Year:  2005
Genre:  Drama, Crime, Western
Country:  Australia
Language:  English
Starring:  Guy Pearce, Ray Winstone, Emily Watson, Noah Taylor, Danny Huston
Director:  John Hillcoat
Run time:  104 minutes
DVD distributor:  Alliance Films

     There aren’t a lot of great westerns any more. Which makes me sad, because I love westerns.  The last truly great western movie was Unforgiven, and that was 20 years ago. Since then there have been a few good ones, and only one that came awfully close to greatness.

     That western was the magnificent Guy Pearce-Ray Winstone movie The Proposition, written by musician Nick Cave and also starring Emily Watson and Danny Huston. It’s an Australian western from 2005, and it’s breathtaking. The scenes of the harsh Australian outback are terrific, and the cast is sensational, including a fantastic turn by John Hurt as a bounty hunter.

     The “proposition” of the title comes from a deal made between Pearce and Winstone. Pearce plays Charlie Burns, the middle Burns brother in the notorious Burns gang. Winstone plays Captain Stanley, the lawman who captures Charlie and his younger, mentally handicapped brother Mikey. Neither Charlie nor Mikey is the big prize though – Captain Stanley really wants the ringleader, their psychopath older brother who is hiding in the outback where nobody can get to him.

     Arthur Burns is so crazy, and so violent, that neither the army nor the aboriginals will go anywhere near his hideout. So Captain Stanley makes Charlie a proposition – you go out there, find Arthur and kill him. Otherwise, we’re going to hang Mikey on Christmas morning.

     From there, things get violent and cruel and nasty. And it’s incredible. The Proposition takes its time with every story line, delivering a hugely powerful climax as the stories of the brothers and Captain Stanley come together. This is a western movie every western fan should own, and it finally gets its much-needed Blu-Ray release August 28^th from Alliance Films.

Years:  1975 1976
Genre:  TV series, Drama
Country:  United States
Languages:  English
Starring:  Karl Malden, Michael Douglas
DVD distributor:  Paramount Home Entertainment

     I’ve always liked Streets of San Francisco – not so much because it was a great show (it wasn’t), but because I love Karl Malden and it’s pretty cool to see a super-young Michael Douglas before he became really famous. On August 28^th, Paramount Home Entertainment releases Season Four, in two DVD volumes.

     Right away, it wasn’t just about Malden and Douglas. It was about other guest stars before they were famous. In the very first episode, a young Mark Hamill shows up as the drug addict son of a renegade cop. This was a year before Star Wars, which of course shot Hamill to fame as Luke Skywalker. So, now I’ve seen him in five things. Star Wars, The Empire Strikes Back, Return of the Jedi and Jay And Silent Bob Strike Back. And now Streets of San Francisco. I wonder what that guy’s doing now.

     There are a few other stars who appear in season four, (note John Ritter‘s appearance above) but most notably Paul Sorvino as a renegade cop looking to avenge his partner’s death. There were a lot of renegade cops on Streets of San Francisco.

     But of course Karl Malden and Michael Douglas were there to uphold the law, stop the renegade cops and serve as advocates for procedure, police integrity and due process. And the biggest problem with the show was that they did just that in every single episode.

Year:  2012
Genre:  TV series, ”Reality“, Garbage
Country:  United States
Language:  English
Starring:  The worst people in the world
DVD distributor:  Paramount Home Entertainment

     There is a limited shelf life for Jersey Shore, at least with the current cast of sexers and flexers and douchebags and dingbats. After all, they will eventually reach an age where they might realize that dirty, drunk and stupid is no way to go through life, son.

     That’s why, despite having been on TV for only two and a half years, they have already gone through FIVE TV seasons, and even have a spin-off show for Snooki and J-Wow. In Season Five, (on DVD August 28^th from Paramount Home Entertainment), the gang is back from Italy and once again working at the T-shirt store.

     The thing is, I have the whole DVD set. So why start every episode with “previously, on Jersey Shore…”? I have the whole season. I know what happened “previously, on Jersey Shore.” I know that the Situation was a whiny assbag, and that Deena was a desperate, sad stupid troll and that Pauly D was an obnoxious narcisist and that Vinny slept with lesbians and that Snooki got drunk and fell over. Skip skip skip.

     Speaking of Snooki getting drunk and falling over, that is, of course, all she has ever done on this show. Except in season five, when she keeps peeing uncontrollably for some reason, and goes to the doctor. No one ever explains WHY she’s having these medical issues, and she chalks it up to a urinary tract infection. Or, because she’s too cool for real words, a UTI.

