Archive for May, 2012
Tuesday, May 29th, 2012
The NBA playoffs are everything the NHL playoffs are not. In the West, the #1 seed (Spurs) are facing the #2 seed (Thunder). In the East, #2 (Miami) faces #4 (Boston). Three of the remaining four teams have proven playoff acumen, with a combined six titles and seven finals appearances in the last 13 years.
Meanwhile, in the NHL, we get the #6 seed New Jersey Devils facing the #8 seed Los Angeles Kings. Two teams that finished the regular season closer to last place than to first.
The NBA semi-finals feature seven future hall-of famers. Kevin Garnett, Ray Allen and Paul Pierce of the Celtics. Tim Duncan of the Spurs. LeBron James and Dwayne Wade of the Heat. And Kevin Durant of the Thunder. The best player of the past six years, LeBron James, could make it to the finals to face the best player of the past fifteen years, Tim Duncan. Or, Duncan could end up facing his most bitter rival and nemesis, Garnett. Or, James could face the second-best player of his era, Durant. Then there are the supporting superstars – Rajon Rondo, Russell Westbrook, Tony Parker, Manu Ginobli, Derek Fisher, James Harden.
The NHL finals have one future Hall-of-Famer. Martin Brodeur. And one other big-time star, Kovalchuk. You can say all you like about the gritty play of Dustin Penner or the intangibles of Zach Parise – but they are not Crosby, Malkin, Stamkos, Spezza, Sedin, Ovechkin or Giroux.
Now, I know that this is a little unfair. First of all, the NBA does a much better job of marketing its superstars than does the NHL. (With the exception of Tim Duncan, of course, who is the most underappreciated athlete of all time.) And a superstar makes a much bigger difference in basketball than he would in hockey. LeBron James can take a bad Cleveland team to the finals by himself, Rick Nash can’t even get the Blue Jackets out of last place.
The point I’m trying to make is simply this – I have to try really, really hard to find a reason to care about the NHL finals. Two teams I don’t care about are meeting for a best-of-seven series having managed to grit it out throughout the playoffs as soon as the rules changed from the regular season.
Whereas in basketball, there are four incredibly compelling teams who not only have rich recent history (with the possible exception of OKC) but also have tremendously exciting rosters and playmakers. I’m OK with Sid the Kid and Ovie being out of the playoffs, but not everybody. The biggest basketball star out of the NBA playoffs is Kobe Bryant, and I’m actually thrilled that I don’t have to watch him!
One last thing the NBA does right – the setup of the series themselves. As soon as a series is set, it goes. A semi-final series in the West might begin before the East quarter-final is even over. There are two series left, and there’s a basketball game every night between now and when those series end. How long was it between the last round and the beginning of the Stanley Cup finals? A week? Two?
So I’ll be watching the NBA right to the end. And maybe the occasional hockey game should one be on TV while I’m in the room. And I will close with one more thing basketball has but hockey does not.
Tuesday, May 22nd, 2012
In honour of Piranha 3DD, which opens June 1st. We’re giving away 4-packs of tickets to the premiere on the 6:40 tough question all this week. Several world-class hotties show up in this one:
I loved the first Piranha movie – the over-the-top naked boobs, the over-the-top violence, the bizarre involvement of Richard Dreyfuss and the amazing, way-too-long bloody finale where hundreds of hot babes in bikinis thrash about in the water while piranhas eat them for what seems like 40 minutes. So with all this in mind, a short list of the best-looking women ever to be victimized in horror movies:
Kelly Brook and Riley Steele, Piranha 3-D. Kelly Brook is one of the hottest models in the world, Riley Steele is a porn star. And the scene in Piranha where they cavort together naked in the water for what seems like an eternity is a magnificent 28 minutes of cinematography. Or maybe it was just two minutes. I can’t remember.
Katrina Bowden, Tucker And Dale Vs. Evil. Bowden is probably best known for her role on 30 Rock, but she was fantastic as the accident-prone, super-hot “college girl” in the terribly under-rated horror-comedy Tucker And Dale. The scene where she shows up to help Dale dig an outhouse is hilarious, and she is breathtakingly hot. While digging an outhouse. That’s impressive. She also appears in Piranha 3DD.
Danielle Panabaker, Friday The 13th (remake of course), The Crazies, The Ward. Also in the new Piranha 3DD. The Crazies was not a particularly great movie, or remake, or anything else. Timothy Olyphant was doing a cardboard-cutout version of his awesome character in Justified. But Panabaker as Becca made it worthwhile.
Jennifer Aniston, Leprechaun. I really would have liked to use Shevonne Durkin here, from Leprechaun 2 – the scene in that movie where the Leprechaun creates the illusion that Shevonne Durkin is topless and the guy shoves his face into a running lawmower is a classic. But I can’t find any pictures of her to put into this post, so I will have to go with Jennifer Aniston from the first one. Cause there are lots of pictures of her.
