Archive for October, 2010
Thursday, October 28th, 2010
So far this year I’m 61-43 overall, and 56-43-5 against the spread. A better week last week puts me back in the hunt. But I still suck. I only beat Molly by 1. This week is better – I can’t lose any more than thirteen games this time.
San Francisco (1) vs. Denver (in London) – Take this, London! The NFL is sending you two of their worst teams to SHOWCASE the worst of what they have to offer in your fine city. Niners, 18-14.
Real final score: Niners, 24-16. The Broncos may not win another game this year.
Jacksonville at Dallas (6.5) – How is Dallas STILL getting point spreads like this when they have ONE win? They shouldn’t beat even a reeling Jaguars team without Romo, and I certainly wouldn’t bet 6 points on it. Jaguars, 21-18.
Real final score – Jaguars, 35-17. Whether they laid down or not, Dallas is finished.
Washington at Detroit (2.5) – I guess the Lions are coming off the bye week…is that why they’re favoured here? What possible reason could there be? At least they’ll keep it close. Redskins, 23-20.
Real final score – Lions, 37-25. Oh, that’s why the Lions were favoured. Bettors knew Shanahan would turn to Rex Grossman.
Green Bay at New York Jets (6) – Yeah, after the bye, the Jets should be flying. But six points? I don’t buy that. Jets, 21-20.
Real final score – Packers, 9-0. Wow. The Packers are back near the top of the league, and the best team in the NFC.
Carolina at St. Louis (3) – The Panthers struggled to beat an awful team. The Rams are not awful, and at home are very good. Rams, 30-23.
Real final score – Rams, 20-10. Rams…could win that division? It…could happen.
Miami at Cincinnati (2) – The Dolphins have lost three games – to New England, the Jets and Pittsburgh (on an awful call). The only 3 5-1 teams in football. Now they play a 2-4 team. And the 2-4 team is favoured? I’m going to be IN Cincy to watch this one, and I’m picking the Fish. Dolphins, 27-24.
Real final score – Dolphins, 22-14. The Dolphins are the most underrated team in football.
Buffalo at Kansas City (7.5) – The Chiefs are the real deal, and Buffalo is real bad. But the Bills are making real games out of their matchups with some very good teams, and not just last week’s OT loss to the Ravens. Chiefs, 36-33.
Real final score – Chiefs, 13-10. I was right about the point spread…if WAY off on the over-under.
Tennessee at San Diego (3.5) - The Chargers are still getting way too much love from the people who forget how they’ve played this season. Titans, 32-24.
Real final score – Chargers, 33-25. Maybe the Chargers are going to start winning games, instead of just putting up huge stats.
Tampa Bay at Arizona (3) – The Bucs coach says that THEY are the best team in the NFC. Debatable…but it’s certain that the Cards are not. Buccaneers, 27-26.
Real final score – Buccaneers, 38-35. Okay.
Seattle at Oakland (2.5) – There isn’t a tougher team to pick this season than the Raiders. When they should win, they lose. When they should lose, they put up 59 points. They should beat the Seahawks. So they won’t. Seahawks, 35-32.
Real final score – Raiders, 33-3. Infuriating!
Minnesota at New England (6) – This game was circled on many calendars the second Moss was traded to the Vikings. Now, it will seem a little anti-climactic, whether Favre can go or not. Patriots, 27-20.
Real final score – Patriots, 28-18. And now it’s the game that got Moss kicked out of Minnesota.
Pittsburgh at New Orleans (1) – The Saints are still experiencing the Super Bowl hangover. Pittsburgh might be the best team in football. And there’s no looking past the defending champs. Steelers, 28-24.
Real final score – Saints, 20-10. Statement game for New Orleans? Not really – but it was a game that showed the Steelers to be vulnerable.
Houston at Indianapolis (5) – The Texans won the first game, convincingly. Now they’re IN Indy, and a repeat is unlikely, despite the Colts’ banged-up status. But 5 points is too many. Colts, 28-27.
Real final score – Colts, 30-17. Five points was not enough. It appears that Peyton Manning can throw to me, Molly the Doll and a daschund, and as long as it’s Monday night he’ll clobber whoever he’s playing.
I went 8-5 straight up this week, making me 69-48 overall, and 8-5 against the spread (64-48-5 overall). Be sure to check out Molly’s facebook for pictures of my Cincinnati trip with her!
