Archive for December, 2009
Thursday, December 31st, 2009
by spending it, shivering, quivering, shaking and sweating from the confines of a dentist chair. Don’t get me wrong, Dr. Matt and crew were fantastic, it was the patient that had problems.
Mostly stemming from traumatic childhood dentist experiences when ‘freezing’ was considered a luxury option, I realize it’s mind over matter and my mind just isn’t quite there yet, despite not feeling a thing.
With reassurance from my co-host Cassie and some loyal Rock 1053. listeners, I took the plunge and sat in the chair and I have to say I’m very happy I listened to that advice because I’m leaving on a jet plane tomorrow morning and I’d hate to have my teeth worked on by a guy who can’t communicate with me because of a language barrier.
In hindsight, it’s a great way to start a new decade, complete with a new tooth.
I’ll be back in a couple of weeks,
Wednesday, December 30th, 2009
That’s when I’m scheduled to appear before my dentist to rectify a tooth emergency after some beef jerkey got the better part of my bottom right molar, wisdom tooth to be exact. It’s the not that tooth that hurts but my big fat tongue which keeps rubbing against the sharp part of my partially broken tooth.
Normally, this wouldn’t be a big deal but I’m leaving on a jet plane in two days and I’m all about sacrificing comfort if it means avoiding a trip to the dentist; just not this time around.
I can’t begin to explain how terrified I am of these people and even typing this out I can feel myself tensing up. Like my growing stomach, so does grow my fear of teeth workers. If the arms of a dentist chair had restraints, I’d use them. If gas is an option, sign me up.
Mice, snakes, spiders, that shady dude in the back alley; I’m fine with. I’ve been picnicing when a family of bears showed up, I’ve been face to face with a wolf during a winter camping trip and aside from being more than a little concerned over a pack of coyotes when I was a wee lad, none of this compares to how I feel about the dentist.
24 hours from now it will all be over with and yes, I’ll be reporting back with details however this isn’t how I wanted to spend my last few remaining hours of 2009; stuck in a dentist chair.
Tuesday, December 29th, 2009
With less than 72 hours to go before we pull the plug on the first 10 years of the decade, Cassie and I spent the morning recollecting the highs and the lows of the last little while and here’s what we came up with, in no particular order.
1. 911-the attack on the Twin towers
2. The election of Barrack Obama
3. The deaths of Farrah, Walter Kronkite, Superman a.k.a Christopher Reeves and Johnny Cash
4. The Rise of China
5. The war in Afghanistan
6. Bin Laden’s elusiveness
7. Beijing Olympics
8. Asian Tsnumai
9. Hurricane Katrina
10. Iraq War
14. new Pope
Thursday, December 24th, 2009
Don”t be fooled by the abundance of words. I wrote this, like 2 days ago and hence that’s why it’s a very easy blog, on my part that is.
I’m thinking that 24 hours from now, Santa will have swapped out the velvety red pants for a velvety red Speedo and is enjoying shrimp skewers on a white sandy beach somewhere; after all, the man with a belly of jelly has earned it. Its bad enough he had to deal with a workshop recession but let’s hope Saint Nick had his affairs in order when contending with our federal government and what they deem to be unsafe toys; like the following.
The Wood Burning Kit
A step above connect the dots, this toy-in-a-box would allow the lucky child to burn etches into pre-fabricated pieces of wood, once the wood burner reached its internal temperature of 1.3 jillion degrees Celsius, that is. It had no working pieces to assemble, no instructions to read, didn’t require batteries and made no noise and therefore deemed the ultimate present to offer up in a household of sugar induced children. The effort put forth from the giver was minimal other than to wrap the present and because ‘quiet time’ was considered sacred among the grown-ups, the wood burning kit became a very popular gift. Providing hours of entertainment for the up and coming wood working pyromaniac, the wood burning kit would also boast several small metal tips, perfect for a post-Christmas meal targeting people under the age of 2 years. Because the burner itself didn’t come with an off/on switch nor a stand, it was also the perpetrator in many a fire on Mom’s purple shag carpet. How more children didn’t come to school with homemade wood burnt tattoos truly is a Christmas Miracle.
