http://www.102clearfm.com

Got this forwarded to me by a co-worker today. It was a youtube clip of a newscast from Australia where, in the background, you can see a guy looking at his email. Some of the attachments were apparently pictures of nude women. While you can’t really blame someone for opening an attachment and being sure of what’s in there, after the first one, he continues to open two more…and anyone watching the news that night got much more than a financial report. (Mind you, if we’re being honest, a lot of us would have found it hard to stop after just one  - yes, even us ladies.) We’re not supposed to be doing it at work, of course. And this guy got his bell rung but good. I would love to find out if he got fired after this video went viral. Poor fellow.

Next up, a little brag. My next door neighbor happens to be a fabulous musician. His name is David Hasselfield (although it took me several months before I stopped calling him David Hasselhoff by default, I imagine because I am a child of the 80’s. Go Kitt!!!)

The first summer we spent in the house was this past one, and although it was not the hottest one on record, those old Wolseley houses don’t have much in the way of A/C other than opening the door. Which Dave did, often when he and his band would be practicing. I can’t tell you how wonderful it was stepping out onto the front porch on those days, the lustrous sound of the saxaphone swirling through the air. It is a special privilege living next to someone with that kind of talent for that reason alone. Plus, he usually shovels the sidewalk between our houses. Nice. Thought I’d share a bit of it with you…this song (Potted Palm) is cute and very relevant considering the time of year.

Click here to listen to Potted P

Bonus Code: POTTED PALM

So I pride myself on being the kind of mother who doesn’t shy away from difficult conversations. I figure if I don’t deal with it now, it’s going to come up another time, so why wait? In the meantime, a child might potentially try to find the information they are seeking from someone else, which is usually a peer. That is bad about 98% of the time. Particularly if the topic is sex, and the child in question is six years old.

Before I was a mother, I used to wonder if as a parent, you would be able to determine the sexual orientation of your child, and if so, when it would become obvious. Since my son is now getting to an age where his mother blogging about the intimate details of his life might be a source of embarrassment for him, I will try to be as respectful as possible when I write this. But my son first ogled a woman in a bathing suit at our local Y when he was three years old.  It could be argued that young children are a little like kittens, in that the simplest things can get their attention. But this was not like a piece of moving string, or a Dora the Explorer balloon floating above the checkout at Safeway. This was a carbon copy reaction of any post puberty heterosexual male - only my child was still working his way out of diapers. I was shocked. Not bothered, just…surprised. Isn’t that a little young? I would have written it off but for the clippings from the Halloween flyer advertising french maids and naughty she-devils I found in his nightstand drawer, under his bowl of marbles and Lifesaver wrappers, when he was in kindergarten.

More recently, one of his dad’s calendars went missing. It was a bathing suit calendar he had received from a colleague. We asked our son about it. He denied knowing anything about it. When we found it under his bed, I thought my heart was going to break. Not because the tiny baby I just brought home from the hospital is obviously continuing his journey toward manhood, but that he has somehow already learned to feel shame about these feelings.

Growing up Catholic, the general understanding we had as teenagers was  that at any given moment, our next word or deed could send us careening into the depths of hell. And if that word or deed had anything to do with sex, that trip was basically guaranteed.  And I hated it so much, and it seemed so utterly pointless in the face of what we actually experienced as teenagers that I vowed I would never be embarrassed to talk to my kids about ANYTHING. I think our embarrassment needs to take a backseat when we become parents. I want to share with my kids information that might help them navigate those powerful and confusing feelings. I just didn’t think I would need to bother until a little later..

Fast forward to this morning: I met a friend for breakfast and she asked if I had ever spoken to my kids about sex. (Her eldest is seven). When I told her no, she said, “Well, me neither..and apparently, we’re WAAAAY behind the eight ball on this.”

WAAAYY???? When I expressed that I thought it was a bit early (will this not just freak the hell out of them??) she told me about a book that suggests the right time to talk about sex and what it can result in is now.  It’s called “Speaking of Sex”by Meg Hinkling. My friend got it from another mom who was always right on the money about these things. Basically, it sounds like it helps parents come up with the right words to use to avoid freaking kids out..at any age. As in, keep it about health and facts. She tried the approach on her son last night, as he was getting ready for bed:

Mom: “Hey, son..you remember when your sister was born, where babies come from, right?”
Son: (who had been present for the birth) ”Yes…your vagina!”

So far, so good.

M: “Yeah….Now, do you know how that baby actually got IN there?
S: “Hahahaha!!! NO!”
M: (tentatively)”…do you WANT to know?”
S: “YES!”

