Year:  2011
Genre:  Kids, Period
Country:  United States
Language:  English
Starring:  Asa Butterfield, Chloe Grace Moretz, Ben Kingsley, Jude Law, Sacha Baron Cohen, Christopher Lee, Ray Winstone, Emily Mortimer
Director:  Martin Scorcese
Run time:  126 minutes
DVD distributor:  Paramount Home Entertainment

                Martin Scorcese has done something that I never thought Martin Scorcese could do.  I knew he could make amazing gangster movies, great rock and roll documentaries, and intense thrillers.  But he’s made a kids movie with no murders at all, and it’s GREAT!

                Hugo is an incredible film, visually stunning and thoroughly charming.  It’s about a little boy named Hugo who lives in a massive railway station in Paris in the early 30s.  His parents are dead, his uncle has vanished, and Hugo runs around the inner workings of the clocks in the station, winding them and making them all run on time.  Hugo is trying to put together a puzzle left for him by his father, he’s running away from the station inspector, and he’s tentatively making friends with Isabelle, the god-daughter of the station’s toy store owner. 

               Together, Hugo and Isabelle set out to solve the mystery that connects his dead father with her god father.  The actors are wonderful, especially Chloe Grace Moretz as Isabelle and Ben Kingsley as her guardian Georges.  But what makes Hugo such a charming and wonderful fantasy is Scorcese’s palpable and infectious love of movies.

                Hugo is, in many ways, as much of a tribute to the silent movie era and film pioneers as is The Artist.  And coming to DVD from Paramount Home Entertainment on February 28th, two days after both movies tied with five Oscars apiece, is perfect timing.  Go out and get this movie.   Hugo is magnificent, and it’s for more than just kids.

Year:  2011
Genre:  Kids, Cartoon, TV series
Country:  United States
Language:  English
Starring:  Tom McGrath, Jeff Glen Bennett, John DiMaggio, Danny Jacobs, James Patrick Stewart, Andy Richter, Mary Scheer, Tara Strong, Nicole Sullivan
Director:  Bret Haaland
DVD distributor:  Paramount Home Entertainment

     There’s another Penguins of Madagascar DVD coming out February 14th, from Paramount Home Entertainment, this one called Operation Get Ducky.  See, there’s this egg that Marlene finds, and she brings it to the penguins because they’re birds and ought to know what to do with it.  Apparently, these aren’t the penguins from March of the Penguins, where the males nurture the eggs until they hatch.

     No, these are the Madagascar penguins, who somehow manage to train the egg to be a super-commando before it hatches into a little computer animated baby duck.  The second episode is also about the duck, who comes back to the zoo as a fully-formed little ninja baby, and decides to beat up everyone in the place.  Including the elephants.  Because that’s what you would do, if you were a ninja commando duckling. 

     Of course, after that, the theme of the duck disappears entirely so the DVD can be filled out with six more episodes that have nothing to do with a vicious little duckling.  King Julien gets introduced to April Fool’s Day, Marlene goes outside the zoo for a while and becomes a feral otter, the crocodile comes to live in the penguins’ enclosure for a time, and some hornets keep showing up and threatening to sting everyone’s face. 

     Penguins of Madagascar is as entertaining as ever, and Operation Get Ducky is pretty much the same as every other DVD they’ve put out.  A few tangentially related episodes and a bunch of filler.  The way I figure it, you either like it or you don’t.  And nothing says Happy Valentine’s Day like the gift of a children’s animated DVD!

Year:  2011
Genre:  Kids, Cartoon, TV series
Country:  United States
Language:  English
Starring:  Bill Fagerbakke, Carolyn Lawrence, Clancy Brown
Director:  Paul Tibbitt
DVD distributor:  Paramount Home Entertainment

     Another week, another Spongebob DVD release.  On January 3^rd, that DVD is Spongebob’s Frozen Face Off, from Paramount Home Entertainment.  This time, the little yellow square guy sets off on a cross-country race against all the other characters on the show.  For some reason this takes place on sleds, in snowy wintery blizzard conditions.  Are they even trying to pretend they remember this show takes place under water any more?