Nothing could bring a tear to a grandparent’s eye like watching their niece unwrap a Trumark Folding Slingshot. Knowing that the family elders are keeping a farm tradition of gopher-hunting alive and well, the sling-shot was often a 2 part present, with the second gift usually entailing 50-100 steel ball bearings because what good is a sling-shot without ammunition? Cousins of similar age would also acquire the sling-shot for Christmas and while the models varied from the wrist support sling to the repeater, it was soon learned that peas, corn and mashed potatoes make for thrilling and yet relatively safe ammo, a useful feature when indoors. Pigeons and drunken uncles alike are helpless when a youngster who is inadvertently plotting vengeance gets their hand on a shot of the slinging kind. But then again, you haven’t experienced a true Christmas until you’ve spent it at emergency, patiently waiting for that pesky pellet to be removed.
The only item more dangerous than receiving darts for a present is receiving lawn darts for a Christmas present. Never socially acceptable until of legal age, why wait to give tiny, wee, pub darts to a child when the larger, more deadly versions were readily available. Heavy, sharp and built to lob skywards until its good friend gravity would take over, unsuspecting toes, suspended ceilings and the occasional extremity would pay a heavy toll with the invention of the lawn dart. Even adults were unable to resist the unassuming rules of lawn darts and began to create new and creative ways to use the Jolly Green Giant’s dart set. Usually under the wisdom of rum punch and by combining the gift in the above paragraph, stories and scars would make their way to the forefront of festive stories told around the fireplace for generations to come.
And now if you’ll excuse me, I’ll have two very disappointed nephews on my hands if I don’t get their flame throwing catapults wrapped in time.
Wednesday, December 23rd, 2009
Loosely translated from French, that’s what Egg Nog spells out when you look at a carton of the yellowish, cinammon smelling Festive treat, if you can look at it at all.
I was under the impression that if the masses changed the name of Egg Nog to sound more appealing, more people would purchase that crap, I mean tasty stuff. Here’s some of the more interesting names taken from callers today.
1. Santa’s Sauce
2. Festive Cheer
3. Christmas Punch
5. Cinammon Nog
In hindsight, I think it’s going to take a lot more than just a name change for this thick-like goo to appeal to our nation, no matter what time of the season it is.
Monday, December 21st, 2009
After weeks of un-coperative weather, I can finally say I tried my hand at snoeshoeing and at the end of the afternoon, Elkwater came out the winner.
Despite a back pack full of trail mix, extra socks, gloves, gallons of water and even some beef jerkey, I was done for after 3 hours of pretending to be a courier-de-bois.
Aside from a winter-sweat courtesy of too much Helly Hansen gear and some dudes who were ice fishing, it was a day of snow and solitude, just like I imagined it.
Friday, December 18th, 2009
So, already the calls and concerns over our drivers ability to drive here in The Gas City have been flooding our feedback line, 403-548-4333 by the way if there’s something on your mind.
The next time you get stuck behind Granny Tucker and her 1979 Cordova who stops at yields on green lights three traffic stops ahead, consider yourself lucky that you weren’t travelling down the QE 2 last weekend, the highway between Calgary and Edmonton.
Thursday, December 17th, 2009
Now I’m not sure if I’m upset over the idea that I didn’t think of this first or the idea that this could possibly be the absolute worst present ever.
You’ll recognize the Holiday colored cut off biker gloves but they’re not what they appear to be. These half mitts are to be used for people who spend a lot of time in cold offices, typing away on their keyboard for hours at a time.
Yes, these are USB heated warming mitts for those who suffer from frosty hands.
To quote Thomas Tusser, ‘a fool and his money are soon parted’ and it starts with these ridiculous things.
Wednesday, December 16th, 2009
Based on the advice of some Rock 105.3 listeners and the temporary problem of the upcoming onslaught of relatives for the holidays, it was brought to my attention I may need to re-establish my cardboard fort.
The fort of corrugated carboard was originally created for just such an emergency and with the blowing up of the hot water tank a month back, it has sustained some structural damage. However, with a few trips to the local grocery store, I’m positive I can turn my cardboard fort into a cardboard castle, complete with a hidden access tunnel.
And who says adults always have to act like adults? . . .
Monday, December 14th, 2009
Ever since December hit and I find myself waiting in line at Tim’s, once a week I’ll splurge and buy the cofee for whomever is waiting behind me in the drive-thru.
4:10 AM today was no exception as I asked the Timmie’s gal to ring up the order behind me until I saw a red flag pop up. Actually, the red flag was in truth a green flag, as in a RoughRiders’ flag. That’s right, this little car was rocking two Riders’ flags and it would be the deciding factor for me to NOT splurge. And as the cashier was working the math, I went back on my word and told her to politely forget it. I need all the Blue Bomber karma I can get and buying a Rider’s fan’s coffee is not the way to do it. (Ironically, my co-host Cassie loves the Riders)
We’ll try again tomorrow.