Terry and Mell, both with equal qualifications, apply for the same job.  In order to determine which individual to hire, the manager gives them a written test.  Both score a 9 out of 10, however the manager give the job to Mell.  “Why would you do that?”  Terry asks.  “We both got nine questions correct!”  The manager looked at Terry and said, “Mell wrote ‘I don’t know’ for question five.  You put down ‘neither do I’!”

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Be sure to vote on what YOU think of today’s joke in the Polls Section of your Club Q Rockstar account!

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Terry, Chris, and Greg were walking down the street and saw a bottle lying on the ground.  They picked it up and a GENIE popped out!  The genie said, “You will each get one wish.”  Well, Greg asked to be 20 times smarter, and POOF!  He was 20 times smarter.  Chris asked to be 30 times smarter, and POOF!  He was 30 times smarter!  Terry saw this and asked to be 60 times smarter, and POOF!  He was turned into a woman.

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Get some rock star points!  Vote on this joke in the Polls section of your Club Q Rockstar account now!

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A fellow bought a new sportscar and was out on Highway 17 for a nice evening drive. The top was down, the breeze was blowing through his hair and he decided to open her up. As the needle jumped up to 120 he suddenly saw a flashing red and blue light behind him. ”They’ll never catch me,” he thought to himself and opened her up further.

The needle hit 130, 140, and finally 150 with the lights still behind him. ”What in hell am I doing?” he thought and pulled over.

The cop came up to him, took his license without a word and examined it and the car. ”I’ve had a tough shift and this is my last pull over. I don’t feel like more paperwork so if you can give me an excuse for your driving that I haven’t heard before you can go!” he said.

”Last week my wife ran off with a cop,” the man said, ”and I was afraid you were trying to give her back!”

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Q:  What do Leafs fans do when they win the Stanley Cup?

A:  Put down the Playstation and then go to bed!

Whaddya think?  Go cast your vote on today’s joke in the POLLS section of your Club Q Rockstar account!

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Good news!  Transport Canada has cleared Santa Claus to fly!  Read the press release below:

OTTAWA, ONTARIO–(Marketwire - Dec. 22, 2009) - To the delight of children across the country, Transport Canada announced today that Santa has passed his mandatory pre-flight medical test. While his physician once again urged Santa to eat fewer cookies during stopovers on his long flight, he was happy to report that Mr. Claus’ blood pressure and eyesight are as good as ever. Pilots, including Mr. Claus, need to have regular medical tests in order to obtain and keep their licences.

Pilots are also required to show their flying ability and knowledge through a number of manoeuvres. This morning, at the Transport Canada hangar at the Ottawa International Airport, Santa Claus was required to perform a series of take-offs and landings, which he completed successfully with the help of his agile reindeer.

Earlier this month, a Transport Canada inspector travelled to the North Pole to conduct an inspection of Santa’s safety system. The inspector verified that safety processes were working well and checked the equipment by walking around the sleigh, checking the harnesses, the landing gear and even Rudolph’s nose. Our inspector reminded Santa how important it is to conduct detailed pre-flight checks, which include checking for icing, and briefing all crew and passengers on safety measures.

Now that Santa has passed his medical and flight tests, Transport Canada is pleased to announce that he is ready to take flight again this year. This is great news for millions of children and Santa Claus, as he prepares for his most important flight of the year this holiday season!

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Bonus Code:  SANTA

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I just watched the trailer for Iron Man 2.  HOLY HELL it looks wikkid AWESOME!!!  Robert Downey Jr…yum (for us ladies).  And Scarlett Johansson as Black Widow (for you guys)?  Heck yes!  And don’t even get me STARTED on Mickey Rourke…the guy is awesome.  THIS is what the movie world needed.  When this year’s blockbusters are inhabited by doleful vampires and blue aliens, audiences need a dose of good old American movie know-how: cocky good guys, creepy bad guys and intelligent, able women who look nice and kick butt.  And I tell ya, this looks like it fits the bill!

I CAN’T WAIT UNTIL MAY!!!

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Bonus Code: IRONMAN2

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Today is the 29th anniversary of the death of John Lennon.  Let’s all remember the impact he made on the world, not only in terms of his musical legend, but his fight for peace and love in the world.

Bonus Code: IMAGINE

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Tiger Woods is currently in the spotlight after smashing up his Cadillac and refusing to talk to police about the incident; rumours are swirling that he and his wife had a bit of a domestic situation due to an alleged foray into the world of adultery with a New York night club hostess…the latest (at 1:24p Monday afternoon) is that he was driving his Cadillac with no shoes on when the accident occurred…which apparently is illegal to do.  They’re into EVERY SINGLE DETAIL with this one.  Tiger is keeping tight-lipped about the whole incident…maybe afraid that his wife is going to come after him with a golf club again (because of course she was allegedly the one that mashed up his face, NOT hitting the steering wheel as he claimed).  What a mess, what a mess.  And if all THIS wasn’t bad ENOUGH, this ad was in today’s Wall Street Journal…

“The road to high performance isn’t always paved.”  Apparently neither is your neighbor’s lawn.  Not sayin’, just sayin.

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Bonus Code: TIGER

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I understand that the CFL (or Canadian Football League for you who REALLY don’t mind much) isn’t as huge here in the East as it is where I come from.  CFL is KING, second only to the NHL in the West.  I LOVE the CFL!  And that’s fine.  I get called a “crazy Westerner” all the time!

Saskatchewan Roughriders vs the Montreal Alouettes…who’s going to win it?  Our poll is up in the polls section until the 6pm kickoff Sunday night.  I think MY answer is pretty self-explanatory when you see this:

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Bonus Code: GORIDERS

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Okay, so the internet and I don’t get along so well.  I don’t surf everywhere…I have a few websites I go to on a regular basis, like Facebook and my email, maybe icanhascheezburger.com every once in a while.  I don’t LIKE surfing through a pile of junk to find what I’m looking for.  I HATE pop-ups and spyware and cookies and the like.  But THIS…this is a true gem in all of the garbage found on the interwebz.  I play this in honour of Freddy Mercury, who we lost 18 years ago yesterday….

This, by far, is the best four minutes and forty-seven seconds on the internet!

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Bonus Code: MUPPETS

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