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Headed out on the Road King for a final summer road trip and ended up finding this while enroute back to the Gas City.

Professors, scientists and computer geeks everywhere have been attempting to theororize that humans are the most intelligent beings on our planet although I seriously have my doubts after witnessing closing time at the local watering hole a little ways back.  If you were to dress up a handful of monkeys in tuxedos and put them in a room together with the bar brainiacs of our world, you’d be hard pressed to determine which group would start throwing around their fecal matter first.  It goes a lot deeper than beer goggles and bananas when you bring in other factors like rational thinking and plain ole’ common sense however.

I was on the receiving end of a less than G-rated phone call from a very distressed wife whose mood was sourer than a lemonade stand demanding I cease pressuring her man to buy a bike, of the non-pedal kind.  As I politely tuned out the verbal beating my ears were taking I was prepared to rebuttal with memories of their bungee jumping excursion but common sense knocked on the back door of my cranium and saved me from inserting my head even further into the lion’s mouth.  Here was this gal who has no qualms of attaching her feet and ensuing body to an oversized rubber band before launching herself into the abyss and yet refuses to let her husband partake in some powered bicycle action.  For the record, the guy’s wife phoned me in secrecy while the husband was using a chainsaw to create some window space for their cabin which also seems about as safe as sword swallowing.  Oh the irony.

On the gazebo last week The German and I were attempting to solve the world’s problems while under the influence of a flat of Lucky and after hours of garbled conversation I managed to scribble down some of our highlights in an effort to possibly promote more rational thinking and ultimately make us feel better about ourselves.  1. Areas of grey are okay.  To believe success can be categorized into black and white is to set yourself up for future failure.  2.  It’s fine not to get along with everyone in the world. With close to seven billion people on planet Earth, you’re not going to agree on everything but that’s what makes this rotating mass of rock so interesting.  3. Finally, it’s uncommonly rare when things go exactly the way you want and when we accept that we can’t control everything in our life, living seems to be more enjoyable.  (Please note that after an evening of carousing, I was only able to decipher three of what could or could not be several more of life’s unspoken rules)  

It was a morning of discussing what we’d like to see brought back to our culture.  In no particular order, here’s some of our favorites. (and thanks to all our Rock 105.3 listeners for their contributions

1. Sex lights (which is usually accompanied by velvet truck curtains and dingo-balls)

2. opinionated politicians – that way we know where they stand on the issues

3.  remote controls with the attached wires

4.  rotary telephones

5. cheap gasoline (and full service service stations)

6. nickel and dime candy stores

7.  drive ins; of the movie and eating kind

8. mirrored sunglasses (but no Blublockers)

9.  banana seat bikes with hockey cards in the spokes and a pair of matching tassels

10.

With the latest edition of our CFL Showdown underway, I think the odds have been stacked against me right from the get go.

In case you haven’t heard, it’s a week of Rider fans VS Anti-Rider fans and you can show your support by dropping off school supplies in the appropriate bin at Southland VW here in town.  The bin with the most stuff wins and the loser (Cassie vs me) has to buy the winner breakfast all week long while not being able to participate in breakfast themselves.

Note how the Rider bin is decorated while the Anti Rider bin is not. 

Add to that, this is a picture of one of the staff’s nails over there and this is why me thinks I’ve been duped.

CALLING ALL ANTI-RIDER FANS; I NEED/MUST/WANT/HAVE TO WIN THIS WEEK. (in all fairness, it will be my best chance.  Have you seen how my Bombers are playing lately?)

I’ve yet to win a CFL Showdown with Cassie and here’s some pics of me following through on last week’s bet which included the cooking of some beer can chicken and while the rice didn’t turn out, it was still an enjoyable evening on the gazebo.

Of course, no BBQ can begin until the removal of the Blue Bomber BBQ cover ritual has ended.

A before and after picture of the chicken, complete with beer can. (note how the chicken almost looks pleased)

And where the starting and finishing of the eating took place.

This week on the CFL Showdown, the outcome will be decided by you.  Please give what you can for Tools for School and dropping off a school donation at Southland VW on Strachan.  We have two bins set up; a Rider bin and Anti Rider bin.  After one week and after tallying the votes, the loser has to buy the winner breakfast for a week and no, the loser cannot eat during this time either, just to add insult to injury.