Monday, October 25th, 2010
A few years ago, when Brett Favre retired (for the first time) from my beloved Green Bay Packers, I wrote that sports was weakened in a serious way by his retirement. Baseball was awash in the steroid scandal. Michael Vick was on trial for his dog-fighting ring. I’m just re-reading that post now – I said there were still a few players in sports who still had my admiration…I made specific reference to both Manny Ramirez and LeBron James…oh, how times have changed.
I bemoan all those players who hang on past their time. Or, more specifically, those who use artificial means to hang on past their time. Take away the last nine years of Roger Clemens’ career. Or Barry Bonds. Or countless others. Take away those years, and they’re hall of famers. But they stayed. And they persisted. And they had the best years of their lives. And now they are not hall of famers. They are steroid users, permanently tainted by their own success.
And now we get Brett Favre, who hung on and hung on and never retires. A Favre who had an unbelievable season last year and who really had no reason to retire, in that his skills are as sharp as ever. And there is no steroid scandal in the wings, nothing to taint his on-field performance. Instead, we get a scandal of a different sort. A text-messaging attempted infidelity scandal which, at the moment, remains unproven allegations.
Had he retired last season, no one would have cared. This never would have come up. And yet – he’s still around, still firing that ball with the arm of a 20-year-old. On the field, despite a sub-par year thus far, he still looks far younger than his 41 years. Off the field, however, he now looks like a 100-year-old caricature, a confused and irritable Gabby Hayes type. You can just picture him looking at a cell-phone-texting machine and saying “consarn these newfangled gizmos! Why can’t I jist take a polaroid of my wang-dangler and drop it in her mailbox?” He then probably added “hyuk hyuk”.
That’s what’s so bonkers about this story. He starts out as a 13-year-old. Going through intermediaries who approach the woman and suggest she might like the old man. Someone’s got the hots for you Jenn Sterger! Here’s a note. Now, just tick the box “yes I like you too” or “no I don’t like you that way” and we’ll take the note back to him. these advances apparently don’t work. Messages are left. Those don’t work either. So…what to do? Assume that it’s just not meant to be, and move on? Or up the ante in the stupidest way possible? Dude. It’s fourth and thirty-six. Just punt.
When a woman has said no to you, over and over, through avoidance, or through intermediaries, or by ignoring your voicemails, what would possess a person to take it one step further and send her a picture of your penis? What woman has ever, in her life, wanted to see a picture of a penis? What could possibly be the “good” outcome from this? What could possibly make a man believe that sending a woman a penis-picture would change her mind? Oh, well if it looks like that, then I’m in!
I’ll tell you what can make a man think things like this – dementia. It’s the only logical explanation. Favre is an iron man. He has played every single snap in every single game for many, many years. He has taken many blows to the head. And early-onset dementia is one of the reasons the NFL is cracking down on hits to the head this year. What other possibility is there? That Favre has the IQ of a box of Triscuits? That this has worked before? None of those things is plausible. No, the only explanation is that he’s a really, really old man.
And so, we have another athlete who has hung on just one season too many. He wasn’t risking getting caught with performance-enhancing drugs, or getting caught having an actual affair. All he was risking was being found out for the complete and total idiot that he apparently is. When you’re famous, and you send a text-picture of your penis to someone who has already made it clear she wants nothing to do with you, what do you see being the final outcome? The publicizing of your penis-pics is the only way this could, eventually, end.
Other athletes have chances for redemption. Kobe Bryant has won a bunch of titles since that infidelity incident (and rape accusation). Tiger Woods needs only to win a few majors for many people to forgive and forget. But Favre IS an old man. He has one shot, and it’s this year. But now, if he wins the Super Bowl with the Vikings (and he won’t – but IF), where’s the story book ending? He can raise the trophy and jump into his teammates arms and whoop it up and all that.
But as soon as he hugs his wife in triumph, the minds of 50 million people are going to go instantly to the more enduring image of his final season – a pasty, middle aged man lying on a bed, masturbating lazily in crocs. And taking a picture of it, because that’s the way to get into a girl’s pants.
That being said…I get it.
Saturday, October 23rd, 2010
What an awful year. So far, I’m 50-40 overall, and 48-37-5 against the spread. So…take my spread picks more seriously. If you take any of this seriously at all. In which case you should have your head examined. Here goes!
Pittsburgh (3) at Miami – The Steelers have met every challenge this season pretty much with defense alone. And Miami doesn’t have the offense to counter that. Steelers, 27-21.
