So far I’m 33-16 straight up, but a weak 22-24-2 against the spread.  Now, to improve on both…

Detroit at Dallas (1.5) – The Lions are top five in both offense and defense.  The Cowboys have a banged up QB, banged up receievers and a complete inability to score in the red zone.  They can’t stop the pass rush, and Detroit has one of the best in football.  Dallas is of course much better at home, but Detroit is just a better team.  They go 4-0.  Lions, 23-20.
Real final score: Lions, 34-30. Was there ever any doubt?  Okay…I mean…after Tony Romo threw that first pick-six, was there any doubt?  I DO think that this says more about Romo and the Cowboys and their ability to blow a game than it does about the Lions, despite the two consecutive stellar comebacks.

New Orleans (7) at Jacksonville – I just don’t see a win in the near future for Jacksonville, who apparently threw in the towel on the season before it began.  The Saints look to have begun a solid roll since that opening week loss to the Packers.  Saints, 40-21.
Real final score:  Saints, 23-10. Without MJD, I can’t see Jacksonville beating a good college team.

San Francisco at Philadelphia (9) – The Eagles are 1-2, a disconcerting start to a season where they are supposed to roll over the rest of the weakened NFC East.  Starting 1-3 with a loss to the Niners would be a disaster.  Eagles, 27-24.
Real final score: Niners, 24-23. And…we have a disaster.  The Niners are NOT very good, but could easily win their terrible division if they keep beating weakened teams not playing their best.

Washington (2) at St. Louis – The Skins couldn’t put away a ripe-for-the-picking Cowboys team last week, and their 2-0 bubble to start the season may have burst.  The Rams could still snap out of it, turn things around, and make a run for the NFC West title.  But it won’t start here, as the Rams have looked awful, even at home.  Redskins, 21-17.
Real final score: Skins, 17-10. The Rams really are terrible.  Get them one good receiver and a healthy Steven Jackson though, and they’re not far off from being decent.

Tennessee at Cleveland (1) - Is there a less-appealing matchup of 2-1 teams this week?  Both teams have serious flaws, and have had serious trouble with equally weak opponents.  The Browns are going into a bye week, and are at home…I guess that’s the slight edge that makes them 1-point favourites.  Browns, 17-14.
Real final score:  Titans, 31-13. Without a doubt, my biggest miss of the week.  The Titans are actually a sneaky 3-1, with a win over the Ravens in there – they could be for real, but I’m not sold yet.

Buffalo (3) at Cincinnati – The Bills have outscored opponents by 40 points, and have put up 113 on the season.  The Bengals are 1-2 and have put up 57.  And the line is 3 points?  Come on.  I’m buying the Bills.  Bills, 33-20.
Real final score:  Bengals, 23-20. I will chalk this up to a letdown after the Patriots game – the way the Ravens had a letdown after Pittsburgh.  I still believe, I still buy.  For now.

Minnesota (2) at Kansas City – The Chiefs really are awful.  And eventually, the Vikings have to hold on to one of those big first-half leads…right?  Donovan McNabb can get right against KC. Vikings, 27-21.
Real final score:  Chiefs, 22-17. The Vikings are so bad in the second half they’ll need a 30-point lead to pull one out.  Maybe.  You’d think with AP they could grind one out?

Carolina at Chicago (6) – The Panthers have to be thinking they can actually make something of this season – strides, if nothing else.  And in order to feel like they’re making progress, they have to do well on the road against good teams.  It starts here.  Expect a good showing from Carolina.  Bears, 21-20.
Real final score:  Bears, 34-29. This WAS a good showing from Cam Newton and Carolina, and the Bears barely escaped with a victory.  This team is on its way back.

Pittsburgh at Houston (3.5) – The Texans must win this one before I start taking them seriously as a playoff contender.  I’ve been burned by these guys too many times before.  I think the Steelers are seriously weakened, and I’ll take the Texans here.  But only marginally – I haven’t bought in yet.  Texans, 24-23.
Real final score: Texans, 17-10. I AM taking the Texans seriously as a playoff team now.  Not so much because of this victory, but because they are clearly, in my mind, the best team in their division this year.