     I don’t know.  It seems that not only have they forgotten that the Spongebob lives in a pineapple Under The Sea, they have also run out of ideas completely.  Every episode seems to involve Plankton trying to steal the Krabby Patty formula, again.  Even the race through the frozen mountains is an episode involving Plankton stealing the Krabby Patty formula.  This makes me a little sad.  I love Spongebob, and I don’t really want the show to end, but this does sort of feel like the death knell of the series. 

     After all, how many cartoon series have featured a huge cross-country race in their final season?  Scooby-Doo, Popeye, Yogi Bear, and hundreds of others have signaled their upcoming cancelation by pitting all their characters against each other in a no-holds barred race across dangerous terrain, featuring back-stabbing and rampant cheating and other shenanigans.  Hundreds of them.  It may, sadly, be time to say goodbye to Spongebob.

     Until then, of course, Spongebob will be releasing a new DVD twice a month or so.  The only artist more prolific than Neil Young appears to be Spongebob.  If you were a hardcore fan of both, and had to pick up every Neil Young release and re-release and compilation and concert, and you had to pick up every Spongebob DVD as well, you’d go broke.  Then again, if you were a huge fan of BOTH Neil Young and Spongebob, you would more likely be spending all your money on weed.

     I think I’ll keep track of both this year.  Which will release more things on Tuesdays, Neil Young or Spongebob.  So far Spongebob has the lead, with one DVD in one week of 2012.  1-0 Spongebob.  To be continued…

Year:  2010
Genre:  Kids, Cartoon, TV series
Country:  United States
Language:  English
Starring:  Tom McGrath, Jeff Glen Bennett, John DiMaggio, Danny Jacobs, James Patrick Stewart, Andy Richter, Mary Scheer, Tara Strong, Nicole Sullivan
Eye candy:  Nicole Sullivan (Marlene, if you will)
Director:  Bret Haaland
Run time:  73 minutes
DVD distributor:  Paramount Home Entertainment

     On January 10^th, Paramount Home Entertainment releases Operation Blowhole, the latest DVD from the Penguins of Madagascar.  There’s a lot of content on the DVD, not all of it the Penguins of Madagascar series, but you’ve really got to navigate around the disc a lot to find it.

     The three central episodes centre around Dr. Blowhole, the evil dolphin nemesis of the Penguin commando team.  Dr. Blowhole, voiced by Neil Patrick Harris, is a lot of fun.  Like an evil dolphin super-villain version of Doogie Howser.  But again, as always, the penguins work best in small doses, and three back-to-back-to-back episodes of them fighting a dolphin is no small dose.  It’s a big dose.  I like Dr. Blowhole, and I like the multiple musical numbers they throw in here, but one at a time, please. 

     On the Operation Blowhole DVD, there are a lot of extra episodes, of this show and others.  That’s good, because some of those Blowhole episodes have appeared on other DVDs before.  There’s a total of 73 minutes of content on this DVD, some of which is a bit tough to find. But it provides some good variety, and the kids should really enjoy all of it.

Year:  2011
Genre:  Kids, Cartoon, Comedy, Kung-fu
Country:  United States
Language:  English
Starring (Voices):  Jack Black, Lucy Liu, Jackie Chan, Seth Rogen, Angelina Jolie, Dustin Hoffman, Gary Oldman, David Cross, Michelle Yeoh, James Hong, Danny McBride, Dennis Haysbert, Jean-Claude Van Damme, Victor Garber
Director:  Jennifer Yuh
DVD distributor:  Paramount Home Entertainment

     The first Kung-Fu Panda worked because it was as much a kung-fu movie as it was a kids’ comedy.  The voice casting was superb, and the kung-fu staples weren’t (badly) dumbed-down.  It was as good a kung-fu movie as I’ve seen in a decade, and a gerat kids’ film as a result.