Real final score – Steelers, 23-22. Dolphins fought really, really hard. And they got hosed on that Roethlisberger fumble into the end zone…Steelers are due, soon, for a fall.
Cincinnati at Atlanta (3.5) – The Falcons are good. They are better than the Bengals. But sometimes they forget. Last week, they forgot. This week, they remember. Falcons, 26-17.
Real final score – Falcons, 39-32. The Falcons remembered. On offense at least. Maybe they need to look into arranging their defense so it can stop people from scoring. Just a thought for the rest of the season.
Jacksonville at Kansas City (4.5) - The Chiefs have now lost two in a row, since starting the season gangbusters at 3-0. The Jaguars looked absolutely awful on Monday night. KC gets off the slide here. Chiefs, 26-20.
Real final score – Chiefs, 42-20. OK, so I was off by 16 points. The Chiefs really, really wanted to put this one away late.
Philadelphia at Tennessee (3) – These two teams looked most impressive this past week. The Eagles defense can shut down Chris Johnson, as it appears most teams can do for at least a half now, and if Kolb passes like he did against the Falcons, Philly takes it to the Titans. I’m thinking it’ll be close. Eagles, 24-23.
Real final score – Titans, 37-19. Talk about insult to injury. The Titans made a statement here in the last six minutes - unfotunately, a lot of that statement was “we’re totally willing to rub it in”. The Eagles could stand to stop settling for field goals. With a few TDs, they could have been on the winning end of a blowout.
Washington at Chicago (3) – The Redskins are up and down, as they tend to be every year. So are the Bears. I think the Bears are due to come down, at least in this game. Redskins, 17-14.
Real final score – Redskins, 17-14. Jesus, I’m good. Right on!
Cleveland at New Orleans (13) – Saints are back in form, going deep as often as they should have through the first four games. Cleveland’s only real threat, Cribbs, is banged up. Saints, 24-10.
Real final score – Browns, 30-17. A lot of people will be out of their suicide pools this week. And…I have no explanation beyond that.
Buffalo at Baltimore (13) – A gimme. The Ravens let one slip away last week, they will put the hammer down here. Ravens 23-7.
Real final score – Ravens, 37-34 (OT). That was a funny looking hammer, Baltimore. This game showed, as did their Pittsburgh game and their New England one, that the Ravens are much better coming from behind than they are protecting a lead.
San Francisco (3) at Carolina – You know how the Niners took advantage of playing a really terrible team in the Raiders to win their first of the season? I think the Panthers will do the same here. Panthers, 27-20.
Real final score – Panthers, 23-20. The Panthers are, actually, a better team than San Fran.
St. Louis at Tampa Bay (2.5) – Really, really tough call. The Rams look great (by their standards) so far, so do the Bucs (by theirs). Bucs are at home, I’ll take ‘em. Barely. Bucaneers, 21-20.
Real final score – Buccaneers, 18-17. When you’re right, you’re right. And I’m totally right.
Arizona at Seattle (5.5) – The Cardinals don’t seem real to me. They will lose the division lead to the Seahawks in a hard-fought game. Seahawks, 23-20.
Real final score – Seahawks 22-10. The Cardinals are NOT real. The Seahawks are. (As good as it gets in this division, that is.)
New England at San Diego (3) – The Chargers are not going to come back from their last two awful losses. Patriots, 33-27.
Real final score – Patriots, 23-20. Chargers made it close. But that really isn’t good enough for this team, which will not make the playoffs this season.
Oakland at Denver (6.5) – I have very little confidence in the Broncos, and I think the Raiders are actually a better team. But after Denver proved they could play a physical, tough game last week, I think they have more momentum, and they are better at home than Oakland is on the road. Broncos, 24-21.
Real final score – Raiders, 59-14. Sometimes a game just…gets away from you, eh? The Raiders ARE better than the Broncos. Take away ten big mistakes by Denver, and Oakland still wins this one comfortably. Broncos are, it turns out, awful.
Minnesota at Green Bay (2.5) – Are the Vikings really back? They beat a Cowboys team that shot themselves in the foot (again) this week. But Favre going back to Lambeau is always compelling. Packers, 23-21.
Real final score – Packers, 28-24. Well, I got the spread wrong. And what a finish! Favre can’t be blamed for this loss, even with the picks.
