I’m really enjoying what I’ve seen of Jane Fonda on the new HBO series “The Newsroom”. A tremendous actor like her father Henry, however unlike dad she does sometimes give out TMI. In a recent article she is quoted as saying she “I have never had such a fullfilling sex life”. With that in mind:
Jane Fonda TO DO LIST
–8:00 A.M.: Wake up. Pleasure myself . . . with Life Alert button.
–8: 30 A.M.: Breakfast. Bagels with Kegels.
–9:00 A.M.: Brush teeth. Then insert in mouth.
–10:00 A.M.: Replace hanging fern in living room with sex swing.
–10:15 A.M.: Have sex. Shatter hip.
–10:30 A.M.: Have more sex. Shatter other hip.
–1:00 P.M.: Bump into Betty White at audition for “raunchy grandma.”
–3:00 P.M.: Hop into bed with a guy and moan loudly. Not because I’m having sex, because my pelvis just shattered.
–5:30 P.M.: Ignore voicemails from Madonna telling me to act my age.
–6:00 P.M.: Dinner at Vietnamese restaurant. Dramatically protest its unjust prices.
–8:00 P.M.: Troll for men interested in hooking up with women my age. In other words, Ashton Kutcher.
–10:00 P.M.: Have more of the best sex of my life at age 74. Then watch a “Matlock” rerun and go to bed.