Years:  1992, 1993
Genre:  TV series, Comedy
Country:  United States
Language:  English
Starring:  Bob Newhart, Carlene Watkins, Cynthia Stevenson, Jere Burns
Guest appearances:  Lisa Kudrow, Betty White, Dick Martin, Tom Poston  
DVD distributor:  Paramount Home Entertainment

     Did you know that after Newhart, Bob Newhart had another show, cleverly named Bob?  It’s true, he did – I just saw it!  It ran in 1993 for 33 episodes, all of which are on the Complete Series DVD out April 10th from Paramount Home Entertainment.

      Newhart plays Bob McKay, a cartoonist who works on a comic book called Mad Dog.  He has a wife and a daughter and a bunch of very. Quirky. Co-workers.  Now, I LOVE Newhart.  And I think Bob Newhart is one of the funniest people of all time.  But watching him in Bob is like watching Terrell Owens struggling to make the cut in the Indoor Football League.  It’s depressing. 

     See, this is how it works.  Bob will make a long speech about how his daughter is the calmest, most rational human being he has ever known and that nothing can make her freak out.  And THEN, the elevator door opens right behind him, where his daughter is FREAKING OUT!  Which makes his previous speech hilarious because of its proximity to Trisha’s meltdown!

     And that’s it.  Some of the Newhart gang make appearances here and there.  A very young Lisa Kudrow guest stars as a very boring girl very reminiscent of Phoebe on Friends.  And the omnipresent Betty White shows up for the second season as Bob’s boss.  Actually, a whole new cast shows up around Bob Newhart for the second season.  It just didn’t help.  Maybe replacing all the writers would have worked much better than replacing all the actors.  Cause Bob, sadly, for all 33 episodes, really and truly sucked.

     P.S. Here’s a great way to tell that a series is dated, from the pre-internet days. When it has a title that is clearly not google-conscious. In order to get any information at all about Bob, the series starring Bob Newhart about the comic book and then the greeting card company from the early 90s, you pretty much have to type ALL of that in google, and then it’s still the ninth search result.  If only they had seen google coming!  If only they had seen their cancellation coming!

Years:  1982, 1983, 1986, 1987, 1992
Genre:  TV series, Comedy
Country:  United States
Language:  English
Starring:  Ted Danson, Shelley Long, Woody Harrelson, Rhea Perlman, George Wendt, John Ratzenberger, Kirstie Alley, Kelsey Grammer, Bebe Neuwirth, Nicholas Colasanto
DVD distributor:  Paramount Home Entertainment

                So, there’s a facebook poll to choose the episodes of Cheers that are the “Fan Favorites”.  And fans vote, and the eight top episodes are put onto a DVD called Fan Favorites, out March 6^th from Paramount Home Entertainment.  Eight episodes of Cheers (well, nine if you count the two-part episode about Woody and Kelly’s wedding).  And there is only ONE episode with Rebecca Howe. 

                I guess fans really liked Shelley Long as Diane, much more than Kirstie Alley as Rebecca.  I get that, I much preferred Diane too.  What’s funny here though, is that while there is just one episode with Rebecca in it, there are TWO that centre around Frasier’s relationship with Lilith.  The one where she and Frasier get together after a TV appearance together, and the one where they move in with each other and invite Sam and Diane over for dinner.  Then there’s the pilot episode, the Thanksgiving episode at Carla’s house, the one where Sam fixes Diane up on a date with a murderer, and the one where Harry the con man helps Coach get back some money that was scammed from him.

                It’s all great, of course, because Cheers is great.  But TWO episodes about Lilith, who was a tertiary character at best, and only one featuring Rebecca, who was on the show for more than half its run?  Take that, Kirstie Alley!  Facebook doesn’t like YOU at all!

Year:  1991, 1992
Genre:  TV series, Drama
Country:  United States
Language:  English
Starring:  Andy Griffith, Clarence Gilyard Jr., Nancy Stafford, Don Knotts, Julie Sommars
Creator:  Dean Hargrove
Run time:  17 hours 10 minutes
DVD distributor:  Paramount Home Entertainment
Related reviews:  Matlock Season Four, Matlock Season Five

     I love me some Matlock!  Season Six, out January 25th from Paramount Home Entertainment, opens with a two-hour special episode that’s all about family.  See, Matlock is going back to his home town for some kind of celebration.  Andy Griffith returns to Mayberry!  Except that this town is far more backward and shitty than Mayberry ever was.  Everyone in the town (including his own family) hate Matlock!  Why?  Well, presumably because he left town and became a big success elsewhere.  Which is EXACTLY why I despise Alanis Morrisette.  You’re either going to be a BIG success HERE, or we disown you!