New York Giants at Dallas (3) – The Cowboys are 1-4, winless at home, winless in their division and generally terrible. And they’re favoured by 3? Favoured at all? W.T.F. Giants, 30-17.
Real final score – Giants, 41-35. The Giants tried. They really, really tried to hand the game to Dallas. Three turnovers, in their own red zone, in the first half? Leading to three scores? And then they give up a punt return TD? And still New York has the lead at half time? That’s how bad the Cowboys are. Oh, and someone, somewhere, get Wade Phillips a calculator, wouldja?
And, I’m 11-3 straight up, with only the Philly game (really) going against me. No one picked Cleveland over New Orleans and no one saw what Oakland was gonna do to Denver. That makes me 61-43 overall. And I’m 8-6 against the spread (56-43-5 overall).
Friday, October 22nd, 2010
There’s the new Clint Eastwood movie, starring Matt Damon. There’s the sequel to the improbably popular indie horror flick from last year. And then there’s this.
OK. No real reason to put this stuff up. Just needed somewhere to link from the Doc and Woody poll.
Wednesday, October 20th, 2010
Good Times Bad Times
Since I’ve Been Loving You
Wednesday, October 20th, 2010
Here is the actual quote from the coach of the St. Leonard Cougars, after his team went up into the stands to stomp on the heads of enyone who fell down – He blamed the fans. “Especially when I asked the head referee to get security in the second quarter…Look, I’ve been coaching football for a long time. You can’t have people pulling that (bleep) back there and have nothing happen … Drinking, insults, throwing bottles and water… These aren’t professional players that realize, ‘Oh, if I do something, they can sue me for millions.’ ”
No, you’re right coach. Totally the fault of the fans. And stadium security. The only reason not to do this is that you might get sued for millions. Now that that possibility is out of the picture…of COURSE they’re gonna do this. Boys will be boys, dontcha know. The game was at Ivor Wynne stadium in Hamilton, and the Cougars were getting hammered by the Hamilton Hurricanes 20-9. So…you know…better not throw insults.
Monday, October 18th, 2010
I love this.
Sunday, October 17th, 2010
So far this year, it’s been a really strange season. No 4-0 teams at all, for the first time since the early 70s. Dallas and Minnesota are awful, Green Bay has had every starter injured, the Chiefs and Bears are 4-1. Weird. I’m 43-33 overall, 40-33-3 against the spread so far.
San Diego (8.5) at St. Louis – The Chargers won’t follow up that Oakland debacle with another poor outing. That being said, the Rams won’t follow up their Detroit debacle with another poor outing either. Chargers, 21-16.
Real final score – Rams, 20-17. Well, at least I was right about the spread. I’m not so sure the Chargers will turn this around in 2010 as they have in years past.
Kansas City at Houston (5) – The Texans are better than the Chiefs. Probably…it’s in Houston, gotta take Houston. Texans, 24-20.
Real final score – Texans, 35-31. Neither one of these teams can really play defense. But both have very good offenses. I think Houston is just tougher.
Baltimore at New England (3) – I think the Ravens are a better team. But give Belicheck a bye week to prepare…I’ll take this one to be really close. Ravens, 21-20.
Real final score – Patriots, 23-20. Does it get any “really close”r than overtime? Nope…Ravens are still the better team.
New Orleans (5) at Tampa Bay – Tampa Bay is – seriously – ahead of the Saints in the South. Tampa is 3-1, New Orleans is 3-2. After their debacle this past weekend, the Saints should rebound, but Tampa will keep it close. Saints, 23-21.
Real final score – Saints, 31-6. About Tampa keeping it close…I think maybe the Saints have decided it’s finally time to play football this season.
Atlanta at Philadelphia (1) - The Eagles aren’t exactly getting it done with smoke and mirrors, but they are certainly making things interesting week in and week out. And…they have yet to win at home this season. And…Atlanta is a better team. So…Atlanta to win and barely cover. Falcons, 27-24.
Real final score – Eagles, 31-17. Maybe Atlanta isn’t a better team. Maybe nothing makes sense in the screwy NFL this season.
Detroit at New York Giants (10) – The Lions are better than in years past, and the Giants are worse. Of course, there’s still a big gap here. But Detroit has made every game pretty close, and they’ll at least cover the 10 points. Giants, 24-17.
Real final score – Giants, 28-20. That’s about right. Giants still have some big question marks.
