Comment from Friday October 16, 2009
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Comment from Friday October 16, 2009
Audio clip: Adobe Flash Player (version 9 or above) is required to play this audio clip. Download the latest version here. You also need to have JavaScript enabled in your browser.
The reason why nobody cares is because it is men getting screwed.
This may sound sexist, but if this were happening to women, the public, the media, and politicians would be all over it.
A lot of people seem to think men are made of stone; therefore, nobody cares.
- MikeThank you Randall! I am currently unemployed but I’m afraid, literally afraid to go back to court for relief. The last time I saught remedy for agreement violations by the mother I was told by the judge that it’s okay for her to violate the deal but since the “price chart” for kids changed, I was assessed a further 85 dollars per month in support. My reward for following the rules was more support and the mother was and is still violating the contract.
Please don’t stop screaming about this.
John M.
- John MThanks Randall, I too am one of those fathers who got the short end of the stick. After 2 attempts through our (ha ha) legal system and lets not talk about the costs that Im still paying for, was clearly discriminated and was thrown in the “deadbeat” Dad pile before the case was heard.
- Ron WarnockI to, am a very participant Dad and have to beg and fight to spend extra (if any) time with my kids outside of the one sided arrangements set by the courts. Clearly something has to be done! is there some sort of Fathers group out there where perhaps many voices can be heard rather than one? or who can we direct our concern to without going into the file 13 pile.
THANKS, Ron
Great show Randall, I was on my way to the Ottawa Airport, and on my way home to Vancouver. I have been held hostage and extorted money for over 20 years now due to the Divorce system. But the reason I’m writing is not for myself purely, but for a long time friend of mine who has tried suicide now, after his wife of a 40 year relationship with one child still in school is divorcing him. All men should read a Guide to the Family Maintenance Enforcement Program – A Handbook for Lawyers which can be found on the Department of Justice’s website (40 pages or so). It’s brutal. It is what the custodial parent can do to the non-custodial parent. For example, the custodial parent, usually the women can place a lien on your home, even if you are not in arrears of child support whatsoever, and never have been and never would have been – but this means you can not sell your home, etc. – fairly easy to remove the lien, but extremely easy and at no cost for the custodial parent to place again, and again. I’m there. The custodial parent can also remove your drivers licence, passport, etc. if in minimal arrears – and I mean, minimal by today’s crazy standards. And now think, a man who is not divorced, can kick out all of his kids at age 18 without any money or support ever having been given – they can just open the door and say you’re gone – and they have to leave. A man divorced MUST support his child until they have completed one round of college or university, and if of means and had encouraged their “child” to succeed beyond that – well, it can go on, forever.
The system is not fair, and Randall, I thank you for your comments last Friday morning, I needed to hear that someone is finally picking up the ball, especially that morning. I hope my friend does not finish his life but sees and feels the sun again!
Cheers, and keep on this topic for the Children’s sake, it’s killing them, too!
Tom
- Tom F.Randall, I was sooo happy to hear your audio blog on the Radio about this as I am too a victim of a deadbeat mom. My ex wife left me and my two boys over 14 years ago and I have not seen any child support money from her as she moved out of province and claims “hardship all the time”. Early in the divorce I attempted to fight for support and/or full custody but my lawyers advised me not to rock the boat as they were living with me and (get this) 6 out of 7 of the family law judges at the time were woman and he said I would never win and may even lose my rights for them to remain with me if I proceeded! I can proudly say my boys are very well now both in there teens and they don’t both going to visit her for there “one month” a year visit anymore as they don’t think it is worth it any more, even if I encourage it for the laws sake. I have raised them single handedly there entire life as she left when the oldest was three and youngest was still in the crib (one and a half)and I am proud to be a father even though I never saw a penny. Thanks for bringing this out to the front Randall it is very much appreciated. Cheers.
- Frustrated FatherI am still in shock that women are treating their ex husbands like this. While my ex and I were bitter, I never let him not have access to his child. It was his choice to not see her. To use your children because you are bitter is just wrong. Women are being selfish and greedy. They are not thinking of their kids, only of themselves and how to get back at the ex.