     Wait – actually, we’re the complete opposite, aren’t we?  We claim any moderately famous person who has stopped by to wipe their ass in Ottawa.  Did you know Matthew Perry was from Ottawa?  And Tom Cruise as well?  Norm McDonald?  Well…not really they weren’t.  They just stopped by with their families, ate a bowl of cereal or two, then moved on.  Maybe this is a big-city vs. small-town mentality.  Or maybe Mayberry has just become bitter and angry in 30 Andy-Griffith free years.  Was he the only person holding that town together and keeping it from being insane?  Maybe…

     Anyway, Matlock manages to show up in his home town in time for a murder, then he uncovers a conspiracy and points out the real killers, and turns the opinion of the town to his favour.  There’s a running gag where every single person in this town demands money of Matlock.  I guess he can afford it, since they make such a big deal of his “more than $100,000 fee!” all the time.  But I guess the denizens of Small Town America became lazy, shiftless freeloaders without a wise, guitar-playin’, fishin’ sheriff.  This must have made the old people watching Matlock in the early 90s very angry.  Almost as angry as it makes Matlock himself!

     There are other two-part episodes, like The Picture, in which Ben Matlock’s family pops up again.  This time it’s his clinically insane rageaholic cousin who has driven her husband away into the arms of a younger, hotter, less loony woman.  Then there is a photograph that leads to an investigation, and an investigation that leads to some murders, the murders lead to more investigations, which lead to more murders and a counterfeit money ring, and eventually to a trial and to Matlock solving the crime and saving the day.  There’s a two-parter called The Evening News, where a scheming bunch of newspeople start with a real estate scam and end with faking their own deaths, murders and payoffs to gangs.

     Then the season ends with another two-hour special (on DVD, a two-hour special lasts about an hour and a half).  This time, it’s family again – only this time, Matlock’s daughter shows up!  Wait…Matlock has a daughter?  Who knew?  The writers of the show were clearly aware that they had never brought up a daughter before, so they made sure it was just as surprising for all the characters on the show too – “Ben hardly EVER speaks of you”!  Which makes Matlock look like a pretty shitty father, and his attitude sort of mirrors the attitude of his lousy small town from the FIRST two-hour episode.  You left and did what you wanted to do and were a success!  That makes me so angry…

     Thankfully, Matlock doesn’t make me angry at all.  It’s a wonderfully silly diversion, and Andy Griffith is so fun to watch that I can put on many episodes in a row.  As I did when I was running on the treadmill for a couple of hours yesterday.  Which is why I know that some episodes are two-parters, and others are two-hour specials.  The difference between the two is that the two-parters have credits run in the middle.  And…that’s it.  Matlock rocks!

   The Killer (**********10/10)

Year:  1989
Genre:  Action, Crime
Countries:  Hong Kong
Language:  Mandarin w/ English subtitles, or English dubbing
Starring:  Chow Yun-Fat, Sally Yeh, Danny Lee, Kenneth Tsang, Chu Kong, Shing Fui-On
Director:  John Woo
Run time:  110 minutes
DVD distributor:  Alliance Films

     The Killer opens in a church with a bunch of candles around Chow Yun-Fat.  Churches and candles will be very familiar to people familiar with the works of legendary Hong Kong director John Woo.  It then moves on to scene after scene of bloody violence, two-gun shootouts, sliding-along-the-floor gun battles and face-to-face gun-to-the-head standoffs, before closing out in a…church…with candles.  And doves.  All great Woo conventions.

     In recent years, those conventions have become cheesy and at times rather painful.  Woo’s Hollywood fare is tired dreck for the most part (a few personal favourites of mine are exceptions…like Face/Off).  But it must be said that the reason he was allowed to make that Hollywood dreck in the first place was that his Hong Kong movies were sensationally good, starting with The Killer.

     The pairing of Woo and Chow Yun-Fat is one of the great partnerships in movie history, like a Hong Kong version of John Ford and John Wayne, or more recently David Cronenberg and Viggo Mortensen.  Their work together is absolutely sublime.  The Killer delivers on every conceivable level, and Yun-Fat gives one of the finest performances of his career as a conflicted assassin with a strict code of ethics.  (Another convention that would grow to be tiresome in later years.)

     The Killer is not only Woo’s best film, and one of the great action movies of all time, and one of the greatest Hong Kong movies of all time, it’s one of my absolute favourite movies.  Ever.  Every scene works, the action is consistently spectacular, and the heart of the movie never gets overshadowed by the crazy amount of bullets flying around.  This two-disc Ultimate Edition is great, the second disc a must-have for fans and casual observers alike.  The Killer is a cult classic, but deserves better than just “cult” status.  It’s one of the best.

