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The Oscars were last night!

Just acknowledging that makes me feel less of a man, but I took it one step further and actually watched a little!

As a beer drinkin’, hockey watchin’, true blue Canadian male, I feel it’s necessary to pass along some of what I noticed.

1.      Meryl Streep may have won a few Oscars but why isn’t she mentioned whenever those ‘Hottest Women’ lists come out! At 62, she still has what it takes to make the folks at Viagra nervous!

2.      Angelina Jolie is stealing stuff from the theatre and hiding the merchandise under her dress. Why else is she standing on stage like this?

3.      What was Kenny Rogers nominated for?

4.      Do you think the Kardashians and Hiltons were ticked off that they weren’t invited but this guy was? The dog, not the man!

5.      Why do stars get shocked and embarrassed when ‘wardrobe malfunctions’ happen? I mean if you wear THIS, what do you expect? If she gets startled, there’ll be two more reasons why folks are talking about J-Lo!

 

Next year, more explosions and maybe a fight to the death?

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Would you eat this?

A hamburger made from stem cells!

According to reports, a group of scientists at Maastricht University in the Netherlands has grown small pieces of muscle about 2 cm long, 1 cm wide and about 1 mm thick. They are off-white and resemble strips of calamari in appearance. These strips will be mixed with blood and artificially grown fat to produce a hamburger by the autumn.

Don’t expect to find these tasty morsels available at your local meat counter because the cost of producing the hamburger will be around $300,000!?!

The plan now is to make this cost-effective for those of us who want our meat to be made in a petri dish! (Yes, that’s sarcasm!)

Prof. Sean Smukler from the University of British Columbia says he thinks that lab grown meat could be a good solution.

“It will help reduce land pressures,” he said. “Anything that stops more wild land being converted to agricultural land is a good thing. We’re already reaching a critical point in availability of arable land.”

Until cows become extinct, I’ll pass! Show Bessie the door to the meat packers!

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Somebody just found out what ‘neutering’ means!

It was supposed to be a romantic night!

It was that time in my life where I was finished high school, and waiting for my first radio job.

Broke? Usually! But this day I received my income tax refund cheque for over $300 and I was going to take a lady out on the town!

The plan was simple, dinner, movie, and ‘whatever’!

Only problem was, I didn’t have a car and there was no way I could expect a girl to go out with me without a car! That’s where my buddy Andy came in to save the day.

He was driving a 83’ Parisienne and he gladly offered it to me, his brother in desperate need on one condition!

You see, I wasn’t the only one looking for love!

It turns out Andy recently got reacquainted with a lost love from our high school days, and those long phone conversations resulted in an evening of romance at her place.

He would loan me the car, I’d drop him off and after my night I would come back and pick him up!

What could possibly go wrong?

With car in hand, I called her, asked her, and she said ‘Yes!’ (By the way, is there a better feeling in the world than hearing a girl say that when you’re 19?)

Friday night came, and as planned I dropped Andy off at his date’s place a little jealous that his date had her own apartment now, while I still lived in mother’s basement!

I stopped at the mall, and bought ONE rose! It’s more romantic, and way less expensive than a dozen!

Went to her house, knocked on the door, and away we went!

First stop, dinner at a steak house!!! No fast food joint for Billy Hart and his date!

Saying ‘order whatever you want’ is a double edged sword because while you sound ‘cool’, you leave yourself open for someone to do exactly what you say!

I can’t remember how many cows died that night, but I did have enough money for a movie which just so happened to be showing across the street!

With our popcorn and various other treats in hand we grabbed our seats. Not long after a few friends of mine showed up and we exchanged pleasantries before the movie started.

Lou Diamond Phillips ‘The First Power’, and maybe taking someone to a scary movie that wasn’t into scary movies wasn’t the best idea I’ve ever had.

Heck, a smarter man would’ve said ‘Let’s leave!’

A cheaper one would’ve rode the wave and hope it would all work itself out!