Ladies if you really want to get back at him. Be nice, overload him with kindness. Teach your children something positive. Nothing wrong with a little postive vibes for the children to pick up on. They will learn that even though their parents are no longer together, they can have healthy relationships.
- Shannon
2.
October 16th, 2009 at 11:19 am
Child support is a laugh. The “do-gooders” out there will tell you it is “for the best benefit of the child”. If you look at it only as the father should pay for supporting his child you may be right there, but in reality it is far from it. At best it is a tax subsidy, at worse it impoverishes the father.
If the mother (wait it took a black woman senator to stand up for us white men) if the custodial parent is on social assistance, then they lose dollar for dollar every child support payment made. HOW DOES THAT BENEFIT THE CHILD? If “custodial parent” had $1000 from welfare and gets $500 from “non custodial” (read dad) then they will only get $500 from welfare. At the end of the month the child still lives in a house with $1000 coming in not a cent more. Who wins, the tax payer since they only pay out $500 in welfare.
You have gone to the other end, if the “custodial” parent remarries a wealthy person, will the “non custodial” payment go down? NO, but if he should marry a wealthy woman, then the house hold income goes up, and “his ability to pay” goes up and the payments go up. Very fair system no?
There is a solution. In a divorce, BOTH parents decide on the monthly amount it will take to raise a child. The government can set a minimum level. Then take BOTH house hold incomes, and figure out the appropriate percentages (so if both households have the same income, they pay 50/50). One might wish to set a minimum percent of raising a child, at 33%. In the case of social assistance parents, it goes to 33% into a RESP (registered education savings plan) not to the parent, so that child will have a future.
Wont happen in my life time, but I can still dream.
- Trevor James
3.
October 16th, 2009 at 12:46 pm
Hi Randall,
About your comment today. I am single mom of one and I havent raked my sons father over the coals for support. He is ordered to pay table amount and he cant do that.
Not all fathers are in that boat but I do agree that the ones that are paying 1000$ a month in support is absolutely crazy. Even if you have three childen it doesnt cost that much to support them. What is this world coming to when children are being played as pawns in the adult world of divorce and back stabbing.
- Stacey
4.
October 16th, 2009 at 1:00 pm
I agree with Randall about there being a bias towards women when it comes to child custody and support. However, I am writing to you because I am one of the horror cases of a divorced mother with 3 children. My ex has either worked under the table, in the US or not at all. He did not make an effort to speak with, see or do anything with his children until they became teenagers. He refused to pay support – for the children only and has over the past 5 years or so, paid ad hoc $100 – $200 month for our youngest child only. When we first separated, he uttered death threats and was put in jail for a weekend. He vowed to make me suffer for breaking up our family. (While married, he could never hold a job and had grandiose ideas about how to make a quick buck, but they always fell through. He was diagnosed as being bi-polar.) At the time, I was 100% responsible for our three boys and $40,000 of his debt – only because I was the secondary name on credit cards. I worked and continue to work full-time. I suffered a voluntary repossession of a truck my ex bought, but could not pay for – I was the co-signer since I was the only one to work. I have one child (now 22)diagnosed as bi-polar while in grade 7 and subsequently became diabetic (type 1) as well. My youngest boy (now almost 18)has a learning disability and OCD. My oldest son (now 25) had bacterial meningitis when he was in grade 8 – although he did not have any amputations, he has severe scarring on his arms from hand to elbow and legs from his feet to his knees. He also still suffers from some memory loss. I have gone through losing my house and declaring personal bankruptcy 5 years ago, when I was downsized. I suffer from chronic anxiety and panic attacks, as well as chronic depression as a result of this, and this is just the tip of the iceburg. Had I received any child support over the past 13 years, none of this would have happened – with the exception of the voluntary repossession 13 years ago. I never once stopped my ex or his family (who lived in the same town as my children and I, my ex’s father is a self-made millionaire) from seeing my children. I received zero support of any type from my ex’s family, although they knew that I regularly went to the St. Vincent de Paul Society for food. I made two attempts to attain child support, but my ex refused to complete a financial statement, and I did not have any money to pursue through the courts. The second time, the lawyer trying to help me ended up not getting paid because of my personal bankruptcy. Unfortunately, I know more women who have gone through situations similar to mine, though most did actually receive some type of support. I don’t know of a single case, personally, of a father suffering anything close to what my children and I had to live through.