And here is the only decent picture I could find of Shevonne Durkin:
Eliza Dushku, Wrong Turn. I confess to a bias here – I think Eliza Dushku is one of the hottest people ever. And although she was far hotter in Bring It On, and in Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back, I just have to include her for the otherwise bad movie Wrong Turn.
Crystal Lowe, Wrong Turn 2, Black Christmas. Lowe makes her living being a hot chick who dies gruesomely in a variety of movies. Wrong Turn 2 is probably the highlight. Honourable mention to Final Destination 3.
Shannyn Sossamon, One Missed Call, Catacombs, many others. I think maybe the only reason she hasn’t become a huge star is that she looks like every other really smoking hot actress, all at once.
Elisha Cuthbert, House of Wax. The best thing about Cuthbert’s appearance in this awful movie was that when she stood next to Paris Hilton it became immediately clear that Paris was easily the second hottest person on the screen.
Honourable mention to:
Denise Richards (Valentine)
Jessica Stroup (The Hills Have Eyes 2)
Amy Smart (Mirrors)
Anna Faris (she’s in everything)
Rachel Blanchard (Snakes on a Plane)
And every girl in every Scream movie ever.
Friday, May 11th, 2012
I went to the Ministry of Transportation office yesterday to take the written M1 test so I can ride a Roadster in the Motorcycle Ride For Dad, coming up on June 2nd. I went with Sam from sales because she is going to be doing the same thing.
Pretty short line, pretty easy test, I was in and out in just a few minutes. Sam, however, was delayed – because when can TWO people BOTH go to the Minstry of Transportation and have a smooth easy time? Never, that’s when.
So, with some time to kill and my stomach growling, I looked about for sustenance. In the waiting area, there were a few vending machines. I bought a Snickers bar from one vending machine for $1.25, and a Pepsi from another one for $1.00. These, I thought to myself, were reasonably priced vending machines!
Next to them, there was another vending machine, selling the study guides for all the driving tests you can do while visiting the Ministry. In fact, the only place to buy those books was at the vending machine. This may have seemed inconvenient or even infuriating to some people. Like the guy in the business suit who became rather contentious about the subject. But I thought it was a really terrific and convenient idea for people who;
a) Needed one of these study guides
b) Didn’t want to speak to any actual people, and
c) Had $20 or $30 in loonies in their pocket
Sam was further delayed. I went for a walk. I got to the Mac’s way down Walkley, and thought about buying another Snickers bar, having developed a taste for them in the last half hour. At the corner store, the very same bar cost $1.65. The Ministry has very reasonably-priced vending machines.
I still had nothing to do, sitting there with my new M1 license in my pocket, some brochure about something, and time to kill. So I went to the bathroom, you know, for something to do.
The Ministry of Transportation (or MOT as the cool kids and the signs in the building call it) bathroom is that kind with no door so no one has to touch a gross germy door. Of course, when you have no door on a bathroom, that means you have to do something so that girls can’t peek at the guys and I can’t peek at the girls. So the entrance to the washroom is a mini-labyrinth where you follow the tunnel around until you are inside.
Now, when I emerge from the mouth of the mini-labyrinth, I feel like I should be gazing upon a bathroom of great splendour. Maybe movies have created unreasonable expectations in me, where labyrinths lead to pleasure-domes, expansive brothels and David Bowie’s castle. Needless to say, I was disappointed that this one had just one toilet and just one urinal.
That being said, there were five people in there. Which meant three of us were waiting. Finally, I got the stall. And it truly was a stall, as it could have housed several horses and a feed trough. It was huge! Which was comfortable for me, for a minute – but not for those waiting. And since all the MOT does is collect people who have to wait for things, I assume there is always a lineup in there. Maybe they could just cut down on the size of the stall and add four more toilets? Or eleven more urinals? Just a thought.
I guess while I was contemplating this esoterical dilemma, Sam’s delay ended and she left with her M1. And I wandered around aimlessly for a while with my ride gone. Which meant that I fit in with the rest of the folks in the MOT, an endlessly, aimlessly wandering mass of humanity waiting for the bing and their number to be called. Then Sam came back for me and I went home.
Wednesday, May 2nd, 2012
I’m being silly. Of course the “sexiest woman alive” is subjective. But it’s also an excuse to put up some pictures. People went the safe route (from six years ago) and chose someone famous, Beyonce.
Then FHM had to get in on it – although they did it in better style, actually hosting a party where many of their nominees showed up, including the eventual winner, Tulisa Contostavlos from N-Dubz. You know, Tulisa.
Also in attendance at the party was one of my personal favourites, Jessica Jane Clement, who despite this attire didn’t even crack the top 30! This voting must be rigged.
She, along with three others (and my wife – heh), are in my personal top five. But then, it’s subjective.