     The Killer ultimate edition comes out as a single DVD, and also in a package with Hard Boiled on March 30th from Alliance Films.

  Hard Boiled (*********9/10)

Year:  1992
Genre:  Action, Crime
Countries:  Hong Kong
Language:  Mandarin w/ English subtitles, or English dubbing
Starring:  Chow Yun-Fat, Bowie Lam, Philip Chan, Tony Leung, Kwan Hoi-Shan, Anthony Wong, Teresa Mo
Director:  John Woo
Run time:  126 minutes
DVD distributor:  Alliance Films

     Hard Boiled is not a cinematic masterpiece like The Killer.  But it sure is a lot of fun.  For this follow-up, Woo ratcheted up the action a lot, and that’s saying something considering how many bullets were sprayed in the first movie.  This time, Chow Yun-Fat finds himself on the other side of the law, playing a cop out for justice, in league with an undercover officer.

     There are still some stylistic flairs that distinguish Hard-Boiled, but mostly it’s a Woo shoot-em-up from beginning to end.  The two guns, the gun-to-the-head standoffs, the sliding along the floor and shooting while leaping through windows are all in this movie also, just turned up to eleven.  And then there’s the ludicrous (but highly entertaining) shootout in the hospital to close things out in the maternity ward, babies and everything.

     Hard Boiled is great entertainment, it’s stylish and fun, but it just doesn’t have the heart or the flow of The Killer.  Which isn’t to say it’s not a great movie – it is.  But it deserves its “cult” status, and not much more.

   Oldboy (*********9/10)

Year:  2004
Genre:  Action, Crime, Thriller
Countries:  South Korea
Language:   Korean w/ English subtitles, or English dubbing
Starring:  Choi Min-Sik, Gang Hye-jeong, Yu Ji-Tae
Director:  Park Chan-wook
Run time:  118 minutes
DVD distributor:  Alliance Films

     I say this without hyperbole.  Oldboy is one of the creepiest movies I have ever seen.  (And I’ve seen The Tin Drum and I Spit On Your Grave!)  It’s also one of the most thrilling, taut and heart-pumping films imaginable.  It’s a deep, dark character study about the nature of isolation, the effect of time and the manipulation of self.  It also has a staggeringly cool hammer fight.  The wonderful Choi Min-Sik stars as Oh Dae-Su, a husband and father who is the victim of a seemingly random attack.  He is imprisoned in what appears to be a hotel room, fed every day, and kept there for fifteen years.  Then, suddenly, he gets released.  No explanation is given, but he is handed a wad of cash and a cell phone.

     Then, of course, he goes on a mission to find out who did this to him.  And to seek revenge.  His revenge, and the leadup to it, is bloody, and violent, and darn cool.  And then there comes one of the most stunning twists I have ever seen in a movie, one of the creepiest and most shocking endings ever, and I won’t go any further.  You must watch this film.  Just a taste here – this is some of what Oh Dae-Su’s revenge looks like (don’t watch if you abhor violence in any way):

  The Killer (**********10/10)

Year:  1989
Genre:  Action, Crime
Countries:  Hong Kong
Language:  Mandarin w/ English subtitles, or English dubbing
Starring:  Chow Yun-Fat, Sally Yeh, Danny Lee, Kenneth Tsang, Chu Kong, Shing Fui-On
Director:  John Woo
Run time:  110 minutes
DVD distributor:  Alliance Films

     The Killer opens in a church with a bunch of candles around Chow Yun-Fat.  Churches and candles will be very familiar to people familiar with the works of legendary Hong Kong director John Woo.  It then moves on to scene after scene of bloody violence, two-gun shootouts, sliding-along-the-floor gun battles and face-to-face gun-to-the-head standoffs, before closing out in a…church…with candles.  And doves.  All great Woo conventions.

     In recent years, those conventions have become cheesy and at times rather painful.  Woo’s Hollywood fare is tired dreck for the most part (a few personal favourites of mine are exceptions…like Face/Off).  But it must be said that the reason he was allowed to make that Hollywood dreck in the first place was that his Hong Kong movies were sensationally good, starting with The Killer.

     The pairing of Woo and Chow Yun-Fat is one of the great partnerships in movie history, like a Hong Kong version of John Ford and John Wayne, or more recently David Cronenberg and Viggo Mortensen.  Their work together is absolutely sublime.  The Killer delivers on every conceivable level, and Yun-Fat gives one of the finest performances of his career as a conflicted assassin with a strict code of ethics.  (Another convention that would grow to be tiresome in later years.)

