Wanna play dodgeball?  The Ottawa Invaders are looking for teams of 7-8 to play in a tournament all day Sunday, February 26th.  Sign up here and take on the Hosers two Sundays from now!  Proceeds go to Roger’s House and the Invaders.

     So it’s been a rough week for me.  Fired as coach of the Beaver Cup CHEZ 106 Hosers after an 0-3 performance last Saturday, I had scheduled a team meeting at The Works in Westboro today to go over the weekend, say goodbye over burgers, and give the guys the Beaver Cup bags I forgot to give them on Saturday.

     That meeting, however, will be considerably different today.  Rather than an epilogue on a disastrous Beaver Cup, it will be the prologue to something equally cool.  The Dodge or Die dodgeball tournament will play host to the redemption of the Hosers!  Perhaps I was mistaken earlier – I didn’t put together a hockey team, I put together a dodgeball team!

     So this coming Sunday, February 26th, I will be taking the very same Hoser team to the Dodge or Die tournament for the Ottawa Invaders football club (coached by Ken Evraire) and for Roger’s House.  Because we couldn’t play hockey – but who can’t play dodgeball?  The Hosers are now reborn as The Hosers, Mark II.  A dodgeball team.  Redemption is at hand!

     You want to come out and play dodgeball?  Sign up as a team of seven or eight people (or you can sign up individually as well – no matter how many you are, your team will be filled out for you), and let’s throw some balls at some folks.  Go Hosers!

     It has been a trying time for the Hosers and for me.  I have been fired as coach of our hockey team after a disastrous Beaver Cup performance, where we went 0-3, outscored 21-2 in our first game.  A terrific comeback in our second game fell short as we lost by a single goal - but we couldn’t keep that momentum going.  We were moments away from getting our first win in our third game, until the other team showed up and avoided the forfeit.

     It’s the guys I feel bad for.  Craig, whose offensive skills and speed were largely wasted by my inability to get him the puck.  Mark, whose two goals in the first game consisted of our entire offensive output, and were overshadowed by the 21 goals scored by the opposing team.  John MacLean, who, like his Die Hard namesake, didn’t need shoes OR socks to get the job done – rather than running over broken glass, he ran barefoot over the ice on the canal.  Josh, a broomball star who remained in good spirits through the losses, even though he was clearly accustomed to victories.  Mike P, who was willing to play the team system and stuck to his position even when that system broke down all around him.  And Mike T, who stayed late for the last game even when I told him the wrong time, and was late for his Valentine’s dinner with his wife just to help out the team.

     We let the fans down as well.  Little Nadia, who was there from 8:00 in the morning watching that first drubbing, who coloured us a picture of Dora The Explorer and Boots saying “Go Hosers” – a picture that may have inspired us to a much better team effort in the second game.  The good people at Malones, the bar in the Dows Lake Pavilion, whose tequila may have inspired us for that second game as well.  The Works, who fueled us up with burgers – maybe THEY helped create that effort as well.  And good ol’ Bruce and his family, who came to see the final game and politely clapped for the one solid defensive stop I made all day.

     In the end, it was all about camaraderie, burgers, beer and fun.  It had to be – it couldn’t be about wins!  And we did have a blast.  Great bunch of guys, too bad next year will be an all new team.  With an all new coach!

     I am prepared, though.  I sharpened my skates (or, more accurately, I paid someone else to do it for me), and bought a brand new $10 hockey stick when I discovered that my old one was about two feet too short for me now.  And I set out my toque and mittens.  So, I’m good.  Oh, and one of the Hosers has pledged an extra helmet to help me look like I know what I’m doing.  Thanks for that!

     So I will be joined by Mark, Craig, Mike, John, Mike, and Josh for some good times on the ice, starting tomorrow morning at 8:00.  My main function, I feel, will be as a coach, moreso than as a player.  A team, you see, is only as good as its weakest link.  And a coach’s  job is to identify that weak link.  And before even getting to the Beaver Cup, I think I have already done that.  We’re several steps ahead already!

     So, games at 8:00, 1:00 and 3:00, all at different rinks and all “Fueled By The Works” – which means we’re eating delicious burgers between games.  At least I KNOW I’m qualified to do that.  Go Hosers!

What do you see?

A:    A hot babe holding terrific breasts.
B:    A nerd.

Mike Pashkoski – Mike says that he plays a great left bench, and needs Works burgers to help him put on some pounds – and if there’s one thing I know it’s how to help others gain weight! 

John MacLean – First of all, he proved at Nakatomi Towers that he is indispensible in the event of a terrorist attack.  And who knows, at the Beaver Cup?  John also says he’s as fat and hairy as I am, and I know that will keep him warm while we spend all that time outside. 

Michael Taggart – Michael is in it for “camaraderie, laughs, and hockey” – and I really appreciated that he said Hockey last!

Mark Waymann – Mark has played in the Beaver Cup before, although not with the Hosers. We needed someone who knows a little bit what’s going on. He also said in his email that Zeppelin rocks, and I happen to agree. 