     Strange then, to see that she just gave birth. On Sunday. To a child. Now, I’m not cynical enough to believe that MTV kept the news of her pregnancy a secret so she could continue to get hammered and fall down with impunity. But I AM just cynical enough to believe they timed the release of Season Five of Jersey Shore for the week that Snooki gave birth and got into the news again. Now that I can believe.

Years:  2011, 2012
Genre:  TV series, Crime, Drama
Country:  United States
Language:  English, French
Starring:  Mark Harmon, Michael Weatherly, Pauley Perrette, Sean Murray, David McCallum, Brian Dietzen, Cote De Pablo, Rocky Carroll, Jamie Lee Curtis
Creator:  Donald P. Bellisario, Don McGill
Run time:  16 hours, 49 minutes
DVD distributor:  Paramount Home Entertainment

     I don’t mind when NCIS does the two or three part episodes. It’s a great show, and I can handle waiting for the next episode to find out what happens. But the way they closed out Season 9, with three parts of what could end up being a six part episode with a very annoying cliff hanger, is a lot too much.

     On August 21^st Paramount Home Entertainment releases Season 9 of NCIS on DVD, and I have now watched it all.  I really liked the first four discs, because they’re pretty much what I’ve come to expect from NCIS – a solid procedural crime show with a good cast. Yeah, there are some cop-out episodes where they get rid of Ziva’s boyfriend so they can keep playing on the sexual tension between her and Tony, but it’s a small complaint.

     My big complaint – and I do have a big complaint – is with the last two discs. Partly because of the annoying cliffhanger episodes, but mostly because of the introduction of Jamie Lee Curtis to the show. I like Jamie Lee Curtis, but her role is so badly written that it’s painful. She’s a super-agent in the psychological warfare division of…something…called psy-ops. And she’s all about the mind games, you see. So she’s sneaky and mysterious and devious and manipulative.

     Ostensibly, she has been introduced as a foil/romantic love interest for Mark Harmon’s Gibbs, as she’s supposed to be his intellectual and badass equal. But she doesn’t seem that way to me. To me, she just comes across as one of those incredibly irritating women who thinks she’s way smarter and way sexier than she actually is, and just ends up being creepy. And Jamie Lee Curtis, in Season Nine of NCIS, creeps me out. And it’s not (just) because she now looks exactly like my mom.

Years:  2011, 2012
Genre:  TV series, Crime, Drama
Country:  United States
Language:  English
Starring:  LL Cool J, Chris O’Donnell, Linda Hunt, Peter Cambor, Daniela Ruah, Adam Jamal Craig, Barrett Foa, Claire Forlani
Creator:  Shane Brennan
Run time:  17 hours, 25 minutes
DVD distributor:  Paramount Home Entertainment
Related reviews:  NCIS Season Seven, NCIS Season Eight, NCIS: LA Season One, NCIS: LA Season Two

     Even more so than NCIS, NCIS: LA is brainless fun. It’s loud, and flashy, and all buddy-coppy and generally generic. But muscular LL Cool J, brooding Chris O’Donnell, smoking hot Daniela Ruah and especially tiny little badass Linda Hunt make the otherwise run-of-the-mill subject matter truly entertaining.

     Season three of NCIS: LA comes to DVD August 21^st from Paramount Home Entertainment, and like Season nine of NCIS, it ends with an obnoxious cliffhanger that suggests Hetty is going to resign…again. At the end of every season, she’s either about to quit or about to be killed. I get it. But I also get that Hetty is the best part of the show, and it’s quite likely she’ll be back at the beginning of Season Four. Other than that, season three is as entertaining as usual, helped along by the addition of Claire Forlani for a number of episodes, giving us yet another pretty shiny thing to look at.

     NCIS: LA is like Lays potato chips. It’s tasty, has little substance, and you can’t watch just one episode. That’s why it is best watched on DVD, rather than on TV. When I watch an episode on TV, I forget it exists by the time the next week rolls around. On DVD, I can watch the entire season in a weekend and enjoy every minute.

Year:  1963
Genre:  TV series, Lawyer, Drama
Country:  United States
Language:  English
Starring:  Raymond Burr, Barbara Hale
DVD distributor:  Paramount Home Entertainment

     The best thing about Perry Mason was Raymond Burr and his (now almost cartoonish) gravitas. But the second best thing I think was the dated and campy way they titled each episode. The Case Of The Nebulous Nephew! The Shifty Shoebox! The Festive Felon and the Devious Delinquent! The Badgered Brother and the Bouncing Boomerang!