It didn’t.

After the movie, there wasn’t much ‘discussion’, and the vibe clearly told me that she wanted to go home.

I dropped her off, a small kiss goodbye, and I watched her go to her door.

I let out one of those big ‘sighs’ where your lips vibrate, and proceeded to drive away and go pick up Andy.

I wasn’t rushing because I still had over half an hour left before he was to meet me outside.

I kind of wished I did rush though, because I would’ve been closer to a gas station when I ran out of gas!!!!

Yep! Ran out of gas, AFTER I dropped my date off!

Now a Parisienne is a lot like a boat as in, it’s long and big. So trying to maneuver one, on a hill, BACKWARDS is not an easy thing to do. I did the best I could and took off on foot to the nearest gas station!

I walked for about 35 minutes and right there and then I knew I was going to be late picking Andy up! Remember, this was BEFORE cell phones!

Got the gas, walked another 35-40 minutes, got the car running and off I went.

By my calculation, I was going to be over an hour late.

Panic?

Heck no, I mean after all my night may have went south, but Andy was with a girl in her own apartment!!!

He’s probably going to thank me for not arriving right away. So I made plans to park the car in the apartment car parking lot and wait for him there.

However, as I approached her apartment building, there was Andy standing on the side of the road not looking too happy!

He jumped in and I apologized over and over trying to explain how disastrous my date was, but he didn’t seem to care!

You see, what I didn’t know is that while I was feeding my date, making her watch a movie she didn’t like, and running out of gas, Andy was going through a bad night of his own!

During their hour long phone conversations, it seems Andy’s friend forgot to tell him one little thing!

She was 7 month pregnant!!!!

 

Reason #24 why Floyd Mayweather is a jerk!

“Jeremy Lin is a good player,” Mayweather tweeted Monday, “but all the hype is because he’s Asian. Black players do what he does every night and don’t get the same praise.”

OK yes, Lin being Asian is a big part of the story. He’s the first American-born player of Taiwanese or Chinese descent to play in the NBA. That’s different, and therefore newsworthy. But that’s not what people are freaking out over!

In a world where high school athletes are getting their college educations paid for, but leaving early because the NBA comes calling and offering money they in no way deserve, this is a refreshing story.

If Floyd could somehow get his head surgically removed from his butt long enough to read a little more, he’d know this!

It’s not about race; it’s about not giving up and paying your own way.

Don’t get me wrong, Jeremy was a pretty good ball player in High School but colleges weren’t banging on his door asking to play for them.  Harvard saw that Lin was 6 feet 3 inches, which fit the physical attributes he was seeking, and he had a 4.2 grade point average in high school, which fit Harvard’s academic standards. So like finding a still functioning BBQ in the neighbour’s garbage, they took him!

After a pretty good college career, he wasn’t picked in the 2010 NBA Draft, bounced around in the D-League, with the odd tryout here and there.

He was signed by the NY Knicks as a third string option. Due to injuries and the fact the team was playing so bad, Jeremy was thrown into the game and scored 25 points, five rebounds, and seven assists—all career-highs—in a 99–92 Knicks victory over the New Jersey Nets. In his first career start against Utah, he had 28 points and eight assists. After scoring  a game-winning three pointer in Toronto with less than a second remaining in a game, he passed Shaquille O’Neal’s league record for the most points in his first five games as a starter.

Just two weeks ago, Jeremy Lin was crashing on his brother’s couch on New York’s Lower East Side, only to find himself homeless when his brother threw a party.

Well, now the world wants to party with him!

 

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February 15 was declared National Flag of Canada Day in 1996. It marks the day in 1965 when our red and white maple leaf flag was first raised over Parliament Hill in Ottawa, and indeed, hundreds of communities across Canada. It could’ve looked a lot different based on some of the submissions.

After reviewing thousands of proposals, the committee settled on the three following designs:

Be proud of the red and white, frankly the GREATEST flag ever!