A daily journal written by Lynne, Executive Director of a shelter in Ontario.
May 9th, 2008 by Lynne
Abused Women’s Help Line (416) 863-0511 or 1-866-863-0511 or (TTY) 1-866-863-7868. Call 911 if you are in immediate danger. On-line help and information www.shelterfromthestorm.ca
Hang on to hope.
Hope is what motivates our work in Shelters. Hope is what a woman has when she thinks about her future—free from abuse—free from violence.
Through the pain, the heartaches and the horror—we all cling on to hope. Shelter services do make a difference in the lives of women and their children. We hope this difference will spill out to the larger community—provincially, Nationally and hopefully…..globally.
To connect to a shelter anywhere in Canada—women can go to www.shelternet.ca where they will be able to connect up with their local shelter for services. There is information, safety planning and resources for women on the site. Shelternet hopes to connect women to shelters and shelters to each other.
If shelters are more united, more connected—it can give women even more hope.
Hang on to hope—it’s worth it.
Lynne
A daily journal written by Lynne, Executive Director of a shelter in Ontario.
May 8th, 2008 by Lynne
Abused Women’s Help Line (416) 863-0511 or 1-866-863-0511 or (TTY) 1-866-863-7868. Call 911 if you are in immediate danger. On-line help and information www.shelterfromthestorm.ca
Shelters are under funded. Seriously. The work that happens—the outpouring of emotion and the lengths that workers will go to for women & their children is quite amazing.
We do this work because we feel we are truly making a difference in people’s lives. Compared to other social service places—shelters are not funded adequately. We hope that it gets better….not just so that the staff can be properly compensated but so that we can have more programs for the women. The demand is there but at times we are limited. We want to do more…..we need to do more. More prevention, more education, more services…..and we need more room in our shelters.
There are campaigns, grants and programs that are so valuable to shelters like the Canadian Women’s Foundation “Shelter from the Storm Campaign”. We are so fortunate that radio stations like CHFI care enough to help out—to get involved.
You can tune in to the radio thon (Thursday May 8th) anytime from 6am-6pm www.chfi.com
Get involved. See how you can help too.
A daily journal written by Lynne, Executive Director of a shelter in Ontario.
May 7th, 2008 by Lynne
Abused Women’s Help Line (416) 863-0511 or 1-866-863-0511 or (TTY) 1-866-863-7868. Call 911 if you are in immediate danger. On-line help and information www.shelterfromthestorm.ca
When I walked in the door today “Tina” was rushing around—taking her bedding downstairs to be washed. She appeared to be very upset—in fact—she seemed quite angry.
She was admitted to the Shelter at 3:00am. The OPP brought her to the Shelter after a ‘domestic’ as they called it. With all good intentions the Police will bring women to the Shelter to ensure their safety. We wish Tina would stay a couple of days. This isn’t the first incident within her relationship and we know this won’t be the last.
So many people ask, ‘why do women stay’? ‘Why do they keep going back’? My answer is usually another question—why does he keep abusing? Name calling? Hurting? Leaving or changing the situation is the woman’s decision.
We can only listen, support, encourage and try to provide her with some knowledge until she makes that courageous decision to leave. Tina is definitely not at the ‘ready’ stage. We will be here for her.
A daily journal written by Lynne, Executive Director of a shelter in Ontario.
May 6th, 2008 by Lynne
Abused Women’s Help Line (416) 863-0511 or 1-866-863-0511 or (TTY) 1-866-863-7868. Call 911 if you are in immediate danger. On-line help and information www.shelterfromthestorm.ca
Her daughter was murdered. It’s been 12 years now but not a day goes by when “Gayle” doesn’t think of her daughter. She has so many unanswered questions and she knows that she will never get the answers.
“Gayle” put all her struggles, emotion and heartache into a project. She created a masterpiece. It is the most beautiful quilt you will ever see. It tells a story going from the dark moments but there is hope and inspiration to be found. Every piece of the quilt has meaning. Each section reflects a part of her daughter’s life.
The quilt is displayed at the Shelter with a photo of Gayle’s daughter. Sometimes the toughest decisions a woman has to make are the ones that can save her life.
A daily journal written by Lynne, Executive Director of a shelter in Ontario.
May 5th, 2008 by Lynne
Abused Women’s Help Line (416) 863-0511 or 1-866-863-0511 or (TTY) 1-866-863-7868. Call 911 if you are in immediate danger. On-line help and information www.shelterfromthestorm.ca
Anne is 56 years old and for the first time in her life—she admits that she is now able to think for herself, makes her own decisions and she feels that she has control over her life, her finances and the decisions that she makes.
She has suffered. Anne had a rough childhood. At 16 years of age she met her husband—in her words he ‘rescued her’ from her awful life. Little did she know that 30 years of marriage to him would almost destroy her.
We first met Anne 5 years ago in the Outreach Counselling Program. She was lost—she says now that ‘she didn’t have a clue’ five years ago and didn’t even know how to write out a Cheque. The transformation in this woman over the last 5 years is incredible. Anne moved from being a fragile victim imprisoned in her own shell to a strong willed, independent woman who knows what she wants & who speaks her mind openly and clearly.
There is hope—she still has her moments of weakness (don’t we all?) but she knows how to climb back up. Way to go.
A daily journal written by Lynne, Executive Director of a shelter in Ontario.
May 2nd, 2008 by Lynne
Abused Women’s Help Line (416) 863-0511 or 1-866-863-0511 or (TTY) 1-866-863-7868. Call 911 if you are in immediate danger. On-line help and information www.shelterfromthestorm.ca
She charged her abuser. The assaults happened when she was a kid—it started when she was only 7 years old but the memories she has are so vivid it seems like only yesterday but this was 25 years ago. She remembers the feeling of the sun, the smells, the words, the threats and what he did to her.
