• DOORS: 5:45PM
• CANCER BATS 6:45-7:15PM
• AGAINST ME! 7:30-8:05PM
• ALEXISONFIRE 8:20-9:05PM
• BILLY TALENT 9:30-10:55PM

Former Conservative MP Rahim Jaffer pleaded guilty to careless driving this week and was sentenced to a $500 fine, while drunk driving and cocaine possession charges were dropped. They say there was “no reasonable possibility of conviction” on those other charges.

If you’re a lawyer, please, help me out with this: How BAD of a prosecutor are you when they find cocaine in the defendant’s car and they can’t convict him on drug possession – THAT IS THE CHARGE!

They found cocaine in his car. Is the defense claiming somebody else put it there? Let me ask you, what is more “REASONABLE”;

A) That the coke belongs to Jaffer, the guy who owns the vehicle,

OR…

B) That a complete stranger broke into his Ford Escape without leaving any visible signs of forced entry and stuffed it full of drugs.

Does that happen a lot? You park downtown and you go to get back in your car only to discover somebody’s broken in and left you a bag of blow on the passenger seat? Maybe I’m just not parking in the right places.

Jaffer paid his $500 fine and as an act of good faith, he also donated $500 to charity… I’m not sure which one, but my guess would be the… Oh My God I Can’t Believe I Got Away With This Foundation.

Remember that E-trade commercial that airred during the Superbowl with the talking babies that refers to a “milkaholic” named “Lindsay”. Lindsay Lohan thinks it’s about her and now she’s suing for $100 million… classic.

OK GO is a band known more for its videos than its music. The intricately choreographed treadmill routine they did for “Here It Goes Again: is a tough act to follow, but I think this 3 minute homage to the board game “Mousetrap” certainly rises to the challenge. Since this video debuted earlier this week it’s logged more than 2.5 million hits.

If you’re on Facebook, you’ve likely received an invite by now to join a campaign to see if a pickle could collect more Facebook fans than the band Nickelback. The pickle is now officially winning with more than 1,414,000 fans, beating Nickelback’s followers by about 1,000.

Hating on Nickelback is SO passe. I can’t say they’re my favorite band, but they’ve sold 30-million albums. 30-million. For every 200 people on this planet… there is one Nickelback album.

Personally, I like trying something a little different. Not 3 theremin players tap-dancing under a black light in scuba gear different, but different, and maybe you do too. Not everybody makes music to be an artist. To some people music is a business.

If you opened a restaurant, you probably don’t want to be like every other restaurant, but if adding French fries to your menu doubles your clientele wouldn’t you give it a shot?

To some, music is the same way. If you developed a formula for writing songs that you knew would sell millions of copies as opposed to hundreds, wouldn’t you be inclined to stick with it just a little longer?

The irony of this whole thing is that hating on Nickelback, or Nickelbacklash as I called it back in 2003 when it was at least a somewhat original phenomenon is OLD. It’s been around for at least 6 or 7 years.

So really, the creators of this Facebook page are capitalizing on an overdone idea for the sake of shameless self-promotion… the very thing they’re claiming to hate… which is why I’ve created a Facebook group called, “Can this olive get more fans than the Pickle”.

… no, not really.

I was at the gym this morning and I saw a girl with this massive tattoo across her back. It was text – English. The passage was SO long though, I couldn’t read it all. Partly because the bottom was obscured by her shirt and partly because I was only there for an hour and a half. I just simply didn’t have time to read it all.

I’m not against getting text tattoos; inspirational quotes, your own personal little mission statement – hell if you’ve got Alzheimer’s and you wanna tattoo your address across your forearm – fine. But entire paragraphs? That’s a little much. It was like the start of The Empire Strikes back – I lost interest.

It’s one thing if it’s somewhere where YOU can read it. But this woman would need 2 mirrors to see this thing. It’s in a place for others to read. It’s like someone wearing a funny t-shirt, you can’t help but try to read it, but I don’t wanna look like a creepo because you decided to tattoo the great American novel across your back. I think if you’re gonna get a tattoo like that, there should be a 20 word limit – or maybe like twitter, if you can’t express it in 140 characters or less, you shouldn’t be allowed to get it tattooed.

I watched the Grammies on Sunday…he awards show where the most important people in music get all dressed up and gather together to be peed on by Pink. If you didn’t see the show, Pink’s performance involved her hanging from the ceiling and spinning around on a trapeze – it was very impressive. But then, water started spraying out of everywhere all over the crowd.

Take a look at this outfit. She came out on stage wearing a middle-east inspired dress. I thought to myself; it’s refreshing to see a woman wear something a little more conservative. That lasted all of about 5 seconds, at which point Pink ripped off her dress, underneath which she was wearing… a shoelace.

It’s almost as though Pink and Lady Gaga were having a contest to see who could show the most skin. In fact, during Lady gaga’s duet with Elton John I was thinking this is probably as close as Elton John’s ever come to seeing a woman naked.

I looked in the mirror yesterday and I spotted quite possibly the world’s longest eyebrow hair. It was over an inch long. My first instinct was to pluck it, so I wound the end of it around my finger and prepared to yank it out… yeah it was long enough to actually wind it around my finger. I squinted a little bit, I braced myself, but I couldn’t bring do it.

It’s not like I’m not gonna grow another one. I trim my eyebrows every week. It’s like a healthy forest – you gotta have a controlled burn every so often. I think THAT’s why I was so impressed by this massive eyebrow hair. Despite routine clear cutting, I still managed to harvest this huge thick luscious brow hair. You could cut this thing in half and count the rings. This had to be old growth — it was like the tree of souls in Avatar.

I stood there for a minute trying to dissect just why it was I couldn’t bring myself to pluck this world record eye brow hair. I certainly wasn’t afraid of the pain. I did want it gone. That’s when it occurred to me that I was proud-barrassed of it. Both proud and embarrassed at the same time. I had to show somebody. It was a matter of public record.

I’d hate to think of trying to show it to someone after the fact, cause they would never believe it was an eyebrow. They’d think I plucked a bristle off a paintbrush or something and I was working on the world’s lamest practical joke. So I did. I had a little exhibition of my friend, after which I managed to yank it out and felt better. My question for you: what are YOU proud-barrassed of?

After a brief experiment on yesterday’s show, using the Fax machine to collect requests for SONiC’s Quick Fix at 6ix. The answer is yes, there are still two people using this obsolete technology.  

For those under 30… a fax is basically just like email, only they charge you long distance. Well, that and it’s unreliable, it takes longer, and it prints every single message whether you like it or not. Image the trees you would kill, if you printed off every little spam and Farmville request you got.

I think most of the people still using fax machines are in industries where signatures are required – the medical industry for instance. To be honest, it makes me nervous that the people responsible for our health are still using such antiquated technology. They should have the latest, greatest, most space aged scanning equipment available with flashing lights and lots of beeping – so you know it’s working. Yet they’re using fax machines.

Who knows, they might still be using carrier pigeons but the orderlies got tired of mopping up the bird droppings off of the foreheads of their bed-ridden patients.

Everybody’s talking about the latest little piece of technology from Apple; a tablet computer called… the iPad. If you’re just hearing about this for the first time, bad news, you AREN’T the first one to make the maxi-pad joke.  

Am I missing something or isn’t this just basically it’s an iPhone with a 10 inch screen. Being the iPhone disciple I am, having a slightly larger screen would be helpful. Although when I’m heading out for a jog with my iPhone, I don’t find myself thinking “jeese I wish this thing were bigger and more cumbersome.”