http://www.jackfm.ca

Cold enough for you? Ahhh yes, a rhetorical question you’ll here over the work copier today. The correct response is simply to slap the offender about the head with you leather gloves.

Thanks to our listeners, who day after day prove to be smarter than us, we’ve compiled a list of what needs to be in your car on day like this….just in case.

rubber shovel
high energy food
vacuum flask with hot drink
warning triangle
fire extinguisher
first aid kit
candles
matches
booster cables
“help” sign
flares
blankets and extra warm clothes.
inexpensive reflective clothing (great for the bar too!)
old piece of carpet
Oh, one more thing.
All of the above should be within arm’s reach, meaning you cannot transport friends or family in the back during cold snaps like these.

Kelly’s suggestion of chocolate seemed to be echoed by many. Yet, I submit you could save a lot of time and effort is you just make you have one thing in the car….that being a mechanic.

I want to say congrats to the organizers and volunteers at the ‘Cross Conservation and Cuisine Gala’. I was lucky enough to be the emcee and meet some truly remarkable people Saturday night at the Hyatt. Lots of great food, wine, conversation and of course cash raised for a great cause!

Matt

Your turn

Did you know this? Came as rather morbid surprise to me. Newspaper have ‘prepared obituaries’ ready to go for celebs. Obvious reason being that they don’t have to scramble to write one when somebody passes and a story is needed. However, for the first time the practice has been applied to people under 30. We learned this morning that papers have obits ready for the hard living Britney Spears and Lindsay Lohan.
Taking that cue, Eric and I decided we should really be prepared as well. Slight change though, as Eric wrote mine and I wrote his which we shared on the show today. You’ll find them below and be left wondering how we remain friends after all these years/

Eric Francis passed away yesterday….suddenly but not shockingly. He was taken by ‘Yoga-pant-tight-itus’. His too tight yoga pants cut off blood to his brain. It took 1.5 seconds to kill all his brain cells. Expectant of his end. He has written his own obituary, as follows.
This better be on the front page, which is where I should always be…don’t you know who I am!?!?! The whole city will be talking about this today and every other writer sucks.

I leave behind my good buddies Dion, Jerome and Henry….I was hanging out with them the other day….did I mention that?…great pals.
Oh, and my wife Sarah and of course Kelly….did I mention Kelly Hrudey and I are buds?….oh I did?….well let me tell you again…and again…and again. Met him years ago when I was hanging out with Theo…have I mentioned how close Theo and I are?. He speaks volumes of me…we’re buddies.
I also leave behind my daughter Kelly.
Please make sure I’m buried in a sweet outfit. Did I mention I’m the best dressed person in Calgary? Oh, I told you that yesterday? Well let me remind you. This shirt cost 250 bucks…the shoes 350. That’s right, everyone is always telling me I’m fashion forward….did I tell you that story?
I want to be buried on the 14th hold of ‘Copper point’. Did I ever tell you about my hole in one story? 7 iron, windy, 180….but I wasn’t worried…I’m a great golfer…have I mentioned that?
And make sure the coffin is extra-large. I don’t want people knowing I’m just a medium

MATT O’NEILL OBITUARY
Prepared by Eric Francis

Matt O’Neill passed away Tuesday following a lengthy battle with the bottle.
Affectionately known as “Pube” growing up in Peterborough where his curly hair often saw him beaten up, he moved to Calgary eight years ago to fulfill him dream of wearing one of those liltle cowboy hats with the whistle on it. He then moved to Cranston so he could spend his days staring at the windmill.
Ol’ Pube will be remembered for his sad attempts at humour, his ill-fitting garments, his hatred for animals and his pathetic fixation with Purell hand sanitizer.
There will be no funeral, not only because was a loner who few people liked, but because he is currently at the taxidermist fulfilling his dreams of being stuffed. Viewings will be held at the Kilt and Caber for the balance of the year where his corpse will be propped up in his familiar seat next to the women’s restroom.

In lieu of sending flowers or buying him a drink make a donation to Eric Francis at JACK FM.
Matt would have wanted it that way.

Your turn

This morning with the help of listeners, who are always more clever than us, we put together a list of ‘Lies we tell everyday without even flinching’

Please feel free to add!

We may stop by…
I’ll pass along your resume.
Your baby is sooooo cute.
I’ll check with my wife.
No, no, you don’t have to bring anything.
Looking forward to seeing you.
My vacation was great but I was ready to come home.
Give me a call next week and we’ll set something up.
I washed my hands after going to the bathroom.
I’m just a social drinker on the weekend.
Size doesn’t matter.
She’s perfect for you!

your turn

Both Eric and I agree our favorite day of the year, spawned from the show, is ‘Valentine’s Day’. This will be our fifth year doing ‘Matt and Eric’s Dozen Dozen’.

We personally deliver 12 dozen roses to 12 deserving people throughout town. Over the next month feel free to email us and tell us about someone in your life who deserves roses. We’ll share some wonderfully touching emails on the show until then. And trust me when I say, more than a couple will bring a tear to your eye and remind you how fortunate most of us are when learning of other’s trials.

Email us for ‘Matt and Eric’s Dozen Dozen’!

your turn

Ok, so I admit neglectfulness in regards to keeping up with the blog. I’ll claim the strains of the holiday season got away from me….oh and that I’m lazy. However, I vow now to be more diligent with this form of discourse with our listeners, as it’s very important. And the boss gave me hell.

The post holiday week is done and I hope you’re settled back into the routine of life and looking forward to a great year. Shaky start to ours after arriving back in town from our two weeks over Christmas in Phoenix. Paige, Liam and I got back safe and sound….luggage? Not so much. All four pieces didn’t make the trip home. A curious conversation with the rep from ‘Air Canada’ included his correction of my suggesting our bags were “lost”. Apparently the correct term is “delayed”. That’s right, our bags weren’t lost but simply delayed. When asked where the ‘not lost’ bags were, he didn’t know, but stuck to the ‘delayed’ theme. We were also informed that 98% of ‘delayed luggage’ is delivered within 24 hours. As Eric put it, we beat the odds in that we got them 3 days later. In hindsight, I’ve decided it’s a wonderful service. After a long trip it’s nice to get home and relax for a couple of days before dealing with lugging stuff upstairs and unpacking.

And lost luggage pales in comparison to the truly horrific experience passengers endured this past week on the plane forced to make an emergency landing in Calgary. The pictures of stretchers wheeling through our airport enroute to hospitals brought lumps to many throats as many of us were on planes just a week prior. Thank God there were no serious injuries. Many heaped praise (on the show the following morning) on the brave souls from EMS, Fire and airport security…..and rightfully so. Also, I think many of us are reminded of why it’s a good idea to keep buckled regardless of whether the light is on or not.

We haven’t brought it up on the show yet but I’d like to share with you some wonderful news that I’ve only told friends and family thus far. Paige and I are expecting another miracle to play with Liam on July 4th. I have a vasectomy slated for July 5th.

Freeloaders! If you haven’t had a chance yet, check out the new showcases we for the month of January on the main page. All are worth 50 grand and many are once in a lifetime experiences. Someone’s going to win by month’s end….might as well be you!

Your turn