Atlanta (4.5) at Seattle – Both teams are vastly superior at home to the road.  Seattle, for that reason, CAN win this game even though the Falcons are a much better team.  It’ll be closer than it should be.  Falcons, 33-30.
Real final score: Atlanta, 30-28. This was much closer than it should have been.  Seattle has NO offensive line, very little defense, and no hope of the playoffs this season.  Presumably.  This says more about the Falcons, and their ability to play down to a crappy team, than it does about Seattle.

New York Giants (1) at Arizona – The Giants will be flying pretty high after that Eagles win.  The Cardinals don’t scare anyone – even though they’re banged up, look for the Giants to build some confidence with a road win here.  Giants, 26-18.
Real final score: Giants, 31-27. Okay.  I’m with all you Cards fans out there, Arizona got absolutely hosed in this game.  But the Giants are 3-1, they are tops in their division with Washington, and the NFC East is making less and less sense with every passing week.  And EVERY week in the NFL this year has been a passing week.

Miami at San Diego (7) – The Chargers had some trouble with the easily-beatable Chiefs, and the Fish can still surprise a team or two this season.  Not the Chargers though, who had that scare thrown into them last week and won’t let it happen again.  In theory.  Chargers, 30-20.
Real final score:  Chargers, 26-16. The Dolphins did not surprise the Chargers.  The Chargers are simply better.  But early in the season, they can still fall to lesser teams, don’t get super-confident yet!

Denver at Green Bay (12.5) – The Packers go to 4-0 with ease, beating up on a very bad Broncos team.  Theirs is a passing-only attack, against the best coverage in football, and their defense can’t stop Aaron Rodgers and the best receivers in the game.  Packers, 42-10.
Real final score:  Packers, 49-23. I am stunned that the Broncos managed 23 points!  Packers need to tighten up on defense.  Geez.

New England (4) at Oakland – Damn those Raiders!  They simply can’t be predicted with any accuracy, just like last season.  They can give away sure wins with penalties and miscues, then they can beat better teams by putting together the great pass rush and running game.  Huge day here for McFadden against a bad rush defense, but that just keeps it close…probably.  Patriots, 32-30.
Real final score:  Patriots, 31-19. Or, not close.  Were this game played again tomorrow, the other Raiders could show up and eke out a win.  Who knows with that damn team?

New York Jets at Baltimore (3.5) – A great marquee matchup between the only two teams in football who seem to still want to play defense.  The Ravens at home will be flying high after hammering St. Louis, and the Jets might be questioning themselves after their week 3 loss to Oakland.  Either way, it’ll be a hard-fought game, and the spread is just about right.  Ravens, 20-17.
Real final score:  Ravens, 34-17. What an insane game!  When the Jets offense was on the field, they were outscored 21-3.  When their defense was on the field, they were outscored 13-7.  At least they got that special teams TD…how else were they going to do this?  A huge score for the only solid defensive game (on both sides of the ball) so far this season!

Indianapolis at Tampa Bay (10) – The Bucs are for real.  This team is on a major upswing, after beating Atlanta, and they will need to beat the bad teams (like Indy) to keep the roll going.  They will.  Buccaneers, 24-13.
Real final score:  Buccaneers, 24-17. The Colts actually made a pretty good game about this.  The Bucs won ugly, but they won, and good teams will have to win a few ugly ones against bad teams in a season.  The Bucs are a good team.

I went 12-4 this week, 35-20 overall.  Things are looking up a little.  Better though, was my record against the spread – 9-7, 31-31-2 overall.  Back to .500!