- Susan Anstett
5.
October 16th, 2009 at 2:11 pm
I would like to spend some time with you and talk to you about my Divorce Nightmare. I have a temporary court order to pay $1550.00 a month on a 52,000.00 a year she makes 42,000.00 a year , I’ve overpayed over $5,000.00 from Jan to Oct 2009 and she refuses to give back this money. I had a pre-nup that was thown out of court , you should see what she was asking for in the case conference. She did everything possible to make it difficult when I had my access by not giving me diappers for my daughter. I have two kids and I miss them so much. I would really like to talk to you and show you more. Please help me tell my story you will not be dissapointed. I’ll write you a letter soon to give you more details.
- Marc Cardinal
6.
October 16th, 2009 at 5:33 pm
My current husband is living a Family Court nightmare. His ex-wife is extremely abusive (documented by experts) and has totally alienated his daughter from him for the past 3 years. Thankfully we have custody of his son, since if he was with her, we’d never see him either. The Children’s Lawyer, when conducting their inept and limited investigation never even bothered observing the mother with the children (the mother wasn’t available to meet with them)
We end up attending court (in Brampton, no less) 6-8 times a year to defend ourselves against her ridiculous allegations and attempts at extorting more money from us, even though we each have custody of one child and she refuses to submit any financial information that she is ordered to. My husband continues to pay support since she claims she only makes $22,000 a year,but she carries mortgages of over $630,000. The courts refuse to acknowledge this discrepancy! She submits proven lie after proven lie in affidavit material, has multiple contempts motions against her, and each new judge we go before to take action. In addition, my husband has overpaid her $10,000 and we have no recourse to get it back since the Family Responsibility Office will only take money, not get it back once it’s been sent out. The entire court system is in dire need of an overhaul.
I too understand why fathers end up killing themselves. And why we have an entire generation of children growing up thinking that they are above the law.
- Jenn Balzamo
7.
October 16th, 2009 at 6:21 pm
I’ve seen both sides in a manner of speaking. My ex was late in paying or didn’t pay. The case worker at the FRO was so conned by him that I had to go higher up the ladder to get action taken. I’m one of the lucky moms – I have a career and was able to raise my daughter without a huge financial hardship. He ex father hasn’t bothered to see her since she was 1 – she’s now 22.
I remarried, and my husband went through a horrendous time with his ex. She did use the kids against him, and at one point told them that I had broken up the marriage – I met him a year after they split so I figure I’m really something! One of them still believes this story I think! She wanted to take the whole child support issue back to court and go under the new rules at the time. This would mean that my income would be on the table for her to get at. Luckily my husband’s lawyer quashed that – otherwise my husband and I would have had to divorce and move apart.
I understand the strain that this topic can put anyone through, but agree that there are women out there who should take a good long look at themselves in the mirror – they are not a pretty sight!
- Wendy Smith
8.
October 16th, 2009 at 9:10 pm
if you need to talk about this Randell get in touch with me as most of the others I have read its scary & I did get in touch with our Premier this summer about this by email & you should see what he said about this sitiuation & also he called the police on me not right away but about 2 to 3 weeks later to see if I was sucidaled & was asked by the police not to get in touch with him no more about this issue . I have more info if you need it as others do 2 please get in touch yours truly Roger
- Roger Jean
9.
October 17th, 2009 at 11:45 am
I agree with Randall about there being a bias towards women when it comes to child custody and support.The worst part they can do anything to the kids too and cas will still stay by there side i can explain all this but too long to list here, the law is on the woman’s side 100%. The law was made for womens and not the men womans can abuse men and kids alike and still get money from the fathers and the systems that has been created for the womans, if you need more info contact me and maybe you can give me avenues to try. Fathers have no rights at all that i can see, and here is a old saying, Honesty is the road to sarvation for men because the system won’t listen to us due the system is geared to the women by women and no politician in ontario has any balls to goes against the womens because it would be Political suicide on vote day for them in ontario.
