Tragically, it’s completely devoid of girls who are going wild.

Showing off pictures from the rover at a bar gets you nowwhere with the chicks.

No human will volunteer to go there, on the off chance that when they return, apes will rule the earth.

Angelina Jolie has already put in papers to adopt the first  form of life that is found there.

Top Rejected Olympic Events

Greco Roman Face Eating

Competitive Tickling

One Handed Fred Willard Toss

Cross Country Cross Dressing

Under 18 Synchronized Sewing. (China would DOMINATE)

Mullets weren’t always confined to carnies and NASCAR fans.

Drew Barrymore wasn’t so annoying when she was a toddler on cocaine.

Attempting to assassinate Ronald Reagan is a GREAT way to impress an actress who’s clearly a lesbian.

Boy George and Bret Michaels could exchange clothing without anybody noticing.

Evidently, that woman sitting next to you on the bus used to be a famous actress named “Molly Ringwald”.

“Sure it smells like pee in the air, but it’s a dry pee.”

“This is the one day of the year we act like jazz doesn’t suck.”

“Hey, my liver is swollen and sensitive to the touch…AWESOME!”

“Actually, the REAL name for Mardi Gras is “Shrove Tuesday. You see, in the Bible…Hey, put me down! Don’t stuff me in that trash can.”

You’re still in therapy from the LAST time you happened to catch a glimpse of Madonna’s hooh hah!

You played a drinking game where you took a shot whenever Chris Collinsworth marveled at Tom Brady’s ‘awareness in the pocket” and died of alcohol poisoning two minutes into the game.

You had a whole DVR full of episodes of  “Say Yes To The Dress” to catch up on.

You wanted to spend time with your family. Kidding! You totally watched it!

“I wish Tim Tebow would take the time to mention Jesus once in a while.”

“Shhh. I think Snooki is finally going to give us her solution for ending the Middle East crisis.”

“Okay Occupy Ottawa protesters..we give up! You can have Confederation Park.”

“Move over, Justin Bieber, Billy Ocean is BACK!”

Men spend approximately 52 per cent more on Christmas presents for their women than women do on men.

Hey, those Sears catalogue iron board covers ain’t cheap you know.

During one of the breaks between songs at the recording of a T.V. special, a sound engineer asked Biebs if he could soundcheck his mic. The reply came back, “No you can’t. This is my stage, I tell YOU what the f**k happens on it.”

Turned out his mic was working fine after all as his little tantrum was broadcast to the studio audience.

Meanwhile, the person who has been following Little Lord Beibster around and annoying him has finally backed off. I suppose Penn State’s Jerry Sandusky had bigger fish to fry.

I would be surprised to see him bed down and join the protest fully, though.

Recently Moore was on a promtional trip in London

He and his wife were flown first class and asked to be put up at the Ritz.

Bosses agreed- he is, after all, a very successful filmaker and entitled to a little luxury now and again-but this wasn’t really in keeping with his “Man Of The People” persona.

Early each morning, he was driven to a markedly more down market three star hotel nearby, which is where he would do his press.

Moore is like the man who murdered both of his parents then pleaded for mercy on grounds he was an orphan.