     This Saturday, 1:00 in the afternoon at the Arnprior fair grounds, is the Fall Brawl Demolition Derby.  They are raising money for the Doc and Woody fund for the operating rooms at CHEO, and have asked me to participate.  Being an old hand at crashing up cars as I am, I readily agreed!

     Here are a couple of pictures of the Crown Victoria I will be smashin’ up this weekend – Doc and Randall have been in one of these before, and they were concerned I might not be able to fit through the windows.  Apparently when they did it, they were given baby cars.  Made by Fisher Price.

     Wanna participate?  If you want to smash up some cars, you can register up to the day of the event (once again, October 1st), and get smashin’!  Or you can register here now.

     After two weeks, I am a respectable 24-8 straight up, but a dreadful 12-18-2 against the spread.  I already wrote this post and the system screwed up on me in the middle, so I’ll just be real quick with my picks while I have time.

  San Francisco at Cincinnati (2.5) – I chickened out and pushed.  Bengals, 21-20.

     Real final score:  Niners, 13-8.  That win against the Browns was a fluke – the Bengal are as bad as we thought they were.

  New England (8.5) at Buffalo – Too many points for a divisional game.  Patriots, 35-30.

     Real final score:  Bills, 34-31.  The Bills are 3-0.  And their offense looks unstoppable.  What a comeback!  Gotta like this team.

  Houston at New Orleans (4) – Saints D looks too good for 4 points.  Saints, 30-23.

     Real final score:  Saints, 40-33.  What was that I said about defense?  I’m not sure any still exists in the NFL.

  New York Giants at Philadelphia (7) – Vick or no Vick, the Giants are too banged up.  Eagles, 28-17.

     Real final score:  Giants, 29-16.  Even WITH Vick for most of the game, the Giants managed to take care of Philly pretty easily.  The Eagles look a little lost here early in the season.

  Miami at Cleveland (2.5) – The Dolphins can fix their problems faster than the Browns can.  Dolphins, 23-20.

     Real final score:  Browns, 17-16.  Or not.  The Dolphins are in for a rough season.

  Denver at Tennessee (6.5) – The Titans’ season has already peaked.  Titans, 21-18.

     Real final score:  Titans, 17-14.  Yep.  Tennessee just isn’t that good.  But of course, the Broncos ARE worse.

  Detroit (3.5) at Minnesota – No team has looked better on both sides of the ball through 2 games than the Lions.  Lions, 30-24.

     Real final score:  Lions, 26-23.  You know who’s 3-0?  The Lions.  And the Bills.  The Bills and the Lions.

  Jacksonville at Carolina (3.5) – Cam Newton’s first win.  Panthers, 24-20.

     Real final score:  Panthers, 16-10.  That was Cam Newton’s first win!

  Kansas City at San Diego (14.5) – More about the Chiefs being awful than the Chargers being good.  Chargers, 35-14.

     Real final score:  Chargers, 20-17.  The Chargers are good, but they really can’t seem to put anyone away.

  New York Jets (3.5) at Oakland – The Raiders can give away any sure win.  Jets, 27-20.

     Real final score: Raiders, 34-24.  Damn Raiders are going to be super-tough to pick again this year.  They can beat anyone.  And lose to anyone.

  Baltimore (3.5) at St. Louis – The Ravens are WAY better than they looked last week.  Ravens, 27-17.

     Real final score: Ravens, 37-7.  The Ravens ARE this good.  And the Rams ARE this bad, with their injuries and no Steven Jackson.

  Atlanta at Tampa Bay (1.5) – Weirdest line of the week.  Falcons are vastly superior.  Falcons, 28-20.

     Real final score:  Buccaneers, 16-13.  Maybe not.  The world appears to know something I don’t.

  Arizona (3.5) at Seattle – Seahawks are worst team of the first two games.  ‘Zona only a little better. Cardinals, 24-23.

    Real final score: Seahawks, 13-10.  It might be a good idea to continue picking Seattle at home against other bad teams.

  Green Bay (3.5) at Chicago – Packers beat the Saints, Saints decimated Chicago.  Packers, 33-20.

