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How is it that the human race hasn’t died off yet? How have we managed not to parish without safety warnings at every turn?

Home Depot isn’t the most common place for revelations but it surely was for me yesterday. While doing the aimless isle after isle walk, and exchanging that manly nod that assured everyone I knew where I was going, came the strangers announcement.

“We’d like to remind you that if you have a child in your cart, please make sure they’re seated and not standing up. Also, please keep them in sight as there are potentially dangerous materials to small children throughout the store. If your child goes missing, we ask you to report to the service desk immediately. Also, keep your small ones from climbing up shelves”

Really? I mean REALLY?

We appreciate the care and concern for our angels (and your obvious assumption of our idiocy) but the afore mentioned should be known, or should they?

We’ve learned this week that casinos should have a sign outside saying “Please don’t leave kids in car”

So again, in that these dyer warnings have been deemed necessary today, it’s a wonder that generations of past ever made it.

All that said, it should be pointed out that I was there to buy hardware for a baby gate. Yet another thing we didn’t have as kids but still lived.

Matt

Your turn

If they can….why can’t we?

Happy St. Patrick’s Day! If you live in the south I’ll be bartending at the ‘Kilt and Caber’ in McKenzie Towne as I do every year on this day. Stop by and I’ll pour you a beer.

And I defy you not to laugh or at least smile at this Irish classic!

If you been listening at all this week you’ll know that I LOVE THE BRIER (that’s bonus code if you care) But it was a crying shame this morning.

The seedy under-rock was revealed to us, much to the shock of our virgin ears. Who would have suspected that gals of questionable motives may be trolling at the worlds greatest sporting event.

It has been brought to our attention that curlers have groupies. I suppose it should be a surprise in that even the average curler strikes at an Adonis like shadow.

We’ve heard of ‘puck-bunnies’ and ‘lacross-titutes’, but not-

Button Bunnies
Hack Hotties
Hurry Hard Honeys
Rock Hounds
Broom Riders
Rock Knockers
Hurry Whores
Curling Cleavage
Bonspiel Bimbos
House Hogs

Feel free to add your own.

matt

You turn

I wanted to share this touching story we received. If anybody has an idea how we may help out, please let me know. For example, upon reading this on the show this morning Curt gave us a call right away! He’s the sales manager at ‘Hyundai Gallery’. He’s setting up a bottle drive there. So if you’re in that area and have bottles, please stop by. It’s Hyundai Gallery behind Southcentre mall (Anderson and McLeod)

Matt and Eric;

I’m kind’ve stuck. I have spent the last couple of hours trying to research sports bursaries or grants and apparently we have none.

My daughter won the Alberta/NWT/Nunavut Ladies Gold Triathlon (in figure skating) last weekend in Whitecourt, AB and will now represent Alberta/NWT/Nunavut at the HomeSense Starskate Championship in Fredericton, NB from April 3rd to 5th.

I don’t want to tell her that I can’t afford for her to go, so I have researched the city, the province, all sports bursaries, college bursaries and I cannot find any that applies to her situation. I am stuck. Do you have some connections that might be able to help out? Just a hint of where to go for some help would work.
We are going to do a bottle drive the next three weekends and hopefully we can raise enough funds to cover the air flights (Liz, her coach, and I)that is $2100 and now our hotel costs, food and coaching costs… I am thinking we need $5000 in funds to go to represent Alberta/NWT/Nunavut. Skate Canada does not offer funding.

I am a single parent. I have raised my girls by myself for the last 11 years and their dad died last year so I am not expecting help from family. I honestly didn’t know that she would win. She loves skating so much that we have made a lot of concessions so that she could skate. I love her so much that I only want her to reach this goal that she is on.
Do you think your researchers could help me find a way to get a bursary or your listeners to donate bottles and cans for our bottle drive(s)?

Please and Thank you,

Not that I know for absolute sure, because I’ve never been struck and run over by a train AND huge truck at a high speed. But I had always thought that I wouldn’t get up and say “I’m good…nothing to see here…I’m fine…can someone grab my helmet?”

Oh, and Mr. Blitzer, if that’s only “almost miraculous”. What exactly would be in your eyes?

Bombarded with so much bad news these days, Eric attempted to sum up the sad stories inundating us these days.
Did he miss any?

bankruptcies
bailouts
beheadings
budget cuts
abductions
gang wars
red light cameras
mass layoffs
ponzi schemes
foreclosures
Flames are only on PPV this week
global; warming
7-11 bandits stealing food, of all things
stocks plunging
taxes due
RRSP’s dwindling
home prices falling
Jay Leno on primetime
And saddest of all, there’s a Jonas brothers’ movie

matt

your turn