KISS CLUB


Are You A Facebook Addict…Find Out…Read This…

May 8th, 2012 by scott.turnbull

This is your brain on Facebook: You can’t stop thinking about uploading the latest photos of yourself and your compulsion to hit the “like” button is interfering with your work.

It may sound laughable, but psychologists at the University of Bergen in Norway have come up with six questions designed to detect full-blown Facebook addiction.
The idea is to answer the following questions on a scale from 1 (“very rarely”) to 5 (“very often”):

•You spend a lot of time thinking about Facebook or plan use of Facebook.
•You feel an urge to use Facebook more and more.
•You use Facebook in order to forget about personal problems.
•You have tried to cut down on the use of Facebook without success.
•You become restless or troubled if you are prohibited from using Facebook.
•You use Facebook so much that it has had a negative impact on your job/studies.
According to researchers, scoring “often” or “very often” on at least four of the six items could mean you’re a Facebook junkie.

The symptoms of Facebook addiction resemble those of drug addiction, alcohol addiction and substance abuse, according to psychologist Cecilie Schou Andreassen, who heads the Facebook addiction research group at the University of Bergen.

And in today’s wired world, going cold turkey could be tough on a person’s social life.

The researchers found that Facebook addiction is more common among younger users, especially women, who are anxious and socially insecure.

By contrast, ambitious types who use Facebook mainly for work and networking are at lower risk for dependency, according to the study.

Although the Bergen scale is the first to be scientifically validated, Facebook addiction tests have proliferated online, including a true-or-false version with 30 statements such as, “I often confuse what someone has told me ‘in real life’ and what was said on Facebook.”

For the hardcore addicts, however, self-help tips, such as designating a Facebook-free day each week, are probably doomed to failure.

The only effective treatment may be (gasp!) to deactivate that Facebook account – and sign up for therapy.

Do you know anyone who shows signs of Facebook addiction?….My question is how would you go about staging an intervention?…Maybe by phone…

…Don’t forget Bryan Adams tonight at 8:00 at the Essar Centre..Some tickets are still available…

….See you on the radio…Scott Turnbull

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‘Tis The Season…Some Humourous Golf Quotes…

May 7th, 2012 by scott.turnbull

These are funny…I particularly like the last one….

When I die, bury me on the golf course, so my husband will visit.
Author Unknown

I don’t say my golf game is bad, but if I grew tomatoes they’d come up sliced.
Author Unknown

I’ve spent most of my life golfing. The rest I’ve just wasted.
Author Unknown

They call it golf because all the other four-letter words were taken.
Raymond Floyd

The ardent golfer would play Mount Everest if somebody would put a flag stick on top.
Pete Dye (His golf courses reflect this belief!!!)

Golf is played by twenty million mature American men whose wives think they are out having fun.
Jim Bishop

It took me seventeen years to get three thousand hits in baseball. I did it in one afternoon on the golf course.
Hank Aaron

Golf is a game in which you yell “fore,” shoot six, and write down five.
Mel Jones

Give me golf clubs, fresh air & a beautiful partner, and you can keep the clubs and the fresh air.
Jack Benny

Have you ever noticed what golf spells backwards?
Al Boliska

The only time my prayers are never answered is on the golf course.
Billy Graham

Reverse every natural instinct and do the opposite of what you are inclined to do, and you will probably come very close to having a perfect golf swing.
Ben Hogan

Go play golf. Go to the golf course. Hit the ball. Find the ball. Repeat until the ball is in the hole. Have fun. The end.
Chuck Hogan

If you think it’s hard to meet new people, try picking up the wrong golf ball.
Jack Lemmon

It’s good sportsmanship to not pick up lost golf balls while they are still rolling.
Mark Twain

Don’t play too much golf. Two rounds a day are plenty.
Harry Vardon

Golf is a game in which one endeavors to control a ball with implements ill adapted for the purpose.
Woodrow Wilson

A golfer’s diet: live on greens as much as possible .
Author Unknown

Gone golfin’ … be back about dark thirty.
Author Unknown

Born to golf. Forced to work.
Author Unknown

My body is here, but my mind has already teed off .
Author Unknown

Golf and sex are the only things you can enjoy without being good at them.
Jimmy DeMaret

May thy ball lie in green pastures …. and not in still waters.
Author Unknown

If I hit it right, it’s a slice. If I hit it left, it’s a hook. If I hit it straight, it’s a miracle.
Author Unknown

The difference in golf and government is that in golf you can’t improve your lie.
George Deukmejian

Golf is a game invented by the same people who think music comes out of bagpipes.