     Sometimes though, alliteration doesn’t cut it, and they go with something equally clever and giggle-worthy, like my personal favourite, the Case of the Drowsy Mosquito! The great titles of most of the episodes make the lame titles seem that much sadder. Where was the effort on the Bigamous Spouse, the Floating Stones, or the Deadly Verdict? All of these titles can be seen on Season Seven Volume One of Perry Mason, out August 21^st on DVD from Paramount Home Entertainment.

     You’ll also get the episodes The Wednesday Woman, the Accosted Accountant and the Decadent Dean, as well as guest appearances from some reasonably well-known actresses like Pippa Scott and Julie Adams, most famous as the hottie girlfriend in Creature From The Black Lagoon. Other than that, you’ll get Perry Mason solving crimes. And that’s always fun to watch.

Year:  1981
Genre:  TV series, Drama
Country:  United States
Language:  English
Starring:  Robert Urich, Phyllis Davis, Bart Braverman, Greg Morris, Will Sampson, Tony Curtis
Guest star: Wayne Newton
Eye candy:  All kinds.  Strippers, showgirls, hookers, everyone is apparently hot in Vegas. 
Creator:  Michael Mann
Run time:  9 hours, 51 minutes
DVD distributor:  Paramount Home Entertainment

     On August 14^th Paramount Home Entertainment releases the last DVD set of the old Robert Urich show Vega$, which lasted three seasons in the late 70s and early 80s. Season Three, Volume Two sees Dan Tanna continuing to do what he’s done in all the other DVD sets of Vega$. Sleeping with showgirls, cruising around town in a big ol’ car, and investigating crimes.

      It’s the Vegas of Watne Newton and skeezy prostitution and run-down strip clubs, the kind of Vegas I’ve never seen but the one I’m nostalgic for nonetheless. Wayne Newton himself shows up now and then in these shows, and that’s always fun. I have never been able to take this show in large doses, so I have been content with the seasons being split up into volumes up until now. But now that I’ve seen them all, I feel the same sort of nostalgia. I’m going to miss this show, even if it was canceled before I was born!

     This is also the Vega$ of What Happens In Vegas Stays In Vegas. Which really is an antiquated notion what with cell phone cameras and Prnice Harry all naked on the weekend and Ryan Lochte walking around shirtless wearing his gold medals. We’ve made a poll about it today, log into the CHEZ nation to weigh in on Vega$!

Year:  2011
Genre:  TV series, Crime, Drama
Country:  United States
Language:  English
Starring:  Michael C. Hall, Jennifer Carpenter, Desmond Harrington, Lauren Velez, David Zayas, James Remar
Guest stars:  Colin Hanks, Edward James Olmos, Mos Def  
Creator:  James Manos Jr.
Run time:  10 hours, 32 minutes
DVD distributor:  Paramount Home Entertainment

     The sixth season of Dexter comes out on DVD and Blu-Ray August 14^th from Paramount Home Entertainment. It’s as entertaining a show as ever, and I really liked Season Six, but it doesn’t quite live up to previous seasons. The reason for that is mostly the introduction of religion into the show, giving Dexter something of a crisis of faith, but also providing him with one of the weaker antagonists in recent years.

     Colin Hanks is good as the Doomsday Killer, but he just doesn’t seem as evil as previous serial killers who have gone up against Dexter. He’s less of a maniac serial killer genius, and more of an unfortunately violent insane religious nutjob. That’s one problem. The other problem I have with season six is the ending – not so much for the resolution of the serial killer story, but for the addition of yet another super-creepy story line. This is a show about a serial killer with a baby at home. Do we really need another skin-crawling plot twist?

     That being said, the final four minutes of the last episode of season six are legitimately heart-stopping, and make season seven that much more anticipated.  No telling where it’s gonna go, but it can only get creepier from here!

Year:  1959
Genre:  Western, TV series
Country:  United States
Language:  English
Starring:  James Arness, Milburn Stone, Amanda Blake, Dennis Weaver
Creators:  John Meston, Norman MacDonnell
DVD distributor:  Paramount Home Entertainment

     Gunsmoke was famous because it was an iconic western TV series that lasted longer than any other.  The longest running prime time drama of all time, 20 years and 635 episodes, all featuring marshall Matt Dillon shooting people.  Some of those 635 episodes come to DVD on August 7^th from Paramount Home Entertainment with the release of Season Six, Volume One.