- Mikael Sefcsik
Bruce Carmicjael | bcarmichael33@yahoo.com | IP: 70.51.63.196
Hey Randall;
Thanks for bringing the child support issue back.
Ihave been paying child support for 18 yrs. According to the separation agreement, I should no longer have to make any more payments. However my ex wife refuses to sign the form which will cease the payments.
My daughter will be 21 yrs old in april. I have not seen her in 3yrs,because she lives in the States.I’m not sure if she still lives with my ex.
I spoke to family responsibility office,they told me untill she signs the form,I still need to make support payments, or hire a lawyer. I contacted a couple of lawyers and they require a thousand dollar retainer fee.
Doubt things will ever change.
- randall.mooreBruce
Randall:
As a former fathers’ right’s activist, I have sat in many courtrooms where child support awarded is higher than the guidelines; sometimes even double or more! When I was first separated, my support was $2,000/month on a $43,000 salary.
Now I have full custody of my two children here in Ottawa; my Ex-spouse lives in NB. I get a measly $200 per month. Her salary is in the mid $60K range!
Fair child support – Yes!
Men are not the Bank of Dad!
Child support seems to be about a transfer of wealth more that it is for the children.
Thanks.
Ken Sandall
- Ken SandallRandall, what a breath of fresh air. Finally, someone that knows what is happening to men and speaks out about it. My case, wife wanted it over and me out (after she had a meeting with kids and told me in front of them). p.s. (she had an affair during the marriage)Anyway, I left. Immediately paid the table amound for child support. Dont have a problem with child suport. Her bf moved into the marital home before it was sold. Then, that wasnt good enough she lawyered up and got the table amount for child support plus spousal. After its court ordered in MB. here, it takes time for courts to process and her get that money so, her and her lawyer pressure me for more $cash. Later, her and her bf buy a new house and cohabitate. She has her own business. She still needs spousal support of course. Anyway to make a long story short I have three girls, dont see them, two are over the age of majority. If i try reduce that child support now she will go after more money via spousal support and I could be paying more than i was in the first place. Her: Annual holidays in Mexico. Leaves the country twice and doesnt even have to advise me at all as a parent, when she is leaving, where my child is or who is looking after her. Bank of Dad. Parental alienation. My folks alienated. Pay pay pay. Is spousal now a guaranteed retirement income ? Where is the justice ? What about the childrens rights? I cant afford to prove parental alienation to court as i dont have deep enough pockets ? People dont care. Nor do justice system. Or lawyers. Fatherless children suffering, not theirs so not a big deal. Is there any light at the end of this tunnel cause i dont see it.
- Brad[...] Classic Rock CHEZ106 – Randall Moore Blog Archive Unfair Child Support Rules [...]
- Do you think that woman receive preferential treatment - Page 5 - Ottawa Divorce .com ForumsMy husband got got severely screwed over! (ex moved with the kids, accross the country, he had to pay 100% of access costs (3600/year) untill “mom” got a job, which lasted 8 years of her being unemployed, 100% of extra-ordinary costs, 100% of medical dental, 100% of braces, etc.)
Now the ex has a job, he still pays 80% of everything, on-top of CS. She gets 1000/month in CS (and we pay another 600/month in extra costs) It is well over 50% of his income. She makes about 24,000K/year, gets 12,000 in CS, about 8000 in CCTB, about 3000/tax refund, so has an income (after tax) of 47,000, half of which is “given” to her.
My husband makes 60K – taxes(30%) = 42,000 – 12,000 (CS) – 7200 (extras) = 22,800. Not to mention the home we keep for the kids and what we spend when they stay here all summer.
Anybody who doesn’t think men get screwed (cause most do not get custody unless they have $$$ to fight for it) needs to learn BASIC math, and the truth about custody and “visitation”.
- Patriciafros answer to all this crap take them back to court screw the court system
- mike