Seattle at Chicago (6.5) – The Bears are not as good as their record. Neither, however, are the Seahawks. I’m by no means sold on Chicago, but I am sold on Chicago over Seattle. This could be a blowout. For either team. Bears, 23-20.
Real final score – Seahawks, 23-20. I don’t understand why the Bears went out and got Jay Cutler just so they could make sure he dies on their field.
Miami at Green Bay (6.5) – Every single player on the Packers appears to be hurt. They have Charles Woodson left, and Donald Driver. And…that’s about it. Al Harris may be back for this one, but Aaron Rodgers might be out. If Rodgers is gone, Miami wins. If he’s in, the Pack squeak by. It looks (so far) as though he will start. Packers, 22-18.
Real final score – Dolphins, 23-20. I know penalties have killed the Packers this year, but lining up over the nose during a punt? What the hell call is that?
Cleveland at Pittsburgh (14) – Big Ben is Back. Although I think the Steelers are a better team with Roethlisberger in there, I think it will take them a couple of weeks to hit their stride with him at the helm. So I’ll take the Browns to cover. Steelers, 17-9.
Real final score – Steelers, 28-10. I am very surprised the Steelers covered. But glad, since they were one of my suicide picks and this way I didn’t have a heart attack.
New York Jets (3.5) at Denver – The Broncos are the most injured team this side of Green Bay. The Jets are maybe the best team so far this young season. Jets, 30-20.
Real final score – Jets, 24-20. Just barely covered. Broncos were tougher than I thought they would be.
Oakland at San Francsico (6.5) – The Niners are six and a half point favourites? At 0-5? I think a lot of these lines are still predicated on pre-season predictions, and not in-season results. The Raiders are awfully close to being 3-2 at the moment. They’ll be 3-3 after this one. Raiders, 20-17.
Real final score – Niners, 17-9. The Raiders are not 3-3. They are 2-4. And the Niners are 1-5. And both are terrible.
Dallas at Minnesota (2.5) – Both these teams have had disastrous starts to the season. It appears that no matter what Romo does, the Cowboys can still lose the game. However, as Favre goes so go the Vikings. It took only three quarters of real football for Moss and Favre to get on the same page. I think they’re there from the first snap this weekend. Vikings, 27-17.
Real final score – Vikings, 24-21. The Cowboys are done. Over. And I celebrate.
Indianapolis (3) at Washington – Believe it or not, this is a really tough call. The Skins are scraping and clawing and fighting their way to 3-2, and tops in their division (tied with two others). The Colts are slipping and sliding and fumbling their way to 3-2 and tops in their division (tied with three others). This one is very, very tight. I’ll hold my nose and take the…Redskins, 21-20.
Real final score – Colts, 27-24. The Skins created a ton of turnovers. If only there were a way to stop the Colts offense without physically taking the ball away…
Tennessee (3) at Jacksonville – The Jaguars are 3-2, so are the Titans. They are both tied with The Colts for first place in their division, along with the always-improving Texans. I just think the Titans are a better team, and Chris Johnson alone can win this game in Jacksonville. Titans, 27-21.
Real final score – Titans, 30-3. Huge win, but something’s still not right with Chris Johnson. He got 111, but wasn’t really a big factor. Nice for the Titans though, they have a great passing attack too, and a more than capable backup QB.
Another terrible week. At least the Cowboys suck. I went 7-7 straight up, leaving me at 50-40 overall. Against the spread, I was 8-4-2, which is better (48-37-5 overall). Am I really going to have a better season against the spread than straight up? The year CHEZ stops using the spread in the pool?
Thursday, October 14th, 2010
Plant talks about his solo career and his days with Zeppelin – adding a few light-hearted and good-natured (mostly) jabs at Black Sabbath.
Wednesday, October 6th, 2010
This is Bolivia’s actual president, during an actual soccer game. His team (in green) was playing a team (in yellow) featuring the president’s number one political rival. That rival is NOT the man the president hoofs in the bag. No, that’s just some guy. Who was apparently in the wrong place at the wrong time. Check this out…
This might be why Stephen Harper doesn’t play in those inter-politico hockey games up on the hill. He knows his competitive edge would get the best of him and he would end up spearing one of Ignatieff’s junior staffers in the groin. Either that or, despite his long-awaited book on the history of hockey, he doesn’t want anyone to know he can’t skate. Well, the president of Bolivia CAN play soccer. And he sure can kick some groin.