Year:   2010  
Genre:  Documentary
Country:  United States
Language:  English
Director:  Tim Wolff
Featuring:  New Orleans drag queens
Run time:  75 minutes
DVD distributor:  First Run Features

                Sons of Tennessee Williams, on DVD now from First Run Features, is a glittering documentary about glittering drag queens in glittering parades in glittering New Orleans.  It’s very shiny.  But it’s also quite deep, as interspersed with the joyous celebration of gay Mardi Gras is a considerable amount of sober reflection on civil rights. 

                The history of the gay Mardi Gras, the civil rights battles and the gay clubs in New Orleans is what really fascinated me about the documentary.  I mean, yes, the drag queens and their parade and their exuberance is fun, but when put in context it’s a far more interesting event.  The inclusion of archival footage goes a long way to putting today’s celebrations in context.  And the coolest characters in the movie are the old men – sometimes VERY old men – who were there when the whole thing started.

                Sons of Tennessee Williams is more than just a voyeuristic look into the world of drag queens and gay Mardi Gras.  Although it is that also.  It’s also a thought-provoking civil rights documentary that works on many levels.  I highly recommend it.

Year:  2010
Genre:  Drama
Countries:  France
Language:  French w/ English subtitles
Starring:  Isabelle Huppert, Bouli Lanners, Sabila Moussadek
Director:  Jeanne Labrune
Run time:  95 minutes
DVD distributor:  First Run Features

      Isabelle Huppert is probably the best French actress working today.  She has given electrifying, erotic and deeply personal performances in dozens of good movies over the past decade, like La Vie Promise and Merci Pour Le Chocolat.  And she is once again magnificent in 2010’s Special Treatment, on DVD now from First Run Features.

     The thing is, Isabelle Huppert is really the only GREAT thing about Special Treatment.  She plays a prostitute, one who services her clients in a variety of ways, dressing up and dressing down and sometimes, it appears, a little rough stuff.  She wants to get out of the life, and a particularly disturbing encounter with a client appears to be the last straw.  But she doesn’t seem to know how to quit. 

     The prostitute is one story, and at the same time Special Treatment tells the story of Xavier, a therapist with marital troubles who is just going through the motions with his clients. 

     We’re supposed to see parallels between Xavier’s therapy sessions and Alice’s prostitution sessions.  He charges people for ten sessions at a time, so does she.  He questions the validity of what he’s doing, so does she.  His job seems to be distancing him from those around him, including his wife.  So does hers. 

     The thing is, I get it.  Okay, they’re similar.  It feels too heavy-handed to me – after all, what prostitute has ever offered ten-session packages to her customers, and why bother doing that unless you want to make it totally clear that THEY HAVE SIMILAR PROFESSIONS!

     When Xavier and Alice finally get together, and might be able to help each other in some way, the movie picks up a bit.  But again, it’s Huppert who makes the whole thing worthwhile. Her performance is bold, strong and vulnerable all at the same time.

     The only problem I have with it is that she never takes her clothes off.  Come on, you’re playing a prostitute. If any role calls for tasteful nudity, it’s this one.  If you had done THAT, there would have been TWO reasons to watch Special Treatment.

Year:  2010
Genre:  Kids, Cartoon, TV series
Country:  United States
Language:  English
Starring:  Tom McGrath, Jeff Glen Bennett, John DiMaggio, Danny Jacobs, James Patrick Stewart, Andy Richter, Mary Scheer, Tara Strong, Nicole Sullivan
Eye candy:  Nicole Sullivan (Marlene, if you will)
Director:  Bret Haaland
Run time:  73 minutes
DVD distributor:  Paramount Home Entertainment

     On January 10^th, Paramount Home Entertainment releases Operation Blowhole, the latest DVD from the Penguins of Madagascar.  There’s a lot of content on the DVD, not all of it the Penguins of Madagascar series, but you’ve really got to navigate around the disc a lot to find it.

     The three central episodes centre around Dr. Blowhole, the evil dolphin nemesis of the Penguin commando team.  Dr. Blowhole, voiced by Neil Patrick Harris, is a lot of fun.  Like an evil dolphin super-villain version of Doogie Howser.  But again, as always, the penguins work best in small doses, and three back-to-back-to-back episodes of them fighting a dolphin is no small dose.  It’s a big dose.  I like Dr. Blowhole, and I like the multiple musical numbers they throw in here, but one at a time, please. 