….See you on the golf course…I’m mean.. radio…Scott Turnbull

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And You Thought You’ve Said Stupid Things…

May 4th, 2012 by scott.turnbull

Some people should just stay away from microphones….You may have seen this before….but these quotes are still good for a giggle….Enjoy…

(On September 17, 1994, Alabama’s Heather Whitestone was selected as Miss America 1995.)
Question: If you could live forever, would you and why?
Answer: “I would not live forever, because we should not live forever, because if we were supposed to live forever, then we would live forever, but we cannot live forever, which is why I would not live forever,”
–Miss Alabama in the 1994 Miss USA contest.

“Whenever I watch TV and see those poor starving kids all over the world, I can’t help but cry. I mean I’d love to be skinny like that, but not with all those flies and death and stuff.”
–Mariah Carey

“Smoking kills. If you’re killed, you’ve lost a very important part of your life,”
– Brooke Shields, during an interview to become spokesperson for federal anti-smoking campaign

“I’ve never had major knee surgery on any other part of my body,”
–Winston Bennett, University of Kentucky basketball forward.

“Outside of the killings, Washington has one of the lowest crime rates in the country,”
–Mayor Marion Barry, Washington , DC .

“That lowdown scoundrel deserves to be kicked to death by a jackass, and I’m just the one to do it,”
–A congressional candidate in Texas .

“Half this game is ninety percent mental.”
–Philadelphia Phillies manager, Danny Ozark…(Sometimes attributed to Yogi Berra)
“It isn’t pollution that’s harming the environment. It’s the impurities in our air and water that are doing it..”
–Al Gore, Vice President

“I love California . I practically grew up in Phoenix .”
 Dan Quayle

“We’ve got to pause and ask ourselves: How much clean air do we need?”
–Lee Iacocca

“The word “genius” isn’t applicable in football. A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein.”
–Joe Theisman, NFL football quarterback & sports analyst.

“We don’t necessarily discriminate. We simply exclude certain types of people.”
– Colonel Gerald Wellman, ROTC Instructor.

“Your food stamps will be stopped effective March 1992 because we received notice that you passed away. May God bless you. You may reapply if there is a change in your circumstances.”
–Department of Social Services, Greenville , South Carolina

“Traditionally, most of Australia’s imports come from overseas.”
–Keppel Enderbery

“If somebody has a bad heart, they can plug this jack in at night as they go to bed and it will monitor their heart throughout the night. And the next morning, when they wake up dead, there’ll be a record.”
–Mark S. Fowler, FCC Chairman

Feeling smarter yet?

….See you on the radio…Scott Turnbull

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Fool Your Brain…Lose Weight!

May 3rd, 2012 by scott.turnbull

A picture is worth a thousand calories. If salads do not tickle your taste buds, then try eating the greenery while looking at a full color picture of a pizza, complete with meaty topping in gooey cheese. The picture will actually fool your brain into thinking the salad tastes good, say scientists at the Nestle Research Center in Lausanne, Switzerland. In fact, any picture of a decadently delicious high-carb dish can trick the brain into thinking that healthy fare is tasty even green beans or broccoli. The researchers reached these conclusions after showing people various images while scanning their brains and testing tastes on their tongues. “This study provides evidence that high calorie food cues enhance the pleasurable evaluation of tastes presented afterward,” says study leader Dr. Johannes le Coutre. “This provides insight into how the brain processes taste and sight to produce food enjoyment.”….