     As I was watching the set, I wondered how a show with pretty much the exact same plot in every episode could have lasted so long. Matt Dillon is incorruptible and honest. A good cop with an itchy trigger finger. He doesn’t want to have to shoot the bad guys, but invariably they put him in a position where he has to, and he’s pretty comfortable with that.  I just kept thinking that at some point this whole TV series had to run its course, long before the 20 seasons were up. But then, I just kept watching. 

     Then I realized that Gunsmoke is actually still on the air! Timothy Olyphant’s Marshall Raylan Givens in Justified is really just James Arness’s marshall Matt Dillon 2.0. It’s just that instead of shooting horse thieves and bank robbers, he’s shooting drug dealers and pimps.  This is the revelation I had watching season six volume one of Gunsmoke. Matt Dillon will never die.

Year:  1985
Genre:  Comedy, Cult, Classic
Country:  United States
Language:  English
Starring:  Tim Curry, Michael McKean, Christopher Lloyd, Martin Mull, Lesley Ann Warren, Eileen Brennan, Madeline Kahn 
Director:  Jonathan Lynn
Run time:  94 minutes
DVD distributor:  Paramount Home Entertainment

     I hear a lot of people bitching about how Hollywood has run out of ideas, and now makes nothing but sequels and prequels and remakes and reboots and movies made from TV shows and video games and comic books and Disney theme park rides and whatever Twilight is.  Sometimes, I hear people bitching about that in MY voice!

     But the sad thing is, it has always been this way. It was like this in 1956 when Cecil B. DeMille remade the Ten Commandments and in 1959 when William Wyler remade Ben-Hur for the third time. It was like this in 1993 when the ninth and final Friday the 13^th movie was made, and in 2009 when the 12^th Friday the 13^th movie came out. 

     And it was like this way back in 1985, when Jonathan Lynn made Clue, a movie based on a board game starring Tim Curry, Michael McKean and Christopher Lloyd.  In the intervening years, Clue has become a small-time cult classic, thanks mostly to some campy humour, a truly fantastic comedy cast, and the three different endings that were a part of it when it was originally released.

     Now, Paramount Home Entertainment is releasing the 1985 movie on Blu-Ray, August 7^th.  It remains quirky and funny and one of the better movies made from a board game (lol). And of course, in keeping with the theme of this review, it makes for some great viewing in the lead up to the summer of 2013, when you will be able to go out to the big screens for the Clue remake! Not joking.

Year:   2011  
Genre:  Documentary
Country:  United States
Language:  English
Director:  Alan Govenar
Run time:  80 minutes
DVD distributor:  First Run Features

     There is a very neat documentary coming out July 24^th from First Run Features about the Beat Hotel, a place in Paris where almost all the big-time artists of the Beat generation congregated over a number of years to hang out, get high and produce some of the great works of the 50s. William Burroughs, Alan Ginsberg, Peter Orlovsky, Gregory Corso, pretty much everyone except Jack Kerouac was there at one time or another.

     It was at the rundown, dirty, dirt-cheap Beat Hotel where Burroughs finished Naked Lunch, where Ginsberg wrote arguably his masterpiece, Kaddish, and where Corso wrote his famous controversial poem Bomb. This story is told in the documentary, as well as neat little anecdotes about Burroughs rehearsing his storytelling in the hallway and his infamous dream machine, or about Ginsberg and Orlovsky and their weird love triangles.

     Now, I keep using the word “neat” because that’s what The Beat Hotel is. It’s a neat little film full of neat stories about neat people. But it’s not great, mostly because they’re all dead. And although there are a few people who make appearances, there is really only one narrator, a photographer whose picture permeate the film. There are a few re-enacted scenes, and a sort of reunion celebrating the 50^th anniversary of Naked Lunch. In the end, the movie made me want to visit the Beat Hotel, in the 50s, but never gave me much more than that. The whole thing feels like an 80-minute snapshot of that five or six years when the beat artists lived together. And that’s just…kinda neat.

Year:   2011  
Genre:  Documentary
Country:  United States
Language:  English, Chilean (with subtitles)
Directors:  Brian Lilla
Featuring:  Dam builders, dam opponents, and citizens of Chile
Run time:  80 minutes
DVD distributor:  First Run Features

     On July 24^th, First Run Features releases Patagonia Rising, a documentary about a proposed dam project on rivers in Chile. This project would create five hydroelectric dams on two rivers, generating an enormous amount of electricity for the region but at a very high price.

     The environmentalists in the film explain the impact of massive dams in a very patient manner. Then some local farmers put a face on the environmental consequences that would result from the building of the dams. Then, I guess just to appear a little more balanced, they talk to the guy overseeing the project, who explains that the dams would produce electricity for the region equivalent to five coal fired plants and are therefore more environmentally friendly. In the end though, the film makers come down decidedly on the side of the people in the region and against the dams.