     On the Operation Blowhole DVD, there are a lot of extra episodes, of this show and others.  That’s good, because some of those Blowhole episodes have appeared on other DVDs before.  There’s a total of 73 minutes of content on this DVD, some of which is a bit tough to find. But it provides some good variety, and the kids should really enjoy all of it.

Year:  2010
Genre:  Kids, Comedy, TV series
Country:  United States
Language:  English
Starring:  Victoria Justice, Leon Thomas III, Matt Bennett, Elizabeth Gillies, Ariana Grande, Avan Jogia, Daniella Monet, Eric Lange
Creator:  Dan Schneider
DVD distributor:  Paramount Home Entertainment

The DVD cover of Season One Volume Two of VicTorious advertises FOUR HOURS of content, including the crossover episode of iCarly called iParty with VicTorious.  That’s fine, but had they released the first season in just one volume, it could have been EIGHT hours of content and I wouldn’t have to buy two different box sets.  You know…for my kids…

At least both volumes feature the magnificent Victoria Justice, who I think will be the next huge star when she leaves behind the kiddy shows and Nickelodeon and starts doing movies and grown-up TV.  I like VicTorious, it’s one of those well-packaged shows starring a bunch of triple-threat kids who sing and dance and act and have clearly been groomed since birth to do all three.

Of course, it’s all sanitized for kids, no real issues are tackled, and the show has a polished gleam that prevents it from being deep, or powerful, or great.  But the kids are likeable, the songs are pretty good, and I can look past all the ironic plots – like the episode where the kids do a show for kids dressed up as hamburgers and pizza slices, and complain because they’re above all this kiddy music.  Umm…are you being self-referential and intentionally ironic, or have you just missed the point here?  Or the one where they get cast in a reality show only to discover that it’s not really REALITY at all, and they are simply pawns being groomed for stardom at the whims of producers.  The SHOCK of it all!

The best thing about the DVD IS the iCarly crossover episode (song included above), where all these talented kids get together and seem to be having a really good time.  And both shows are the same exact template really – sanitized, shiny stories starring sanitized shiny children, and despite the lack of substance it proves to be entertaining.  And sometimes that’s good enough.  In this case, I think it is.

Years:  2010, 2011
Genre:  TV series, Cop, Drama
Country:  United States
Language:  English
Starring:  Alex O’Loughlin, Scott Caan, Daniel Dae Kim, Grace Park
DVD distributor:  Paramount Home Entertainment

     There are very few similarities between the original Hawaii Five-O and the new one.  Only the surface of the show remains the same – cops in Hawaii, McGarrett and Danno and Chin Ho, the classic theme song.  Aside from that, the substance is markedly different.  Rather than being a calculated, clever chess master always one step ahead of the bad guys, McGarrett is a gung-ho, muscular tattooed badass killing machine demolitions expert sniper ex-Navy SEAL.  Like so many other cops on so many other shows.

     He and Danno have the standard, seen-so-often buddy cop relationship where they yell at each other and then love each other and then beat up suspects together.  And of course, because this is a show that popped up in 2010, it has to have the HOT, ass-kicking chick.  In this case Grace Park, who is an all-new character on the show.

     Much as I complain though, it’s hard not to be entertained by such a shiny, polished-until-it-gleams program.  It’s all gunfights and car chases and fighting with fists, and precious little police work, but as far as escapism goes, that’s pretty standard.  In the end, this first season felt familiar to me, and comfortable.  Not because it was anything like the original Hawaii Five-O (look to CSI: Miami for the similarities there), but because it’s just like NCIS: LA, Criminal Minds: Suspect Behaviour and every other show out there.

Year:  2010
Genre:  Kids, Cartoon, TV series
Country:  United States
Language:  English
Starring:  Bill Fagerbakke, Carolyn Lawrence, Clancy Brown
Director:  Paul Tibbitt
DVD distributor:  Paramount Home Entertainment

     New data shows that Spongebob is bad for your kids’ brains.  At least in the short term.  Is it worse than video games?  Dunno.  The study didn’t say.  Worse than constant thumb-numbing texting?  Who knows.  All the study really said was that Spongebob is worse for kids than those PBS documentaries that they tend to watch all the time.