     Real final score:  Packers, 27-17.  Even as a Packers fan, I loved the Devin Hester misdirection on that last punt – what a play!  Too bad it was called back on some phantom hold no one ever saw.

  Pittsburgh (10.5) at Indianapolis – What an awful matchup for Sunday night!  I guess no one expected Manning to be gone.  Steelers, 35-14.

     Real final score:  Steelers, 23-20.  Pittsburgh is not what they once were - they may have won, but Roethlisberger is going to be dreaming about Robert Mathis and Dwight Freeney all week.

  Washington at Dallas (5.5) – Washington is probably better at Dallas.  Marginal at home for the Cowboys.  Cowboys, 21-20.

     Real final score:  Cowboys, 18-16.  Ugly, ugly game.  Weaknesses exposed on both sides of the ball for both teams.  Cowboys actually looked worse, but Washington let them into the red zone way too often.

     This week, 9-7 straight up, 10-6 against the spread.  That’s a bit better.  33-16 straight up now, 22-24-2 against the spread.

     It has been a long, wonderful summer of golfing, learning to golf properly, and improving my game.  Thanks to Lee Tamburano out at the Canadian Golf and Country Club, I really have improved my game, by fifteen or even 20 strokes per round.  Still need to work on putting.  And course management.  And chipping.  Mostly course management.

     Yesterday Doc and I had our big showdown – the one to which I have been looking forward all year.  In the three or so years since I took up golf, I have improved very little.  So this year I was going to fix that, and defeat Doc for the first time ever.  I know, most golfers want to get down under 100, or under 90, or eventually break 80 or shoot par.  Not me.  I want to be better than Doc.  That’s it.

     It occurs to me that over the years my priorities have become somewhat corrupted.  Initially, the real reason I wanted to beat Doc was simply that he is obsessed with golf.  He buys expensive equipment and his balls don’t come in that big discount bag from Wal-Mart and he always thinks a new putter or a specially-angled sand wedge will help him in some way.  And I just wanted to prove to him that all of that is nonsense and I could beat him without the aid of all those things.

     Of course now, the point is moot, since I took lessons, got specially fitted clubs, and bought balls that came in a box in order to win.  Perhaps I AM becoming what I always mocked.  Whatever, I still wanted to win.

     But I didn’t.  I have improved immeasurably this year under special tutelage, and I am far better than Doc was when I played with him at the beginning of the year.  The problem was that Doc has improved as well, which does little to level the playing field.  Then again, he used to beat me by 12, 14 strokes when we played.  This time the margin was only four.  So at least I’m narrowing the gap!

     Two holes really messed me up – a par-5 on the front nine, where I hit a solid drive, and figured I could go for the green in two.  It was 235 yards away, according to Doc’s little GPS machine.  (Yes, he has a golf GPS machine – you see what I mean?)  I knew I had the shot in my bag, and smashed a five-wood – into the water.  I still knew I had the shot – so I dropped another and hit it – into a pile of rocks across the water.  So I dropped another.  And put the ball right onto the green, 20 feet from the hole.  But instead of putting for eagle, I was putting for bogey.  And instead of a birdie, I shot a 7.

     Then the next hole, all flustered, I shot a 10.  See?  Course management.  Some day, it will all come together, and then look out Doc!

     As always, I plan to win the football pool.  You can sign up for this football pool at chez106.com/contests.  Prizes this year include 25,000 CHEZ nation points every week, and massive, amazing Totem speakers from Stereo Plus & Design as the grand prize.  All you have to do to WIN this grand prize is enter.  Winning the pool provides nothing more than bragging rights, and possibly some great national prizes.  Here’s how to win this week:

  Saints at Packers (4) Thursday night:  The Packers won the Super Bowl with 16 starters going down to injury at some point last season.  You have to think that healthy, they are still far and away the class of the league.  But with shortened training camps, the beginning of this season is anything but certain.  And the Saints have been training longer and harder than anyone else in the offseason thanks to Drew Brees.  Look for them to at least cover the spread.  Packers, 27-24. 
     Real final score: Packers, 42-34.  Well, the Saints were inches away from covering the spread.  What a game!  As a Packer fan who scratched his head over the selection of Randall Cobb in the second round this year (the Pack already has the best recieving corps in the league – why one more?), I would now suggest that there was nothing wrong with the selection of Randall Cobb in the second round of this year’s draft.