With the new city by-law in effect referencing pets, Cassie and a few of our listeners hit on a really good point; if common sense still existed in this world, would this pet by-law even be an issue?

Responsibility seems to be a dying trait among society and it makes me question if common sense has gone on permanent vacation with no inclinations of returning. 

If we’re no longer taking the time to clean up after Mittens the kitten lets a land mine fly on our walking trails, where do our law makers get to draw the line?  I enjoy going for a stroll without wondering what present my flip flops will pick up around the corner. 

It’s become a sad state of affairs when our city has to intervene because of a few irresponsible pet owners. 

Don’t be fooled by this morning’s blog;  all these words were written this past Tuesday and only now am I posting them.  Also, if it looks a lot like today’s column from the Medicine Hat News, you’d be right on the money.

It might be time to invest in one of those robot vacuums after perusing some of the Lawdy Mama’s favorite magazine selections.  Why I was reading Cosmo won’t be delved into at this juncture but nonetheless I stumbled upon some excitingly mundane news that I wish to share with my fellow male brethren.  You can forget about wearing the mechanic’s coveralls and substitute the firefighter hat for some bright yellow latex gloves after learning that women are much more attracted to their man if they’ve cleaned the house.  Years ago my Father offered up some advice when he mentioned that ‘the day you stop learning is the day you might as while stop getting out of bed’ but I never thought I’d learn that the possible missing link between men and women could be found in the extra thick summer issue of Chatelaine. 

For years the Lawdy Mama has been encouraging me to spend more time in front of the sink and less time in front of my mitre saw with promises of TLC (I hope she’s not talking about The Learning Channel) and for those very same years I was suspicious of ulterior motives, hence my lackadaisical efforts into the swishing and swashing of saucers.  Not wanting to stumble into the bear’s den without nary a butter knife to defend myself, I explored this newfound information by reiterating this nifty knowledge to my friends, peers and colleagues and the results are worth mentioning, even if it means sacrificing the manly, calloused and leathery hands for the dish washed kind.

It’s a good rule of thumb to be wary of believing everything that you read and see however this could be the exception because after putting the microscope on full power, the equation of MEN + HOUSEWORK = AFFECTION seems to be correct on every plane I’ve delved into thus far.  Our Rock 105.3 listeners, two of my aunts, my mother, one of my new neighbors and a handful of strangers at last week’s car show all agree of what my wife has been trying to put through my concrete head for thousands of days now; good things happen with the outcome of a clean castle.  However, I wouldn’t be doing due diligence if I didn’t read the fine print and therefore have to relay this very important piece of hot and heavy housecleaning; nowhere in my 34 minutes of research on this subject did I find anything correlation between you, the guy you are, and the actual act of cleaning house.  Keeping in mind that the physical act of cleaning is moot, a tidy townhouse is the bottom line so that means if you have to bribe the kids, hire a student or even dust the doilies yourself, do what you need to and your chances of a culmination to the population will significantly increase.  Now if you’ll excuse me, there’s a velvet painting of a matador in dire need of dusting.

Big thanks to Ozzy for sending me these pics of last night’s Scorpions’s show and their final tour.  You’ll notice that while one of the pictures look a lot like Klaus and the boys, the other photo is of their opening act, Dominica.

 Regardless, it’s always good to relive some memories I can no longer recall, (we’ll blame a decade of self medication of that one)  courtesy of our listeners.

After another week of the CFL Showdown underway between myself and Cassie, she was kind enough to snap this picture, right here in the Gas City while enroute to deliver some lunch to this week’s workplace hero.

 It turns out I’m not the lone Blue Bomber fan west of the River City after all.

Now if those Blue&Gold can only give me something worth holding my head up for . . . . .

I’m looking for a little bit of life’s greatest feelings; payback.

 Before I get ahead of myself, please refer to Cassie’s blog and check out the pictures of me and my new Rider green goatee.

 No, I am NOT a member of Rider Nation nor do I ever plan on becoming one but rather I’m following through on a bet with Cassie after my Blue Bombers lost yet another game.

With our weekly CFL showdown coming up tomorrow and the Riders getting ready to play Montreal, this could be very well be a great opportunity for the sweet smell of revenge.  I’m looking for ideas of what to bet with Cassie tomorrow morning.

Please hit me up with your ideas either here or on our facebook site.