     Recently, I was able to tear the kids away from the Ken Burns Civil War documentary series they were watching to put in the new Spongebob DVD, Runaway Road Trip.  (Out September 20th from Paramount Home Entertainment.)  Sure, they grumbled, and complained a little, and made sure I kept the Civil War DVD out so they could go back to it and learn what became of Nathan Bedford Forrest.

     I’m a lot like my kids.  I also grumble a little when it comes time to view a new Spongebob DVD.  It’s one of those shows where I forget my love for it as soon as a week has gone by and I haven’t seen an episode.  Thankfully, a new Spongebob DVD is released once every three weeks – maybe even more often than Neil Young releases albums and compilations and DVDs.  So I don’t get too much time to become disillusioned with the show.

     Then I put on the new DVD, like Runaway Road Trip, and fall right back in love.  This one is all about vacations (a “staycation” with Patrick, a cruise with Mr. Krabs and stowaway Plankton, a trip to the Bikini Bottom mint with Mr. Krabs and Pearl, and a road trip with Patrick and Spongebob’s parents).

     Here is where I think Spongebob might actually be bad for kids.  Spongebob’s name is…well, Spongebob.  His parent’s names are Claire and Harold.  They are clearly sea sponges – all mishapen blobs that look like Mr. Potato Heads.  HE is a ready-made square, yellow kitchen sponge.  That raises a lot of questions.  Designer babies?  Genetic tampering?  Children for corporate profit?  That stuff could really mess with kids heads.

     Now, back to MY kids and Nathan Bedford Forrest.

Year:   2010, 2011
Genre:  TV series, Crime, Drama
Country:  United States
Languages:  English
Starring:  Tom Selleck, Donnie Wahlberg, Bridget Moynahan, Will Estes, Jennifer Esposito, Len Cariou, Amy Carlson, Nicholas Turturro
Creators:  Robin Green, Mitchell Burgess
DVD distributor:  Paramount Home Entertainment

     The one problem I have with Blue Bloods is how over-the-top American it is.  When the family gets together for their weekly dinner, and they discuss the subject matter of the day – which almost always relates to the case they were working on that day – it feels like a crappy episode of Crossfire or The View or one of any number of political pundit shows in the States.

     The rest of the show is uber-American too – the tough-guy, ends-justify-the-means attitude, the “rugged individualism”, the hero-cops and the flags in the background.  Sure, they try to temper that with their forced, awkward round-table discussions at dinner, but it’s pretty clear at all times just what the “right” answer is to all their debates.

     That being said, getting the negative stuff out of the way first, I do like the show.  Season One comes out September 13th from Paramount Home Entertainment, and the cast is the best thing about it.  Tom Selleck’s moustache oozes authenticity as the police commissioner.  Will Estes is excellent as his son, a new recruit to the police department and a beat cop.  Bridget Moynahan, as the New York assistant DA (and Selleck’s daughter) is lovely and perfect, and Donnie Wahlberg (the older brother, tough-guy rule-bending cop) is the best part of the show.

     Unfortunately, because this is New York City, and the show is so very American, a lot of the episodes have to deal with terrorist plots and terror cells and terrorism.  It still crackles along at a terrific pace, with just enough lulls for some Tom Selleck wisdom or some Bridget Moynahan moralizing.  And when the cases are more usual – abducted children and so forth – the show is truly excellent.

Year:  2010 
Genre:  Documentary, Sports
Country:  United States
Language:  English
Director:  Nina Gilden Seavey
Run time:  89 minutes
DVD distributor:  First Run Features

     I am a fanatic for NFL football.  I go down to the states every year for at least one game, I never miss a Sunday, I PVR all the games I might miss and I’m in about twelve pools every year.  My basement is decorated all in Packers green and gold, and my chili goes in the slow cooker every Saturday night to be ready for game time on Sunday.

     But I have nothing on millions of Americans.  For me, NFL football is just a time-consuming, much-loved hobby.  For others, it is a life-consuming religion.  And so it is for many kids who play the game.  The NFL is the ultimate dream, playing on Sunday in front of 80,000 people and millions more on television. 

     4th & Goal, out September 20th on DVD from First Run Features, follows six of these young men, all of them from the same elite school, as they try to make that dream come true.  As an NFL fanatic, I know that one of these kids DID make it.  If you’re a freak like me, you’ll know his name the second you hear it also.