  Pittsburgh at Baltimore (2) – What a way to kick off a Sunday!  Two top teams with a healthy hatred of each other and a couple of badass defenses.  I think that kicking off the season, the Ravens have more to prove.  And they are monsters at home.  Ravens, 23-20.
     Real final score: Ravens, 35-7.  What a disappointing way to kick off a Sunday!  Every time in the past decade the Steelers have made it to the Super Bowl, they have missed the playoffs the following year.  Could it happen again?  The Ravens clearly think so.

  Detroit at Tampa Bay (1.5) – Really?  Only 1.5 points here?  I get it – Detroit is the feel-good pick of the year.  Some say they may even make it to the postseason (not me).  But where is the love for the Bucs?  They went 10-6 last year with easily the youngest team in football.  They are still the youngest team in the league, and likely to be improved.  And still much better than the Lions.  Buccaneers, 30-21.
     Real final score: Lions, 27-20.  Okay.  The Lions are better than the Bucs.  Maybe Tampa Bay is backsliding here – and maybe the Lions are for real.  If Stafford is actually this good, and Calvin Johnson stays healthy, those two plus that D-line will put Detroit in the playoffs.  I have reconsidered.

  Atlanta (3) at Chicago – Peter King of Sports Illustrated picked the Falcons to win the Super Bowl.  Over the Chargers.  Wait…Chargers?  Really?  Well, he DID predict a Green Bay-Pittsburgh Super Bowl last year.  The Bears will NOT be as good as they were last year, Atlanta will be better.  Falcons, 28-17.
     Real final score: Bears, 30-12.  Or things could be totally upside-down.  Jay Cutler looked as good as he ever has, and Matty Ice looked dreadful for most of the game.  It may be that Atlanta just needs a few games to get into rhythm.  The problem for them is that by then, it may be too late.

  Buffalo at Kansas City (6) – The Bills are, yes, dreadful.  Despite their coach’s assertion that he “expects” to go undefeated.  And I expect to have a three-way with Hilary Swank and Eliza Dushku.  AND I expect my wife to be OK with it.  The Chiefs are better, but they’re not going to win their divsion again.  The difference here is that KC is at home, where they are MUCH better.  Chiefs, 33-24.
     Real final score: Bills, 41-7.  The Bills are…not?…dreadful?  I didn’t get to watch this game, but it certainly seems like Buffalo is on a mission.  A mission to six, maybe seven wins?  Kansas City is in real trouble – last year they won their division losing to the good teams and beating the bad ones.  With a first-place schedule this year, they are in danger of slipping away quickly.

  Indianapolis at Houston (9) – Every year, people think Houston will be vastly improved and will make the playoffs.  Some years, those people have included me.  Not this year.  And then…wait, what?  Houston, who has never made the playoffs and was 6-10 last year, plays the first-place 10-6 Colts and they’re favoured by NINE?  I think Peyton Manning is the greatest QB of all time.  But does he warrant an 18-point swing just by not playing?  No.  The Colts are still as good as the Texans, Manning or no Manning.  In Houston though, I’ll take the Texans in a squeaker.  Texans, 21-20.
     Real final score: Texans, 34-7.  Okay.  Maybe Peyton Manning does represent an 18-point swing.  Or, which might be more likely, Kerry Collins represents a 39-point swing.

