Friday’s Last Laff…
March 12th, 2010 by Mell
A guy from Levack was terribly overweight, so his doctor put him on a diet. ’I want you to eat regularly for 2 days, then skip a day, and repeat this procedure for 2 weeks. The next time I see you, you should have lost at least 5 pounds.’When the guy from Levack returned, he shocked the doctor by having lost nearly 60lbs! ’Why, that’s amazing!’ the doctor said, ‘Did you follow my
instructions?’
The guy nodded…’I'll tell you though, I thought I was going to drop dead on that 3rd day.’
’From the hunger, you mean?’ asked the doctor.
’No, from the friggin’ skippin’.
—
As a Club Q Rock Star, you can rate the joke and earn points. Log on to your account to vote NOW. Have a funny joke? (please!!!) E-mail them now:
Thursday’s Last Laff…
March 11th, 2010 by Mell
Terry and his buddy Andy were doing some carpentry work on a Habitat for Humanity House. Terry was nailing down the siding…he would reach into his nail pouch, pull out a nail and either toss it over his shoulder or nail it in.
Andy, was watching and wondering what the heck Terry was doing… so he asked, ‘Why are you throwing those nails away?’
Terry explained, ‘When I pull a nail out of my pouch, about half of
them have the head on the wrong end and I have to throw them away.’ Andy shook his head and said, ‘You moron! Those nails aren’t defective! They’re for the other side of the house!’
———
As a Club Q Rock Star, you can rate the joke and earn points. Log on to your account to vote NOW. Have a funny joke? (please!!!) E-mail them now:
Wednesday’s Last Laff…
March 10th, 2010 by Mell
A Levack woman and her husband are lying in bed listening to the next door neighbor’s dog. It has been in the backyard barking for hours and hours. Finally, the Levack woman jumps up out of bed and says, “I’ve had enough of this”. She goes downstairs.When she finally comes back to bed, her husband says “The dog is still barking. What have you been doing?”The Levack woman says, “I put the dog in our backyard. Let’s see how THEY like it!”-
As a Club Q Rock Star, you can rate the joke and earn points. Log on to your account to vote NOW. Have a funny joke? (please!!!) E-mail them now:
Tuesday’s Last Laff…
March 9th, 2010 by Mell
A young man from Levack calls into work and says, ‘Hey, I can’t come to work
today, I’m really sick. I’ve got a headache, stomach ache and my legs
hurt, I can’t come to work.’
The boss says, ‘You know something, I really need you today. When I feel sick like you do, I go to my wife and tell her to give me sex. That makes everything
better and I go to work. You try that.’
Two hours later the young man from Levack calls again and says , ‘I did what you said and I feel great! I’ll be at work soon. You got a nice house.”
-
As a Club Q Rock Star, you can rate the joke and earn points. Log on to your account to vote NOW. Have a funny joke? (please!!!) E-mail them now:
Impossible Trivia…
March 8th, 2010 by Mell
What a way to start the week…giving your brain a workout with Terry and Mell’s impossible trivia.
Here’s the question…There are approximately 3-million of these in the ocean. What are they?
Here’s some answers: species of fish, bodies (!), islands, plastic bottles, volcanoes, and my favourite, engagement rings!
The actual answer is SHIP WRECKS.
Great calls this morning…you made me laugh!
Monday’s Last Laff…
March 8th, 2010 by Mell
A magician worked on a cruise ship. The audience was different each week, so the magician did the same tricks over and over again. One problem: The captain’s parrot saw the shows each week and began to understand how the magician did every trick.Once he understood, the parrot started shouting in the middle of the show: “Look, it’s not the same hat!” “Look, he’s hiding the flowers under the table.” “Hey, why are all the cards the ace of spades?”
The magician was furious but couldn’t do anything. It was, after all, the captain’s parrot.
Then the ship sank. The magician found himself on a piece of wood in the middle of the sea with, as fate would have it, the parrot. They stared at each other with hatred but did not utter a word. This went on for a day and then another and then another.