     More interesting though, are the other five kids, all blessed with termendous talent of one kind or another, who don’t make it.  For one reason or another (they are mentally unprepared – they get injured – they’re just plain passed over), they are probably not going to get a real shot at the NFL.  And their coaches seem to spend a lot of time preparing them for that eventuality.

     The fact is, less than 2,000 people get to play in the NFL each year, while several million play the game at a lower level.  4th and Goal is a terrific look into this world, and fascinating to me as a football fan.  For every special teams player I see on a Sunday, there are thousands of one-time high school or college superstars who never made it. 

     One more note – my wife, who hates football and my obsession with it, loved this movie.  After watching The Blind Side, she started watching Ravens games for Michael Oher.  Now, she wants to watch the Bengals.  The Bengals!  (The one guy who made it from this film now plays for Cincy.)  This MUST be a good documentary if my football-hating WIFE is interested in the game.  If only for the next few weeks, until she discovers that Bengals games are not ever going to be shown on TV, because they’re the Bengals.

Year:  2010 
Genre:  Documentary
Countries:  United States, Mexico
Languages:  English, Spanish
Director:  Aaron Schock
Run time:  75 minutes
DVD distributor:  First Run Features

     Circo is a beautifully filmed, wonderfully scored documentary (music provided by Calexico).  It follows a traveling circus as they try to make a living and hold their family together.  It’s a sad story, a look into a really tragic sort of world, but it’s as compelling as it is visually stunning.

     The tragedy lies mostly with the children, I think.  They have been groomed from birth to be circus performers, no more and certainly no less.  They are mostly illiterate, they have zero skills outside the tightrope or contortionist arenas, and they know nothing else.  Watching a grandfather berate a toddler until she cries while attempting to do gymnastics moves is heartbreaking.

     I guess for these people, in this situation, it’s a lot like the overbearing hockey parents here in Canada.  Except that it’s a little more than that, because at least hockey parents have a bonkers, unrealistic goal of a child making millions of dollars and becoming famous.  These parents, on the other hand, have the goal of turning their kids into faceless, penniless circus performers with no other life skills at all.

     Watching Circo, in many ways, reminded me a lot of watching The Wrestler with Mickey Rourke.  Both are stories about people who know only one thing in their whole lives, and don’t know how, or want to learn how, to do anything else.  The only real difference is that one is fictional.  Circo is a documentary about real people, a real circus, and real family problems.

     Those family problems are at the heart of the story – the Ponce family has been doing this for years.  Packing up their acrobats and animals and moving from town to town.  Clearly a hardscrabble existence, with some shows making money and some not, the family begins to come apart at the seams.

     There’s a father who knows nothing but the circus, like his own father and his father before him.  There is his wife, who came from the city and is therefore not accepted by everyone in the traveling troupe.  And their kids, torn between mom’s desire for a stable life and financial security and dad’s single-minded determination to cling to a lifestyle that appears to be dying or, maybe, already dead.

     All of this is fascinating, but it’s the camera that is the real star of this movie.  Capturing the family’s difficult, hard-working existence in the middle of a wonderful Mexican countryside.  The beauty of the land between towns as they pass by contrasted with the dirty conditions and poverty they encounter in the towns themselves is stark.  It all works.

Year:   2010, 2011
Genre:  TV series, Lawyer, Drama
Country:  United States
Languages:  English
Starring:  Julianna Margulies, Archie Panjabi, Chris Noth, Matt Czuchry, Christine Baranski, Graham Phillips, Makenzie Vega, Josh Charles
Guest stars:  Alan Cumming, Titus Welliver, Sarah Silverman, Miranda Cosgrove, Michael J. Fox, Ken Leung, Jerry Stiller, Rita Wilson, America Ferrera, Lou Dobbs (as himself – of course), Fred Thompson 
Eye candy:  Margulies, Panjabi, Wilson, Silverman
Creators:  Robert King, Michelle King
Producers:  Tony Scott, Ridley Scott
DVD distributor:  Paramount Home Entertainment

     I said of Season One of The Good Wife that it was a legal drama pretending to be something else.  In that case, I meant it pretended to be about this woman (Julianna Margulies) and her strained relationship with her philandering politician husband (Chris Noth), when in reality it was a good, solid, compelling legal drama.  The rest was just window dressing.