Her son was actually kind of shouting his answers in a comical way, leading my friend to think that he actually DID know something, but was just trying to play along. She carried bravely on:

M: “Well, you know how there’s a mom and a dad, right?”
S:”Yes..”
M: (deep breath)”Well, what has to happen is that the dad’s penis has to go into the mom’s vagina, and his sperm has to meet the egg that is waiting there. When those two things meet, then a baby starts to grow…does this make sense?”
S: “Yeah!”

And that was it. He was satisfied, and mom was too. When I voiced my fear that a child would then begin to imagine the act itself between his own mother and father, and the feelings THAT might bring up, my friend said “it’s all in the facts. They’ll get it - just leave out all the stuff about foreplay.” We had a good laugh about that. And then she sighed.

“One difficult conversation out of the way….17,000 to go.”

I’m not sure it’ll be a perfect bankshot into the corner pocket, but I’m excited to give this a go. Got a good story about how you shared, or maybe even better, how it was (or wasn’t) shared with you? Leave it here…

Bonus Code: SPEAKING OF SEX

The Dik children are the12 kids whose parents were both killed on the weekend. David and Elisabeth Dik were in their Honda Civic when it crashed head on with an SUV on Saturday.  I honestly can’t imagine what these kids are dealing with emotionally right now.  They actually got a comment from the eldest, a boy named Jakob, who said, “We’re not the best right now.” As the eldest of the 12 children, Jakob is 16 years old. The youngest is only a year old.

A listener emailed me yesterday to ask where people could donate money to help these children. David and Elisabeth were from Germany and were relatively new Canada, and the children they left behind are currently staying with their aunt and uncle, who have 12 kids of their own. A few extra dollars in their coffee can would have to be some relief, albeit a small one considering the circumstances.

The Steinbach Credit Union have a set up a trust fund for the Dik children, after a group of concerned citizens came forward and asked if they would. You can donate in branch (remember, there is one here in Winnipeg at 2100 McGillvray), or call either branch to have the funds transferred to the “Dik Children Donation Fund”…in the Steinbach Area: 326.3495 , Winnipeg: 222.2100 or toll-free in North America: 1 800 728.6440

May peace be with them.

Bonus Code: IF YOU CAN

Yesterday was a monumental day for birth choice in Winnipeg. After years of planning, and hoping on the part of a dedicated group of people,  the province has agreed to build a birth center in the old Global TV building on St. Mary’s Road. This will be a midwifery- staffed center, with construction to start imminently, and completion expected in 2011. It will have four birthing rooms, complete with birthing tubs, showers, double beds, a labor walkway and a mandate to be “community-based, women-centered, culturally sensitive center of excellence for maternity and newborn care.”

As a woman who has had babies both in a hospital and at home, I was beyond thrilled at this news. My core belief about birth is not a mainstream one. By that, I don’t mean that I think every woman should be outside, squatting by a rock to have their babies (which is what so many people think when you talk about home birth.) What I mean specifically is that where and how women have birth should be a matter of choice. Part of this stems from my other belief that birth is not something that we do with our conscious brains. For as much planning and thinking and wondering that we do in the nine months before we have our babies, when the day finally comes, little of that actually matters, because:

a) babies have a way of changing the plans we had, even as they are still making their way out of the womb.
b) our bodies have their own plans to accomodate said baby.

What I mean by that is this: birth is instinctual. No matter how we grade or chart or check stats, none of it matters the day you give birth. Your body will do what it needs to do. It might be something we never thought it could do, or something we never WANTED it to do. And that’s the amazing thing - your body does it anyway. It might be miles away from what you thought it would be.  There is something about the process of birth that in this day and age of technological advancements, still remains deeply primal. No matter how much planning we did ahead of time, our reptilian brain takes over, and helps us get that baby out. (This is true and possible for the vast majority of births, but if you needed medical intervention for your birth, I hope we can all agree that we’re thrilled to live in a country where this is readily available, even if needed at the last second.)

The very best thing we can do for ourselves as mothers to be is to put ourselves in an environment that makes us feel safe. That might be a hospital. It might be at home. (It might be a hospital when we planned on having a baby at home, like it was with my first child.) And it might be at the new birth center we are getting, which is somewhat in between the two. What sickens me is all the chatter I hear from either side, condemning the other for their choice. It’s an extension of “competitive parenting” - whose baby walks sooner, whose is getting the better education, who is the better mother because she stayed home or she chose to work. Birth, for thousands of years, has been an event traditionally supported by the women of the tribe or community. There is wisdom from those who have been there before, and an education for those who have not. It is a gift and a priviledge to be part of it. Judgement holds no place in birth, and can even make birth more challenging. We owe it to every member of our gender who choses to have a baby that we be supportive of the choice that will work best for her, whatever that may be.