     The Killer is not only Woo’s best film, and one of the great action movies of all time, and one of the greatest Hong Kong movies of all time, it’s one of my absolute favourite movies.  Ever.  Every scene works, the action is consistently spectacular, and the heart of the movie never gets overshadowed by the crazy amount of bullets flying around.  This two-disc Ultimate Edition is great, the second disc a must-have for fans and casual observers alike.  The Killer is a cult classic, but deserves better than just “cult” status.  It’s one of the best.

     The Killer ultimate edition comes out as a single DVD, and also in a package with Hard Boiled on March 30th from Alliance Films.

  Hard Boiled (*********9/10)

Year:  1992
Genre:  Action, Crime
Countries:  Hong Kong
Language:  Mandarin w/ English subtitles, or English dubbing
Starring:  Chow Yun-Fat, Bowie Lam, Philip Chan, Tony Leung, Kwan Hoi-Shan, Anthony Wong, Teresa Mo
Director:  John Woo
Run time:  126 minutes
DVD distributor:  Alliance Films

     Hard Boiled is not a cinematic masterpiece like The Killer.  But it sure is a lot of fun.  For this follow-up, Woo ratcheted up the action a lot, and that’s saying something considering how many bullets were sprayed in the first movie.  This time, Chow Yun-Fat finds himself on the other side of the law, playing a cop out for justice, in league with an undercover officer.

     There are still some stylistic flairs that distinguish Hard-Boiled, but mostly it’s a Woo shoot-em-up from beginning to end.  The two guns, the gun-to-the-head standoffs, the sliding along the floor and shooting while leaping through windows are all in this movie also, just turned up to eleven.  And then there’s the ludicrous (but highly entertaining) shootout in the hospital to close things out in the maternity ward, babies and everything.

     Hard Boiled is great entertainment, it’s stylish and fun, but it just doesn’t have the heart or the flow of The Killer.  Which isn’t to say it’s not a great movie – it is.  But it deserves its “cult” status, and not much more.

     With Inglourious Basterds coming out next week, Alliance Films is hoping that Quentin Tarantino will be top of mind with you, the folks who buy DVDs.  And so they have put Tarantino’s six big movies together in a package so you can re-familiarize yourself with the genius of this unique director before watching his latest masterpiece.  And that’s a good thing.  A brief recap, for those of you who have forgotten what Tarantino has done over the course of his remarkable career:

     Reservoir Dogs (**********10/10):

  “How many dicks is that?”
  “A lot.”

Year:  1992
Genre:  Crime, Gangster
Country:  United States
Languages:  English
Starring:  Harvey Keitel, Tim Roth, Quentin Tarantino, Chris Penn, Michael Madsen, Steve Buscemi, Lawrence Tierney, Randy Brooks, Kirk Baltz, Edward Bunker
Cameos:  Steven Wright, Linda Kaye
Director:  Quentin Tarantino
Run time:  100 minutes

     I don’t think I can say anything about Reservoir Dogs that hasn’t already been said.  It is a phenomenal movie, an all-time classic, that slow-motion shot of the guys coming out of the restaurant at the beginning is a high-water mark in cinema, the dialogue turned movies on their ear, and every single actor involved with the production was better than top-notch.  The violence (although not as graphic and shocking as we thought it was in 1992) was stylish and had a substantial impact without being too cartoonish, and the finale was incredible.  The narrative style (jumping around in time) was a revelation, and the pop culture references were amazing. 

     Reservoir Dogs borrowed heavily from City on Fire, a classic Chow Yun-Fat Hong Kong movie.  I think at this point Tarantino fanatics are well aware of this fact.  The reason to revisit the film, however, is the little things that (perhaps knowingly, or unknowingly) reference Tarantino’s later work.  The discussion Roth and Buscemi and Penn have in a car about Pam Grier and who starred in Get Christie Love! is neat when you realize Pam Grier later starred in Jackie Brown.  Tim Roth and Steve Buscemi later appeared in Pulp Fiction, Madsen later appeared in the Kill Bill movies, and Harvey Keitel has been all over Tarantino’s later work, if only in strange and unbilled cameos like the one in Basterds.

     The addition of Steven Wright as the radio DJ doing K-Billy’s Super Sounds of the Seventies is a magnificent touch – he is an integral part of that “Stuck In The Middle With You” scene that became the most famous in the film.  One other little thing of note (at least, I think it’s kinda cool) - Linda Kaye appears in Reservoir Dogs as “shocked woman”, and then in Pulp Fiction as “shot woman”.  Linda Kaye starred in the 1960s TV comedy series Petticoat Junction, but is probably best known today as the woman who gets shot in the hip by Ving Rhames as he aims at Bruce Willis thirty years later.  All of this is cool.  To me, at least.  But the real reason to watch Reservoir Dogs again is that it kicks ass and it’s amazing.

     Pulp Fiction (**********10/10):

  “Describe what Marcellus Wallace looks like!”