     In the second season, out September 13th from Paramount Home Entertainment, I am of a different opinion.  In the second season, the show is more about the relationship, Peter’s re-election bid, and the office politics than it is about the actual courtroom.

     Kalinda (Archie Panjabi) is relegated to a secondary, (fairly tedious) game of one-upmanship with the firm’s new investigator.  She is involved in a bombshell later in the season – although when you think about this “bombshell”, it should likely NOT have been as big a deal as it was…

     The season is kind of all over the place – the kids get involved with dad’s campaign and screw things up.  The firm is going to split, then they’re not, then they are.  Alicia is getting along better with her husband, then she isn’t, then the bombshell.  His campaign right-hand man is screwing things up for her and Will, who still may or may not get together.

     And in the middle of all this, some court cases.  Miranda Cosgrove (iCarly) shows up as a young music superstar accused of attempted murder, much like Miranda Cosgrove in real life.  Except for the attempted murder.  Michael J. Fox shows up as a cut-throat lawyer and steals the show every time he’s on screen, he’s fabulous.  Other great guest stars include Sarah Silverman, Ken Leung, and Lou Dobbs as himself sowing discord between the partners (especially the left-leaning Christine Baranski).

     In the end, it’s actually the guest stars who carry the bulk of the second season.  They’re good enough to keep it rolling nicely.  Well, Michael J. Fox, Fred Thompson, Miranda Cosgrove and Julianna Margulies who is as magnificent as ever.  I still like The Good Wife a lot, even though it’s quite a bit different for me than it was in Season One.  But just like that first season, I sat down and watched the entire DVD.  As I recommend you do too.

Years:  2010, 2011
Genre:  TV series, Crime, Drama
Country:  United States
Languages:  English, French (dubbing of course)
Starring:  Thomas Gibson, Joe Mantegna, Matthew Gray Gubler, Shemar Moore, Kristen Vangsness, Paget Brewster, AJ Cook, Rachel Nichols, Jane Lynch
Creator:  Jeff Davis
DVD distributor:  Paramount Home Entertainment

     I have only one complaint with Criminal Minds in this, the sixth season.  And that is “unsubs”.  First, they assume we’ve been watching the show forever, and therefore we understand the term.  Like CSI assuming we understand all about epitheleals and so forth.  Were I to just jump into the sixth season, this would annoy me. 

     Now, I am a veteran of a few seasons of Criminal Minds, so I DO know that an “unsub” is an “unkown subject” – the bad guy (or girl) they are chasing.  But I am still annoyed.  Because it’s such an overused word on the show, they continue to call the suspect an “unsub”, very often, even after they have figured out who it is, what their name is, and have put out an APB.  If it’s Jim Henson of Delaware, it’s no longer an “unsub”, right?

     OK.  Done with the complaints.  Otherwise, Criminal Minds is still a totally engrossing show that I can watch endlessly without getting tired of it.  The calm coolness of Thomas Gibson running the show, the I-can’t-quite-put-my-finger-on-it sexiness of Paget Brewster, the charmingly naive genius of Matthew Gray Gubler, the credible gravitas of Joe Mantegna, the wide-eyed hot-tempered earnestness of Shemar Moore, the silly wardrobe of Kristen Vangsness, and the badly underused (at least in Season 6) smoking hotness that is AJ Cook.  And yeah yeah, I get she was pregnant or something and will be back full-time for Season Seven.

     Filling in the hotness gap for Cook, however, is actress Rachel Nichols, who appears as the daughter of a serial killer who has now been added to the team.  I suspect that once Cook returns, there will be no more need for this much Hot though, and Nichols will be let go to return to movies (like all the sequels sure to come for Conan The Barbarian).

     I’m always impressed by how often the writers of shows like these can keep coming up with something new.  The old serial killer with alzheimer’s, the pedophile living in the mountains off the Appalachian Trail, the guy who burns his victims alive on Hallowe’en, it all works, and it all seems fresh.  That, to me, is the most remarkable thing about the sixth season of Criminal Minds, on DVD September 6th from Paramount Home Entertainment.