….See you on the radio…Scott Turnbull

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Tips From the Redneck Book of Manners
1. Never take a beer to a job interview.
2. Always identify people in your yard before shooting at them.
3. It’s considered poor taste to take a cooler to church.
4. If you have to vacuum the bed, it is time to change the sheets.
5. Even if you’re certain that you are included in the will, it is still considered tacky to drive a U-Haul to the funeral home.
Dining Out
1. If drinking directly from the bottle, always hold it with your fingers covering the label.
2. Avoid throwing bones and food scraps on the floor as the restaurant may not have dogs.
ENTERTAINING IN YOUR HOME
1. A centerpiece for the table should never be anything prepared by a taxidermist.
2. Do not allow the dog to eat at the table no matter how good his manners are.
PERSONAL HYGIENE
1. While ears need to be cleaned regularly, this is a job that should be done in private using one’s OWN truck keys
2. Proper use of toiletries can forestall bathing for several days. However, if you live alone, deodorant is a waste of good money.
3. Dirt and grease under the fingernails is a social no-no, as they tend to detract from a woman’s jewelry and alter the taste of finger foods.
DATING (OUTSIDE THE FAMILY)
1. Always offer to bait your date’s hook, especially on the first date.
2. Be aggressive. Let her know you’re interested: ‘I’ve been wanting to go out with you since I read that stuff on the bathroom wall two years ago.’
3. Establish with her parents what time she is expected back. Some will say 10:00 PM; others might say ‘Monday.’ If the latter is the answer, it is the man’s responsibility to get her to school on time.
WEDDINGS
1. Livestock, usually, is a poor choice for a wedding gift.
2. Kissing the bride for more than 5 seconds may get you shot.
3. For the groom, at least, rent a tux. A leisure suit with a cummerbund and a clean bowling shirt can create too sporty an appearance.
4. Though uncomfortable, say ‘yes’ to socks and shoes for this special occasion.
5. It is not appropriate to tell the groom how good his wife is in the sack.
DRIVING ETIQUETTE
1. Dim your headlights for approaching vehicles, even if the gun is loaded, and the deer is in sight.
2. When approaching a four-way stop, the vehicle with the largest tires always has the right of way.
3. Never tow another car using panty hose and duct tape.
4. When sending your wife/girlfriend down the road with a gas can, it is impolite to ask her to bring back beer.
5. Never relieve yourself from a moving vehicle, especially when driving.
6. Do not lay rubber while traveling in a funeral procession.
TWO REASONS WHY IT IS HARD TO SOLVE A REDNECK MURDER:
1. All the DNA is the same.
2. There are no dental records

….See y’all on the radio…(I keep mine on top of my pile of empties)… Scott Turnbull

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Today’s Video Releases

May 1st, 2012 by scott.turnbull

• “Joyful Noise” ( PG-13 Musical Comedy ): It’s “Glee” with old people and gospel music. Queen Latifah plays the newly-appointed director of a choir who faces opposition over the group’s direction as they head into a national competition. Co-stars Dolly Parton.
• “Haywire” ( R-Rated Action Thriller ): Mixed-martial artist Gina Carano stars as a black-ops super-soldier who seeks payback after she’s set up during a mission. Cast includes Antonio Banderas, Channing Tatum, Ewan McGregor, Michael Douglas, Michael Fassbender.
• “New Year’s Eve” ( PG-13 Romantic Comedy ): The lives of several couples and singles in NYC intertwine over the course of one December 31st in this sorta-sequel to 2010’s “Valentine’s Day”. Cast includes Ashton Kutcher, Jessica Biel, Katherine Heigl, Robert De Niro, Zac Efron.
• “W.E.” ( R-Rated Romantic Drama ): Madonna’s much-maligned movie tells the story of a lonely New Yorker (Abbie Cornish) obsessed with what she perceives as the ultimate love story: King Edward’s VIII’s abdication of the British throne for American divorcée Wallis Simpson.
• Also released today: “Covert Affairs: Season 2” (TV); “Felicity: Seasons 1 & 2” (Vintage TV); “Flicka: Country Pride” (straight-to-video sequel); “The Invisible Man: The Complete Series” (Vintage TV); “Men in Black” (1997 Action Comedy); “Phil Collins: Live at Monreux 2004” (Music); “Sesame Street: Singing With the Stars” (Family); and “Suits: Season 1” (TV).
….See you on the radio….Scott Turnbull

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I thought this may lighten the mood…

Dear Revenue Canada,

Enclosed and/or attached, you will find my 2011 tax return showing that I owe $3,407.00 in taxes.

Please note the attached article from the Toronto Globe and Mail; dated 12 November, wherein you will see the Canadian Department of National Defense is paying $171.50 per hammer and Fisheries and Oceans Canada has paid $600.00 per toilet seat for its icebreakers.

As payment, I am enclosing four (4) toilet seats (valued @ $2,400) and six (6) hammers valued @ $1,029), which I secured at Canadian Tire, bringing my total remittance to $3,429.00.

Pl ease apply the overpayment of $22.00 to next year’s tax bill or a roll of toilet paper.

It has been a pleasure to pay my tax bill this year, and I look forward to paying it again next year.

God Bless Canada!

Sincerely,
A Cape Bretoner
…..See you on the radio… Scott Turnbull

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Actual Dating Ads For Seniors

April 30th, 2012 by scott.turnbull

Ads seen in ”The Villages” Florida newspaper:

FOXY LADY:
Sexy, fashion-conscious blue-haired beauty,
80′s, slim, 5’4′ (used to be 5’6′),
searching for sharp-looking, sharp-dressing companion.
Matching white shoes and belt a plus.

LONG-TERM COMMITMENT:
Recent widow who has just buried fourth husband, and am looking for someone to round out a six-unit plot. Dizziness, fainting, shortness of breath not a problem.

