If I ever come back to life as a month of the year and if that month is February, it will be a sign from the heavens that I was never meant to pass through the pearly gates. February is like the middle kid in a family of eight; it’s not the oldest or youngest and is often forgotten about despite the amount of hand me downs that is forced upon it, like it’s less than stellar holidays.
January has the brand new, smell-like-baby powder New Year baby, October celebrates Thanksgiving with a turkey, April gets to use the cute, little fuzzy bunny rabbit for it’s Easter holiday and then you’ve got the black sheep of the calendar year, February and a groundhog? Ironically, a sheep would be a vast improvement over this varmint rodent that can predict the weather with the same accuracy as a bathtub full of legless monkeys. While both of the above critters are worthy of a holiday, I’m convinced Groundhog Day was created so that weather forecasters don’t feel left out of the news anchor loop. You want this nation to envelop Groundhog Day with open arms; turn it into a national statutory holiday and I can almost promise that this whistle-pig, land beaver will be the next mammal to have its mug on our quarter.
The 2nd month of the year doesn’t necessarily scream romance as slushy and dirty snow lines the streets and avenues while frozen and dying flowers are delivered by the dozen. The only people that celebrate this half-holiday are either those that forgot about the day last year and are attempting to make amends, the creepy guy working the early morning shift at the gas bar who keeps smelling his hands or that 40’some couple that likes to make out in public places.
Sure, it’s a day off but at what cost? The winter blues have set in, you’ve finally been able to make the minimum payment on the credit card courtesy of over priced X-Mas presents and your out-of-work uncle moved out of your basement 72 hours ago. Let’s celebrate by hanging out with the very same people that almost ruined you, mentally and financially; not necessarily the best of ideas. At least one other province went as far as to rename Family Day to fool those not accustomed to the weakest of all holidays and even our immediate neighbors to the East only hopped on board a few years ago, this stemming from the same province that refuses to change time with the rest of the nation.
Too Little Too Late
The biggest offense to February comes in the form of numbered days and how it gets ripped off. The forgotten month can’t even hit 30 days on a leap year which only adds salt to the wound and makes me wonder if we should eliminate the month of February altogether. Get rid of the two half holidays, carry Family Day into March and then divvy up the remaining days and let’s put February out to pasture, it’s served its time.