Year:  2009, 2010
Genre:  Kids, Comedy, TV series
Country:  United States
Language:  English
Starring:  Miranda Cosgrove, Nathan Kress, Jennette McCurdy, Jerry Trainor
Director:  Steve Hoefer
DVD distributor:  Paramount Home Entertainment

     I know.  I couldn’t believe it either.  A complete season of iCarly?  Ridiculous.  I have reviewed, in the past couple of years, iCarly Season 1 Volume 1, iCarly Season 1 Volume 2, iCarly Season 2 Volume 1, iCarly Season 2 Volume 2, and iCarly Season 2 Volume 3.  I have also reviewed a number of iCarly DVD specials, and crossover series like VicTorious.  Two seasons, five volumes.  With additional DVDs popping up all the time.

     And now, out of nowhere, comes August 30th and Paramount Home Entertainment’s release of iCarly: The Complete Third Season.  What?  No volume one and two?  Or three and four?  Just one release – they managed to fit a complete season on just two DVDs?  Colour me stunned.

     Now – what I really should talk about here is whether the complete third season, shocker that it is, is actually worth picking up.  Once again, I would suggest that you do so only if you have kids who are into iCarly.  A 40-year-old single man with iCarly DVDs on his shelf next to his Planet Of The Apes box set could be seen as…vaguely creepy. 

      But if you DO have kids who want this, you might be pleasantly surprised.  I would say it’s worth it solely for the Jack Black cameo appearance at “WebiCon”, a nerdy gathering of web sites and web shows and webby webbersons that I guess is like ComiCon, or a Star Trek convention.  Jack Black and Spencer challenge each other for…some kind of title…something to do with a “‘stume”?  Really, they are fighting for the title of Biggest Nerd Alive.  And it makes me laugh.  And the video above is the only one I could find of the epic showdown, sorry for the quality.  This set might be worth it for that moment alone.

Years:  2010, 2011
Genre:  TV series, Drama
Country:  United States
Language:  English
Starring:  Shenae Grimes, AnnaLynne McCord, Jessica Stroup, Tristan Wilds, Ryan Eggold, Michael Steger, Lori Loughlin, Matt Lanter, Jessica Lowndes, Gillian Zinser   
Eye candy:  Lowndes, Grimes, McCord, Stroup, Loughlin, Sara Foster Creators:  Rob Thomas, Gabe Sachs, Jeff Judah
Run time:  15 hours, 5 minutes
DVD distributor:  Paramount Home Entertainment

     90210 continues to be a flashy, shiny, overproduced show about “high school” kids who attend a “high school” and strive to have as little substance and realism as possible in their every day lives.  The show continues to focus on hot babes who spend as much time in underwear and bikinis as possible, and have a lot more sex than most of the high school kids I knew when I was once a high school kid.  Then again, I was a high school kid at the age of 14, not 27.

     For some reason, this show wants to insist on following a strict chronological progression – it presumably started in the sophomore year of most of the stars, and now they are in senior year.  Shenae Grimes is 21.  AnnaLynne McCord and Jessica Stroup are both 24.  Jessica Lowndes is 22, Gillian Zinser is 25, and the dead-sexy Lori Loughlin is 47.  Every one of them is too old, and too hot, to be a plausible high school student.

     So why bother?  Why bother pretending that the school years are progressing in synch with the seasons of the show?  Next year, they will still be too old and too hot to be plausible first-year college students.  Maybe ten years from now, when they are 30-somethings making their way up corporate ladders and dealing with the fact that they are too old for the pop-star-and-modelling businesses, it won’t matter.  Until then, I long for the (relative) realism of Degrassi.

     I hate to down on a show just because it has a bunch of hot babes.  Hot babes should be great for a show, and make me want to watch.  But when a 25-year-old hottie is playing a 16-year-old hottie, there’s something vaguely creepy about ogling her on television.  And since that’s about the only thing I can get out of 90210, I have to give the thumbs-down to the third season, which hits DVD August 30th from Paramount Home Entertainment.

Years:  2010, 2011
Genre:  TV series, Crime, Drama
Country:  United States
Language:  English
Starring:  LL Cool J, Chris O’Donnell, Linda Hunt, Peter Cambor, Daniela Rush, Adam Jamal Craig, Barrett Foa
Creator:  Shane Brennan
Run time:  17 hours, 25 minutes
DVD distributor:  Paramount Home Entertainment
Related reviews:  NCIS Season Seven, NCIS Season Eight, NCIS: LA Season One

     The connection between NCIS and NCIS: LA extends, it seems to me, only as far as the acronym with which they are both named.  The NCIS gang investigate crimes, find the guilty parties, and arrest the wife or the husband or the co-worker or the disgruntled coffee shop employee responsible for the murder.