     The second Kung-Fu Panda, out on DVD and Blu-Ray December 13th from Paramount Home Entertainment, is even more a kung-fu movie than the first one.  There are some wonderfully animated kung-fu scenes, including a great chase through a Chinese city on rickshaws, which I think is the highlight of the movie. 

     There is much deference to kung-fu movies of the past.  And it’s not just the involvement of Michelle Yeoh and James Hong.  The central concept is that an evil peacock has invented the Ultimate Weapon, one that cannot be beaten no matter how good one’s kung-fu is.  This is a classic plot line to countless films, like Flying Guillotine.  And…Flying Guillotine 2.  And many others that don’t spring to mind right away.

     The weapon this peacock has devised is a cannon.  The advent of firearms was a plot device used in many classic films, as it signified the end to a way of life.  It was used in samurai movies as well as kung-fu flicks, the most famous probably being The Seven Samurai.  Similar themes sprang up in westerns with the advent of machine guns.

     Then there are the masters.  So many kung-fu movies have multiple masters, each one usually the master of a different discipline.  In this case, there is Master Rhino (Victor Garber), Master Ox (Dennis Haysbert), and Master Croc (the wonderfully cast Jean-Claude Van Damme, who says distressingly little throughout the movie).

     It works magnificently as a kung-fu movie.  Now for the bad news – it isn’t even close to the first film as a kids’ cartoon comedy.  Sure, it’s still funny in places, and charming and cute in others.  But Kung Fu Panda 2 lacks the charm of its predecessor, and it’s childlike sense of wonder.  Now that Po IS a member of the kung-fu elite, he no longer idolizes the Furious Five the way he did in the first film, so much of the magic that created is gone.

     I still like Kung Fu Panda 2 a lot.  I will definitely be watching it again, probably many times, with the kids (and by myself).  Just because it doesn’t live up to the magical humour and throwback genius of the first one doesn’t mean that this movie isn’t also very good.  Kung Fu Panda 2 is very good.

Year:  2011
Genre:  Kids, Cartoon, TV series
Country:  United States
Language:  English
Starring:  Bill Fagerbakke, Carolyn Lawrence, Clancy Brown
Director:  Paul Tibbitt
DVD distributor:  Paramount Home Entertainment

     More than nine hours of Spongebob hilarity are packaged together on the Complete Seventh Season of Spongebob Squarepants, out December 6th from Paramount Home Entertainment.  Nine hours of Spongebob, 50 episodes!  And it even contains three, four…maybe even FIVE episodes that I have yet to see!

     Let’s see…there’s the episode where Plankton dresses in Sandy’s fur so he can steal the Krabby Patty formula…seen that one…there’s the one where Squidward gets a new neighbour who plays the bassoon and falls in (nonsexual platonic) love…seen that one…

     Patrick learns karate…yep…Spongebob invents a hot dog krabby patty then regrets his invention…Spongebob gets a job as a kitchen sponge model (GREAT episode)…Squidward tries to take Spongebob’s place at a dance audition…Squidward tries to clean up enough garbage to get a statue built of him like Squilliam…seen ‘em all! 

     The thing is, I have already watched The Great Patty Caper, Blast from the Past, Spongebob’s Last Stand, and Legends of Bikini Bottom this year.  In fact, just two weeks ago I saw Spongebob Hallowe’en, Spongebob Christmas, Spongebob Miscellaneous Holidays and Tales From the Deep.  Now, if youève managed to avoid buying all of THOSE DVDs this year, then Spongebob’s Seventh Season is a great pickup!  Cause it’s Spongebob.

Year:  2011
Genre:  Kids, Cartoon, TV series
Country:  United States
Language:  English
Starring:  Bill Fagerbakke, Carolyn Lawrence, Clancy Brown
Director:  Paul Tibbitt
DVD distributor:  Paramount Home Entertainment

     Paramount Home Entertainment releases a 3-disc gift set called Holidays With Spongebob on November 8^th.  Awfully early for Christmas, awfully late for Hallowe’en. 

