http://www.jackfm.ca

Why not open at work? Because your day will be shot and you’ll be fired.

I dare you to try this and stop without penning the damn cat!

Remember, I warned you

Well, it’s apparent that our future is secure. My pension will take the form of a the successful future rap duo ‘O’Neill Squared’.

It’s obviously a sure thing with Calgary being such a hip hop hotbed!

Eric and I can’t decide if this is funny or disturbing.

Regardless, don’t dare a cop to taser you.

Tis the season to remind the weekend hackers of over used golf terms. That is to say, please don’t use these.

I think the cart gal likes me (no she doesn’t)

Hit it alice

Is that your wife’s club

Nice roll, good lag

I’ll get the next round

That’s my sacrifice to the water gods

3 kids and I still can’t hit the hole

If that tree wasn’t there you would have made it to the green

That’s not gonna hurt ya

You can see the green from there

You’ll be able to find that one

You left some meat on that bone

I never do that

That won’t hurt you.

I’ve got a line on it.

That’ll play.

Settle.

Did you hit your purse on your follow-through?

Good weight

Good line

Nice roll

If that tree wasn’t there you would’ve made it to the green.

Does that shirt come in mens?

You’ve got to be kidding me!

How’d that stay out?

You should be able to find that one

That was a real worm burner

That’s a condom shot: safe, but it didn’t feel very good.

You’re going to need a passport to find that one.

Oh S%&*!

Matt

Your turn

Many thanks to Theresa Black for sending me this email.

Message: Just wanted to share some fabulous words that came through my email today!

Once in a while someone does a nice job of describing a Canadian. This time it was an Australian dentist. In case anyone asks you who a Canadian is . . .

An Australian’s Definition of a Canadian –

You probably missed it in the local news, but there was a report that someone in Pakistan had advertised in a newspaper an offer of a reward to anyone who killed a Canadian – any Canadian.

An Australian dentist wrote the following editorial to help define what a Canadian is, so they would know one when they found one:

“A Canadian can be English, or French, or Italian, Irish, German, Spanish, Polish, Russian or Greek. A Canadian can be Mexican, African, Indian, Chinese, Japanese, Korean, Australian, Iranian, Asian, Arab, Pakistani or Afghan.

A Canadian may also be a Cree, Métis, Mohawk, Blackfoot, Sioux, or one of the many other tribes known as native Canadians.

A Canadian’s religious beliefs range from Christian, Jewish, Buddhist, Muslim, Hindu or none. In fact, there are more Muslims in Canada than in Afghanistan . The key difference is that in Canada they are free to worship as each of them chooses. Whether they have a religion or no religion, each Canadian ultimately answers only to God, not to the government, or to armed thugs claiming to speak for the government and for God.

A Canadian lives in one of the most prosperous lands in the history of the world. The root of that prosperity can be found in the Charter of Rights and Freedoms which recognize the right of each person to the pursuit of happiness.

A Canadian is generous and Canadians have helped out just about every other nation in the world in their time of need, never asking a thing in return.

Canadians welcome the best of everything: the best products, the best books, the best music, the best food, the best services and the best minds. But they also welcome the least – the oppressed, the outcast and the rejected.

These are the people who built Canada .

You can try to kill a Canadian if you must as other blood-thirsty tyrants in the world have tried, but in doing so you could just be killing a relative or a neighbor. This is because Canadians are not a particular people from a particular place. They are the embodiment of the human spirit of freedom. Everyone who holds to that spirit, everywhere, can be a Canadian.”