Archive for January, 2012
Tuesday, January 31st, 2012
Vacations are great, especially in winter.
However the joy of a vacation is often preceded by the annoyance of airport travel.
On my way to Cancun I had the joy of sitting beside the epitomy of douchebag.
First, this gem and his girlfriend were late. Then he was mad he couldn’t get food because the plane only accepts credit cards (which he didn’t have). So then he just had to get the hostess to fill up his protein powder supplement with water (he just so happened to have to have this handy “anybody know where the weightroom is”).
Then late in the flight after an entire flight of him regaling his girlfriend with stories of his douchebag antics of yore, him and his girlfriend decided it would be fun to wrestle. Did I mention they were sitting across the aisle from each other? Therefore disturbing four people.
However I guess I shouldn’t complain and just remember the words of the brilliant Louis CK.
Today’s Bonus Code: DOUCHE IN THE AIR
Monday, January 30th, 2012
“A very small man can cast a very large shadow”
April 1st Season Two premiers.
Bonus Code: WINTER IS COMING
Wednesday, January 18th, 2012
There isn’t much kids can do outside when it is -30 or lower. They are probably feeling a bit cooped up (if they are the ‘have fun outside’ type of kids).
Well if the kids are driving you nuts in this cold weather, go all Bill Nye on them with this science experiment.
Today’s Bonus Code: IT’S SCIENCE
Tuesday, January 17th, 2012
Here are the new sizes for Tim Horton’s.
I still have trouble finishing a large before it gets lukewarm and there is nothing worse to me than lukewarm coffee.
However the move is being praised by those of you who can’t get enough of your Timmies. Bring a bathtub, they will likely fill it up.
Today’s Bonus Code: DOUBLE DOUBLE
Monday, January 16th, 2012
Over the weekend this youtube video of “Strange Sounds in Conklin” began making the rounds.
At first appearance, it appears to be slightly creepy and vaguely apocolyptic.
However it it a hoax.
The audio matches up virtually perfectly to this video.
Someone has far too much time on their hands.
Today’s Bonus Code: IT’S A FAKE
Friday, January 13th, 2012
Great (fake) trailer for a (fake) film starring Tilda Swinton and MacCauley Culkin.
Today’s Bonus Code: SCARY HOME ALONE
Thursday, January 12th, 2012
I received an email from “Tammy” yesterday morning during the morning show.
I just heard on your morning show a women talking about giving her partner sex tips so that he could please her better and I had to tell you this story if you promise not to use my name.
I was doing the same thing one night with my boyfriend. We had only been dating for a couple of months and the topic of sex came up. He wanted to know how he was doing.
I have never been one for beating around the bush (Nolan’s Note: I find this unintentional pun hilarious) so I told him exactly what I like about what he does and what I don’t like what he does.
I was waiting for an important e-mail from work so I then checked my phone.
To my horror I discovered that I was currently on the line, with my mother.
I must have pocket dialed her. I quickly hit “end call” and have never spoken about it with her. We both just acknowledge that the incident never occurred.
I still though find it completely awkward that my mom now knows what positition I like best and what I enjoy about oral sex.
So there you have it, Tammy’s embarrassing pocket dial story. Let me know your’s by giving me a call 780-791-0979.
Today’s Bonus Code: POCKET DIAL
Wednesday, January 11th, 2012
This dog never gives up, and hilarity ensues.
Today’s Bonus Code: GET THE BALL
Tuesday, January 10th, 2012
This gentleman is named Beezow Doo-Doo Zopittybop-Bop-Bop. Seriously. That is his legal name.
He faces charges of carrying a concealed weapon, possession of drug paraphernalia, possession of marijuana and a probation violation after being caught (again) in Madison, WI.
Can you imagine the cops trying to track this guy down? “Hey have you seen Beezow Doo-Doo Zopittybop-Bop-Bop?”
Bonus Code: NICE NAME
Monday, January 9th, 2012
I have been a Pittsburgh Steelers fan as long as I can remember. My dad bought me a Steelers hat when I was three and that pretty much did it for me (I still have the hat by the way).
Yesterday was supposed to be an easy playoff win, but as should have been expected, there are no easy wins in the NFL.
Here is the running diary of my team’s stomach punch loss.
2pm- I have been at my favorite establishment for an hour already, full of nervous anticipation. Nervous anticipation and beer.
215pm- My friend Tyran arrives. He is a Broncos fan and shows up in his #15 Orange Tebow jersey. I tell him if he is wearing that he can’t drink or look at girls.
220pm- Tyran says he hopes the Broncos pull off a miracle and I have “Tebow Nightmares”. I’m not sure if he means nightmares about Tebow or Tebow-esque nightmares, which I would imagine involve unwed mothers and gay marriage.
245pm- The Steelers get on the board first. Tyran says “Well three points should be enough for you guys, this is over”. Looking back I should have known he was trying to pull a reverse jinx on me.
3pm- Steelers lead 6-0 until Denver gets a touchdown after Tebow makes a couple throws and a run. Not nervous yet.
320pm- Steelers are selling out to stop the run and force Tebow to beat them and he is. 14-6 Broncos.
330pm- Mistake after mistake for the Steelers and more injuries, already without Ryan Clark, Rashard Mendenhall and Maurcise Pouncey they now lose Casey Hampton and Brett Keisel. Entire starting D-line is now backups. This is a bad omen. 17-6 Broncos.
345pm- Rob Schneider and Cheech Marin!! Together at last! How are shows like “Rob” given the green light? I never want to meet someone who will watch this.
4pm- 20-6 Broncos, Steelers being within two touchdowns is still ok to me. We have Roethlisberger, even though he is playing on one leg.
415pm- A Viagra Ad comes on with a guy on a sailboat. Didn’t know you needed an erection to man a sailboat.
4:30pm- Steelers show some life and make a couple plays and are down by a touchdown, 20-13. My friend Pete tells me he has faith, some annoying guy at the end of the bar does too.
5:30pm- Based on the fact that my face has been in my hands for much of the second half, the bartender just keeps bringing me drinks. I am grateful however no amount of booze is going to get me drunk. 23-16 Broncos.
545pm- Ball in Roethlisberger’s hands with the game on the line…..and…..touchdown! What a pass! What a catch! We are alive! 23-23!
6pm- Force a punt, we have this game.
6:05pm- We are in field goal range in the elevation of Denver….and then sacked. We are heading to overtime.
6:15pm- Denver has been running on first down every play this game. First play of overtime they play action pass and every Steeler is fooled. Touchdown Broncos, game over. Steelers season over.
6:20pm- Received this picture from the boss Mark Neskar (Broncos Fan)
Give Tebow credit, he played an amazing game. The Steelers did not. 12 hours later and I am still in shock. I got in to work this morning and they took my belt away.
Bonus Code: TEBOWING