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Dear Christina,
My son is almost 8 months old, and I’ve just been offered a job that I can’t possibly turn down. But I have some friends who are making me feel bad about going back to work so early, when “they” say I’m entitled to the full year of maternity leave. Why would I want to go back so soon? “They” tell me that I’ll be missing out on the MOST IMPORTANT time of my son’s life. I was shocked to see so many of my friends being negative about this wonderful opportunity for me and my family. You have two kids, and work, how did you decided to be “okay” with it?

Any thoughts would help.
Thanks,
Kerry

Hi Kerry,
Wow! Those are some tough friends you have. At the end of the day, you really do have to decide for yourself, and no one else! Your friends are just trying to “care”, but they may not have the same opportunity as you. Going back to work after having a baby is NEVER easy. No matter what GREAT opportunities are out there. You have changed in so many ways. You are now not just one person; you’ve become a mother, a caregiver, and a supporter.

With my first, I came back to work when my little boy was just 6 months old. I cried for a week at work. (Only once with my microphone on). But as time went on, that’s when I realized that I was a better mom for going back to work. I took a job that had great hours, with the flexibility to be there for my kids if need be.

That’s what you need to do. Sit down with your family and decided what is best for YOU and your family. If you think taking this opportunity is the best decision, then do it. (After all, it’s just a job, and if it doesn’t work out you can change your mind!!) But for some, it’s not a choice. Financial strain has mother’s going back to work as early as possible. We have to remember how fortunate we are sometimes with the “options” we’re given.

As for your friends, if you decide to do this, you need to let them know how you’re feeling. Say “thank you for your opinion, but this is the best choice for ME”. Ask them to support you, rather than bring you down. For some mother’s, staying home and taking care of the family is the best decision for THEM, and support that.

The first year is VERY important to be with your child, and so is the 2nd and 3rd and 4th and so on and so on. My decision to be “okay” with going back to work was the fact that I can get away for a while to still be “me” and I come home looking forward to being with my boys! I believe we have better quality time together now with me being able to step out for a few hours a day.

Kerry, I hope your friends come to understand YOUR choice. Not everyone is going to have the same opinion as you… just wait until your son is 3 years old and still sucks on a soother… you’ll get all kinds of opinions… and from people you don’t even know.

Thanks Kerry for letting me share your story!
Christina

BONUS CODE: WORK

Dear Christina,
I heard you mention yesterday that Valentine’s Day was overrated. Do you really believe that? I personally love the opportunity to have an extra special day with my honey. However, I don’t feel that he thinks the same way. I was really hoping he’d come home with some flowers, or at least SOMETHING to show his love. I think he too thinks that Valentine’s Day is over rated. How do I let him know that I would have loved to get some flowers, without sounding selfish?

Yours truly,
Michelle

Dear Michelle,
Okay, perhaps I should have chosen my words more wisely. It’s not that I think Valentine’s Day is overrated, rather, I think that we as consumers get sucked in to paying WAY too much for Valentine’s. I understand why flowers are more expensive on Valentine’s Day as it’s a supply and demand thing… but if you wait a week or two, you can get the same flowers for less. My question is, why can’t my husband buy flowers any other time of the year?! The “surprise” flowers are the ones that make me happy!

As for what you’re expecting to get on Valentine’s Day, I would say, let him know. Most guys I know can’t read minds! And I’ve come to learn that if you don’t tell them, they don’t know. As much as we would love them to be romantic and spontaneous… most of them aren’t. And the sooner you learn that, the sooner you’ll be able to communicate better with your husband.

So now the question is… how do I let him know what I want? I’m pretty subtle when it comes to what I would like with my husband. For instance, when we were grocery shopping I told him I would like to get THOSE flowers from you. I know it takes the romance out of Valentine’s Day… but if I wanted romance I would have told him “I want romance”.

Basically, you have to know who you’re with and how they work. I tried letting him be romantic and mushy and lovey dovey… but that’s not who I married. I’m okay with that… because when I ask him to be mushy, he usually is… but I have to remind him. Just remember, unless you married a mind reader… he just can’t do it.

I hope that helps. And Happy Day After Valentine’s Day to you!

Christina

BONUS CODE: MUSHY (Bonus code will be up and running after 10am)

(Permission has been given to post this email – with names changed)

Dear Christina,
How do you ALWAYS sound so happy and upbeat? I’ve been listening to you for years on Calgary airways, and I don’t think I’ve ever heard you grumpy. Don’t you ever have anything bad happen… how can you always be in a good mood? I recently broke up with my boyfriend, and it’s been so tough to even say hello in a friendly manner. What is your trick to being in a good mood all the time? I’m sure you go though rough times, but you always seem to be the one cheering me up. This break up has me so emotional all the time. I didn’t expect the break up… it blind sided me. And I can’t seem to pick myself up. What do you do in times of depression… if you ever get that way.

Heart broken and Sad,
Kandice

Hi Kandice,
First off, let me begin by saying… He has no idea of how great you are! I mean that. It’s not easy to believe when you’ve gone through a break up – that surprises you. More times than not, it really is him… and NOT you. Which is hard to convince yourself of… but the key to healing is time. (Which sucks… because you just want to feel like you again NOW… not in time). Trust me, you will bounce back and be your old self again in no time.

How do I know that… because yes… I too have experienced bad things including break ups. The upbeat me on the radio is real… but it’s also my job. Let’s be honest, no one wants to hear the person on the radio who always has problems… so most of them I keep to myself… and bring the “happy” Christina to the airwaves. But I don’t mind. It helps me get over my own life “humps”. That’s where I’ve learned that if you go in positive, you come out positive. Some days it’s tough. Especially on the days where one of my boys gets sick, or if I’ve lost a loved one. But being “forced” to be happy actually does make me happy. Does that make sense?

Kandice, you will bounce back. I promise. Until then try to find something that makes you smile everyday. Sooner rather than later you’ll find that you’re smiling more and more every day. All the best to you!

Christina

A place to be heard! This is it. I want you to be a part of my blog! Send me your emails and share your stories. Someone will relate. Someone will listen!

Dear Christina,

Thank you for playing Toni Braxton “Un-break My Heart” the other day. You made a comment about how having a broken heart is one of the hardest things someone will ever go through emotionally. And you hit the nail on the head with me as I’m that broken hearted person. It was nice to have someone say that I was “normal”. Thank you for being a part of my day, and helping me through it.

Sincerely,
Broken Heart on the mend.