SERENITY NOW:
I am into solitude, long walks, sunrises, the ocean, yoga and
meditation.
If you are the silent type, let’s get together, take our hearing aids out and enjoy quiet times.

WINNING SMILE:
Active grandmother with original teeth seeking a dedicated flosser
to share rare steaks, corn on the cob and caramel candy.

BEATLES OR STONES?
I still like to rock, still like to cruise in my Camaro on
Saturday nights and still like to play the guitar.
If you were a groovy chick, or are now a groovy hen,
let’s get together and listen to my eight-track tapes.

MEMORIES:
I can usually remember Monday through Thursday.
If you can remember Friday, Saturday and Sunday, let’s put our two heads together.

MINT CONDITION:
Male, 1932 model , high mileage, good condition, some hair,
many new parts including hip, knee, cornea, valves.
Isn’t in running condition, but walks well.

You can say what you want about Florida , but you never hear of anyone retiring and moving north.

…..See You on the radio…Scott Turnbull

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New Movies At Galaxy Cinemas

April 27th, 2012 by scott.turnbull

• “The Five-Year Engagement” ( R-Rated Romantic Comedy ): Jason Segel & Emily Blunt star in this comedy that charts the ups & downs of an engaged couple’s relationship. The duo previously played romantic interests in “Gulliver’s Travels” and also both appeared in “The Muppets”. Directed by Nicholas Stoller (“Forgetting Sarah Marshall”).
NET: http://www.thefiveyearengagementmovie.com

• “The Raven” ( R-Rated Mystery Thriller ): When a madman begins committing horrific murders inspired by Edgar Allan Poe’s works, a young Baltimore detective (Luke Evans) joins forces with author Poe (John Cusack) to stop him from making the mystery stories a reality. Co-stars Alice Eve, Brendan Gleeson. Shot in Belgrade, Serbia and Budapest, Hungary. NET: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qeLrtwniqM4
• “Safe” ( R-Rated Crime Thriller ): Veteran action-film actor Jason Statham plays an ex-cage fighter who comes to the aid of ‘Mei’ (Catherine Chan), a young girl whose memory holds a priceless numerical code. That’s made her the target of Triads, the Russian mob, and corrupt NYC cops. Co-stars Chris Sarandon, Robert John Burke. NET: http://www.safethefilm.com

….Have a good weekend…See you on the radio….Scott Turnbull

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A Financial Infidelity Survey

April 26th, 2012 by scott.turnbull

TODAY.com and SELF magazine unveiled results of their joint “Financial Infidelity” survey which found that nearly half the respondents acknowledged keeping money secrets from their partner.
The online “financial infidelity” survey found that 46 percent of people have lied to their partner about money, confessing to a wide range of money secrets, including lying about purchases, hiding them in the back of the closet and clandestinely withdrawing money from joint accounts.
The extensive poll of 23,000 online users also found that more than 60 percent of both men and women think cheating is cheating, whether it’s financial or sexual. Two-thirds told us that honesty about money is as important as remaining monogamous. About one-third said financial infidelity can sometimes lead to sexual infidelity.
The survey also found that women are more likely than men to keep money secrets. The most common financial fibs involved shopping, such as pretending something was on sale. A minority – under 10 percent – confessed to more serious spending secrets, including secret bank accounts or hidden credit cards. About 13 percent of respondents said they’d broken up or gotten divorced over secretive spending habits.
“Our survey makes it clear that money can be a huge stumbling block for relationships if couples don’t take the time to talk about it frankly,” said Martin Wolk, TODAY.com executive business editor. “It’s one thing to fib about a new pair of shoes, but keeping serious money secrets from one another – about problems with debt or spending – can be a recipe for disaster.”
“Discussing money can be very awkward, but it is important to have this conversation with your partner early on,” states SELF Editor-in-Chief, Lucy Danziger. “To have a successful relationship, you need to have trust and hiding money secrets is a huge way to break that confidence. Open up about past debts, then lay some ground rules for the future and have a mutual agreement on your expenses. This openness will save you from many fights in the end and lead to a much healthier relationship.”
MONEY SECRETS – More than 34 percent of men and women who have kept money secrets say it’s because they disagree with their partner about where to spend the money.
HIDE & SEEK – 32 percent of women said they have hidden purchases from their partner, compared with only 17 percent of men.
THIS OLD THING? More than 25 percent of women said they would pretend something was old when it was actually a new purchase, compared with about 8 percent of men.
STAYING TRUE – The poll found that about 70 percent of women and 63 percent of men thought that honesty about money was as important as remaining monogamous.

….See you on the radio….Scott Turnbull

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