What she remembers the most is trying to tell an adult the first time. She wasn’t believed. The abuse continued until she was 12 years old.
There is such a powerful lesson for us to take from this—we need to listen. We need to listen to children. We need to support someone when they are disclosing abuse.
She told us that not being believed and not being ‘heard’ was more damaging to her than the abuse.
A daily journal written by Lynne, Executive Director of a shelter in Ontario.
May 1st, 2008 by Lynne
Abused Women’s Help Line (416) 863-0511 or 1-866-863-0511 or (TTY) 1-866-863-7868. Call 911 if you are in immediate danger. On-line help and information www.shelterfromthestorm.ca
When does ‘abuse’ count as being valid? Over the years we have encountered thousands of women at the shelter. The type of abuse that is a ‘chargeable offence’ is limited to physical violence, specific threats, harassment and stalking to name a few.
Emotional and psychological abuse can be just as damaging but so hard to ‘prove’ to anyone. We listen to the horror of what women have endured. We see women within our programs who are so low—so lacking confidence—so afraid and yet they have not been hit or stalked in a violent manner. Over the years their sense of self worth has been worn away with words.
They are ‘stupid’, ‘useless’, ‘ugly’, ‘unwanted’ in the eyes of the abuser. Financially—many women have limited access to money and they are isolated from friends and family (isolated in the geographic sense and emotionally).
I remember one woman who was not ‘allowed’ to wear jeans. I also remember the look on her face when a bag of donations came in and there was a pair of jeans that fit her perfectly. Her expression said it all. Wearing these jeans was her first step in reclaiming who she wanted to be—to ‘get back to herself’. It was a moment of inspiration.
A daily journal written by Lynne, Executive Director of a shelter in Ontario.
April 30th, 2008 by Lynne
Abused Women’s Help Line (416) 863-0511 or 1-866-863-0511 or (TTY) 1-866-863-7868. Call 911 if you are in immediate danger. On-line help and information www.shelterfromthestorm.ca
She had a noose tied in her barn where she had been living for the past two days. Cheyanne was so close to suicide—she can’t take it anymore. She has been in abusive relationships before but “usually a hug follows the hit” she said. This relationship is different—this one is much worse than anything she has known before.
The call came in today from her at 11am—she was at our door an hour later.
Today she chose life.
An entry written by Jessica, a Child Support Worker at an Ontario Shelter.
April 29th, 2008 by Lynne
Abused Women’s Help Line (416) 863-0511 or 1-866-863-0511 or (TTY) 1-866-863-7868. Call 911 if you are in immediate danger. On-line help and information www.shelterfromthestorm.ca
I met a little 11 year old girl today in my Outreach Program- a new referral.
She and her mother have been fleeing abusive men for 11 years now and have come to our area.
Imagine, this is the life of this young girl- she should be skipping, playing hop-scotch, playing soccer and hanging out with her friends this spring. Instead, she is in a small room with me, crying. Crying while trying to put her life into words and worrying about how she and her mother are going to eat tonight.
She explains all of the past abusers, their fleeing for safety, the abuse she has suffered and witnessed. She explains how she had had to care for her mother when she gets depressed, no one caring for her. She explains how she is so stressed that she started sucking her thumb again She explains how after they pay for rent and phone, they have very little left for food. She explains how she has no clean clothes because they have no washer or dryer and no way to pay for cabs to the Laundromat. She explains that she has no friends because she has dirty clothes, sucks her thumb, has no money, is “stupid” and is “weird”. She is especially upset today because her class is going on a class trip and they have no money to get the items she needs to be able to go.
It is my turn to do the explaining. Through holding back tears for this small child who has seen more in her 11 years than I hope I will ever have to….
I explain that I am here to help. I explain that she needs to be a child and not worry about adult-problems (easier said than done), that we will help her and her mother. I explain that we will help with her food situation. I explain that we will help get her the items that she needs to enjoy her class trip.
I explain that together, we will rebuild her self-esteem so that maybe some day she will be able to skip, play hop-scotch and play with no (well, very little) worries.
A daily journal written by Lynne, Executive Director of a shelter in Ontario.
April 28th, 2008 by Lynne
Abused Women’s Help Line (416) 863-0511 or 1-866-863-0511 or (TTY) 1-866-863-7868. Call 911 if you are in immediate danger. On-line help and information www.shelterfromthestorm.ca
For workers in a shelter the work often means focusing on someone else’s needs. The women we see and know have problems that seem far more important and bigger than ours. For this very reason—burnout and compassion fatigue are issues that plague workers in shelters (and other social service organizations).
As a group we try to talk to each other. We talk about what we heard that day, how someone’s story has affected us and whether or not we were able to ‘leave it at work’ that day. We know Vicarious Trauma occurs—and we study and implement strategies such as those outlined in the Guidebook on Vicarious Trauma: Recommended Solutions for Anti-Violence Workers by Jan Richardson.
As a shelter team we have boiled ‘self care’ down to some really basic elements. Eat healthy foods. Have some quality sleep time. Be active. Develop meaningful coping strategies (in other words, recognize the level of difficulty and stress your job has and pay attention to how you respond—try new strategies).
At our shelter—we share our joys, fears, stories and we laugh with each other. We play little jokes on each other. We try to be ‘nice’ to each other (sometimes we don’t always succeed but we keep trying). We support each other. Most of all—we respect each other. No wonder we keep coming back!
