Ted Nugent comments to an NRA group about either “being dead or in jail” if President Obama is reelected, got him an interview with the Secret Service. See what else today holds for him with the Celebrity To Do List of Ted Nugent.
–8:00 A.M.: Wake up to alarm clock. Shoot alarm clock.
–8:30 A.M.: Healthy breakfast of moose meat I killed with my own hands.
–9:00 A.M.: End target practice early after I run out of pictures of Democratic politicians.
–9:10 A.M.: Think about showering. Then realize that showering is for left wing sissy boys.
–9:30 A.M.: Get scratched by cat. Contract fever.
–10:00 A.M.: Accept long-overdue songwriting award for brilliantly rhyming “yank me” with “crank me.”
–10:20 A.M.: Explain to group of “Hunger Games” fans that I invented archery.
–11:30 A.M.: Get mail. Open letter about IRS audit.
–12:45 P.M.: Get mistaken for Gary Busey. Explain to confused fan he’s not as crazy.
1:00 P.M.: Spot something adorable, innocent and defenseless. Slaughter it with a crossbow.
–1:30 P.M.: Automatically lock gate behind the UPS guy, then hunt him for sport.
–4:00 P.M.: Perform “Cat Scratch Fever” for the 11 people gathered for the grand opening of the Sioux Falls Mall.
–4:30 P.M.: Swear I have “no idea” who called Immigration on those dudes loitering outside Home Depot.
–4:45 P.M.: Argue with Sean Hannity and Toby Keith over who loves America most.
–5:45 P.M.: Get kicked out of NASCAR event for being too redneck-y.
–6:30 P.M.: Share sleeveless shirt tips with Larry the Cable Guy.
–8:30 P.M.: Prepare set list for concert: “Cat Scratch Fever”, “Cat Scratch Fever” and, hmmm, what else? Oh yeah, “Cat Scratch Fever”.