     Of course there’s a Christmas disc, which contains only one true Christmas episode, where Santa doesn’t show up on Christmas morning and Spongebob goes all crazy, (as Spongebob tends to do).  The rest of the disc uses winter as a substitute for Christmas, and it’s full of snowball fights and Sandy the squirrel hibernating and things of that nature. 

     The Hallowe’en DVD has, similarly, only ONE actual Hallowe’en episode, then fills up the rest of the disc with Plankton wearing disguises, Squidward’s ghost, and Spongebob turning into a snail and taming a seahorse.  Among other, even-less-related-to-Hallowe’en episodes.

     The third DVD has nothing to do with Christmas or Hallowe’en.  Or any other holiday for that matter.  I guess that for some reason they felt like they needed three discs to make this a real box set.  The third disc is called To Love A Patty, and contains seven random episodes including the one where Spongebob crafts the perfect crabby patty then refuses to part with it.

     And that’s it – that’s what you get in the Holidays With Spongebob gift set.  Exactly TWO holiday related episodes, and twenty-four randomly selected episodes with tenuous connections, (if they exist at all), to those holidays.  I think the biggest problem with the box set is the name.  If, instead of calling it Holidays With Spongebob, they had called it Spongebobès Latest Cash Grab, it would have at least made sense.

Year:  2011
Genre:  Kids, Cartoon, TV series
Country:  United States
Language:  English
Starring:  Bill Fagerbakke, Carolyn Lawrence, Clancy Brown
Director:  Paul Tibbitt
DVD distributor:  Paramount Home Entertainment

     On November 8th, the same day Paramount Home Entertainment releases the three-disc Holidays With Spongebob gift set, they are also releasing a single Spongebob disc called Tales From The Deep. 

     It appears that releasing three Spongebob DVDs a month has been SO profitable that they have decided to up the dosage and release four at once.  As I said about the holiday DVDs, there are really TWO holiday episodes and then about 22 random episodes that have nothing to do with the rest. 

     Similarly on the Tales From the Deep DVD, there seems to be no unifying theme at all to the disc, it’s just nine random episodes, most of which I had seen before.  The one where Spongebob tries to get Squidward to eat a Krabby Patty, the one where he goes into Sandy’s underwater biodome for tea, and the one where he and Patrick try to get Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy to come out of retirement have been on many of these compilation DVDs before.

     Then there’s the Valentines’ Day episode.  How come the HOLIDAY gift set had a Hallowe’en DVD, a Christmas DVD, and then a totally unrelated disc called To Love A Patty, when the Tales From The Deep DVD, released the SAME DAY, has a Valentine’s Day episode.  I hate to be cynical here…except that this is Cynical Cinema…but could it be, just maybe, that no one who put these Spongebob DVDs cared at all and it’s just another in a series of increasingly frequent cash grabs with Spongebob’s face on them?

Year:  2010
Genre:  Kids, Comedy, TV series
Country:  United States
Language:  English
Starring:  Victoria Justice, Leon Thomas III, Matt Bennett, Elizabeth Gillies, Ariana Grande, Avan Jogia, Daniella Monet, Eric Lange
Creator:  Dan Schneider
DVD distributor:  Paramount Home Entertainment

The DVD cover of Season One Volume Two of VicTorious advertises FOUR HOURS of content, including the crossover episode of iCarly called iParty with VicTorious.  That’s fine, but had they released the first season in just one volume, it could have been EIGHT hours of content and I wouldn’t have to buy two different box sets.  You know…for my kids…

At least both volumes feature the magnificent Victoria Justice, who I think will be the next huge star when she leaves behind the kiddy shows and Nickelodeon and starts doing movies and grown-up TV.  I like VicTorious, it’s one of those well-packaged shows starring a bunch of triple-threat kids who sing and dance and act and have clearly been groomed since birth to do all three.