That being said, there is a bit of a status quo when it comes to birth. You get pregnant, you get a doctor, you do what the doctor tells you to do, you go into labor, wait till your contractions are three minutes apart, and then go to the hospital. If any of it, even if it’s just the tiniest voice in the back of your head that tells you, “Something about this doesn’t FEEL right,” don’t ignore that voice. It is your instinct, and it will be your best friend during this process. Look into your options. Find someone to be at your birth who will respect your feelings and perspectives, whether it be a doctor or a midwife. Because for all their training, they are not god. The divinity in birth has nothing to do with the professional presiding over it - but rather is the moment that baby meets your eyes, fills your arms and enters your soul…however it ends up happening.

Bonus Code: BIRTH CENTER

So, back on the old “twitter horse”. (I would have more luck staying on Trigger, me thinks. And if you get that reference, you probably have nightmares about social networking sites just like I do. See you in my dreams!)

Anyway. Here’s the thing..I like twitter! I think it’s (another) great way to stay in touch with friends, and  in this line of work, people like you who listen to the station and read the blogs. I’m sure you don’t want to hear about every itch and scratch, but it’s nice to stay in closer touch, if we can, right?

But here’s the thing…and if you can help me out, feel free to wade right in:
a) I created my account online at DezClear. But when I went to set it up on my crackberry, and it asked for a username, and I said, “DezClearFM”. Now I don’t know how to change for my phone, because when I went to change the username on my account online, it said “DezClearFM” already taken..and I don’t see a place to change it on the phone. Ack:(
b) once you figure this out for me, please feel free to follow me on Twitter. You’ll already know the username.
c)

:P

Bonus code: TWITTERLICIOUS

Here’s a tough one.

You are booked to leave on the trip of a lifetime…a cruise through the Caribbean, complete with ports of call, decadent food and drink, and every imagineable amenity. You’ve been busting your hump all year, putting away money here and there and finally, you and your partner are ”getting away from it all” with a luxury cruise. You have never been able to get away, and now that the kids are a bit older and easier to leave with a friend or relative, you are finally going. You are stoked. You are going to eat and drink and get some like you haven’t gotten for a long time. One of the ports of call is a little beach called Labadee, in Haiti.

The earthquake hits before you even leave. Like most everyone else, you are struck with sadness at the plight of the people affected, although there is no way you can really understand the suffering that is taking place there. You contact the cruise line…not really knowing what you want to hear on the other end. Will they be altering your travel plans, out of respect to what is happening in Haiti right now?

This scenario played out late last week, as Royal Caribbean was left with a decision to make. Should they dock their luxury liner at Labadee, a private Haitian beach, not more than 60 miles from the bodies piling up in the streets near ground zero of last week’s earthquake?

The Guardian newspaper in the UK interviewed some of the passengers about to embark on their once in a lifetime cruise, asking them how they felt about the potential moral dilemma. One woman said, ” I just can’t see myself sunning on the beach, playing in the water, eating a BBQ while the survivors (of the earthquake) are looking for food and water.” Another said, “I can’t imagine having to choke down a  burger there now.” However, there were several passengers who were intent on enjoying their hard-earned holiday, with one passenger  commenting, “I’ll be there on Tuesday, and I plan on enjoying my zip line excursion as well as my time on the beach.”  Others were more concerned about desperate earthquake survivors trying to breach the beach’s security in search of food and water.

For the cruise line’s part, they claim they decided to include Haitian ports of call on their excursions in the upcoming days, but only after “considerable internal debate.” The vice president stated it was Royal’s belief that Lavadee is “critical to Haiti’s recovery, in that hundreds of people rely on it for their livelihood, and that the country itself is sure to benefit from each call.’

What would you do? Does life go on? Or do you stay on the ship that particular day…because. Just because.

Bonus Code: LIFE’S A BEACH?

Late last week, at the tail end of the lunch hour, moments before I was to return my son to his classroom for higher learning, I was on the computer feverishly looking for Jar Jar Binks. My son was eagerly peering over my shoulder as I navigated through the various pages of Star Wars coloring pages, and shouting instructions like a marine: “NO! No, mom, that’s not it-WAIT!! What about THAT one!? I want to see that one again!!!” And so on.

I am not sure if I should be alarmed by the fact that my son is now a rabid fan of the most hated sci fi character of all time. I know it makes sense on one level. The character failed to connect with Star Wars fans because of it’s lack of dimension and overtly cartoonish quality. Why shouldn’t my six year old love it??!! But it’s one of those situations where I AM a little embarrassed. Because my son is cool! I want to tell him: “Look a little closer at Obi-Wan. How about Yoda? Or Hans Solo? It’s Harrison Ford, for goodness sake, son!!!” But it’s none of my business. And much like sleepless nights and nose-picking, I’m hoping it’s a phase he will outgrow. Quickly.