Year:  1994
Genre:  Crime, Gangster
Country:  United States
Language:  English
Starring:  Samuel L. Jackson, John Travolta, Bruce Willis, Uma Thurman, Harvey Keitel, Christopher Walken, Ving Rhames, Phil LaMarr, Peter Green, Paul Calderon, Steve Buscemi, Linda Kaye, Maria de Medeiros, Kathy Griffin, Julia Sweeney, Amanda Plummer, Angela Jones, Tim Roth, Alexis Arquette, Rosanna Arquette, Frank Whaley, Eric Stoltz, Quentin Tarantino
Director:  Quentin Tarantino
Run time:  160 minutes
DVD distributor:  Alliance Films

     It took me a while to choose a quote from Pulp Fiction to kick off this review.  Because just about every single line in this movie is entirely quotable and entirely memorable.  It’s tough to think about that.  How good is the dialogue in the movie when every single line is that good?  That, more than anything else, is what makes this movie utterly brilliant.  What do you choose?  “I’m a get medieval on yo’ ass”, “Royale with cheese”, “maybe your method of massage differs from mine”, “pretty please.  With sugar on top.  Clean the f** car.”  Or how about “any of you f** pricks move, and I’ll execute every m**f** last one of ya!”  Frankly, most of the quotes from Pulp Fiction that have become part of our pop culture ever since 1994 have too much swearing in them to be mentioned here.

     But it’s not just the dialogue that makes Pulp Fiction great.  Look above this review, and check out the list of stars.  Pretty impressive list, right?  Some big names in there.  But it’s not impressive just because Quentin Tarantino was able to get that many amazing actors to appear in his film.  No, Pulp Fiction is amazing because it created, or in many cases resurrected the careers of so many of those actors.  Uma Thurman is famous because of Pulp Fiction.  Same with Samuel L. Jackson and Ving Rhames.  The movie brought John Travolta back from career death, and introduced Christopher Walken to a whole new audience. 

     Harvey Keitel was already established at the time – he had done Mean Streets, Bad Lieutenant, and other classics.  But I would wager that more people know him as “The Wolf” than anything else.  I would also wager that Phil LaMarr, despite a long career on MAD TV, gets called “Marvin” more than anything else, and that Frank Whaley is pretty sick of people approaching him to say “check out the big brain on Brett!”  These are just guesses, of course.  But when I need to describe an actor to someone – if I’m talking about the new movie where Tim Roth stops aging or something – I can’t just say “Tim Roth”.  Not everyone knows who he is.  But if I say “Pumpkin from Pulp Fiction“, they know right away.

     Then there’s Bruce Willis.  The year before he did Pulp Fiction, he did a movie called Striking Distance, where a cop is a serial killer, there are several boat chases, and the love interest chick is Sarah Jessica Parker.  He had just come off The Last Boyscout, Die Hard 2 and Hudson Hawk.  He was a bona-fide movie star, but he was spinning his wheels somewhat in terms of creativity.  Pulp Fiction helped to change his image somewhat, and launched a second phase of his career.  After playing Butch Coolidge in 1994, he went on to star in 12 Monkeys, The Fifth Element, The Sixth Sense, and one of the most entertaining movies of his action career, Die Hard With A Vengeance with…Samuel L. Jackson.

     Pulp Fiction, though, was more than just a quotable movie and a career-maker for so many actors.  It was also a marvel of structure, of filming, and of art-film-meets-action movie-meets-comedy.  It is genuinely hilarious, it crackles with suspense and action, there are some suddenly and remarkably brutal scenes, and yet it is artistically incredible as well.  What makes Pulp Fiction so terrific artistically is that it is open to interpretation in so many ways.  There is a remarkable theory out there that suggests that what is in the never-seen case is actually Marcellus Wallace’s soul, and that the bandaid on his head and Jules Winfield’s acknowledgement of having witnessed a miracle are all part and parcel of returning the soul to its owner.  It’s an amazing theory, and who knows if it’s true.  I won’t go into great detail here, but google it.  It’s fascinating.

     More than anything though, Pulp Fiction was, and remains, the coolest movie ever made.  It’s one of the few movies that bears up under several viewings (in my case, about two hundred viewings).  And it’s also perhaps the second-most influential movie of all time.  Not necessarily second-most influential in terms of movies that followed it, although that is certainly possible too.  But second-most influential in the wider culture outside movies.  Nowhere near as many people have seen Pulp Fiction as have seen Star Wars, and perhaps that’s why it’s only #2.  Hopefully, however, even more people will see this absolute classic as it gets released yet again.  Pulp Fiction.  A must-have.

     Jackie Brown (********8/10):

  “Is she dead, yes or no?”
  “Pretty much.”