Of course, it’s all sanitized for kids, no real issues are tackled, and the show has a polished gleam that prevents it from being deep, or powerful, or great.  But the kids are likeable, the songs are pretty good, and I can look past all the ironic plots – like the episode where the kids do a show for kids dressed up as hamburgers and pizza slices, and complain because they’re above all this kiddy music.  Umm…are you being self-referential and intentionally ironic, or have you just missed the point here?  Or the one where they get cast in a reality show only to discover that it’s not really REALITY at all, and they are simply pawns being groomed for stardom at the whims of producers.  The SHOCK of it all!

The best thing about the DVD IS the iCarly crossover episode (song included above), where all these talented kids get together and seem to be having a really good time.  And both shows are the same exact template really – sanitized, shiny stories starring sanitized shiny children, and despite the lack of substance it proves to be entertaining.  And sometimes that’s good enough.  In this case, I think it is.

Year:  2010
Genre:  Kids, Cartoon, TV series
Country:  United States
Language:  English
Starring:  Bill Fagerbakke, Carolyn Lawrence, Clancy Brown
Director:  Paul Tibbitt
DVD distributor:  Paramount Home Entertainment

     New data shows that Spongebob is bad for your kids’ brains.  At least in the short term.  Is it worse than video games?  Dunno.  The study didn’t say.  Worse than constant thumb-numbing texting?  Who knows.  All the study really said was that Spongebob is worse for kids than those PBS documentaries that they tend to watch all the time.

     Recently, I was able to tear the kids away from the Ken Burns Civil War documentary series they were watching to put in the new Spongebob DVD, Runaway Road Trip.  (Out September 20th from Paramount Home Entertainment.)  Sure, they grumbled, and complained a little, and made sure I kept the Civil War DVD out so they could go back to it and learn what became of Nathan Bedford Forrest.

     I’m a lot like my kids.  I also grumble a little when it comes time to view a new Spongebob DVD.  It’s one of those shows where I forget my love for it as soon as a week has gone by and I haven’t seen an episode.  Thankfully, a new Spongebob DVD is released once every three weeks – maybe even more often than Neil Young releases albums and compilations and DVDs.  So I don’t get too much time to become disillusioned with the show.

     Then I put on the new DVD, like Runaway Road Trip, and fall right back in love.  This one is all about vacations (a “staycation” with Patrick, a cruise with Mr. Krabs and stowaway Plankton, a trip to the Bikini Bottom mint with Mr. Krabs and Pearl, and a road trip with Patrick and Spongebob’s parents).

     Here is where I think Spongebob might actually be bad for kids.  Spongebob’s name is…well, Spongebob.  His parent’s names are Claire and Harold.  They are clearly sea sponges – all mishapen blobs that look like Mr. Potato Heads.  HE is a ready-made square, yellow kitchen sponge.  That raises a lot of questions.  Designer babies?  Genetic tampering?  Children for corporate profit?  That stuff could really mess with kids heads.

     Now, back to MY kids and Nathan Bedford Forrest.

Year:  2009, 2010
Genre:  Kids, Comedy, TV series
Country:  United States
Language:  English
Starring:  Miranda Cosgrove, Nathan Kress, Jennette McCurdy, Jerry Trainor
Director:  Steve Hoefer
DVD distributor:  Paramount Home Entertainment

     I know.  I couldn’t believe it either.  A complete season of iCarly?  Ridiculous.  I have reviewed, in the past couple of years, iCarly Season 1 Volume 1, iCarly Season 1 Volume 2, iCarly Season 2 Volume 1, iCarly Season 2 Volume 2, and iCarly Season 2 Volume 3.  I have also reviewed a number of iCarly DVD specials, and crossover series like VicTorious.  Two seasons, five volumes.  With additional DVDs popping up all the time.

     And now, out of nowhere, comes August 30th and Paramount Home Entertainment’s release of iCarly: The Complete Third Season.  What?  No volume one and two?  Or three and four?  Just one release – they managed to fit a complete season on just two DVDs?  Colour me stunned.