     This is all OK, but a lot of it feels like filler. I liked being walked through the effects dams have on the environment and the local ecosystems. Before now, the only thing I knew about dams was that I once went to the Hoover Dam and thought, holy cow, that’s big! It’s just that with the interviews of Chilean people who don’t seem to know much about the situation, Patagonia Rising felt like a 30—minute documentary stretched out to 80.

Year:   2011  
Genre:  Documentary
Country:  United States
Language:  English
Director:  Alex Trudeau Viriato
Featuring:  Fixed-gear cyclists
Run time:  40 minutes
DVD distributor:  First Run Features

     I was surprised to find out that there was a documentary about fixed-gear bike riding. That’s the kind of biking where you have only the one gear, and you brake by pedaling backwards.  Is there really enough information about this kind of activity to warrant a full-length feature documentary?

     Well, it turns out no. As Fixation, out on DVD July 24^th from First Run Features, runs only about 40 minutes. We meet riders in San Francisco who like that city because of the difficulty of the hills and the bike-friendly motorists. Then we meet others from Los Angeles, who like that city because of the great distances they can cover in a single day. There are also interviews with Olympic racers, bike polo players, and bike messengers.  They all like the fixed gear bikes. Okay.

     Not being a big time biker myself, I had a passing interest at best in this stuff, which meant that the 40 minute or so run time was perfect. I actually really enjoyed the snapshot of the culture, which I think is probably more suited to those unfamiliar with fixed-gear riding, as those in the scene already would know all about it. Fixation is interesting, it’s short, and it’s worth a look.

     Also – there is a sort-of vague Ottawa connection, the same way we claim Matthew Perry and Tom Cruise because of their brief residence here – the director of Fixation, Alex Trudeau Viriato, was born and raised in Ottawa before moving to California. So, there’s that, also.

Year:  1962
Genre:  TV series, Western
Country:  United States
Language:  English
Starring:  Lorne Greene, Michael Landon, Pernell Roberts, Dan Blocker
Creator:  David Dortort
DVD distributor:  Paramount Home Entertainment

     Bonanza was trending on Twitter for a second yesterday.  For a minute, I actually thought that it had something to do with the release of Season Three on DVD by Paramount Home Entertainment today. Well, for a second I thought that.  Then I realized that this was unlikely, and I figured out that Bonanza is now some online shopping site like eBay. Colour ME disappointed.

     The Bonanza I know is a TV show from the 50s 60s and 70s. That’s because I’m seventy-eight years old. And so it was with great familiar pleasure I sat down to watch the stories of Hoss and Little Joe and Ben and Adam Cartwright as they work on the Ponderosa and get into adventures. In this case Hoss kills a drunk and has to deal with his creepy brother, then the whole gang gets stuck in the middle of a shootout between a corrupt military officer and a band of Indians led by the famous Cochise.

     In short, it’s Bonanza. It’s season three of the Cartwrights and the Ponderosa and gunfights and somber moralizing. You either like it or you don’t, and I like it. I certainly like it more than I like shopping online.

Year:  1999
Genre:  TV series, Drama, Soap Opera
Country:  United States
Language:  English
Starring:  Heather Locklear, Lisa Rinna, Kelly Rutherford, Alyssa Milano, Jamie Luner, Rena Sofer, a bunch of other hot women and some men.  I think.
Creator:  Darren Star
DVD distributor:  Paramount Home Entertainment

     Gosh, I have no idea how to do this without spoliers…I’m trying to review the final season of Melrose Place, both volumes of which come out July 24^th from Paramount Home Entertainment. But at the same time, I know that a lot of people still haven’t seen The Dark Knight.  If I give away the series finale of Melrose Place, those who haven’t seen it will be angry. And if I give away the ending of The Dark Knight, there will be hundreds of thousands of angry people around here.

     The thing is, they end the same.  Only with Heather Locklear in the place of Batman and that Peter guy in place of Catwoman and the other guy in place of Alfred and the crazy Eve chick in the role of Bane.  So how do I describe the ending of the one without ruining the other? I just can’t do it now.

     Okay. Here’s how it’ll have to be. If you want to see The Dark Knight Rises without spoilers, do NOT rush out to buy the final season of Melrose Place. And if you want to see the final episode of Melrose Place from a fresh perspective, then wait to see The Dark Knight Rises.  Cool? Okay, that should be good with everyone. Or, forget you read this review at all.