smells awesome
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Friday’s Last Laff…
February 5th, 2010 by Mell
A big muscular guy from Levack decided to try out for the football team. “Can you tackle?” asked the coach.
“Watch this,” said the guy from Levack, who proceeded to run smack into a telephone pole, and knocked it completely over.
“Wow!” said the coach. “I’m impressed. Can you run?”
“Of course I can run,” said the guy from Levack. He ws off like a shot, and in just over nine seconds, ran a hundred yard dash.
“Great!” said the coach. “But can you pass a football?”
The guy from Levack hesitated a few seconds. “Well sir,” he said, “if I can swallow it, I can probably pass it.”
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Thursday’s Last Laff…
February 4th, 2010 by Mell
A psychiatrist was conducting a group therapy session with four young mothers and their small children. ‘You all have obsessions,’ he said. To the first mother, Mary, he said, ‘You are obsessed with eating. You’ve even named your daughter Candy.’
He turned to the second Mom, Ann, ‘Your obsession is with money. Again, it manifests itself in your child’s name, Penny.’ He turned to the third Mom, Joyce, ‘Your obsession is alcohol. This too shows itself in your child’s name, Brandy.’
At this point, the fourth Mother, Kathy, quietly got up, took her little boy by the hand and whispered, ‘Come on, Dick, this guy has no idea what he’s talking about. Let’s pick up Peter and Willy from school and go get dinner.’
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Wednesday’s Last Laff…
February 3rd, 2010 by Mell
A man goes to the doctor and says, “You gotta help me. I keep thinking I’m a goat!”
“How long have you had this feeling?” asked the Doctor.
“Ever since I was a kid.”
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Tuesday’s Last Laff…
February 2nd, 2010 by Mell
In a small town in the US, there is a rather sizable factory that hired only married men.
Concerned about this, a local woman called the manager and asked him, “Why is it you limit your employees to married men? Is it because you think women are weak? Do you think we’re dumb or cantakerous or what?”
“Not at all, Ma’am,” the manager replied. “It is because our employees are used to obeying orders and being shoved around…they know how to keep their mouths shut and they don’t pout when I yell at them.”
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Impossible Trivia!
February 1st, 2010 by Mell
A great Impossible trivia Question to start the week…!
The average adult does this four times a day. What is it?
No, not brush teeth, lose keys, sneeze, wash hands, not even pass gas or pick their nose.
The answer is: start their vehicle!
Thanks for all the calls this morning!
Monday’s Last Laff…
February 1st, 2010 by Mell
The first testicular guard “Cup” was used in hockey in 1874 and the first helmet was used in 1974.
That means it took 100 years for men to realize that their brain is also important.
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Friday’s Last Laff…
January 29th, 2010 by Mell
It’s the first day of school and the teacher thought she’d get to know the kids by asking them their name and what their father does for a living.The first little girl says: “My name is Mary and my daddy is a postman.”The next little boy says: “I’m Andy and my Dad is a mechanic.”
Then one little boy says: “My name is Jimmy and my father is a striptease dancer in a cabaret for gay men.”
The teacher gasps and quickly changes the subject, but later in the school yard the teacher approaches Jimmy privately and asks if it was really true his Dad dances nude in a gay bar.
He blushed and said, “I’m sorry but my dad plays hockey for Team USA, and I was just too embarrassed to say so.”
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Thursday’s Last Laff…
January 28th, 2010 by Mell
So there’s this guy with a pet parrot. And this parrot swears like crazy. I mean he’s a pistol. He can swear for five minutes straight without repeating himself.
Trouble is, the guy who owns him is a quiet, conservative type, and this bird’s foul mouth is driving him crazy.
One day, it gets to be too much, so the guy grabs the bird, shakes him, and yells, “QUIT IT !” But this just makes the bird mad and he swears more than ever.
So then the man gets mad and says, “OK for you”, and locks the bird in a kitchen cabinet. This really aggravates the bird, and he claws and scratches, and when the guy finally lets him out, the bird cuts loose with a ten minute swearing frenzy.At that point, the guy gets so mad, he picks up the bird and throw him in the freezer! For the first few seconds the bird is squaking, scratching and swearing like crazy…Then it suddenly gets very very quiet.At first the guy just waits, but then he starts to think that the bird may be hurt. He gets so worried that he opens up the freezer door. And there’s the bird…the bird calmly climbs onto the man’s outstretched arm and says: “Awfully sorry about the trouble I gave you. I’ll do my best to improve my vocabulary from now on.”
The man is astounded. He can’t understand the transformation .
Then the parrot says, “By the way, what did the chicken do?”
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