     Now – what I really should talk about here is whether the complete third season, shocker that it is, is actually worth picking up.  Once again, I would suggest that you do so only if you have kids who are into iCarly.  A 40-year-old single man with iCarly DVDs on his shelf next to his Planet Of The Apes box set could be seen as…vaguely creepy. 

      But if you DO have kids who want this, you might be pleasantly surprised.  I would say it’s worth it solely for the Jack Black cameo appearance at “WebiCon”, a nerdy gathering of web sites and web shows and webby webbersons that I guess is like ComiCon, or a Star Trek convention.  Jack Black and Spencer challenge each other for…some kind of title…something to do with a “‘stume”?  Really, they are fighting for the title of Biggest Nerd Alive.  And it makes me laugh.  And the video above is the only one I could find of the epic showdown, sorry for the quality.  This set might be worth it for that moment alone.

Year:  2010
Genre:  TV series, Cartoon, Kids
Country:  United States
Language:  English
Voices:  David Hornsby, Nika Futterman, Jamie Kennedy, Wyatt Cenac, Jeff Bennett
DVD distributor:  Paramount Home Entertainment

     Fanboy And Chum Chum: Brain Freeze, the new DVD out August 16th from Paramount Home Entertainment, is aptly titled.  As advertised, it did not take long for my brain to freeze while watching this frenetic insipid nonsense.  I object to Fanboy and Chum Chum the way I object to action movies shot by music video directors.  Jump cuts, flashy colours and sudden extreme closeups don’t make things more exciting.  They make them more confusing.  And why you would do this in a cartoon, I can’t imagine.

     Brain Freeze appears to be a collection of Fanboy and Chum Chum episodes centred around a theme.  That theme here is the Slurpee-like beverage called a Frostee Freeze that is sold at the local Frosty Mart.  Well, that was either the theme of this collection, or it’s the theme of the whole show.  I have never watched this show before, and I would really hate to think that every single episode was all about a drink.  That would make me sad.

     There’s an episode on the DVD that is a parody of The Hangover.  No kid watching this show will have seen The Hangover.  I assume.  Or hope.  And no adult who has seen The Hangover would want to watch Fanboy And Chum Chum.  I assume.  Or hope.

Year:  2011
Genre:  Comedy, Cartoon, Kids, Western
Country:  United States
Language:  English
Starring (voices):  Johnny Depp, Bill Nighy, Isla Fisher, Timothy Olyphant, Abigail Breslin, Ned Beatty, Alfred Molina, Ray Winstone, Stephen Root, Harry Dean Stanton
Director:  Gore Verbinski
DVD distributor:  Paramount Home Entertainment

     Paramount Home Entertainment releases Rango on July 15th.  It’s an animated kids’ film where Johnny Depp voices Rango, a pet chameleon who ends up stranded in the middle of a western movie in the desert.  It’s a wonderful little movie which conjures up images (and pays tribute to) of some of the greatest western movies ever made, specifically Clint Eastwood spaghetti westerns.

     Although the chameleon’s name is Rango, that’s just the name he chooses for himself when he’s put on the spot.  Really, as a pet owned by some family, he has never left his tank, and has never been given a name at all.  And in this way, he recalls the Man With No Name from A Fistful Of Dollars and The Good The Bad And The Ugly.  In fact, there is a character that is clearly meant to be Clint Eastwood AS the “Man With No Name”, who shows up at the end of the movie, voiced by Timothy Olyphant. 

     There are other movie references, most of which will be WAY over the heads of most of the children at whom the movie is mostly aimed.  Some are to other Johnny Depp movies, including one hilarious and pitch-perfect allusion to Fear And Loathing In Las Vegas.  Not a lot of kids have seen Fear And Loathing. 