Year:  1997
Genre:  Crime, Gangster
Country:  United States
Languages:  English
Starring:  Pam Grier, Robert DeNiro, Samuel L. Jackson, Robert Forster, Michael Keaton, Chris Tucker, Sid Haig
Eye candy:  Bridget Fonda
Director:  Quentin Tarantino
Run time:  155 minutes
DVD distributor:  Alliance Films

     Jackie Brown was considered by many to be Tarantino’s worst movie when it came out.  And they were right.  Following on the heels of two of the greatest films of the 90s, it was a little disappointing.  And until Death Proof came out many years later, it was the low-water mark of Tarantino’s career.  But if a movie as good as Jackie Brown is your low-water mark, you have done something exceptional with your career, haven’t you?  Fewer memorable lines than Pulp Fiction, not as many cool action sequences as the Kill Bill movies that were to follow, and the characters were simply not as memorable.

     However, Jackie Brown was still as cool as movies got.  Pam Grier, brought back from career death.  Robert Forster, who had been long-forgotten thanks to movies like Maniac Cop 3, Robert DeNiro still at the peak of his career, Bridget Fonda, Michael Keaton and others made up an amazing cast, and is there a better scene in movies than the one where DeNiro shoots Bridget Fonda?  Maybe the one where DeNiro has sex with Bridget Fonda.  Jackie Brown isn’t Pulp Fiction or Reservoir Dogs or Kill Bill or Inglourious Basterds.  But it’s darn good anyway.

     Kill Bill Vol. 1 (*********9/10):

  “Leave your limbs behind.  They belong to me.”

Year:  2003
Genre:  Kung-Fu
Country:  United States
Languages:  English, Japanese
Starring:  Uma Thurman, Sonny Chiba, Gordon Liu
Director:  Quentin Tarantino
Eye candy:  Vivica Fox, Lucy Liu, Daryl Hannah, Chiaki Kuriyama, Julie Dreyfus
Run time:  107 minutes
DVD distributor:  Alliance Films

     One of the great movies of the past ten years, Quentin Tarantino’s Kill Bill was a revelation when it hit the big screen.  A tribute to kung-fu movies, to old western movies, to Japanese samurai epics, and just about everything else you can imagine, Kill Bill feels terrifically familiar while still bringing something entirely new to the movie world.  Buckets of blood, filthy fun dialogue, and incredibly creepy scenes played for laughs, you can tell right away who made this film.  But never has Tarantino made such an adrenaline-fueled badass action movie. 

     “We’ll have us a knife fight.”

     Uma Thurman plays “The Bride”, who has been shot in the head and left for dead by an elite team of international assassins.  Thurman was once a member of that team, and when she finally emerges from her coma, she goes off to seek her revenge.  And…that’s about it, as far as plot goes.  Now, it’s knife fights and sword fights and all kinds of blood.  The first victim of The Bride’s wrath is Vernita Green (Vivica Fox), who is now a suburban homemaker with an adorable little daughter.  The scene where the two women put their knives away as the child gets off the school bus is priceless.

     Then the Bride needs a sword.  This sword must be made by Hattori Hanzo, the world’s greatest sword maker.  Hanzo is played by Sonny Chiba, a legend in Japanese martial arts cinema with his series of bloody, violent, morally questionable Street Fighter movies.  And in order to make Kill Bill even more bloody and violent and morally questionable, Uma Thurman needs a sword fashioned by Sonny Chiba.  It makes sense.  The addition of Chiba to the cast is a nice touch, but I would have liked to see him throw down at least a little.  Gordon Liu, another martial arts movie legend, was cast in the movie too, but he at least got to kick a little ass. 

     Then it’s Lucy Liu, whose creepy, bloody and brutal back story is told in Japanese animation.  I guess because it would have been too brutal and violent to show, and the movie wanted to maintain the “R” rating and not cross the line to NC-17.  I think there are a few other scenes that have been edited differently for the same reason (some black-and-white sword fights, for example.  I don’t get the reasoning there – if there is a ton of blood, does it really offend people less if it’s in black and white?)  Liu has an army of bodyguards called the “Crazy 88″, led by the aforementioned Gordon Liu.  And Uma Thurman must cut them all down to get to her target.

     Of course, there is a Kill Bill 2, so we know she will slice her way through the entire team of bodyguards, and we know that it will be badass, and we know that she will end up murdering Lucy Liu in the final act of revenge in Vol. 1.  But nothing can prepare for the carnage and the mayhem, and the leaving behind of limbs.  When this movie ends, even though it’s almost two hours long, I always need to watch the second movie, right away.  Which is why this single-disc edition of both movies works so well.

     “That woman deserves her revenge.  And we deserve to die.”

     Kill Bill Vol. 2 (**********10/10):

  “Gross.”

Year:  2004
Genre:  Kung-Fu
Country:  United States
Languages:  English, Japanese
Starring:  Uma Thurman, David Carradine, Samuel L. Jackson, Michael Madsen, Gordon Liu
Eye candy:  Daryl Hannah, Helen Kim
Director:  Quentin Tarantino
Run time:  137 minutes
DVD distributor:  Alliance Films

     It’s an amazing feat, but Kill Bill Vol. 2 actually manages to be better than Vol. 1.  The scenes with Gordon Liu playing the badass old warrior Pai Mei, as Uma Thurman undergoes his “cruel tutelage” would not be out of place in a classic kung-fu movie from the 70s, except that it’s more stylish and more badass.  The swordfight between Uma Thurman and Daryl Hannah in a tiny trailer is one of the best-choreographed fight scenes I have ever seen.  There are several moments, in the desert, that are either direct tributes to classic western movies or inspired scenes of western myth.  And the characters in Vol. 2 are a step up from those in Vol. 1, in a big way.

     First, there is Budd (Michael Madsen), Bill’s brother and a broken-down, regret filled strip club bouncer who has given up the professional killer lifestyle in favour of anonymity and a booze-soaked existence in the desert.  When he (of all people) manages to get the drop on the Bride (now named Beatrix Kiddo), and buries her alive, it’s one of the most frightening and claustrophobic scenes in all of Tarantino’s oeuvre.  Daryl Hannah, playing the evil (”evil” being a relative term in these movies, but she is the worst of the worst) bad girl, is both smoking hot and frighteningly creepy as she stalks the Bride.  The scene where she leaves Budd’s trailer and gets Thurman’s two feet in her chest is one of the few real “oh yeah!” moments in these films.

     It’s almost sad that Elle Driver (Hannah) kills Budd, leaving the Bride’s quest for revenge slightly less satisfying.  But the scene between the two women is so immensely satisfying that it eclipses any disappointment I felt at not seeing everyone brutally murdered by Uma Thurman.

     And then there’s Bill.  Given the recent and sad passing of David Carradine, this is the most recognizeable and important role he ever played in a movie.  And it’s the best acting performance of his life.  And he is one of the most badass characters in any Tarantino movie.  And he’s still rather cheesy.  In fact, Carradine’s Bill in Kill Bill Vol. 2 is almost a Steven Seagal character.  The silly philosophizing, the almost-phony mysticism, the soft-spoken yet badass sense of his own wisdom.  And of course the kung-fu.  He is what Seagal could be in the hands of Tarantino.  And here’s me hoping those two hook up for a movie some day.  A guy can dream.

     Of course, Tarantino made the two movies as one movie.  Kill Bill was supposed to be one, super-long, crazy badass movie.  But not a lot of people would have sat through four hours in a theatre, so it was split into two films that people might actually go to watch.  I, though, am one of those people who would have sat through four hours of this in the theatre.  And I have, often, sat through all four hours of this in my house.  And now, I can do so without getting up.  There are no special features.  But who needs them?  After two Kill Bill films, I am too exhausted and satisfied to care.

     Death Proof (*******7/10):

  “Ladies, we’re gonna have some fun.”

Year:  2007
Genre:  Horror
Country:  United States
Languages:  English
Starring:  Kurt Russell, Quentin Tarantino, Eli Roth, Michael Parks
Eye candy:  Rosario Dawson, Zoe Bell, Rose McGowan, Vanessa Ferlito, Jordan Ladd, Sydney Tamiia Poitier, Tracie Thomas, Mary Elizabeth Winstead, Helen Kim
Director:  Quentin Tarantino
Run time:  114 minutes
DVD distributor:  Alliance Films

     True to Quentin Tarantino form, he packs Death Proof with as many references to other movies as possible. The whole film is a campy and terrific throwback to the days of drive-in cinema, and most of it is wonderful. Kurt Russell, perhaps banking on Tarantino to resurrect his career just as he did for John Travolta and David Carradine, plays a stunt driver who gets his kicks by murdering hot young women with his car. He also does a really great John Wayne impression.

     Throughout the movie, Tarantino makes reference to Zatoichi, the blind swordsman, The Man Who Shot Liberty Valance, Convoy, Junior Bonner, and a few of his own films, as well as a ton of old car movies like Smokey and the Bandit, the original Gone in 60 Seconds, and in a big way, the 70s classic Vanishing Point. The dialogue is as great as you would expect in a Tarantino movie, and does a wonderful job conveying the spirit of 70s B-movies. The only problem I have with the film is the first hour seems pretty unnecessary once the second half begins. It’d be better if the film started almost an hour in.

     Death Proof is not Tarantino’s best work, but it is a fantastic movie for anyone who is interested in cars, cheesy 70s film, or B-movie classics.  And having it with the Collection is better than having it without.  Tarantino: The Ultimate Collection comes out December 8th from Alliance Films.

“I’m sorry, Lord.  I’ve done so many bad things.”
Year:  1992
Country:  United States
Language:  English
Starring:  Harvey Keitel
Director:  Abel Ferrara
Run time:  98 minutes

     In the late 70s and early 80s, Harvey Keitel starred in a series of cop-gone-bad films like Corrupt, where he plays a cop who becomes much too involved with a killer played by Johnny Rotten of the Sex Pistols. The most well-known of these movies is without a doubt Bad Lieutenant, a movie where Keitel gets really no supporting cast at all, and has to carry the bulk of the film himself. He does an excellent job as the junkie, strung-out gambling thief of a cop he has become. Is he DeNiro in Taxi Driver good?  No.  But Harvey Keitel has long been underrated as one of the best actors of his generation, and this is the best I’ve ever seen him.

     Bad Lieutenant is directed by Abel Ferrara, a man who is almost like a darker Scorcese. He not only shows you the seedy underbelly of life, he wallows in it, giving you almost no time to come up for air before plunging you into the next act of depravity. There are a lot of pros and cons to Bad Lieutenant. For example, pro – there’s lots of nudity…con – most of it is during unwatchable scenes, and a lot of it is Harvey Keitel full frontal nudity. Even for the ladies who love Harvey Keitel, and I know you’re out there, this doesn’t justify watching the movie. His body, while it looks muscular, also looks oddly misshapen, and he clearly hasn’t experienced the glorious sensation that comes with a brazilian wax.

     The movie takes place over about a week-long period, where Keitel falls deeper and deeper into a gambling debt, steals money and drugs from suspects, takes more drugs than I’ve ever seen anyone take over the course of a movie, and does disgusting things with random young girls he pulls over. If all this sounds good, you may enjoy this movie, but be prepared not just to see sex and drugs, but to immerse yourself fully into a world of depravity and anguish that will leave you feeling drained and kind of sore.

     Abel Ferrara is the Lou Reed of moviemaking. He lives and writes in the areas off the beaten path where few dare tread, and once he’s there, he doesn’t leave. His films, like Reed’s early Velvet Underground music, are dark, personal journeys through the most horrible aspects of the counterculture. Harvey Keitel is his Nico, a face to put on that seedy part of life and a way to give it a voice. And Bad Lieutenant, fittingly, is his “Heroin”. Fantastic, but difficult to stomach. That’s it.

“In fact, it’s pronounced Mil-ee-wah-quay, which is Algonquin for ‘the good land’.”

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Year: 1992
Country: United States
Language: English
Starring: Mike Myers, Dana Carvey, Rob Lowe, Alice Cooper, Chris Farley
Eye candy: Lara Flynn Boyle, Tia Carrere
Director: Penelope Spheeris
Run Time: 93 minutes
Blu-Ray distributor: Paramount Home Entertainment

      Wayne’s World is far more than just a great series of musical moments, bicycle accidents and cameos by famous people.  But those are two of the things that made the movie great.  Alice Cooper did one of the great movie cameos in this film when he schooled Wayne Campbell in the history and correct pronunciation of “Milwaukee”.  Lara Flynn Boyle did one of the great falling-off-a-bicycle movie scenes while wearing a neck brace.  And that “Bohemian Rhapsody” scene remains, to this day, one of the all time classic musical moments in movie history.

    Wayne’s World is, to this day, an absoultely hilarious movie.  Mike Myers, really, did a much better job with this film than he did with any of the Austin Powers movies.  Very few comedies have been as original as this one, and very few Saturday Night Live skits have been made into movies this successful.  And by that I mean, none of them have, ever.  The dynamic between Myers and Carvey as Wayne and Garth is one of the great comedic pairings in movie history.  The supporting cast, including Boyle, Rob Lowe, and a star-making turn for Tia Carrere, are all terrific.  And any movie where Stan Mikita appears as himself has to be cool.

     Wayne’s World is being released on Blu-Ray May 12th by Paramount Home Entertainment, and while it looks terrific, it is pretty short on special features.  There is a theatrical trailer, which is one of those pointless additions to all DVDs, and a behind-the-scenes short feature called “Extreme Close-Up”, that for some reason appears only in the top left corner of the screen, very very small, and doesn’t say much.  It includes interviews with Myers, Carvey, Lorne Michaels, Rob Lowe, Tia Carrere, and director Penelope Spheeris, but all I really got out of it was that they had fun making the movie.  I knew that by watching the movie.