One of the world’s richest men, Warren Buffet, suggested that the wealthy should pay their fair share of taxes.  Dick Cheney then immediately shot him in the face.

Worst Things About Being Rich.

Neighbours complaining about the smell eminating from your oil moat.

When your first wife, your second wife and your new trophy wife all show up at the country club in the same outfit. AWKWARD!

Losing one of your chinchilla socks in the dryer.

When there’s a baby you want, but for some reason, the mother is being a real jerk about selling it to you.

Housekeepers who forget to take birth control.

Here are the numbers on Bono and company’s record setting tour.

134 crew members.

11 babies born to the crew

2 crew weddings

12 bus drivers

126 truck drivers.

53 gigs attended by a single fan.

9,760 guitar strings utilized.

92,270 meals fed to working staff and guests.

29,000 T-shirts given to local stagehands.

400 tons: The weight of the fully loaded “claw” stage.

10 million people watched a live stream of the band’s show at the Rose Bowl on You Tube.

320,000 fans saw 360 in Mexico City.

110 concerts played in front of 7.1 million fans in 30 countries.

The entire tour grossed $730 million. which works out to one dollar for each time Bono said something pretentious or self righteous.

ALERTS TO THREATS IN 2011 EUROPE : BY JOHN CLEESE
The English are feeling the pinch in relation to recent events in Libya and
have therefore raised their security level from “Miffed” to “Peeved.” Soon,
though, security levels may be raised yet again to “Irritated” or even “A Bit
Cross.” The English have not been “A Bit Cross” since the blitz in 1940 when tea
supplies nearly ran out. Terrorists have been re-categorized from “Tiresome” to
“A Bloody Nuisance.” The last time the British issued a “Bloody Nuisance”
warning level was in 1588, when threatened by the Spanish Armada.
Â
The Scots have raised their threat level from “Pissed Off” to “Let’s get the
Bastards.” They don’t have any other levels. This is the reason they have been
used on the front line of the British army for the last 300 years.
Â
The French government announced yesterday that it has raised its terror alert
level from “Run” to “Hide.” The only two higher levels in France are
“Collaborate” and “Surrender.” The rise was precipitated by a recent fire that
destroyed France ‘s white flag factory, effectively paralyzing the country’s
military capability.
Â
Italy has increased the alert level from “Shout Loudly and Excitedly” to
“Elaborate Military Posturing.” Two more levels remain: “Ineffective Combat
Operations” and “Change Sides.”
Â
The Germans have increased their alert state from “Disdainful Arrogance” to
“Dress in Uniform and Sing Marching Songs.” They also have two higher levels:
“Invade a Neighbour” and “Lose.”
Â
Belgians, on the other hand, are all on holiday as usual; the only threat they
are worried about is NATO pulling out of Brussels .
Â
The Spanish are all excited to see their new submarines ready to deploy. These
beautifully designed subs have glass bottoms so the new Spanish navy can get a
really good look at the old Spanish navy.
Â
Australia , meanwhile, has raised its security level from “No worries” to
“She’ll be alright, Mate.” Two more escalation levels remain: “Crikey! I think
we’ll need to cancel the barbie this weekend!” and “The barbie is canceled.” So
far no situation has ever warranted use of the final escalation level.
Â
– John Cleese – British writer, actor and tall person

Â

http://www.walrusmagazine.com/articles/2011.07-politics-the-biggest-losers/1

The Hangover 2 is doing boffo box office. I for one am not interested in the sequel. I cannot sit through anything about Thailand without getting nostalgic over my long lost-lost ladyboy, Sim-Sim.

Some people are of the opinion that Arnie’s mistress is NOT very attractive. Obviously, she shouldn’t be judged on her looks. Perhaps they are saying that Arnold Schwarzenegger…one of the richest, successful and most powerful men in Hollywood…could have had his pick. It does make one wonder…why did he choose her? Did Arnie have real feelings for her? Was it just convenient because she was at his house at the time? Or was she wonderful between the sheets? If so, that certainly makes up for a perceived deficiency in the looks department every time for either gender. It’s like a bowling handicap…only you’re working with smaller balls.

More bad news for Osama Bin Laden.  The seventy two virgins he was promised in the after life turned out to be one seventy two year old virgin.

Queen Elizabeth left a pair of her drawers on a plane back in the late 1960′s. Liz’s unmentionables will be auctioned off to the highest bidder this summer. I think the Queen’s Knickers would be a jolly name for a pub, or a spiffing title for a sequel to The King’s Speech.

Reasons You’re About To Be Fired.

You’re in charge of keeping Charlie Sheen sober

Five years into the job, you still can’t come up with a better ice-breaker at meetings than “Can I groom you for lice?”

There’s a toddler in Malaysia who can do your job cheaper AND without whining about the black lung.

You just moved in with two hookers and started calling yourself a warlock.

Nobody in the break room laughed when you debuted “Winky, the one eyed crotch hamster.”