     Despite the little moments that reference other films, Rango is a true western, through and through.  The chameleon ends up in a desert town populated by birds and toads and other desert creatures.  They carry six-guns and ride roadrunners.  It’s a tough town, and Rango must be tough to survive.  Fancying himself a Shakespearean actor, he pulls off a tough guy routine so well that he gets elected sherriff.  Now he must battle a whole bunch of bad guys in a quest to find out who’s stealing the town’s water.

     Just about everything about Rango works.  The animation is terrific, and even though none of the creatures are dehydrated or dessicated, the drought and lack of water is palpable.  It made me thirsty just watching.  Depp is terrific as the lizard, and the rest of the voices are great as well.  Kids will like it for the slapstick humour and the jokes, adults will appreciate the references to other films, but I like it because I like westerns.  And Rango is a good western.

Year:  2009, 2010
Genre:  Kids, Comedy, TV series
Country:  United States
Language:  English
Starring:  Miranda Cosgrove, Nathan Kress, Jennette McCurdy, Jerry Trainor, Victoria Justice
Director:  Steve Hoefer
DVD distributor:  Paramount Home Entertainment

     I’m not totally sure why this is called the “I less than three” iCarly Collection.  That’s a weird title, because there are exactly three DVDs in the set.  There’s the iSpace Out DVD, the iSaved Your Life DVD, and the iFight Shelby Marx DVD.  Shouldn’t it, at least, have been the “I less than or equal to three” iCarly Collection?  Then again, I’m not that hip.  Maybe kids these days have such poor math skills that they no longer understand “less than or equal to“.  Whatever.  I still like it.

     Click on the links above for the full reviews of the individual DVDs – The iFight Shelby Marx disc is the standout for me thanks to Victoria Justice, who is a superstar in the making.  (Although believing her as a 15-year-old terrifying cage fighter is a HUGE stretch.)  Then there’s iSaved Your Life, where Carly becomes briefly infatuated with Freddy after her saves her life.  And iSpace Out where, as is totally plausible, the iCarly crew have a chance to do their show from SPACE!

     I do like iCarly, and for the most part I like this 3-pack.  Or…less than three pack?  I dunno.  But there are so many iCarly releases – two or sometimes even three volumes of every season.  DVD specials highlighting one episode in particular, or in the case of Shelby Marx, a couple of “TV movies” (including iDate A Bad Boy).  iCarly has been around two years, and already I have reviewed eight different DVD releases of the show.  At a certain point, it’s overkill.  This may well be that point.

Year:  2010
Genre:  TV series, Cartoon, Kids
Country:  United States
Language:  English
DVD distributor:  Paramount Home Entertainment

     On July 5th, Paramount Home Entertainment releases the Team Umizoomi DVD.  It’s another one of those kids shows, like Dora The Explorer or Go Diego Go, where they want ME to help them do things.  They use their Mighty Math Skills, you see (which involve patterns and shapes) but their skills are apparently not as good as mine, since they always need my help.

     See, this silly kid lost his toy lion on a string when it rolled down a hill.  It was then apparently dismantled by local animals and spread all over the park.  There’s even a creepy squirrel that steals the lion’s wheels.  Yeah, this lion has wheels.  Whatever.  So the Umizoomi Team is assembled to help this irresponsible kid get his toy back in time for the parade.

     And of course they need MY help.  They ask me which objects on the squirrel’s shelf are circles (and therefore wheels).  And I purposely tried to screw them up.  I pointed to all the triangles instead.  And you know what?  They fell for it!  And they failed in their mission, and the dumb kid never got his lion back, and the two kids and a robot kicked me off Team Umizoomi!

     But then, in the very next episode, where they had to retrieve a kite lost by some other forgetful silly kid, they let me right back on the team!  No questions asked!  Team Umizoomi really is very nice.  Best two kids and a robot I have ever joined in a club.  A Mighty Math club!  I once again sabotaged their efforts, and they were unable to recover the kite.

     I DID help them find the imprisoned Blue Mermaid.  See, her scales light up blue and illuminate the entire ocean!  I wanted a piece of that action.  And with my actual help, we were successful.  Way to go, two kids and a robot.  And me!