Finally on the fourth day, the parrot could not hold back: “OK, I give up. Where’s the friggin ship?”
—
As a Club Q Rock Star, you can rate the joke and earn points. Log on to your account to vote NOW. Have a funny joke? (please!!!) E-mail them now:
Friday’s Last Laff…
March 5th, 2010 by Mell
Years ago Terry was packing for a business trip and his then- three year old daughter was having a wonderful time playing on the bed. At one point she said, ‘Daddy, look at this’ , and stuck out two of her fingers.
Trying to keep her entertained, Terry reached out and stuck her tiny fingers in his mouth and said, ‘Daddy’s gonna eat your fingers,’ pretending to eat them.
Terry went back to packing, looked up again and his daughter was standing on the bed staring at her fingers with a devastated look on her face.
He said, ‘What’s wrong, honey?’
She replied, ‘What happened to my booger?’
———
As a Club Q Rock Star, you can rate the joke and earn points. Log on to your account to vote NOW. Have a funny joke? (please!!!) E-mail them now:
Thursday’s Last Laff…
March 4th, 2010 by Mell
A man from Levack who wanted to earn some money, decided to hire himself out as a handyman-type and started going door to door in the South End. He knocked on the door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any jobs for him to do. “Well, you can paint my porch. How much will you charge?”
The man from Levack said, “How about 50 dollars?” The man agreed and told him the paint and ladders were in the garage. The homeowner’s wife who was inside the house, heard the conversation and said to her husband, “Does he realize that the porch goes all the way around the house?”
The man replied, “He should. He was standing on the porch.”A short time later, the man fromlevack came to the door to collect his money.
“You’re finished already?” he asked. “Yes,” the man from Levack answered, “and I had paint left over, so I gave it two coats.”Impressed, the man reached in his pocket for the $50.
“And by the way,” the man from Levack added, “that’s not a Porch, it’s a Ferrari.”
———-
——————————
As a Club Q Rock Star, you can rate the joke and earn points. Log on to your account to vote NOW. Have a funny joke? (please!!!) E-mail them now:
Wednesday’s Last Laugh
March 3rd, 2010 by Terry
After three years of marriage, Kim was still questioning her husband about his lurid past.
“C’mon, tell me,” she asked for the thousandth time, “how many women have you been with?”
“Baby,” he protested, “if I told you, you’d throw a fit.”
Kim promised she wouldn’t get angry, and convinced her hubby to tell her.
“Okay,” he said, “one, two, three, four, five, six, seven — then there’s you — nine, ten, 11, 12, 13…”
——————————————————————————————
As a Club Q Rock Star, you can rate the joke and earn points. Log on to your account to vote NOW. Have a funny joke? (please!!!) E-mail them now:
Tuesday’s Last Laugh
March 2nd, 2010 by Terry
Two guys from Hanmer are stuck in the desert, wandering aimlessly and starving. They are about to just lie down and wait for death, when all of a sudden Guy says…….
“Hey Pierre, do you smell what I smell. It’s bacon.”
Oui Pierre, sure smells like bacon. ”
With renewed hope they struggle up the next sand dune, and there, in the distance, is a tree loaded with bacon.
There’s raw bacon, there’s fried bacon, back bacon, double smoked bacon… every imaginable kind of cured pork.
“Pierre, we’re saved. It’s a bacon tree.”
“Guy, maybe it’s a mirage?
“Pierre, since when did you ever hear of a mirage that smell like bacon! It’s a bacon tree!”
And with that, Pierre staggers towards the tree. He gets to within 5 meters, Guy crawling close behind, when suddenly a machine gun opens up, and Pierre drops like a wet sock. Mortally wounded, he warns Guys with his dying breath,
“Guy… go back man, you was right, it not a bacon tree! ”
“Pierre, Pierre mon ami… what is it? ”
It’s a Ham-Bush!
——————————————————————————————
As a Club Q Rock Star, you can rate the joke and earn points. Log on to your account to vote NOW. Have a funny joke? (please!!!) E-mail them now: