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Genre: Remake, Drama, Garbage
Country: United States
Starring: Kenny Wormald, Julianne Hough, Dennis Quaid, Andie MacDowell, Miles Teller
Eye candy: Hough, Ziah Colon, Kim Dickens
Director: Craig Brewer
Run time: 113 minutes
DVD distributor: Paramount Home Entertainment
I’m not sure that Footloose was any good in 1984. And I know that today, it just hasn’t held up well over time, and is as dated as any movie has ever been. So it would seem like a good idea to do a remake for today’s audiences, who watch Kevin Bacon doing a tractor race and roll their eyes and smirk when watching the original.
The problem with doing a remake though, is that the idea was a pretty cheesy, bad one to begin with. And the 2011 version of Footloose does absolutely nothing to change any of the things that made the original lame. Oh, it’s different alright. See now, in 2011, instead of a tractor race it’s a race in schoolbusses. And instead of listening to Quiet Riot’s “Bang Your Head” on his car’s tape deck, Ren McCormack now listens to…Quiet Riot’s “Bang Your Head”. On an iPod.
The premise is still exactly the same – new kid comes to a town where they have outlawed dancing and fun and have imposed a curfew. He piques the interest of the minister’s daughter and changes the town and blah blah blah.
The only bright spot in this remake, out March 6th from Paramount Home Entertainment, is the ludicrously hot Julianne Hough, who wears totally hot slutty clothes through the whole movie so that Ren can change her into the good girl she’s supposed to be and get her into like a turtleneck or something at the end.
Everything that was lame and dated about the original Footloose remains intact in the remake. The same music. The same small town jerks and small town cool guys. Ren’s best friend is played by Miles Teller, who seems to have been cast based solely on his remarkable resemblance to Peyton Manning.
The worst thing in the movie though has to be the finale. Of course, the kids finally break out and dance to assert their freedom! Which is as I expected. But dude, it’s 2011. And what are they dancing to? What music makes them move? Is it Cee-Lo, or Deadmouse? No. These kids celebrate their modern independence and throwing off the shackles of their oppressive parents by kickin it to…Footloose. A (very slightly) amped up version, admittedly, as done by Blake Shelton. But it’s still Footloose, and it still sucks.