On a semi-related note, Conan has responded to his fans and their ponderings about what he is going to do now that NBC has kind of turned their guns on him. And true to form, he has come out with an intelligent and funny response.  

 People of Earth:In the last few days, I’ve been getting a lot of sympathy calls, and I want to start by making it clear that no one should waste a second feeling sorry for me. For 17 years, I’ve been getting paid to do what I love most and, in a world with real problems, I’ve been absurdly lucky. That said, I’ve been suddenly put in a very public predicament and my bosses are demanding an immediate decision.Six years ago, I signed a contract with NBC to take over The Tonight Show in June of 2009. Like a lot of us, I grew up watching Johnny Carson every night and the chance to one day sit in that chair has meant everything to me. I worked long and hard to get that opportunity, passed up far more lucrative offers, and since 2004 I have spent literally hundreds of hours thinking of ways to extend the franchise long into the future. It was my mistaken belief that, like my predecessor, I would have the benefit of some time and, just as important, some degree of ratings support from the prime-time schedule. Building a lasting audience at 11:30 is impossible without both.But sadly, we were never given that chance. After only seven months, with my Tonight Show in its infancy, NBC has decided to react to their terrible difficulties in prime-time by making a change in their long-established late night schedule.

I read a super interesting article today about kids’ books. I was a voracious reader as a child, to the point that it would kind of frustrate my active, “can’t sit still for a moment” mother. It really didn’t matter what it was - reading anything was better than reading nothing at all.

The article I read was about, ironically, a book, entitled, ”1001 Children’s Books You Must Read Before You Grow Up,” by Julia Eccelshare. I find that even years after the fact that people are still deeply attached to the books they enjoyed as children, and people almost take it personally when their titles are not included on lists like this one. What do you think? Have you read any of these? Have you ever heard of any of these?

- Russell Hoban’s Bedtime for Frances

- Virginia Lee Burton’s The Little House

- Harry Allard’s  - Miss Nelson Is Missing!

- Norton Juster’s  - The Phantom Tollbooth

- The Invention of Hugo Cabret by Brian Selznick

None of these were familar to me, I’m sorry to say..but that’s the thing about this book, apparently…it includes hundreds of titles you might be familar with, and many more that you could take up, either on your own or with your kids.

What were your favorite books as a kid? Do you wish you could carve out a couple of hours to read a childhood favorite? Superfudge, anyone?  

Bonus Code: BOOKS

I am so happy to be in 2010. I can’t remember a time when I was more excited about the turn of the calendar. Here’s a couple of neat things that have happened so far:

1) I got pregnant in 2003, (and again in 2006), which is why NYE 2009 was my first spent out the house in seven years. Initially, I was just going to stay in. But I got a last minute invite that seemed fun. When I walked into this party, I heard someone shout my name. Turns out it was a woman I know only casually. In fact, the last time I saw her was… New Year’s Eve, 2002. There was something about that that was super cool.  

2) Accidentally caught the shoot-out goal between Team Canada and Team USA on NYE. I tried to stop at a couple of different lounges (rhyme with “Mearl’s” and “Smoxie’s”) but both were closed for private functions. I ended up at some little sports lounge and walked in just in time to hear the scream go up for that shoot-out goal. Turns out it was a bigger moment than midnight, and I happened to walk right into it. Perhaps I will start watching hockey this year…?

3) Was dreading having to enforce the back to school routine with my kids this morning after two weeks off. My friend suggested I do a trial run on Sunday, but I thought it best to save my energy for the real thing. I woke up this morning and made breakfast, and then poked my head in my son’s room to begin the process of getting him to consider THINKING about getting dressed. About ten minutes later, I heard him bound down the stairs.

D: “You’re totally dressed!”
A: “Yep.”
D: “Did you make your bed?”
A:”Yep.”
D: “Did you brush your teeth?”
A: “…uhh…no.”
D: “Could you?”
A: “Okay!”

The kids grow up, and mama gets to go out. We’re only five days in but already I am already head over heels in love with this new decade.  

Meet you at Smoxie’s.

Bonus Code: HAPPY 2010

Just a quick little goodbye..will be out of the studio until Dec 29, when I’ll be filling in for Jay and Billie Jo. Have a marvelous holiday..and here’s something I loved: replace consumption with compassion this Christmas. What if…

And as a little parting gift…the movie is out May 28. The trailer came out today. And the girls are looking fine. Not sure how strong the plot will be..but who cares? Going to this movie will be like visiting an old friend who made us laugh, cry, and wish Carrie would just close the deal with Big (or Aiden, as a VERY VERY close second, at least for this blogger.) Plus, she might be a feminist icon now.

With love..happy holidays!

Bonus Code: SATC 2