Glen Inglis – Glen coaches girls’ hockey, so he may be of value as an assistant (you know, if I make any bad decisions as head coach).  Also, he comes with his own cheering section, which is nice. He’s an average everyday beer drinking 40 year old, so he’ll fit in just fine with the Hosers!

Josh Mills – John is 20 years old, and says he has been playing hockey ALL HIS LIFE!  So…20 years of experience! He says he has great hand-eye co-ordination, which means he is less likely to spill beer or drop our Works burgers.  Oh, and it might come in handy during the games also.

Craig Patterson – Craig is 21, an engineering student at Carleton, and he says his hands are so dirty, he’s sponsored by Purell.  Which will be useful, I think, if things get chippy. We need a Chris Pronger type out there.

Eric the Intern – Eric is chubby, lazy and out of shape. He enjoys burgers and sitting down, and promises to cheer loudly for the Hosers for at least a few minutes in every game. He also needs someone on the team to lend him a helmet.

     And there you have the 2012 CHEZ 106 Hosers!  A team that, correctly coached and guided, should put previous editions of the Hosers to shame!  Or at least, we’ll have a good time.

     I admire the energy of these young people, who managed to panhandle for donations for about 20 of the 24 hours, while I had to crash again at about 9:30 in the morning on Friday and catch a nice nap with the sun out.  And a huge thanks to everyone who stopped by, made little donations and big donations, and offered words of encouragement – we managed to raise even more than we did last year, around $7,500.00!

     This money is being put to great use – last year at Operation Come Home, we successfully reunited 60 youth with their parents, helped 23 find jobs, sent 4 back to school, employed 12 through our BottleWorks program, 2 through our BYBO program, and found permanent employment for 4 more youth through the Food Matters program. 97 kids participated in the BeadWorks program, representing 820 hours of work.  We also graduated students from the Achievement Centre and found permanent housing for 4 kids through the Housing Works program.

     The 24 Hours itself is over, but the “reality campaign” continues all month.  There are still a number of ways you can help – here are some.

     Looking for a reasonably priced, unique Valentine’s Day gift?  Check out OCH’s BeadWorks store at 150 Gloucester street downtown – right across from L’Esplenade Laurier.  Some unique jewelry ideas and a gigantic selection, all for a good cause.

     Looking for beer?  Order Beau’s beer from Beaus.ca, and it will be delivered by Operation Come Home’s BottleWorks program – all for a good cause!

     Willing to open your home to some civic-minded young people for a week?  The Katimavik volunteers come from all over Canada, and as part of their service-learning program they must spend six days with a host family in the community – and that time is approaching, they need families!  The Katimavik kids are all between the ages of 17 and 21, and will be traveling to the Yukon to continue their charitable work when they are done in Ottawa.  Click here to volunteer your home for a week.

     Alright, that’s all I have to say on the subject for the time being.  Now here’s a video of a kung fu fight.

     This year, there will be 13 of us all told – eight placement students (who work at Operation Come Home as part of various school programs) and four Katimavik volunteers taking part in the event.  It begins at 4:00 this afternoon on the William Street mall (right beside the Scotiabank on Rideau) and goes until 4:00 tomorrow afternoon…of course it does, it’s 24 hours.  I know.

     In past years, I have used this blog to post comments and thoughts and to keep track of our progress.  This year, that will not be the case.  The internet-hookup thingy we use is too finicky to be trusted, and they won’t let me have it anyway because I apparently “broke” it last year.  Or something.  Instead I will have the promo smart-phone thing which I think does Twitter.  So follow me on Twitter here for updates.

     In the meantime, you can make donations to OCH here, which would be greatly appreciated.  Those donations go toward funding social enterprises (like Bottleworks, which recently announced a partnership with Beau’s beer and now provides home delivery of Beau’s for the charity), the OCH education program which has many graduates every year, and of course addiction services, the reunite program and all the other things OCH does.

     Is this awesome or what?  I saw this and thought, I HAVE to make one of these for the Super Bowl.  Bring people over and serve a stadium full of meat!  Then I discovered that my wife had booked her flight back from Cuba, and that I have to pick her up at the airport.  In the MIDDLE of the game!  Cancel those plans.  Oh well, maybe next year.

     At any rate, this will be  my last post for a week, and I’d like this one to be up for the week – the 24 Hours of Homelessness event is coming up next Thursday.  On the William Street mall (near the Sugar Mountain, just off Rideau Street), from 4:00 Thursday to 4:00 Friday, I will be sleeping outside to raise money and awareness for Operation Come Home.

     I don’t know who’s going to be joining me this year, but usually some college kids and intrepid OCH volunteers join me, and I’m sure this year will be no exception.  We spend the 24 hours outside, trying to draw attention to the fact that on any given night in Ottawa, 100 street youth will have to do the same, whether it’s wet, snowy or bitterly cold.

     Any donations to Operation Come Home can be made by clicking that link, and be sure to tune in to the Doc and Woody show Friday morning, as I will be waking up on the street, trying to gather my thoughts and doing my best to speak through the cold in order to make sense on the radio.

     Another bonus here – this will be the only post about sports you will see all weekend that doesn’t mention Tim Tebow in any way.  Oh.  Oops.