     In NCIS: LA, it is never an angry wife, or a jilted lover, or a slightly loopy Dairy Queen manager who ends up being the murderer.  It is always a terrorist.  (Or, on the rare occasion it is not directly a terrorist, it’s a massive governmental, CIA-assisted conspiracy that is tangentially related to some terrorists.)

     NCIS seems to be concerned with accumulating evidence, examining DNA and fingerprints and tracking cell phone calls and updating databases.  There is a forensic component, and an investigative component, and the cases rarely boil down to actual gunfire and car chases.

     On the LA version, though, I’m not sure ANY forensics are ever done, I think it is ALL car chases and gunfights.  In every episode, someone goes undercover to investigate a terror cell.  There are apparently an awful lot of those in LA.  And it ends with a gunfight, a close call for an NCIS team member, and an explosion. 

     Actually, none of the episodes end with an explosion.  The CASE ends with an explosion or a gun battle, but the EPISODE ends with nine minutes of banter between LL Cool J and Chris O’Donnell.  Or between Hetty and someone.  Or between two other characters.  Just as long as there is banter.  That is what matters.

     There is also a lot of back story.  Everyone is badass, with a Navy Seal past or a Special Ops past or some kind of lethal-killing-murder training.  The funniest character in this vein is Hetty, the diminutive (under 5 feet) boss of the outfit, who can apparently scale mountains with the greatest of ease, kill you nine times before you hit the floor, and is constantly name-dropping all kinds of presidents and generals and clandestine figures.  I remember Oliver North used to say that to me…

     The thing is – yes, it’s silly.  It’s immeasurably silly and cheesy.  It looks bright, and shiny, and slick as hell and that can be very irritating also.  But I like it.  I like laughing at the cheesiest moments (LL Cool J is reminiscing about the time he was buried alive as a Navy SEAL – it’s emotional!), and rolling my eyes at the most ludicrous scenarios (terrorists have infiltrated a cruise ship offshore at a big Gala Event where they plan to assassinate some dignitaries!  Again!) 

     And I love it.  And once I start watching, I can’t stop watching it.  And just like the first season, I watched the entire second season in days.  The second season, which comes out August 23rd from Paramount Home Entertainment.  That one.

Years:  2010, 2011
Genre:  TV series, Crime, Drama
Country:  United States
Language:  English, French
Starring:  Mark Harmon, Michael Weatherly, Pauley Perrette, Sean Murray, David McCallum, Brian Dietzen, Cote De Pablo, Rocky Carroll
Creator:  Donald P. Bellisario, Don McGill
Run time:  16 hours, 49 minutes
DVD distributor:  Paramount Home Entertainment

     There’s nothing new to say about NCIS, now putting its eighth season on DVD, August 23rd from Paramount Home Entertainment.  DiNozzo and Ziva have the same old relationship, full of sexual tension and bragadoccio.  McGee and Abby have the same old relationship too, full of sexual tension and nerdy-scientist competitive banter.  Gibbs still scares people without ever being scary, Ducky still rambles on about non-sequitor stories, and the rest of the cast is still…around, doing stuff.

     Actually, I think there is one difference.  As NCIS has matured lo these past eight years, it HAS slowed down a bit.  Not in the writing or the look or the direction of the show, which is as gleamingly polished as ever.  Rather, it takes them longer and longer to end each season now.  It used to be one cliffhanger episode, followed by a season opener to resolve it the next year.  Then it was two-part episodes to close out the season.  This year, it takes them FIVE episodes just to set up the cliffhanger!  You’re getting old, NCIS.

     At least, in some ways, it isn’t NCIS: LA.  These guys still deal with cases that involve murder, and investigation, and catching a bad guy and moving on.  NCIS: LA, with the exception of the occasional reference to “director Vance”, has virtually nothing to do with the original NCIS.  Except for the acronym.  And I realize that I am giving both the same rating here.  I get that.  That is because NCIS: LA is crack, while NCIS is beer.  Neither one is particularly good for you, but a taste of either will leave you wanting more.  And the original NCIS is a little less harmful to your brain.