“Don’t stare! I’ll kick and break your eyebrows!”
The subtitles in The Bodyguard are far funnier than the poor dubbing, so I recommend going with the Thai language and the subtitles, rather than choosing the dubbing that automatically pops up when the DVD begins. Some of it is utterly bonkers and makes no sense, but carries with it a terrifically funny poor-translation sensibility. Much like the rest of the movie. English audiences may be familiar with Tony Jaa, the sensationally athletic ass-kicking muy thai fighter who brought such incredible energy and badassery to Ong-Bak: The Thai Warrior and The Protector. Those audiences may be tricked into renting The Bodyguard by the picture of Tony Jaa on the cover of the DVD. I count myself among their number.
The fact is, Jaa is a good way to sell a butt-kicking action movie. He really is spectacular. But he isn’t the star here. In fact, he is barely in the movie at all. He shows up for one scene, where he’s listening to an ipod in a grocery store. And yes, he does kick a lot of butt in that one scene, but it lasts about one minute. Then he makes some vague reference to Ong-Bak, someone says “wrong movie”, and Jaa goes on his merry way. It’s actually pretty funny, but only those familiar with the badass works of Tony Jaa would find the humour in the scene. So, all of Thailand, and me. And three other kung-fu movie fans who will likely never read this review.
I hate the fact that DVDs like this one assume that we want our ass-kicking to take place in English. A movie like The Bodyguard is far better in Thai with subtitles, because more than being an action flick, it’s a comedy. Petchthai Wongkamlao might be familiar - to everyone in Thailand, me, and those three other guys - as the comedic sidekick in both Ong-Bak and The Protector. He is the star and the director of The Bodyguard, playing a…well…bodyguard who must protect a high-powered company CEO. Despite some implausible action sequences, ridiculous gunfights, and a scene where four cars going full speed go off four ramps at the same time and collide simultaneously in midair in a massive fireball, Wongkamlao does not, sadly, successfully protect his charge in the opening scene.
So now a brazenly out-in-the-open cadre of bad guys takes over this company, and pursues the son of the murdered tycoon. The son hides out in the slums of Bangkok, off the radar of the gangsters, and gets taken in by a kind family of thieving miscreants. Of course, he falls in love with the daughter. He was already in love with her by the time I realized she was the daughter and not the son. Only a brief moment where the bumps in the front of her shirt were apparent made this clear. Which was kind of creepy. But whatever - it’s a comedy.
There is a corporate executive who, for some reason, keeps dressing as a Mexican wrestler. Or rather, for no reason at all. There is a foul-tempered, potty-mouthed, wife-beating dwarf. There are bizarre dancing sequences, a mentally handicapped guy, and many homophobic lines and references. Which means that some of it is bonkers, and some verges on the offensive. Fans of action movies and gangster movies will pick up on several references (a slo-mo Reservoir Dogs scene is unmistakable), but more than anything they will laugh. The over-the-top fights, the over-the-top gun battles, and the over-the-top acting make The Bodyguard insane, and occasionally terrible, but a lot of fun.