  Philadelphia (5) at St. Louis – St. Louis is on an upswing.  They are getting better and better after missing the playoffs by a hair last season.  For me, the Eagles are a more unknown quantity – are they the all-star team they appear to be?  Can the new pieces gel right now, and play great from day one?  Will the Eagles continue to be road warriors or can they find more balance?  I don’t know.  But I DO think the Rams will be very good at home, and until I see the Eagles, in a real game, at least once, I won’t be taking them to cover any 5-point spreads on the road.  Eagles, 23-21.
     Real final score: Eagles, 31-13.  So far so good for Michael Vick…it took him one half, but once he found his rhythm and started reading the defense, he absolutely picked apart the Rams.  Injuries (however slight they may be) to Sam Bradford and Steven Jackson could spell doom to what otherwise was a promising season for St. Louis.

  Cincinnatti at Cleveland (6.5) – This might be a good game to take if you’re in an eliminator pool.  I usually make it a rule never to pick a divisional game as an eliminator pick, but…if you can use Cleveland and get them out of the way early it might be worth that risk.  The Bengals should be, without Palmer and Ochocinco et al, far and away the worst team in football.  Browns, 35-13.
     Real final score: Bengals, 27-17.  This would have been a terrible game to take in an eliminator pool.  Any given Sunday, divisional game, cliche cliche.  At least now, I think I can safely say there will be NO winless team in football this season.

  Tennessee at Jacksonville (2) – The Jags seem to have thrown in the towel before the season even begins, releasing key components of their 8-8 team last year.  And Chris Johnson will run wild in week one against this D.  Titans, 24-20.
     Real final score: Jaguars, 16-14.  Chris Johnson ran WILD for 24 yards.  That was all the difference.  Matt Hasselbeck looked decent, but it was Luke McCown who surprised me – did the Jaguars actually see something GOOD in this guy before releasing Garrard?  I guess so!

  New York Giants (3) at Washington – The Skins will be abysmal this season, especially playing the Eagles and Giants twice each.  The pain starts in week one.  Giants, 31-26.
     Real final score: Redskins, 28-14.  Wow.  Those injuries hurt the Giants more than I thought they would.  And Rex Grossman looked…good?  I don’t think the Skins will be any better now than I did before, but I DO think the Giants will be worse.

  Carolina at Arizona (7) – The only team that might give the Bengals a run for their money as the Worst Team In Football this season is the Panthers.  Then again, the Cardinals are truly bad as well.  Cardinals are average at home, Panthers are abysmal on the road.  This spread is about right.  Cardinals, 26-17.
     Real final score: Cardinals, 28-21.  The spread was exactly right.  There was a bright spot here for the Cards – rookie Cam Newton, in his first start ever, looked like the real deal.  The Panthers will still be bad, but there’s a silver lining.

  Seattle at San Francisco (5.5) – Yes, the Seahawks were the worst team to make the playoffs last year.  But remember what they did to the Saints once they got there?  The power of home field.  Seattle will remain scary at home, useless on the road.  Niners need to make their move in this division early, if they hope to keep pace with the improved Rams.  Then again, 8-8 could well win this division in 2011.  Niners, 27-21.
     Real final score: Niners, 33-17.  This division will likely come down to the Niners and Cards, unless the Rams can fight through their early injuries and remain within striking distance.  Seahawks remain useless on the road.

  Minnesota at San Diego (8.5) – The biggest spread of week one – but don’t be fooled.  And I would seriously recommend staying away from this game in any eliminator pools.  The Chargers may be stacked, and talented as hell, and might well be a Super Bowl contender.  But never, since they began to be good, have they started a season quickly.  Notoriously slow starters, up against a healthy, rested, hungry Adrian Peterson in week one?  For me it’s a coin-flip.  Chargers, 24-23.
     Real final score: Chargers, 24-17.  A healthy, rested Adrian Peterson killed the Chargers.  And a healthy, rested Donovan McNabb killed the Vikings.  6 yards per carry for AP.  39 yards TOTAL for McNabb in the air.  Including that interception…brutal.  The Vikings could be a pretty good team, still, if McNabb turns it around.  But it looks awful right now.

  Dallas at New York Jets (4.5) – I’m taking this one as my eliminator pick in my pools this week.  Far more likely that the Jets start fast and Dallas starts slow – then the Jets will continue to be good, while the Cowboys will continue to suck.  Jets, 33-20.
     Real final score: Jets, 27-24.  Nail-biter!  For those of you who thought the return of Tony Romo would right the Cowboys ship – obviously, it won’t.  I do like Romo though – when he’s playing, he makes sure he keeps both teams in the game.

  Monday – Miami at New England (7) – The Patriots should win this in a walk (but again, I wouldn’t take this one in any eliminators – it’s a division game, and New England has a lot of new pieces).  I’m most interestered in Albert Haynesworth, who I think will have a monster season.  That’s what I’ll be watching for.  Patriots, 28-24.
     Real final score: Patriots, 38-24.  If I’m New England, I’m worried.  Imagine, for a second, that Bess had stretched out just three inches further on that goal-line dive.  Then Chad Henne wouldn’t have had to make a terrible decision, the Fish would have been down by 7, and Brady wouldn’t have turned right around and thrown that 99 1/2 yard TD to Welker.  Whole different ball game.  Yeah, the Pats look unstoppable on offense.  But that’s against a weak Dolphins D.  And could the Pats’ defense stop Chad Henne?  Nope.  Brandon Marshall looks amazing.

  Also Monday night – Oakland at Denver (3) – I know that Denver is at home here, but really?  Remember Oakland handing it to Denver last year?  I think the Raiders are still better than the Broncos.  Raiders, 23-20.
     Real final score: Raiders, 23-20.  At least I close out the week with a perfect prediction.  The Raiders have now won their last EIGHT in a row against division opponents.  What an ugly, ugly game.  Fumbles galore, and the plays without penalties were more rare than those with penalties.  The Raiders D-line looks very impressive, their running game is good, but their QB is passable at best and their discipline is dreadful.  If they can improve THAT part of their game, they have a shot at contending this year.

     Week 1…I am 10-6 straight up, which I’ll accept in a strange first week.  However, I’m a dreadful 4-10-2 against the spread, which I will NOT accept.  Ouch!  Bad way to start the season!

     Thanks to Steve Colwill for forwarding this to me – as I think he knows I am an enormous fan of all things aggressively mediocre (as my complete collection of Steven Seagal movies will attest).  See, there was once a band called the Shaggs.  I heard of them back in the 90s, when Nirvana was huge and Kurt Cobain expressed an affinity for their work – but then, he was all over a ton of obscure artists (Daniel Johnston, for example) and I never bothered to seek out their music.

     Until now.  A musical is being created based on The Shaggs, considered by many to be the worst band that ever existed.  Their album, Philosophy Of The World, recorded in 1969, is certainly one of the absolute worst offenses against music ever committed to vinyl – none of the instruments seem to be interested in playing the same rhythm, the drummer is barely competent, and the singer is dreadful.  But the lyrics – the lyrics!  They are hilarious!  What makes this so amazing is that they’re actually trying!

     This reminded me of one of my all-time favourite CDs (though it IS one I rarely play).  It’s called Murder On The High C’s, and features the “finest” work of the woman who may be the worst singer in the history of the world, Florence Foster Jenkins.  In 1909, Jenkins inherited a huge sum of money that allowed her to do whatever she wanted in life – and what she wanted, more than anything, was to be a famous soprano.  And…amazingly…she succeeded!  In the fame part anyway.  Despite a complete lack of timing, pitch and vocal ability, she went ahead with her dream.  Just like William Hung.  But in the 1920s.

     Remember William Hung?

     God bless him, he’s trying!  I love them all.  Now, who is the worst artist in here – Hung, Jenkins, the Shaggs, or…